Year 45, Day 1

 Starting off the year right, I think. Last week I had what could only be considered a "get your shit together" meeting with myself and decided a few things. Every New Year we all swear that we are going to be better, finally sit down and do that project we have been dragging our feet on, have better control of our finances, and (the big one) eat better/lose weight/work out more. And I do that every year on my birthday. Sincerely, I think I am the best procrastinator around. I know of three projects in my house, right now, that have been on my to do list for years. YEARS. 

Well, if ever there was a year to get my shit together, here it is. Forty-five. What better time to do something you have wanted/needed to do than right now? I think that it will help clear my cloudy ass mind, and if I am being totally honest, I could put the brain space to better use. One of the projects that I have decided needed to be resurrected this year is this... my blog. Life has come at us all exceedingly fast these last few years and I, like most of us, have gone with the flow, done what was absolutely necessary... and not much else. I have definitely gotten away from the simple joys in life- one of which is making time to type out my feelings and opinions for everyone to see and disagree with. 

I can't remember what movie it was but there was a scene when one of the characters said something along the lines of "if you wake up and want to write... you's a writer" and that is me. Every day I have little snippets of things I would write "if I only had time." Well, in year 45, I am making time. Every day, even if it is just before midnight (ahem) or if it is only three sentences. If I am able, I will write... decision number one. Not too shabby for an old lady, huh?

New Year Resolutions

Here we are, eleven days into the new year and here I am, finally sharing my resolutions with y'all. My bad. Generally, I do try to stay on top of posts and stuff, but 1. I don't really DO resolutions and 2. I have been a little busy with this fast growing, spunky infant. So as I sit here, in the dark, trying not to type too hard (so I don't wake the aforementioned spunky infant) telling y'all what I hope will happen in 2017... ok, what I will work toward in 2017. 

I have five outstanding goals for 2017. They aren't in any particular order because by December 31, I want all of them to be done! I know that these will be challenging and I can do challenging. Challenging is not impossible-- and I am sure that I will remind myself of that every freaking day of the year... while drinking tons of coffee and daydreaming about getting a massage. So without further adieu-- here are my five "resolutions" for the next 354 days.

1. Write More. Ok, let me tell you that goal number one, two and three could be one, but I am separating them. This year I want to write more. Last week was my 11 year anniversary for this blog and last year (understandably) blogging was not necessarily a priority. I do want to make writing a priority though, because it is definitely a stress reliever for me... and I have been told that I am ok at it! I have this blog, a "mommy" blog and will be restarting a doggie blog-- and I want all three of them to thrive. I want to stick to a posting schedule (Wednesday and Friday) and get back into the groove. 

2. Carve Out A Little More Me Time. It is hard to take me time when you have a small human crawling around, but I know that I need it. These last 9 months (9 months ALREADY) have flown by... flown by with limited sleep, limited showers and a very steep learning curve. Y'all, I wouldn't change it, but BABY there are some days that I would trade one of the dogs for a 45 minute nap. I know that I can't give Baby K or Lefty 100% if I am not 100%, so I need to set aside some time to replenish myself. A woman cannot live on coffee alone... or some shit like that, right?! That includes getting back into exercise. No secret that I turn the big 4-0 this year (or maybe it WAS a secret); bottom line, your girl needs to work out a schedule that includes her as a priority.

3. Read More. For Christmas Mama and Papa Hot, Black and Bitter got me a book by my favorite author and I tried to remember the last time I finished a good book. It had been months. Months. For me months cannot go by without reading a good book ever again. Reading has always been an escape and somehow I think that is EXACTLY what I will need during the first year of this new political regime (cue the eye roll). In 2016 I did a GoodReads challenge, which I did not even come close to finishing. Last week I started a new challenge on GoodReads-- 60 books for the 2017. Years ago 60 books would have been a drop in the bucket... I hope to be able to finish and document these 60 books, whatever they may be.

4. Document Daily Life More. This is actually for Baby K. I don't really do pictures (of myself). I remember lots of funny stuff that has happened... but I want to make sure that I have life documented in some other way. Something a little more tangible... because this memory ain't what it used to be! So, I will probably be doing some instagram challenges or something like that-- something to guarantee that I will post every day. Combine that with number 1 and that is a whole lotta me in 2017. Let me add, with more documentation of daily life I will be forced to clean up my social media contacts-- friends, family and acquaintances will be re-evaluated.

5. Redo Three Rooms in the Hot, Black and Bitter Palace. This will make Lefty happy. I would like to finish (from curtain rods to flooring) three rooms in our house. I think that now is the time to redo some shit, since Baby K is making baby proofing necessary. Ok, really I am just looking for a reason to tear up and fix some shit. I spend a lot of time here-- time for me to hang a picture or two. 

