Debunking Some Myths - Q&A with Hot, Black and Bitter

So, I wanted to wait until some of the holiday craziness wore off before I posted another blog entry or answer some of the questions that I received from readers-- and here is the first entry! Welcome to the last week of 2011!! It seems like the year just flew by! It could be my crazy work schedule or the (lack of) vacation time- whatever, it seems like it was just June! As we headed into mid-December, I posted on Facebook and Twitter that I was taking questions from readers and I got a TON! Thank you SO much for sending in your questions. I have emailed some answers and this entry will answer the vast majority of the questions (there were several duplicates). I have decided to do a "here are some things about me" type entry. Here we go!

1. Several of you want to know why I am bitter. If you read my bio on the right side of the blog, you see that the name of this came from a corny joke that my dad told. But, one definition of bitter is "hard to take." Those that know me know that sometimes I can be just that. If you regularly read this blog, you know that some of the stances I take are very personal, very one sided and very black and white. I don't always leave much room for empathy or other people's opinions, so essentially, I am the poster child for "hard to take." I'm ok with that... and anyone who strongly, disrespectfully disagrees is easily disregarded. See, bitter! ;)

2. Why am I single? Wow-- I get this question more than I like sometimes. Um, the short answer is that I am single because I have a low tolerance for bullshit (please see #1). I have a goal in mind and if I don't think a certain guy is a vehicle towards where I want to be, I lose interest-- quickly. Just because I am not interested romantically doesn't mean that we can't be friends (I am friends with most exes-- i.e not the crazy ones)... it just means that guy is not for me and I am not the girl for him.

3. What do I have against traditional male/female roles? Absolutely nothing. Listen, just because I believe that women are capable of doing everything that a man can do (except impregnating women) does NOT mean that I don't appreciate traditional roles in relationships. What it does mean is that I know that I can take care of myself until I get a partner-- and that is ok. Plus, I have to say, most men AND women cannot handle traditional roles. There is a lot of give and take and some people are unable to bend to fit into their role. Some men are not responsible enough to take care of himself and a companion in a traditional way. Some women are unable to concede in a power play, or wrap their mind around the fact that they can't be in charge of everything. That's truth-- uncomfortable for some, but truth nonetheless.

3. Pro-Life or Pro-Choice? Pro-Choice. There is no short answer for this question so, a follow up entry with be forthcoming.

4. You're supposed to be a Christian, so why the foul language? This question actually made me smile. I will refrain from actually using some colorful words in my response, I will instead say that instead of worrying about the words that you read on the screen, worry about your life, faith and deeds. That is a way better starting place. Look at how democratically I handled that... when I really wanted to tell you to keep your ultra-sanctified eyes off my blog, shithead. I'm getting better.

5. Why are you harder on Black people in your entries? Looking at all my posts on Facebook, Twitter and this blog, I don't know that I am harder on Black people than any other group. I am an equal opportunist when it comes to bashing idiotic or bad behavior, no matter who is actually participating. However-- I will say, I EXPECT more from Black people. Mostly because I am a member of that group; I know my capabilities, strengths, knowledge AND the history of Black people. How can I look at all that we have done, what our group has been through, how many people have died and sacrificed and NOT expect more? I think that every person expects more from whatever group(s) they belong to, and I am no different.

6. Do you think you are better than other people? Hmmm. Some cases, YEP. Some cases, no. Depends on who we are talking about. I think that some people have come to the conclusion that I am an elitist. I do not confirm or deny that allegation.

7. Why don't you date Black men? Who said I didn't? Again, this deserves a longer entry... and it is coming.

8. Do you think that Black women get a bad rap in the media? Short answer- not always. I think that stereotypes are around for a reason. Someone fits that type. So, some Black women fit the shitty stereotypes we see on tv/news/media in general. Some White women do. Some Asians... ok, maybe not Asians (kidding). My job is make sure that everyone understands the most important word in this paragraph is SOME. All Black women don't fit in the same box. There is no type of anything that is uniform in all ways, ever. With that said, some shit that goes down in American society needs to stop across the board, no matter what group it pertains to.

9. Do you even like Chicago? Um, yeah- I live here!! Listen, Chicago, like every city, has its downfalls. Some days are better than others. Some seasons are less violent, some people are more trustworthy, some attractions put a smile on my face and some... don't-- ever. It is what it is. If I didn't like it here, I would leave. Trust me, I have had many opportunities, lots of family & friends telling me to move back to the Heart of It All (that is Ohio for all of y'all who don't know). I love this city and some of its inhabitants. I just point out foolishness. And if I was Hot, Black and Bitter based in any other city, I would do the exact same thing.

10. Stance on bullying? Is there anyone that stands for bullying? If so, that person deserves a punch to the genitals. Yes, please catch that irony. Clearly, I do not advocate for bullying people, no matter who it is. I will stand up for someone to THINK what they want. When your ACTIONS begin to infringe upon my life and wellbeing, however, then we have problems. Bullying should be nipped in the bud.

11. How can you give your opinion about children's behavior when you don't have kids? Uhhh-- because when your bad ass kids leave the house and act a damn fool, I (society) has to clean up the mess. Listen, I am not saying beat your kids into submission BUT I am saying that the job of parents is to raise productive members of society and some of y'all are seriously SLACKING. Get off your asses and stop letting kids run shit. How can you complain about me noticing your lack of parenting skills? Be less concerned about what I say about your bad ass kids and be more concerned with whether or not my assessments are true. Get on your job.

12. Do you have kids? I get this question more than the "why are you single" question. As noted above, I do not have children. That is often followed by... why? Um, to each his own, right... but I don't have kids because I don't have a husband. Kids are expensive for one, they talk back, you have to send their asses to school (damn) and I was raised in a two parent home, and I think that all kids deserve that. Short answer: I am not the girl that wants to be a single parent, so if that means that kids aren't in the cards, I am good with that. Oooh, or MAYBE I can be a hot, Black and bitter stepmom? I could make that look good! :)

13. What do you have planned for 2012? Same goal-- inching closer to world domination! ;) Y'all should be scared!

Please feel free to send any other questions to hotblackandbitter@gmail.com. If I get a ton more, I will definitely do another entry like this one.

Need Some Inspiration?

It is hump day and in Chicago it is raining! If you need some inspiration, like I do, I have it for you!! Check these out-- Be Great!

Mission for the Week - Spread the Love

Every breathing person should see this video and do whatever humanly possible to make sure that Jonah is the last child that ever feels this way. If your kid is a bully, MAKE it stop. If your child is being bullied, become his/her advocate and an advocate for every child that is bullied or otherwise abused. None of us can sit by and let this continue. Make sure that you reiterate everything that you love about your kids/friends/significant other/acquaintances, at every given moment, every day you can. Life is short, so say what you mean and say it while you can. Tomorrow may not come and the last thing you want is for someone to have to guess about your feelings toward them. Even if the feelings are not reciprocated, put it out there, you never know what will come to you.

Give some hugs; send a sweet email; show some appreciation; if you like someone, tell them. Spend your living days saying your "I love yous."

