Thursday, December 29, 2011

Debunking Some Myths - Q&A with Hot, Black and Bitter

So, I wanted to wait until some of the holiday craziness wore off before I posted another blog entry or answer some of the questions that I received from readers-- and here is the first entry! Welcome to the last week of 2011!! It seems like the year just flew by! It could be my crazy work schedule or the (lack of) vacation time- whatever, it seems like it was just June! As we headed into mid-December, I posted on Facebook and Twitter that I was taking questions from readers and I got a TON! Thank you SO much for sending in your questions. I have emailed some answers and this entry will answer the vast majority of the questions (there were several duplicates). I have decided to do a "here are some things about me" type entry. Here we go!

1. Several of you want to know why I am bitter. If you read my bio on the right side of the blog, you see that the name of this came from a corny joke that my dad told. But, one definition of bitter is "hard to take." Those that know me know that sometimes I can be just that. If you regularly read this blog, you know that some of the stances I take are very personal, very one sided and very black and white. I don't always leave much room for empathy or other people's opinions, so essentially, I am the poster child for "hard to take." I'm ok with that... and anyone who strongly, disrespectfully disagrees is easily disregarded. See, bitter! ;)

2. Why am I single? Wow-- I get this question more than I like sometimes. Um, the short answer is that I am single because I have a low tolerance for bullshit (please see #1). I have a goal in mind and if I don't think a certain guy is a vehicle towards where I want to be, I lose interest-- quickly. Just because I am not interested romantically doesn't mean that we can't be friends (I am friends with most exes-- i.e not the crazy ones)... it just means that guy is not for me and I am not the girl for him.

3. What do I have against traditional male/female roles? Absolutely nothing. Listen, just because I believe that women are capable of doing everything that a man can do (except impregnating women) does NOT mean that I don't appreciate traditional roles in relationships. What it does mean is that I know that I can take care of myself until I get a partner-- and that is ok. Plus, I have to say, most men AND women cannot handle traditional roles. There is a lot of give and take and some people are unable to bend to fit into their role. Some men are not responsible enough to take care of himself and a companion in a traditional way. Some women are unable to concede in a power play, or wrap their mind around the fact that they can't be in charge of everything. That's truth-- uncomfortable for some, but truth nonetheless.

3. Pro-Life or Pro-Choice? Pro-Choice. There is no short answer for this question so, a follow up entry with be forthcoming.

4. You're supposed to be a Christian, so why the foul language? This question actually made me smile. I will refrain from actually using some colorful words in my response, I will instead say that instead of worrying about the words that you read on the screen, worry about your life, faith and deeds. That is a way better starting place. Look at how democratically I handled that... when I really wanted to tell you to keep your ultra-sanctified eyes off my blog, shithead. I'm getting better.

5. Why are you harder on Black people in your entries? Looking at all my posts on Facebook, Twitter and this blog, I don't know that I am harder on Black people than any other group. I am an equal opportunist when it comes to bashing idiotic or bad behavior, no matter who is actually participating. However-- I will say, I EXPECT more from Black people. Mostly because I am a member of that group; I know my capabilities, strengths, knowledge AND the history of Black people. How can I look at all that we have done, what our group has been through, how many people have died and sacrificed and NOT expect more? I think that every person expects more from whatever group(s) they belong to, and I am no different.

6. Do you think you are better than other people? Hmmm. Some cases, YEP. Some cases, no. Depends on who we are talking about. I think that some people have come to the conclusion that I am an elitist. I do not confirm or deny that allegation.

7. Why don't you date Black men? Who said I didn't? Again, this deserves a longer entry... and it is coming.

8. Do you think that Black women get a bad rap in the media? Short answer- not always. I think that stereotypes are around for a reason. Someone fits that type. So, some Black women fit the shitty stereotypes we see on tv/news/media in general. Some White women do. Some Asians... ok, maybe not Asians (kidding). My job is make sure that everyone understands the most important word in this paragraph is SOME. All Black women don't fit in the same box. There is no type of anything that is uniform in all ways, ever. With that said, some shit that goes down in American society needs to stop across the board, no matter what group it pertains to.

9. Do you even like Chicago? Um, yeah- I live here!! Listen, Chicago, like every city, has its downfalls. Some days are better than others. Some seasons are less violent, some people are more trustworthy, some attractions put a smile on my face and some... don't-- ever. It is what it is. If I didn't like it here, I would leave. Trust me, I have had many opportunities, lots of family & friends telling me to move back to the Heart of It All (that is Ohio for all of y'all who don't know). I love this city and some of its inhabitants. I just point out foolishness. And if I was Hot, Black and Bitter based in any other city, I would do the exact same thing.

10. Stance on bullying? Is there anyone that stands for bullying? If so, that person deserves a punch to the genitals. Yes, please catch that irony. Clearly, I do not advocate for bullying people, no matter who it is. I will stand up for someone to THINK what they want. When your ACTIONS begin to infringe upon my life and wellbeing, however, then we have problems. Bullying should be nipped in the bud.

11. How can you give your opinion about children's behavior when you don't have kids? Uhhh-- because when your bad ass kids leave the house and act a damn fool, I (society) has to clean up the mess. Listen, I am not saying beat your kids into submission BUT I am saying that the job of parents is to raise productive members of society and some of y'all are seriously SLACKING. Get off your asses and stop letting kids run shit. How can you complain about me noticing your lack of parenting skills? Be less concerned about what I say about your bad ass kids and be more concerned with whether or not my assessments are true. Get on your job.

