A Season of Loss

 I don't think that I need to tell anyone that these last few years we have all suffered a season of colossal loss. Now listen, I am operating from the fact that covid is a real thing and millions of people have died from complications with this disease- if you are not operating from that starting point, this post is not for you (And nope I will not be taking any questions on that.) I have been to more funerals than I care to count- in person, and on Zoom- over the last 2 and a half years. Some of my friends have lost parents and/or grandparents, I have lost cousins, mentors, community visionaries, family friends and pets. Shit's been rough.

I think that whenever someone loses someone in their circle, they lose a part of their heart. Some of us are out here with hearts that look like Swiss cheese, y'all. Lives are being turned upside down, some of these hearts will never be healed. Some mental health challenges began in March of 2020 and continue today. Some of us will never be the same. Some of us will have a season of loss that we will never bounce back from. Be kind to all you encounter. 

Weekend Life

 

Grief, Part I

 

Low Battery

 Today I got a notification on my phone that reminded me that my Fitbit battery is low. If that ain't a reflection of life since March 2020, I don't know what is. Uh, my every day life battery is low. And listen, my every day situation looks very different than most folks- I'll be the first to admit that- but it is still exhausting. There are days, like today, where I spend the day doing task after task... no end in sight. That will be every day for the foreseeable future, so I guess I should just get ready for the rest of the year to just be checking shit off a mile long to-do list. Deep breath. I'm going to need a massage package. 

Year 45, Day 1

 Starting off the year right, I think. Last week I had what could only be considered a "get your shit together" meeting with myself and decided a few things. Every New Year we all swear that we are going to be better, finally sit down and do that project we have been dragging our feet on, have better control of our finances, and (the big one) eat better/lose weight/work out more. And I do that every year on my birthday. Sincerely, I think I am the best procrastinator around. I know of three projects in my house, right now, that have been on my to do list for years. YEARS. 

Well, if ever there was a year to get my shit together, here it is. Forty-five. What better time to do something you have wanted/needed to do than right now? I think that it will help clear my cloudy ass mind, and if I am being totally honest, I could put the brain space to better use. One of the projects that I have decided needed to be resurrected this year is this... my blog. Life has come at us all exceedingly fast these last few years and I, like most of us, have gone with the flow, done what was absolutely necessary... and not much else. I have definitely gotten away from the simple joys in life- one of which is making time to type out my feelings and opinions for everyone to see and disagree with. 

I can't remember what movie it was but there was a scene when one of the characters said something along the lines of "if you wake up and want to write... you's a writer" and that is me. Every day I have little snippets of things I would write "if I only had time." Well, in year 45, I am making time. Every day, even if it is just before midnight (ahem) or if it is only three sentences. If I am able, I will write... decision number one. Not too shabby for an old lady, huh?

Birthday Shenanigans

 Today at 6:03pm, I celebrated 45 years of living. I remember when I thought that forty five was so old... because I thought that very thing last week. Life is so surreal sometimes. I can close my eyes and see myself in high school and college, only to open my eyes and see my daughter and husband. I swear it seems like yesterday I was graduating from college with the body of a track runner and now here I am,  mid forties with a mom body and an extensive collection of leggings. 

To say that my life is not what I imagined at the age of 22 is the understatement of this century, but there is still a certain joy in living a life that was unimaginable to you a couple of decades ago. It isn't ALWAYS bad to not follow the path you have laid out in your mind. All the twists and turns, elations and disappointments, failure and triumphs have led me here. And HERE is kinda cool. Happy Birthday to me. To celebrate here is the song that was number one on the charts a few weeks after I was born (and who doesn't love some Bee Gees?)