HBB on Relationships

So occasionally some of the lovely people that read this blog send me emails and ask me questions. I generally answer them within a post or on the Hot, Black and Bitter facebook page. Almost two weeks ago, I received an email that I HAVE to turn into a post. I wrote this response almost immediately, but I rewrote it a couple of times and deleted a few sentences, because I was trying to be as nice as possible. I didn't want to offend the reader who sent in the scenario (and I actually personally know her) so I was trying to be as level headed as possible... however, she would not have written to ME if she wanted nice, right?! Right, so here is a (slightly) edited version of my first answer.

Dear Waiting:
I read your email and I am not going to name you in the blog, but I have to answer you. I'll use some portion of your email, but nothing that can identify you. Here is my recap of your "situation"... You said that you have a "boyfriend" that is around when he wants to be. When you are together, everything seems nice, but every once in a while he loses his fucking mind and starts fights with you for no reason. He always blames these altercations on you and then you guys don't talk for weeks at a time. When he heard that you were seeing someone else during this downtime, he lost his mind again and said that he was your man and you were cheating. Press repeat on this situation because it has happened a lot. Also, when you are alone he says sweet things, sends you sweet texts but doesn't want to meet any of your friends or be considered your 'man' unless it benefits him. Girl, you got a LOT going on.

First let me say-- there is NO way that I will ever have a man that will yell at me for ANYTHING. Unless I do something life threatening or extremely detrimental there will be no raising of any voices EVER. Yelling stopped when I left my parents house and that shit is never happening again. Once that rule is broken, he won't have to worry about what I'm doing because I won't be doing anything with him. How old is he, 13?! Sounds like he is going through puberty. Grown up relationships do not involve hiding your significant other from others. If that happens then you are not in a relationship. You should be able to go out and not have women looking at you two like you are doing something wrong. If you cannot go out on a date without people staring because last week he was at the same place with someone else... um, that is NOT your man. He is a slut with a very limited number of 'date' venues or no imagination. Or, worse yet, maybe he just knows that he will get away with it because you seem to put up with a ton of shit from this dude.

He doesn't want to meet your friends; he doesn't want you meeting his friends; he starts arguments with you and doesn't want you to date anyone else. He sounds like a dick-- why exactly do you like him? Let me tell you this, lovely, there is no sex that is good enough to put up with this crazy shit. He sounds bat shit crazy and the fact that you are putting up it leaves me with a couple of things that you and I HAVE to talk about. You either 1. have low self esteem, which somehow makes you think that this behavior is acceptable or 2. you thrive on the drama that this "man" brings to you. Just like it is unacceptable to put up with men acting like prepubescent, territorial jackasses, it is absolutely unacceptable to thrive off of drama. Drama does NOT mean that he loves you. Extreme jealousy is not a sign of affection. The above stated behavior is NOT healthy.

Listen, we have all been in relationships that were walking disasters. Let me be the first to tell you- that is exactly what this situation sounds like. A man that only loves you in the dark (and is allowed to do so) is not looking to change that situation. He might sweet talk you to get what he wants, but for the last two years he has shown you exactly what he is willing to give you. And you have been taking it, so why would he change now? In two years you have never met his friends. What the fuck is that?! In two years you guys have never spent a holiday or your birthday together. No, sweetie, just... no. You have GOT to draw some boundaries. Better yet, throw his bony ass to the curb and find a guy that appreciates you and is not ashamed to introduce to the important people in his life. Any boyfriend should relish in the opportunity to see what/where/who is important to you and should do the same for you. This douchebag you've been sleeping with needs to go. Two years or not, he is not good enough. If you don't know for yourself that you can do better, let me tell you-- you can do better. Find someone who respects you and your feelings and who isn't such a fucking spaz. Leave all the naysayers in your dust, including this bum.

Fed Up - "Christians"

Tis the season, or so I've been told-- repeatedly. My facebook page has been bombarded with little sayings like "Jesus is the Reason for the Season" and the like, so I think that I should attack discuss how some "Christians" that operate today... and the problems that I have with them. What?! She attacks discusses Christians? Oh yes, yes I do. And if you find my... analysis overly burdensome, I am probably talking about you.

I think that I have written about this before, but just in case it is in an entry that you skipped reading... I have a real problem with holier than thou people. Right? I don't like it when people use what they learn on Sundays to 1. look down on others and 2. somehow erase all the bad things that they have done, but not the sins of their neighbor. I hate when people use scripture to back up backward thinking that allows them to always be right, always be special, always be who everyone should look forward to becoming because they magically do no wrong. Now, I joke around a LOT. I talk shit... clearly, by the looks of this blog, I have no problem talking about people if the circumstances call for it. But here is the difference: I know that I'm not flawless. So when I see "churches" that are supposed to be teaching the love and grace of the same God that I worship using the same scriptures that I identify with as guidelines for my religion to limit the lives of people who are different than them... I tend to take it personally.

Needs some examples? There is a "church" in Kentucky that has voted to BAN interracial couples in their services. I could have totally missed this scripture in the Bible, so I am gonna ask: huh, where did Jesus tell them that worship services had to be segregated? I am so confused. Do white people have a different God that they pray to? Would an interracial couple in the crowd limit God from listening to their prayers? Is this 1945? I guess I am not welcome there... because I would TOTALLY walk in with the hottest white guy I know on my arm and proudly announce that we were there to serve the Lord. I'm good like that! ;)

We all know about the Westboro Baptist "church" and their shenanigans. Where in the Bible does it say that picketing the funerals of service men and women with absolutely reckless signs is in God's plan? Where did Jesus say love thy neighbor EXCEPT if he or she serves in the military for YOUR freedom... then go ahead and tell them that they are going to Hell? Was I sleeping the church service where we learned about that? Absent? Sick? I'm pretty sure I wasn't. Where is the Bible does it say that name calling should be used to add more members to the flock? Westboro uses the "F" word to describe homosexuals-- is that sanctioned by Jesus? When did he say that was ok? I mean, I need to know, so I need someone to educate me... since Jesus is the Reason for the Season and all. I need to make sure I am properly handling myself this holiday season.  

I guess that my point is: If Jesus really is the reason for season, shouldn't churches be looking to do all that they can to bring people together? Isn't this the time to drop church politics and get as many people as possible in the door to tell them about why you are happy where you are and how Jesus (the reason for the season) got you there? Isn't it of the utmost importance that churches be the best example of what Christianity is NOW, in order to bring people into the church so that we can ALL celebrate the reason for the season? I could totally be wrong, but I think we are supposed to be lighting the way and leading by example... not crucifying our neighbors for what we perceive as sin. I might be a lot of things... I might think very highly of myself but I can tell you something-- I know my limitations. I know that just like my neighbors screw up, so do I. Just like my neighbors curse, fight and act an ass-- so do I (mostly on this blog). I know that sometimes I just need a break, a kind word, a smile, a non crazy person interaction... just like those around me. So how about this-- no matter what God you pray (or don't pray) to... how about we use this season to be a little nicer and spread a little cheer? Let's make it less about what we want to get and more about what we can give to those who don't have. Let's make a pact to put a smile on someone's face and leave the bitterness to the winds here in Chicago... and ME! :)

Happy Holiday Season--

Soulful Saturday - Al Green

So- you know how you hear a song on the radio and you know EXACTLY who sings it? You know how a song can just explain EVERYTHING that you are going through, like it was written for you own crazy ass situation? Do you know songs that just don't sound right when they are remade? Yep, me too... Al Green made some of those songs. Oh, you KNOW when Al Green comes on. His voice is full of that 70s funk that we all should love. These songs make you want to love you lover one minute and slap the shit out of him the next. Makes you love LOVE just a little bit more, but reminds you of the pain that you feel when it is over. These songs make you believe that there is still that one person out there and he is full of all the things that you desire and deserve. In the words of Al himself "love will make you do right, make you do wrong; make you come home early, make you stay out all night long... power of love." On with the sing along and the funky dance party!! Thank you Al!!