So, how are y'all doing with your resolutions? Almost two weeks in... is there anything that you have already given up on?

Fed Up Friday - Mental Health Check Up

Can we have a talk about mental health? I mean, like, a real conversation about mental illness. Not some surface "Oh, it happens to other people" type talk. And definitely not one of those "I don't know anyone with a mental illness" talk. Because you do. You DO know someone who suffers from a mental illness.

I can only write about what I know-- and what I have seen in the Black community is that we, as a whole, pretend that mental illness doesn't affect us. So, if we have an uncle that is depressed, we never say that is what it is. We say shit like "Aye, he has never really bounced back from ___" and let it be that. If we have a schizophrenic brother, we say shit like "that is just how he is," never acknowledging that he could pose a danger to himself or others. We don't talk about suicide attempts, PTSD, Down's Syndrome, Bipolar Disorder, etc. Nothing that makes us look like we are weak. Nothing that makes it easier for others to point out our faults. We admit nothing. Or if we do acknowledge that there may be a problem, we try to pray it away. Prayers with no other action. Honestly, it is sad. 

There are men and women in our community that we are doing a complete disservice by continuously pretending that whatever issues they may struggle with don't exist. They do. These illnesses are real. By denying the existence of these illnesses we allow the stigma to continue; we allow a cancer to continue to grow, unchecked; we allow some of these illnesses to continue to be passed from parent to child, awarding our silence with more illness. All because we don't want other people to perceive us as weak. But when DO we talk about it? When does that time come? When do we start to pair all these prayers up with some action that will help ourselves? 

Let me tell you when we will finally say something... when someone dies or does something harmful. Then we are willing to talk about *possible* issues. Let's look at the present state of Bobbi Kristina Brown. For the longest time we have said nothing about what the death of her mother may have done to her, right? We didn't say anything when she came out and said that she want to marry her "brother" Nick Gordon. We didn't say anything when her appearance started to change. But now-- now that she is in the hospital, possibly still in a coma, now we want to come to the conclusion that maybe, just maybe she has been depressed. It isn't just the Black community, but America in general. Remember when Robin Williams died? Ernest Hemingway, his granddaughter Margot Hemingway, Dorian Gray,  Lee Thompson Young, Simone Battle, Kurt Cobain, Freddie Prinze (the dad, not the son), Phyllis Hyman, Carroll O'Connor's son Hugh... the list goes on and on. We actively ignore people's problems, problems that are noticeable, until we no longer can. At that point it is also too late to help. 

We need to sit down and have an honest conversation about mental illness in our communities. We need some innovative thinking to help those suffering. We need to make that help available, without any stigma attached. We need to make sure that we aren't just trying to "pray the crazy away," but instead we pair our prayers with love and WORK towards a plan that will help those in need. We need to insist that our brothers, sisters, cousins, grandparents get help... before it is too late.

**Suicide Prevention Hotline 1.800.273.8255; Boy's Town National Hotline 1.800.443.3000; Mental Health America 1.800.969.6642**

Soulful Saturday - Happy New Year, Go Get It!

HAPPY NEW YEAR...

I want to start out this new year with an inspirational Soulful Saturday. I know this is the time of resolutions, new beginnings, renewal; time for people to start over. I'll meet that time with my own bit of musical inspiration for you. I'm not big on gospel music. I mean, I have a few favorites, but generally, I leave gospel music on the shelf with country and rap. I call that shelf the 'um, no' shelf.

However, I freaking LOVE this song! Can you say that you freaking love a gospel song? Is that kosher? Eh, either way, Mary Mary lights my whole day on FIRE when I hear them sing this song. I put the lyrics below so you can read along. It is more than a few months old, but who cares? It fits with starting anew and is totally going to be one of my anthems this year. 2013 is not ready for me (or you either...) Go after what you want! Light a fire under your own ass! WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR?!?!?! Go Get It!!


 

Lyrics

It's like you're looking through a telescope/ you see where you gonna be
Growing, getting better/ you're not the person they see
Can't be mad at the things you been through/ cuz they built your muscle
Now you're stronger than you've ever been/ they can't stop your hustle

Your Faith ain't never small/ that's what brought you this far 
See you got your dreams and you got your prayers
and you got Your God he gone take you there
See everybody has a season and I believe this one's yours
Cuz you been workin, waitin, this what you been prayin for 

Go get it, Go Get it, Go get it, Go get it, Go get it Go get your blessing
Go get it, Go get it, Go get it, Go get it, Go get it, Go get it
It's your time, it's your time, it's your time, it's your time

You were made to live a good life and that's what I believe
So hit the floor, say a prayer start working/ you got to do something
It's alright to crawl before you walk, it's alright to walk before you run
But if you wanna get what you never got, gotta do something that you never done 

