Thursday, December 29, 2011

Debunking Some Myths - Q&A with Hot, Black and Bitter

So, I wanted to wait until some of the holiday craziness wore off before I posted another blog entry or answer some of the questions that I received from readers-- and here is the first entry! Welcome to the last week of 2011!! It seems like the year just flew by! It could be my crazy work schedule or the (lack of) vacation time- whatever, it seems like it was just June! As we headed into mid-December, I posted on Facebook and Twitter that I was taking questions from readers and I got a TON! Thank you SO much for sending in your questions. I have emailed some answers and this entry will answer the vast majority of the questions (there were several duplicates). I have decided to do a "here are some things about me" type entry. Here we go!

1. Several of you want to know why I am bitter. If you read my bio on the right side of the blog, you see that the name of this came from a corny joke that my dad told. But, one definition of bitter is "hard to take." Those that know me know that sometimes I can be just that. If you regularly read this blog, you know that some of the stances I take are very personal, very one sided and very black and white. I don't always leave much room for empathy or other people's opinions, so essentially, I am the poster child for "hard to take." I'm ok with that... and anyone who strongly, disrespectfully disagrees is easily disregarded. See, bitter! ;)

2. Why am I single? Wow-- I get this question more than I like sometimes. Um, the short answer is that I am single because I have a low tolerance for bullshit (please see #1). I have a goal in mind and if I don't think a certain guy is a vehicle towards where I want to be, I lose interest-- quickly. Just because I am not interested romantically doesn't mean that we can't be friends (I am friends with most exes-- i.e not the crazy ones)... it just means that guy is not for me and I am not the girl for him.

3. What do I have against traditional male/female roles? Absolutely nothing. Listen, just because I believe that women are capable of doing everything that a man can do (except impregnating women) does NOT mean that I don't appreciate traditional roles in relationships. What it does mean is that I know that I can take care of myself until I get a partner-- and that is ok. Plus, I have to say, most men AND women cannot handle traditional roles. There is a lot of give and take and some people are unable to bend to fit into their role. Some men are not responsible enough to take care of himself and a companion in a traditional way. Some women are unable to concede in a power play, or wrap their mind around the fact that they can't be in charge of everything. That's truth-- uncomfortable for some, but truth nonetheless.

3. Pro-Life or Pro-Choice? Pro-Choice. There is no short answer for this question so, a follow up entry with be forthcoming.

4. You're supposed to be a Christian, so why the foul language? This question actually made me smile. I will refrain from actually using some colorful words in my response, I will instead say that instead of worrying about the words that you read on the screen, worry about your life, faith and deeds. That is a way better starting place. Look at how democratically I handled that... when I really wanted to tell you to keep your ultra-sanctified eyes off my blog, shithead. I'm getting better.

5. Why are you harder on Black people in your entries? Looking at all my posts on Facebook, Twitter and this blog, I don't know that I am harder on Black people than any other group. I am an equal opportunist when it comes to bashing idiotic or bad behavior, no matter who is actually participating. However-- I will say, I EXPECT more from Black people. Mostly because I am a member of that group; I know my capabilities, strengths, knowledge AND the history of Black people. How can I look at all that we have done, what our group has been through, how many people have died and sacrificed and NOT expect more? I think that every person expects more from whatever group(s) they belong to, and I am no different.

6. Do you think you are better than other people? Hmmm. Some cases, YEP. Some cases, no. Depends on who we are talking about. I think that some people have come to the conclusion that I am an elitist. I do not confirm or deny that allegation.

7. Why don't you date Black men? Who said I didn't? Again, this deserves a longer entry... and it is coming.

8. Do you think that Black women get a bad rap in the media? Short answer- not always. I think that stereotypes are around for a reason. Someone fits that type. So, some Black women fit the shitty stereotypes we see on tv/news/media in general. Some White women do. Some Asians... ok, maybe not Asians (kidding). My job is make sure that everyone understands the most important word in this paragraph is SOME. All Black women don't fit in the same box. There is no type of anything that is uniform in all ways, ever. With that said, some shit that goes down in American society needs to stop across the board, no matter what group it pertains to.

9. Do you even like Chicago? Um, yeah- I live here!! Listen, Chicago, like every city, has its downfalls. Some days are better than others. Some seasons are less violent, some people are more trustworthy, some attractions put a smile on my face and some... don't-- ever. It is what it is. If I didn't like it here, I would leave. Trust me, I have had many opportunities, lots of family & friends telling me to move back to the Heart of It All (that is Ohio for all of y'all who don't know). I love this city and some of its inhabitants. I just point out foolishness. And if I was Hot, Black and Bitter based in any other city, I would do the exact same thing.

10. Stance on bullying? Is there anyone that stands for bullying? If so, that person deserves a punch to the genitals. Yes, please catch that irony. Clearly, I do not advocate for bullying people, no matter who it is. I will stand up for someone to THINK what they want. When your ACTIONS begin to infringe upon my life and wellbeing, however, then we have problems. Bullying should be nipped in the bud.

11. How can you give your opinion about children's behavior when you don't have kids? Uhhh-- because when your bad ass kids leave the house and act a damn fool, I (society) has to clean up the mess. Listen, I am not saying beat your kids into submission BUT I am saying that the job of parents is to raise productive members of society and some of y'all are seriously SLACKING. Get off your asses and stop letting kids run shit. How can you complain about me noticing your lack of parenting skills? Be less concerned about what I say about your bad ass kids and be more concerned with whether or not my assessments are true. Get on your job.

12. Do you have kids? I get this question more than the "why are you single" question. As noted above, I do not have children. That is often followed by... why? Um, to each his own, right... but I don't have kids because I don't have a husband. Kids are expensive for one, they talk back, you have to send their asses to school (damn) and I was raised in a two parent home, and I think that all kids deserve that. Short answer: I am not the girl that wants to be a single parent, so if that means that kids aren't in the cards, I am good with that. Oooh, or MAYBE I can be a hot, Black and bitter stepmom? I could make that look good! :)

13. What do you have planned for 2012? Same goal-- inching closer to world domination! ;) Y'all should be scared!

Please feel free to send any other questions to If I get a ton more, I will definitely do another entry like this one.


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