Love and Happiness

*Happiness is when you really feel good about somebody. There's nothing wrong being in love with someone...
*Be good to me -- I'll be good to you. We'll be together.



Tired of Being Alone

*I'm so tired of being alone, I'm so tired of being on my own...



How Can You Mend a Broken Heart?

*I could never see tomorrow. I was never told about the sorrow.
*How can you stop the rain from falling down? How can you stop the sun from shining? What makes the world go 'round?
*How can you mend this broken man? How can a loser ever win?



Let's Stay Together

*I'm so in love with you- whatever you want to do is alright with me...
*Since we been together-- loving you forever is what I need...Let me be the one you coming running to; I'll never be untrue.





For the Good Times
(personal favorite-- one of the BEST break up songs out... one with I have blessed a few exes with...)

*Don't look so sad-- I know it's over. But life goes on, and this world keeps on turning.
*There is no need to watch the bridges that we're burning.
*Lay your head on my pillow. Hold you warm and tender body close to mine. Hear the whispers of the raindrops falling softly against my windowpane. Make believe you love me one more time... For the Good Times.
*I'll get along, I'm sure you'll find another.

File This Under WTF?!!?

I am watching the news, like I do every day, and I have to say: what I just saw made me say "what the fuck." OUT LOUD. To myself, mostly because the dogs don't care what happens on the news unless it is being reported that their dog food is being recalled... which is not happening. So there were three things that sincerely BLEW my mind (so much so that they are sparking two blog entries). The two that I will talk about here are 1) the First Lady of the United States of America- and the VP's wife, Jill- were BOOED at a NASCAR event and 2) debt collectors are using some disturbing and ILLEGAL threats to get money.

Ok- let me say this: the news reported that the First Lady and Jill Biden were booed at a sporting event... um, NASCAR is not a sporting event. Please don't embarrass yourself by arguing that point, because it isn't a sport. It IS dangerous and lots of people watch it but still, not a sport-- moving on. I am all about telling politicians where they can go and how they can get there. I talk about them, I call them stupid, I question their allegiances, their intelligence, their common sense-- yea, just about anything. I do NOT boo their families for what the politicians do in office. Did I type about Bristol Palin? Absolutely! Because her mother (the politician) wants to go into public schools and preach about abstinence, while her kid gets knocked up out of wedlock. Would I boo Bristol? No. I'm figuring that she has it bad enough being Sarah's daughter and being a teenage mom. I don't seek her out, don't go to places she will be, don't really give her lip service on this blog, etc. I talked about Anthony Wiener for showing his... wiener. Did I talk about his wife? No- that chick has enough to worry about. I disliked W(greatly), did I talk about his family? The twins? Of course not. I am a big proponent of separating political jobs from families. Politicians can be assholes, and generally are, but their families-- for the most part-- should be off limits. And for the classless dicks who booed LADIES at NASCAR... you are SO classy. I should take lessons from you. I need me a hillbilly edumacation.

The economy is a wreck. OMG-- did I just ruin the news for anyone? No? Ok. The economy sucks. Lots of people don't have jobs. Lots of bills aren't getting paid. Who is shocked? No one? Ok. So when bill collectors call, I tend to ignore them. Oh yes, they call me. I am not above the economy. I was laid off for a LONG time. Sometimes you have to hang deep until the tide changes. These debt collectors on the news, though-- they were some sort of ridiculous! One dick said "We're going to have your dog arrested, we're going to shoot him up and we're going to eat him." WHAT THE HELL?!?!? Ok, you have a job in what I am assuming is a booming industry (debt collection). In order to keep this job, I am sure that you have to meet some numerical standards. I get it, but if ANYone ever called me and threatened my dogs, my life, jail time, or anything else, the future would be bleak for them. Let's keep it real- they would NEVER call me again because the barrage of insults that I would hit them with would make the most veteran debt collector cry. That behavior is so unacceptable. Don't they realize that some people feel bad enough because they CAN'T pay their bills? Do they not realize that threats are not going to make money magically appear, or bills get paid? Sometimes I see shit on the news that makes me kinda wish they happened to me. This is one of them. I would turn into Cedric the Entertainer from The Original Kings of Comedy... I wish a muthaf$%#@ would!!

Where Are the Parents - Loss of Innocence

For Hip Hop News & Entertainment at DimeWars.Com

Ok- these people have GOT to be kidding me. First, let me just say that if I HAD a child who was in attendance at this party and I came across this video, I would beat the living hell out of EVERY adult at this party. Clearly these people are at a birthday party, encouraging children to dry hump each other. There are the four on the ground, the two against the wall and even worse is that stupid bitch in the white pants that is allowing that little boy to hump her. What the fuck is wrong with people?

You know with the accusations of child sexual abuse floating around between Penn State and now Syracuse, I have found that I can only agree with one statement 100%. That statement was made by a police officer in Pennsylvania. He said "In these cases of abuse, there is enough blame to go around." Yes, there is. We all know, from my past entries, that I am wishy washy on Joe Pa's actual involvement/fault in the Penn State incident... especially since now the grad student/assistant coach's assertion that he went to the police has been denied by the police. But as of this blog post there are also accusations against a coach at Syracuse and more men are coming out against Jerry Sandusky. Parents are coming out of the woodwork, blasting all who they think they can blame. Lawsuits will surely follow. But here is my question: Where Were The Parents when all of this was going down?

I read the grand jury statements. There was one mother who went to the police when she thought Jerry Sandusky was doing something inappropriate with her son. ONE. If we are looking at upwards of 20 victims (by some peoples count) YES the child abusers are at fault, YES those who covered it up are at fault, YES those who lie are at fault, but while we are handing out blame... where were the parents of these abused children? Yes, I know that parents can't be everywhere at one time. I get that. But you live with your children, you know if there is something off, right? I don't know what goes on that you don't see some of the drastic changes that some of these men are saying they went through. How is it possible that these parents that are now all over the news condemning Jerry Sandusky and Penn State University did not notice? Hmmm. How can the parents of these children in this video NOT go the fuck off on the adults in the background??