[Repeat Chorus]

You've been qualified
With his mercy, multiplied
You cannot be denied
Cuz you're finally certified
It's official
Go ahead and testify
He's gonna bless you
You gonna bless him
Now God be glorified

Weekend Recap and New Year's Resolutions

This picture is what I was greeted with early Sunday morning as I helped PAWS Chicago take care of their charity runners at the 2011 Chicago marathon. It was an early (early) morning and a very long day, but totally worth it. Sunday brought me to one conclusion: it is time to start crossing more things off my bucket list... SO... next year: I AM RUNNING THE CHICAGO MARATHON! It is on! I'm going to be a charity runner for sure, and I will be running other races between now and then.
I've put it in writing, so it has to happen. Happy Monday!

New Year List

As I surf the blogs that I occasionally read, I am running across everyone's list of the cool, good for you things that everyone is going to be doing this year. A whole "New Year, New You" movement is happening, and I believe that in two weeks, most people will return to the bad behavior of 2010. So, while we are all in the "Happy New Year" mode, I figured that I would get my list up too. Here at HB&B, my list is going to be a little different. Instead of writing about all the good things that I am going to do (I don't share those things), I am making a list of all the things that I am leaving (gratefully) in 2010. If any of these things apply to you... take it personally!

The first thing I am leaving in 2010 is negative people. I don't need your negative juices in my tornado of craziness. Everyone has a bad day or two. I have had them and I have listened to my friends during theirs, BUT I am not inviting Debbie Downer into my inner circle ever again. You need to talk? Get a therapist. If you aren't paying me by the hour to lie on my couch and vent your issues- shut the hell up.

People who are holier than thou. Dude, if you are concerned about my behavior or the behavior of my friends, tell Jesus about it. Leave me out of it. You think I am arrogant and wrong? Pray for yourself. But do NOT, I repeat, do NOT come at me with some shit like you are better than me, I'm going to hell, Christ is the only way, etc. Let's not be confused: I am a Christian. But I am not of the mindset that puts down the religion or lifestyles of others. Religion is a very personal journey and no one should judge someone else's footsteps. Everyone in the world is not a Christian. Everyone in the world does not believe what you believe. If you put down or judge others, I don't believe what you believe. Neither judging nor damning people to hell is your job, so keep your opinions to yourself. Be an example of love and grace, not a judge. And if you think that I am going to hell... just remember that you *might* be in the seat next to me.

Ignorance is Bliss People. You want to close your eyes to a blatant situation? Um, ok. You want to stick your head in the proverbial sand? Go ahead, just don't involve me. You tell me a situation, I give you an solution. You ignore said solution= we don't talk about it again. I don't care what BS you have swallowed that allows you to think your situation has changed, it hasn't and I don't want to hear about it anymore. You obviously want the drama because you keep letting it in your life and I don't have time for it. Any questions, please read the first thing that I am leaving in 2010.

People who can't or won't spell things correctly. We all know of my Twitter addiction, right? Add Facebook and a few other social media avenues and you are figuring out how much time I actually spend online or tied to my iPhone. I'll admit that it is obsessive. What would change that? If all people typed like this: "But dey cuss alot n dat family, n he needed summo licks Fa fake murders." WTF?!?!? That is a direct quote from someone's Facebook page comment. Are you kidding me? Zac Efron was a trending topic on Twitter today... and his last name was spelled Effron. I mean, damn- type his name in Google and it will actually ask you "Do you mean Zac Efron?" AND spell check is on every computer, as far as I know. Get it together.

Married men hitting on me. *sigh* The older I get, the more frequently this happens. I went out with friends on a couple of occasions and married men were bold enough to hit on me with wedding rings IN SIGHT. And I am not talking about simple flirting, like you are a nice looking young lady. I am talking about: "let me take you out; I want to sleep with you; I am married but she doesn't have to know." Dude, really? I'm good with you. Take the money you would spend on our date and buy something nice for your wife. What the hell do I look like?! Do I have "only hit on me if you are a pathetic cheater" written on my forehead? I deserve 100% of any man's attention and I don't share with anyone- especially wives.


Anyone who find themselves on THIS list. Enough said.

Turning a blind eye to substandard anything. This includes friends, work, and my personal life. I am done trying to fix shit. Have it fixed before you bring it to me. I am done trying to fix men- identify your problems and be upfront about them before you get here. I am not Mary Poppins. I don't have a magic wand that is going to fix everything, but I do have a functioning "this is crap" meter. Anytime the meter goes off, I will discard whatever (or whomever) and start over again. If that means that acquaintances will cry... get those tears ready. If that means longer hours at work, I'm ready. If that means dateless nights, a new mate, a new social life... a new(er) me, that is what will happen. I will shine in 2011!