Tuesday, January 05, 2010

"Maybe I can convince time to slow up..."

I have been listening to a lot of music lately- and it has been reflected in my blog. Music has a special quality- it can reverse the bad day vibes. Bad day vibes were so overabundant today. Tomorrow, January 6, will be the seven month anniversary of the death of a friend, a brother of mine. Yesterday, January 4th would have been his 40th birthday. I attempted several times to post this blog on his actual birthday, but it was too emotional for this self proclaimed 'non emotional' person. I couldn't do it. Honestly, I am a little weepy while typing this. Sometimes it is actually harder to be that friend that everyone leans on. That means that you can't mourn the same as everyone else... things can't hit you the same. That is how feel about the death of my friend. While I was busy being strong for everyone else, I never really got to mourn a great guy who left way too soon.

It is funny, because I was not around him much, because I live in Chicago and he (and my bestie) lived in Columbus. But whenever we got together, it was like I lived there- like we had just seen each other the day before. It takes a special person to be in a relationship with a woman who has a friend like me. I can be mean...no really, I can be, have been and will continue to be to those who deserve it. Ask any of my close girlfriends, I am sure they have horror stories of me meeting their significant others. What can I say? Some people just don't make the cut, and those who didn't knew RIGHT away. I have been told that I have a very expressive face- like your date says something really dumb in front of me and I am UNABLE to not have my disappointment in his ridiculous stupidity show on my face. Yep, I am totally that friend. Sincerely, my girlfriends are my pride and joy; they are my sisters. I have very few and I am very protective, so their dates have to be the cream of the crop... same for me. My girlfriends tell me when my dates fall short. Depending on who I ask, the critique ranges from simply, "I just don't think he is the one for you" to some comments that my mother should not read on my blog! We are like that- we have no secrets- and we know each other better than our respective significant others ever could. That is the way it is supposed to be! :)

So, when Racy introduced me to Daryl when they started dating, I immediately attempted to figure out what was wrong with him. I looked for a long time and came up with nothing- very weird! I have to admit, I look after Racy a little more than the other girls. She is just so sweet; the kind of person that would give you the shirt off her back. I mean, I know that people say that about their friends all the time, but seriously, Racy would. I really think that God brought her to me to be the calming force in my (slightly) self centered world. She, unlike anyone besides my mother, can get me to understand that sometimes (SOMETIMES) it is not all about me. Not a lesson you want to hear from everyone!! But she says it as nice as possible. She has had her feelings hurt, by me, more times than both of us will admit. She has cried and probably wondered why she is friends with my evil ass, but I would go to the end of the Earth for that chick and I know she would do the same for me. After the train wreck that was her first marriage (still don't really talk to that one.... I think he may have nightmares about me [evil laugh]) I was NOT looking forward to letting anyone in our family circle for a while. But then I met Daryl and I knew that my friend would be ok. I think I loved him from the start. There was never any awkwardness; there was never those stupid 'pregnant pauses' where everyone in the room feels weird. He just had a way to make me feel like he had been around us forever. He broke the ice... by making fun of me. :) Not a course of action for just anyone, because I am hardly the one that take kindly to jokes about myself...

There was just an ease about him that was unexplainable. He knew exactly what to say in order to make everyone in the room feel comfortable. And you could tell because at his funeral, all different kinds of people were there to celebrate this life, this force field, this man that touched people with an ease that skilled politicians don't have. In one fell swoop, I knew that my friend would be ok because her knight in shining armor was... just like me! A little rough around the edges, but deep down, he was golden! And he did take care of my friend. I think he was put on this Earth for her. They did everything together and made love and family look easy. They made it look easy.

It is hard to be sad because Racy and Daryl were blessed with so much. Each other, a home, and three great kids. Although I didn't see him much, there has not been a day in the past seven months when I didn't think of Daryl. I wonder how my friend is going too make it without her other half; wonder how my god-kids will turn out without their daddy; wonder who is going to give my future husband (whoever he is) the "speech" about treating me like a Queen [ok, my dad is going to give it, OF COURSE, but generally there is a peer that gives it too, so that the husband knows he would be seriously hurt]. I wonder how I am going to make it without my brother. I don't even think that Racy knows how much I miss her husband; how much faith he gave me in my search for my other half; how much joy I derived from seeing them together and happy. Amidst all the marital turmoil that I see everyday, it was amazing to see a young couple that was making it together. He gave my sister security and for that I will always be grateful to him. I miss you Daryl, every day. Please continue to look after my friend and the kiddies... and if you have time, look after my nutty ass. Thank you for being a shining example of what a man SHOULD be. Thank you for making my sister happy. Love you, Big Bro... RIP Big D

"Time, be my friend... and let me start again" Stephanie Mills- Home


Jon Daniels said...

Wow... it's always an awesome thing to unexpectedly encounter people that touch us and make us better. I appreciate your blog, your willingless to share. I'll be in prayer.

Miss Mox said...

@JD- you are amazing. Thank you, my friend! :)

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