On the same hand-- how is it that there are videos like the one above floating around the web? I mean, seriously, if my child EVER appeared in a video like this, I would go on a murder spree. What kind of parents not only allow their children to dirty dance and essentially have sex with clothes on- on video- but CHEER THEM ON? One of the problems that I can see is that some parents are treating their children like grown ups. Children are NOT grown ups. Hell, I don't want to see grown ass people dance like that at the club. It is our responsibility to prolong the innocence of our children, not exploit it. It is our responsibility to RAISE our children, not depend on others to do so (and possibly setting our children up for some sort of abuse). It is our responsibility to defend our children, to love our children, to be there for our children. If parents DID that, there would be less children who were too scared to tell their parents that someone touched them, abused them or allowed them to do some shady ass shit like what is contained in this video. Parents are the grown ups. They are called to be an example to the little people that they bring into the world. An example. If you can not be that, you should NOT be a parent. Shit, maybe I am off because I'm not a parent... doubtful.

Sex Scandal and Penn State

I am confused. Everything that I have read has said the following:
1. there was a graduate student who saw some inappropriate behavior in a Penn State locker room, 2. the graduate student told Joe Paterno,
3. Joe Paterno (who was told that there was inapropriate behavior, but was not told the extent) told a university administrator and the Athletic Director,
4. Grand Jury = Joe Paterno told what he heard and what he did; the athletic director and administrator were asked what happened and LIED. So-- WHY is Joe Paterno's future with the school in question?

If he didn't know the full extent of the situation AND he reported it to his superiors, how is it that he has anything else to do? I have to say, I feel absolutely awful for the children involved and I personally think that child molesters have a special reservation in hell for the havoc they bring into young lives. Former coach Sandusky should be prosecuted to the full extent of the law-- there is no doubt in my mind. The assholes who lied about what happened should be too. Why would you lie about what you heard? You have two men who are saying exactly what they knew (Paterno and the grad student) and two jackasses that have nothing to gain or lose by telling the truth, who are lying. As far as I am concerned all three deserve trials, convictions and jail cells- for life.

But Joe Pa? Joe Pa took limited information, reported it and let his superiors handle to situation. I am confused as to why some don't believe that was the right thing to do. I'm confused as to what others are thinking that he could have done. A couple of months ago there was a certain Big Ten coach that lost his job because it was reported that he didn't tell his superiors about a situation (NOT a crime, a NCAA violation) and here you have a coach who actually DID tell his superiors and people are asking for him to retire too? Wow.

Soulful Saturday - The Girl Groups, Part II

Some random favorites. Happy Weekend!

G.H.E.T.T.O.U.T - Changing Faces

*No more sitting at home alone, while you're out with somebody else. No more staring at the phone, cuz I can do bad all by myself.



Kissing You - Total



Sending My Love - Zhane

*If I could, mail my heart right to you, I would. I'd pack it up, seal it tight and I'd send it overnight.



Who Can I Run To? - Xscape

Before they were reality stars or TI's baby mama, some of these girls were in a group...



We Can't Be Friends - Deborah Cox (and RL)

Fed Up Friday - Deadbeats

Ok, as I was reading the newspaper electronically today and one of the bigger headlines was about a warrant that is out with Terrell Owens because he is behind on child support. Um, what? I am taken aback. Then I go to YouTube and type in child support. Why did I do that? Do you know how many videos there are with people talking about child support? It is some kind of craziness. There are videos with women complaining that their child's father doesn't pay, videos of men crying about how much they have to pay, he says, she says... There are a lot of women who are all "I don't need your money. My baby doesn't want for anything..." Whoa, bitch. There are plenty of men who say "that hoe is spending all my money. How do I know that she is spending it on my kid. I have to pay this much for this long, blah, blah, blah." Yeah-- both groups sound dumb as hell. So I have a response for everyone involved and no one is going to like it-- how about that? :)

Women

Let me start out with some common sense advice: vaginas are not special. Let me rephrase: YOUR vagina is not special. There are hundreds of videos on YouTube where women say: "My child's father doesn't take of his other kids, but he is going to take care of mine." Um, no lady, he won't. Why would he? You have already stood by and watched while he didn't take care of the little defenseless children that he already has. Silence is acceptance. And you somehow think that he will treat you differently? Why? Because you think you have sunshine in your pants? Let's be real. If he has kids that he ignores and doesn't care for, there is a strong possibility that he will do your kids the same way. Your vagina is not going to change his mind. You thinking that you are the baddest bitch is not going to change his habits. You also need to stop it with the "I don't need him or his money." Bitch please. Yes you do need him AND his money. Your kid needs him AND his money. Hell, I need you to take his money because I don't want to have to help pay for you and your kids. Oh, I said it: if you don't like the man that you are sleeping with, you should not be sleeping with him because children are a life time commitment to that person. They will always be a part of your life. Your child will always need to know BOTH of their parents. I don't watch Oprah but even I know that she said that when people show you who they are, believe them. People will show you who they are-- if you choose to ignore the signs, then that is on you. We all know how babies get here, right?! So if you meet a guy who is someone you only want... to see naked, then you need to take all precautions to assure that you will not be stuck co-parenting with a deadbeat. I blame you. Ladies, we are no victims. Generally we are full participants. Having a child by a no good man is NOT going to make him suddenly become good; it will simply saddle you up with a jackass. A little something you should think about before you have unprotected sex with some guy that you have nothing nice to say about.

Men

Children are expensive. (Clearly if T.O. can't pay his child support.) Just so we are all on the same page: that 30 seconds of pleasure can cost you hundreds of thousands of dollars. Again, something you should think about BEFORE you try to "hit that." Also, should the state HAVE to make you pay for your children? No, if you are a man, you would make sure your children were taken care of... HOWEVER, we are surrounded by very tall boys in men's clothing so states have to intercede. I'm good with that. And let me just say to you assholes who purposely don't work and have a court order to pay less than $100 a month and have the NERVE to complain: shut the hell up. Dude, a baby will go through $100 in a week, easy. Your children don't just need to eat when you are able to 'come up' with child support. They can't wait to get clothes until you hustle up some cash. They cannot wait for diapers until you deem it ok to send over some money. Some of the boys on YouTube also felt it necessary to call the mother of their children names. Um, if she is a whore, what does that make you? If she is a gold digger, what the fuck is she doing with your stingy ass? If she was truly in it for the money, she would not have to beg your punk ass for $100. If you can call her names, it reflects badly on YOU... because you chose to sleep with her, and she is now the mother of your child, so what does that say about your judgment? If you can sleep at night, knowing that your children are not being taken care of because you can't or won't provide for them, What does that say about YOU? Holding your children's money hostage will buy you one thing: a first class ticket to hell.

Child support would not be such a hot topic button if people were more choosy about who they had sex with, who they choose to procreate with. So that is it, ladies and gentlemen, keep it in your pants or pay the price, with a deadbeat partner or a hefty child support order. Condoms don't sound bad now, do they?

I Need To Take a Poll - The Texas Case

OK- so there aren't many times that I ask people for their opinions. I mean, it seems clear to me that I have just enough opinions for us all, right? Yes. But as I was reading through some news today, I ran across something that I have to ask y'all about. I have my own conclusion, but seeing as how I have readers from all different aspects of life (married, single, parents, or not, city dwellers, country mice... you get it) I figured that I would ask you about this video below.