12. Do you have kids? I get this question more than the "why are you single" question. As noted above, I do not have children. That is often followed by... why? Um, to each his own, right... but I don't have kids because I don't have a husband. Kids are expensive for one, they talk back, you have to send their asses to school (damn) and I was raised in a two parent home, and I think that all kids deserve that. Short answer: I am not the girl that wants to be a single parent, so if that means that kids aren't in the cards, I am good with that. Oooh, or MAYBE I can be a hot, Black and bitter stepmom? I could make that look good! :)

13. What do you have planned for 2012? Same goal-- inching closer to world domination! ;) Y'all should be scared!

Please feel free to send any other questions to If I get a ton more, I will definitely do another entry like this one.

Wednesday, December 14, 2011

Need Some Inspiration?

It is hump day and in Chicago it is raining! If you need some inspiration, like I do, I have it for you!! Check these out-- Be Great!

Monday, December 05, 2011

Mission for the Week - Spread the Love

Every breathing person should see this video and do whatever humanly possible to make sure that Jonah is the last child that ever feels this way. If your kid is a bully, MAKE it stop. If your child is being bullied, become his/her advocate and an advocate for every child that is bullied or otherwise abused. None of us can sit by and let this continue. Make sure that you reiterate everything that you love about your kids/friends/significant other/acquaintances, at every given moment, every day you can. Life is short, so say what you mean and say it while you can. Tomorrow may not come and the last thing you want is for someone to have to guess about your feelings toward them. Even if the feelings are not reciprocated, put it out there, you never know what will come to you.

Give some hugs; send a sweet email; show some appreciation; if you like someone, tell them. Spend your living days saying your "I love yous."

Sunday, December 04, 2011

HBB on Relationships

So occasionally some of the lovely people that read this blog send me emails and ask me questions. I generally answer them within a post or on the Hot, Black and Bitter facebook page. Almost two weeks ago, I received an email that I HAVE to turn into a post. I wrote this response almost immediately, but I rewrote it a couple of times and deleted a few sentences, because I was trying to be as nice as possible. I didn't want to offend the reader who sent in the scenario (and I actually personally know her) so I was trying to be as level headed as possible... however, she would not have written to ME if she wanted nice, right?! Right, so here is a (slightly) edited version of my first answer.

Dear Waiting:
I read your email and I am not going to name you in the blog, but I have to answer you. I'll use some portion of your email, but nothing that can identify you. Here is my recap of your "situation"... You said that you have a "boyfriend" that is around when he wants to be. When you are together, everything seems nice, but every once in a while he loses his fucking mind and starts fights with you for no reason. He always blames these altercations on you and then you guys don't talk for weeks at a time. When he heard that you were seeing someone else during this downtime, he lost his mind again and said that he was your man and you were cheating. Press repeat on this situation because it has happened a lot. Also, when you are alone he says sweet things, sends you sweet texts but doesn't want to meet any of your friends or be considered your 'man' unless it benefits him. Girl, you got a LOT going on.

First let me say-- there is NO way that I will ever have a man that will yell at me for ANYTHING. Unless I do something life threatening or extremely detrimental there will be no raising of any voices EVER. Yelling stopped when I left my parents house and that shit is never happening again. Once that rule is broken, he won't have to worry about what I'm doing because I won't be doing anything with him. How old is he, 13?! Sounds like he is going through puberty. Grown up relationships do not involve hiding your significant other from others. If that happens then you are not in a relationship. You should be able to go out and not have women looking at you two like you are doing something wrong. If you cannot go out on a date without people staring because last week he was at the same place with someone else... um, that is NOT your man. He is a slut with a very limited number of 'date' venues or no imagination. Or, worse yet, maybe he just knows that he will get away with it because you seem to put up with a ton of shit from this dude.

He doesn't want to meet your friends; he doesn't want you meeting his friends; he starts arguments with you and doesn't want you to date anyone else. He sounds like a dick-- why exactly do you like him? Let me tell you this, lovely, there is no sex that is good enough to put up with this crazy shit. He sounds bat shit crazy and the fact that you are putting up it leaves me with a couple of things that you and I HAVE to talk about. You either 1. have low self esteem, which somehow makes you think that this behavior is acceptable or 2. you thrive on the drama that this "man" brings to you. Just like it is unacceptable to put up with men acting like prepubescent, territorial jackasses, it is absolutely unacceptable to thrive off of drama. Drama does NOT mean that he loves you. Extreme jealousy is not a sign of affection. The above stated behavior is NOT healthy.

Listen, we have all been in relationships that were walking disasters. Let me be the first to tell you- that is exactly what this situation sounds like. A man that only loves you in the dark (and is allowed to do so) is not looking to change that situation. He might sweet talk you to get what he wants, but for the last two years he has shown you exactly what he is willing to give you. And you have been taking it, so why would he change now? In two years you have never met his friends. What the fuck is that?! In two years you guys have never spent a holiday or your birthday together. No, sweetie, just... no. You have GOT to draw some boundaries. Better yet, throw his bony ass to the curb and find a guy that appreciates you and is not ashamed to introduce to the important people in his life. Any boyfriend should relish in the opportunity to see what/where/who is important to you and should do the same for you. This douchebag you've been sleeping with needs to go. Two years or not, he is not good enough. If you don't know for yourself that you can do better, let me tell you-- you can do better. Find someone who respects you and your feelings and who isn't such a fucking spaz. Leave all the naysayers in your dust, including this bum.

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...