Let me state a couple of things before you watch the video. 1. This video deals with spanking a child-- don't want to shock you. 2. This incident happened 7 years ago. 3. The daughter in this video waited 7 years before posting this LAST week. 4. The father is a family court judge in Texas. 5. The wife participates. 6. The "child" is 16. 7. Somehow the mother has been forgiven by said "child" but the father has not.

If you can read between the lines, you can probably see how I feel about this video/situation. First of all-- why is a 23 year old woman releasing this movie now? How is this helpful? How is it that the mom has been given a pass? Why do the tears stop so quickly when the father is no longer in the room? Do you think that this is abuse? Why? Please leave comments here or on the facebook page... If you ask, I'm sure that I will give you my opinion!

October Recap; New November

Things have been a bit nutso lately. A couple of weeks ago, one of my friends had a death in the family. I am not sure if it is my age or the fact that I have been to more funerals in the past two years than I have in my whole life, but I have not bounced back from the funeral. So there is that, an insane work schedule, I just had a birthday and did my yearly life plan. In other words, the days have been screaming by and I need more sleep. In my new year life plan - kind of like everyone else's resolutions, but I do it around my birthday and I try to actually pick things that I can complete - I have decided that things are going to be a bit different. Maybe it was the funeral. Maybe it is my work schedule, my dissatisfaction with what I am doing, my slightly non-existent social life, or maybe it is all of it combined, but I am in a rut and I have GOT to escape. I looked around and discovered that I don't really do the things I LOVE anymore. I do what I HAVE to do, but nothing that feeds the soul, if that makes sense.

I am not generally excited about going to work every day, the thought of not seeing my dogs for long periods of times, coming home to eat dinner, shower and sleep. It is no fun. I miss having fun... and fun is necessary, SO dammit, I am going to have some fun.

I have already written that I am going to run the marathon next year (SO NOT FUN), but here is the fun part, I am going to use the race to fund raise for a cause that is near and dear to my heart. In fact, every race that I run for the next year will have a fundraising component to it. Either my entry fee will be used for a needed program or I will personally fund raise and give the money to a designated charity. The race that I ran on October 29 (again, not so fun-- the running part) had an entry fee that went to after school programs in a needy Chicago neighborhood (Pilsen). I have included some pics of the racers and the neighborhood-- it was actually a great time (just not the running part!) The neighborhood is close knit and full of great people, colorful murals and the BEST smelling food ever!! Yum!

I am going to learn to conversationally speak a different language (and not just curse words-- my mother would be proud.) I am going to get this crazy work/sleep schedule under control, and I am going to pick my camera up again and get back to capturing life one lovely picture at a time. Clearly, all of these life changes will mean changes to the blog... we'll see how that all works out. If the last few weeks have taught me anything, it is to live life to the fullest and do things you love-- you never know when you won't be able to do what you want...Right?

What is on your to do list?

Soulful Saturday - Babyface

Unlike last week, there are some songs that Babyface shouldn't sing... like every fast song he has ever sung. BUT, every slow song that he has come from his lips has been SO beautiful. OMG, I still remember the first time I saw the video for Whip Appeal... are you freaking kidding me!?! WOW. I wanted to be one of those video girls. HE.IS.AMAZING. Seriously. Amazing. No to mention that he is a sweet midwestern boy, who grew up just three hours from my hometown in a small place named Indianapolis. Yes, that DOES mean I automatically love him. Without further adieu...

Whip Appeal
*When we go to work, how the day seems so long. Only thing we think about, can't wait we get home.
*We got a way of talking... and it is better than words.
*No one does it like me and no one but you has that kind of whip appeal on me.



Everytime I Close My Eyes
*Girl, it's been a long, long time coming, but I know that it's been worth the wait.
*It feels like springtime in winter. It feels like Christmas in June. It feels like heaven has opened up it's gates for me and you.
*Everytime I close my eyes I thank the Lord that I've got you and you've got me too.



When Can I See You Again
*When does "you'll get over it" begin?
*When does my some day begin?
*What if I am still am not truly over? What am I supposed to do then?



Someone to Love (With my boyfriend, Jon B.)
* You came to me in my time of need. When I needed you, you were there for me.



Never Keeping Secrets
*So I'm never keeping secrets and I'm never telling lies- I wanna make it up to you.
*I only want to be with you.

Where Are The Parents: Amber Cole

I have taken a small break from blogging for the last few days, after attending the funeral of a friend. To say that it has been a rough week is an understatement and I am just catching up on some things… so the blogs will probably be plentiful. First up: Amber Cole.
For those of you who don’t know, Amber Cole is a 14 year old girl who was videotaped giving her ex boyfriend oral sex outside of their school. Supposedly, she did not know that she was being videotaped… and she engaged in the act in order to save her “relationship” with this boy. At this point, the talk is that she is on suicide watch. I have not seen the video, but I have seen photos. Oh, I have so much to say. So, I am going to break this up into two entries; one entry about this situation itself and one about cyber-bullying. Here we go:

I can NOT believe that Amber Cole got on her knees- outside the school doors- and serviced some dude. I can NOT believe that the video went viral, and I can NOT believe that people are so nonchalant about this situation. Listen, I have written several times about how we need to embrace our children and show them the RIGHT way to conduct themselves and this child illustrates exactly what I am talking about. I am mad at her—I am. That type of behavior is unacceptable, not only for 14 year olds, but for EVERYone. Hey- I will always advocate for grown people to do whatever they like. If you have the consent of the other adult that is participating and you are not doing it in my bed, in my face PLEASE do it! If your actions aren’t hurting anyone, I don’t care. But Amber is not the age of majority, she is not an adult and all adults who were sharing the video of her on her knees, distributed child pornography. Yes you did, you simple bastards. I am mad at Amber, but I am more upset the adults that surround her.
Something is missing from that girl’s life. Somehow she has made it 14 years thinking that the only way that she can “keep a man” at 14 is to suck his dick at school in front of his friends as they snicker and tape her. What the hell is wrong with this picture? There are tons of people on youtube defending her and saying that they don’t think that we should blame her- we should. They don’t think we should blame her parents- we should. They don’t think this is an epidemic- it is. We should blame her because there is not one person who thinks that what she did was ok—well, no smart, halfway thinking person. But, if I was to allot some percentage of blame, hers would be about 5%. The rest falls on her parents and society. Now, it is true enough that we ALL have gotten away with some stuff that our parents don’t know about. We have all done some questionable things, right? I have. HOWEVER, who the fuck is parenting this girl? When I was growing up (shit, and now, if I am being completely truthful) I knew I was the shit. I own rooms when I walk in. I could be the only Black person, the only woman, the only ANYthing and the other people in that room will respect me. Point blank, period. The fact that this little girl clearly does not have someone telling her that she is worth more than a quick dick suck- outside- in full view of everyone else, is a travesty. Where the fuck ARE her parents? Where is her mother? A grandma? An auntie? Someone to tell her that at 14 you will have several other boyfriends so if this ONE douchebag is trying to get you to suck his dick for a CHANCE that he would take you back, the correct answer to him is: “fuck you and your little dick!” If her parents are not capable, then someone else should be taking this girl under their wing—IMMEDIATELY.

You may ask how society is at fault. I mean some of y’all are putting on sad faces all over the web, talking about how this little girl is a victim and it is just so sad that she felt she had to go down this path. Spare me. Society, as a whole, is to blame for this event. Collectively we glorify hoe-like behavior. We support “superhead” writing a book about her conquests, on this blog you saw anonymous people coming to the defense of Fantasia when I called her a homewrecker (which, she still is), shows like Keeping Up with the Kardashians and other reality shows are hits—I mean really, what is Kim Kardashian famous for? Being a hoe and getting fucked on tape by sorry ass Ray J. Yet we embrace her. Drama filled shit like the Real Housewives and Basketball Wives stream into our tvs at unprecedented numbers. Music is being pumped into our kids-- songs calling women bitches and whores, calling men the n word, advocating for the hustling lifestyle and not valuing education... and what they hear/see is exactly what they are giving us. I remember when Jerry Springer was the raunchiest thing that was on tv. Now some of these shows give them a run for their money. Nicki Minaj has surgery enhanced curves, singers come on stage half dressed. Lil Wayne has so many baby mamas I lost count, there are loads of children and minimal commitment and these are the superstars of the time. We need to tell our children that pregnancy is not the worst thing that can happen when you are sexually active. There are diseases, there are cell phones that record the fucked up shit you do, and there are sick assholes that will pass it along online. We need to talk to our kids, instead of sending them out to the world super naïve about everything and easily eaten alive by the dirty bastards of our communities. We need to be examples. Like-- not bringing every guy you are fucking around your kids, not having child after child with several women, like wearing condoms, respecting our elders, etc. We, as a society, are selling out our children to the highest bidder—and getting it thrown in our face repeatedly. If we aren’t careful we will have a whole generation of women that don’t respect themselves, or demand it from those surrounding them. A generation of men who do not hold their counterparts in high esteem and more children to perpetuate the problem.

Soulful Saturday - Luther Vandross

What can be said about Luther Vandross? The most recognizable voice in R&B for the better part of three decades; the creator of more wedding songs than any other group/individual that I know of (and I have gone to A LOT of weddings); the perfector of "baby making" music. You simply can NOT love music and not love Luther. Without him there is no Ruben Studdard, no Usher, no Justin Bieber, no Jon B., no Gerald Levert, no Jamie Foxx... the list goes on. Where are the artists like this? Fast or slow, I am hard pressed to find a Luther song that I don't like. I even like the stuff he made with that crazy jheri curl and 80s clothes, so you know my love runs deep! Pay attention.... some of y'all were conceived to these songs! Happy Sweetest Day!!

Never Too Much
*A thousand kisses from you is never too much! :)
*A million days in your arms is never too much!



Give Me The Reason
*Give me the reason to want you back. Why should I love you again? Do you know, tell me how to forgive and forget.
*The love that used to be, ended the day you walked out.



A House is not a Home
*But a room is not a house, and a house is not a home; When the two of us are far apart, and one of us has a broken heart
*I'm not meant to live alone, turn this house into a home



Here and Now (One of the BEST wedding songs, ever)
*One look in your eyes and there I see, just what you mean to me.
*The love that we share makes life so sweet; together we'll always be.



If Only For One Night
*I won't tell a soul; no one has to know if you want to be totally discreet
*Your eyes say things I never hear from you.
*Let me take you home and keep you safe and warm-- till the early dawn warms up to the sun (wow).
*It would be so nice-- if only for one night.



Forever, For Always, For Love
*If I had the chance to hold you again; I would fill your heart with joy
And make you know that I'm the only one for you

Weekend Recap and New Year's Resolutions

This picture is what I was greeted with early Sunday morning as I helped PAWS Chicago take care of their charity runners at the 2011 Chicago marathon. It was an early (early) morning and a very long day, but totally worth it. Sunday brought me to one conclusion: it is time to start crossing more things off my bucket list... SO... next year: I AM RUNNING THE CHICAGO MARATHON! It is on! I'm going to be a charity runner for sure, and I will be running other races between now and then.
I've put it in writing, so it has to happen. Happy Monday!

Soulful Saturday - Alicia Keys

Clearly, I do not omit people from this blog because of what they do in their personal lives. My dad complained about R. Kelly and I have complained about Fantasia and Alicia Keys. Although she is a homewrecker, (and don't send me any anonymous hater emails) she makes good music... I just wouldn't let this ho near my husband! ;) Happy Saturday!

Fallin'


A Woman's Worth
*You will lose if choose to refuse to put her first. She will, if she can, find a man who knows her worth.
*A real man just can't deny a woman's worth.
*Don't take for granted the passion she has for you.



Karma
*Now who's crying, desiring to come back to me?
*It's called Karma baby, and it goes around.



You Don't Know My Name
**Mos Def= HOTNESS**



Unthinkable (I'm Ready)
*Iwas wondering, maybe, could I make you my baby?
*Wouldn't it be so beautiful?? ;)
*If you ask me, I'm ready.

Fed Up Friday - Herman Cain

If you don't have a job... blame yourself?



Oooo- NO SIR. Herman Cain is a douchebag and should keep his mouth closed. If you made it through the last four years without being touched by the downturn in the economy-- good for you, HOWEVER, to say that people who don't have jobs have failed themselves and should be angry with only themselves is assinine. If that WERE a true statement, Cain would have no reason to consistently complain about how the President has failed us all because there has been no job growth. So, um, shut the fuck up, weirdo.

And when he was on the View, he said that businesses cut personnel out of necessity, and his 9-9-9 plan was going help that... so is it REALLY someone's choice to be unemployed?



And gay is a choice? Really? I want to punch him in the dick... and NOT simply because he is a Republican. He is so closed minded about social issues, when that is NOT what we need right now. Do we need to reign in our spending? YES. Do we need to revert back to the middle ages socially? Absolutely NOT. Don't Ask, Don't Tell should NEVER make a comeback. Healthcare bankrupting families should NEVER happen in the wealthiest country in the world. High unemployment should not be blamed on the people that are suffering, but on the corporations that are enabling that suffering by NOT hiring. Should I really have to type that in order for some knuckleheads to get it?

Four years ago, everyone... including stupid Sarah, harped on the President because he had limited experience, but Herman has NO experience and says so.



So, I am so confused as to why this ridiculous man is one of the frontrunners for the Republicans. Are the Republicans doing what they did the last election go round? Remember when Hilary was running for the Presidency? Then the Republicans introduced Stupid Sarah? That didn't go over well, right? Have they realized that there is a Black man in the White House and are countering with a Black man? Hmmmm. The real question is: will the American public allow them to do that and be successful?

How Many Really Know What Love Is?

October is a busy month for the Hot, Black and Bitter family. All three of the dogs have birthdays (and yes, they get a party-- with cake), my birthday is at the end of month (and y'all BETTER have a celebration for me) and then there is today... Today is Poppa Hot, Black and Bitter's birthday AND it is also my parent's wedding anniversary. Momma Hot, Black and Bitter made sure that my dad was NEVER going to forget the day they took the plunge, huh? :) Good for her... good for him, one less thing that he will be in the doghouse for :)

SO, if you are loyal readers of the blog, you know that we are a close group of lovingly dysfunctional people! Really. We do love each other-- sometimes mom has to remind us! We are all knuckleheads-- which dad always reminds us of. We fight. We cry. We hug it out. And if things are REALLY bad, mom will put the offenders on the couch and make us hold hands. Yeah- like we are still little kids. And we better do it, because that lady is not meant to be messed with!! Bottom line: we're all nuts. But, we have all grown together to make up this crazy, ridiculous, family gang. The ringleader (dad) is who I blame for my attitude; the church lady (mom) is who everyone should thank for those few moments of niceness I occasionally have. People often say that my sister and I are total opposites-- because we are, but we came by that honestly-- our parents are TOTAL opposites. But, there is a way to be total opposites and make it work and they do that. Every year, I watch friends (and their parents) go through divorce. People that were "destined" by the peanut gallery to make it through thick and thin. Kinda crazy. I never look to those people because I have the example of how marriage is supposed to work at my parents house. I look at my parents and wonder how they have spent the last three decades together, without killing each other, or an offspring (or two). It is really dynamic though to see how they work together. Mom is really laid back most of the time-- but she is gonna tell you when you are wrong (it will be nice); dad will tell you too (it will be markedly less nice). If you want the answer-- lacking sugar coating-- dad is the one to ask; if you want some hugs and kisses because you have just had a bad day-- mom always has arms open for you at the kitchen door. Just the right balance of pick your ass up and finish & everything will be alright. My parents won't let their partner bullshit them-- no one is getting away with that. But, I guess that is just it. They are partners-- in everything: business, family, love. The not-so-perfect (because no one is) combination of how to make a marriage work. They have set the bar high.

So one this day I want to say: thanks. Thanks to dad for always being there to kick my ass into gear and tell me that everything is going to be ok, but you don't want to hear any snotting and crying over the phone! Happy birthday!!

Thanks to my parents for being a great example and showing me that being completely alike is not necessary for a marriage to work. For showing me that marriage is not always peaches and cream-- sometimes your partner is going to piss you off, or get sick, or lose your favorite socks, or be insensitive, or be too sensitive... but that the ultimate goal is to work together for a common goal-- building a life together. A life with two CRAZY older daughters that will -probably- always be on your dime because they aren't getting married anytime soon; 7 little kiddos who will drive you up the wall every day and melt your heart when they want to hang out with only you while they watch cartoons; a grandson (the human one) who will grow up and be great-- because of you and the 3 grandkids (the furry ones) who send you cards every Christmas and brighten your day with their cute furry faces. That's a wonderful life! Thanks for having that 1 Corinthians 13:4-13 kind of love (oh yes, the heathen still remembers Bible verses, y'all!!) Thank you so much for showing all of us what LOVE is supposed to look like. Here's is to many more years of Hot, Black and Bitter craziness!! ;) Love you!!

Traitor to the Race, That's Me.

Yes, the title is correct—I think. You read that right, I am (proudly) a traitor to what people, specifically most Black people, think that our race has become. I don’t care if y’all try to take away my “black” card, wouldn’t be the first time. You can call me a “white girl”... shit, that happened last week; didn’t move me then and won’t move me now. Not that I think your imaginations are that great, but whatever you can come up with will NOT hurt my feelings, because I have not drank the kool-aid; I don’t believe the hype.
What caused this rant? This past weekend, I travelled to the far south side of the city and saw my old house; the old neighborhood. To say that I was sadly disappointed is an understatement. Not only did I see the old house—or what was left of it, I saw the kids on the corner, and, inside, I went BALLISTIC. Seeing shit that pissed me off when I lived in the hood made me ask myself some questions: Why do young Black men find it an acceptable to stand on the corner—even in inclement weather? Why do young people think that it is ok to trash their own neighborhood? Why do the people around them ALLOW for their surroundings to be decimated? And, for the love of all that is holy, why does everyone seem to think that this is acceptable behavior? Oh, and before I get tons of emails saying: “That happens in every neighborhood; it isn’t just Black people; you’re racist, blah, blah, blah.” Save it. I’m not concerned with other neighborhoods. I didn’t used to live around other races. I lived around Black people- and I am writing about my experiences. If you don’t like it, write your own blog entry.
Now that I have dealt with the crybabies, let’s get down to why I am a traitor. Oh, I have NO love for where the general direction that Black people are headed in, or where it is right now. And I plan on calling all you mofos out on the dumb shit that you do. I do not, will not, ever give you a Black pass. Fuck that. As little as 45 years ago, Black people were dying in the middle of the streets that you dumb asses stand on and sell drugs. You ought to be ashamed. You claim to be hustling. Punk, get a fucking job. That should be your hustle. Selling drugs to your “people” should make your stomach turn. You ought to have more pride in yourself and the struggle that others had to go through so you could be the neighborhood baby daddy who dropped out of school to sell drugs. Oh, and spare me the “a Black man can’t get a fair shake” speech. Know what? Neither can a Black woman. My dad used to tell me all the time—“you have to work three times as hard as everyone else because you already have 2 strikes against you in society—you are black and a woman.” And he was right. So fuck what excuses you got. Excuses are like assholes- everyone has one and they all stink. I don’t care to hear it.
With the invention of social media has come the acceptance of some ass backward behavior. You see people acting an ass and think that shit is cute, so you put it on your wall, share it with your friends. I can’t even tell you how many people I have de-friended because the “n” word is a staple in their vocabulary. Do you know what people had to go through so that we WEREN’T called that? And now y’all think that shit is cute? It is almost every rap song, on people’s YouTube channels and on facebook and Twitter. What brain dead lame came up with that? Or sagging your pants so much that you can’t walk? Or trying to emulate every hip hop star? Let me let you in on a secret... YOU AREN’T A BALLER. You can’t make it rain in the club. It is not cute to have 3, 4, 5 baby mommas. It is NOT your fucking job to populate the ghetto. You have no job, you don’t take care of your kids, you have no education and I AM SICK OF IT.
All these other people like to coddle. That is not my deal. I am not coddling anyone. There seems to be an expectation that you can do whatever the fuck you want and because we are both Black, I have to say, “ok Ray Ray (or Shaquana), I know you have it rough, so go on, do you.” Um, hell no. We all have it rough. Do you think that I want to get up and go to work every day? Making money for someone else? Do you think that I like the fact that I have SEVERAL degrees- including graduate degrees and I don’t get paid NEARLY enough? You think I like struggling after I have done everything I was supposed to do? NO, but that is life. The one thing I will always do is take care of business. If that means I have to sacrifice a couple of years and work my ass off for someone else, that is what I am going to do. That also means that if I am not MARRIED, I am not having any children. (Oh, be mad bitches—I don’t care.)That means that I don’t commit felonies; I don’t kill people over turf, I don’t sell drugs and I DO NOT pass on bad behaviors to the children around me. What the fuck happened to being a positive example? Y’all make me sick. The ones doing the bad shit and the people that let them get away with it—all y’all.
When will we learn that until WE expect more out of ourselves, no one else is going to expect more from us/help us/love us?? When will we learn that WE have to hold one another accountable?? Guess what? When we don’t hold each other accountable, we become the JOKES that everyone thinks we are. We become the stereotype. We become the 21st century jig-a-boos. Shame. A fucking shame.

Soulful Saturday - TLC

As I review these videos, it is abundantly clear that I had NO clue what these songs were about in the early 90s. Holy Crap. Oh Well-- TLC is a 90s girl group at its finest. Bright colors, condom wearing, pants sagging. Ooooooooh, on the TLC tip!! :)**I have purposely left off two of their biggest hits (What About Your Friends and No Scrubs) so don't email me and complain-- crazies! :)

Ain't Too Proud to Beg



Creep



Baby, Baby, Baby



Unpretty



Waterfalls



Red Light Special

Fed Up Friday

This week has been... caught on tape! Some people's actions are so questionable, that honestly, if I didn't see it with my own eyes, I would not believe that there were people alive that were THAT dumb. Like the following:



Really? Kids cage fighting? What year is this? 2011, right? Why do these parents still have these kids in their homes? Now, hey, you want to do MMA, once you are the age of majority-- cool. I have no issue with that. But a sold out crowd to see two 8 year olds fight in a cage, with ring girls and alcohol? Yeah- I definitely have a problem with that.



Because the Republicans ALWAYS keep it classy. WTF?!?! If someone VOLUNTEERS their LIFE to defend our country, I am pretty sure that assholes should not boo them. And just so you know, Rick Santorum, the tragic thing here is that you can let some bullshit like "Keep it to yourself" come out of your mouth. DADT was undermining the ability for the people who go to foreign lands and put their lives on the line to be themselves and lead the lives that they should be able to. And, I'm just going to throw this out there-- how much does anyone want to bet that one of those fuckheads on that stage has some tawdry sex secret that they are hiding right now? That is a bet I'd take.



I am going to be honest: I don't care for Jesse or Karen Lewis. The kids of Chicago Public School system DESERVE a longer school day. We have the shortest school day in the WHOLE country. We also have a very low graduation rate, and children have way more time to get into trouble and become deliquents. Karen Lewis has fought this longer school day with all that she has and it wasn't until Rahm checked her ass that she started to fall in line. Maybe with a longer school day, CPS can aid in getting more children interested in college and less interested in street life?



Wow-- kids can't even go to school anymore... Just so everyone knows- this prep school boasts a 100% graduation rate and 100% college acceptance rate. 100% Leave those kids alone.

Fed Up Friday would not be complete without me saying that I am also fed up with disrespectful people, time wasters, people who don't pick up after their dogs in the park, people who stare- for no apparent reason, and people who email you seven times to see if you have time to talk. Um, if I didn't answer you the first 6 times you sent an email, I probably don't want to talk to you. I feel better!! :) I hope everyone has a fabulous weekend.

Wordless Wednesday -- Fall Romance

Soulful Saturday - The Remakes

There is a song, ok there are several songs that are remade every year. None as good as the originals- in my honest opinion. (With the exception of Jennifer Hudson with "And I'm Telling You"-- that chick SUNG that song.) So below are are some originals and some remakes of some of the best songs on my extensive list! ;) Happy Saturday!

As We Lay-- Shirley Murdock



As We Lay-- Kelly Price



Nothing Compare to you-- Prince
*He is the original composer and gave this song to Sinead... thank God he decided to record it!!



Nothing Compares To You-- Sinead O'Connor



Feeling Good-- Nina Simone
**So MUCH better than JHud. She should have stopped when she was ahead... Yay Nina!!



Feeling Good-- Jennifer Hudson



Somewhere Over the Rainbow-- Judy Garland
**There is no better version, so I'm not going to post anyone after Judy! She rocked! :)

Just a Taste Tuesday

I Can Make It Better

Key Lyrics:

*Whatever you're going through
I can make it better
No one should be making you feel like you do
I can make it better
Don't be a link in his chain
Tell him you want to be free, you want to love me
Don't let him get in the way

*For every one time that he gives you pleasure
Ten times he makes you wanna cry

It's time for the question baby
What has he done for you lately

*Better for you is better for me
Let's fall in love, I'll make you see
Better for you is better for me, baby
Let's fall in love, I'll make you, I'll make you see

Never again will you hear a lie
Never again will you wanna cry
never, oh no, will there be a tear drop in your eye
Stop all this madness in the name of love
Tell him to leave cuz enough is enough
Let him go baby, save your love for me
Tell him you've found somebody
Who'll give you the love that you just won't believe

~~So Essentially, the whole song~~

A Decade of Sorrow

Today is September 11. This date is etched in the minds of all Americans old enough to realize that the life we had a decade ago will never resurface in the same way again. I've written about the sorrow and the pain that we all undoubtedly felt as we watched the twin towers crumble, along with our faith in mankind a decade ago. I've written about my feelings, what I was doing, and that fact that I, like most of my peers, will never forget exactly what I was doing on that fateful day. As I watched a morning full of tribute shows, interviews with military strategists, family members of those who perished and children who were born on the now most infamous day in recent American history, I knew that this year's September 11 post would be different.

This year, I am still sad... of course. I am still praying for the family members that were left to put the pieces back together. I still feel pain when I see the accident site in Pennsylvania, when I look at the memorials at the Pentagon and Ground Zero. A decade later, it is still upsetting to see the playback of smoke billowing from both towers, faces covered in ash, people running for their lives down the streets of New York City, photos of posters of family members that would never be seen again. Even a toughy like me has problems processing that kind of hurt. But, my question this year is: we know what happened a decade ago... what have you done in the last decade?

So many times we allow years to just fly by. We graduate from college, get jobs and get stuck in a routine. A routine where we breathe but don't live. Do you know what I mean? We do responsible things like pay bills, go to work, etc. Those things are necessary and commendable but don't always allow for us to be passionate. Don't allow for us to make spur of the moment plans, or do what we really love- even if it is just on the weekends. Routines allow for us to stay in positions that may be stifling (read: jobs, relationships, etc.) That should change!

I don't know why someone would have enough hate in their lives to orchestrate something like those terrorist attacks. I am not sure what would ever motivate a person to commit suicide in order to punish/kill people that they don't even know. I don't know why anyone would feel the need to kill someone that has never done wrong to them. The one thing that I do know from September 11, 2001 is that you never know what could happen. You never know when your end is coming. So you should live the best life you can every day. You like photography? Take some classes, or get outside and take pictures. You want to travel-- do it! You want to go back to school? Do that. Love with all your heart; say everything that you really believe; tell all the people that you love how you feel-- not just on birthdays, or anniversaries-- every day. We should all have a sense of urgency. Life is so short and we should do everything that we are passionate about before our candles of life are blown out. Live the dreams that you have. Love people. Do not become complacent-- we are all here for a reason, therefore, we all have work to do. Get after it.