Birthday Shenanigans

 Today at 6:03pm, I celebrated 45 years of living. I remember when I thought that forty five was so old... because I thought that very thing last week. Life is so surreal sometimes. I can close my eyes and see myself in high school and college, only to open my eyes and see my daughter and husband. I swear it seems like yesterday I was graduating from college with the body of a track runner and now here I am,  mid forties with a mom body and an extensive collection of leggings. 

To say that my life is not what I imagined at the age of 22 is the understatement of this century, but there is still a certain joy in living a life that was unimaginable to you a couple of decades ago. It isn't ALWAYS bad to not follow the path you have laid out in your mind. All the twists and turns, elations and disappointments, failure and triumphs have led me here. And HERE is kinda cool. Happy Birthday to me. To celebrate here is the song that was number one on the charts a few weeks after I was born (and who doesn't love some Bee Gees?)

She Will Know Her Power

"Red And Yellow Dance" found here

It has been five days. I am assuming that the leadership of my former school, having been silent so far, is circling the wagons and coming up with some talking points about my last blog entry. While they make plans, let me clarify a few things:


1. Before the argument makes the rounds, my beef with the school is NOT personal and I am not an angry Black woman/former Board member. If that were the case, I would have a. Reported the misdeeds in June when they happened; b. I would have named names; and c. I would have mentioned the actual “personal” story that happened when my husband and I were attempting to enroll our daughter at the school. I did none of those things. The Alumnae Board has (or had) bylaws. These bylaws were available to everyone, in fact, last I looked they are on the school’s main website. One of the new co-presidents of the Alumnae Board disregarded the bylaws and stole a leadership position. And she was allowed to do that by school leadership. That is what happened. Those are the facts. In June, when this was happening, I strongly opposed this and my opinion was dismissed. I sent my resignation letter, including alternative proposals, to the entire Board and school leadership-- so they have KNOWN exactly where I stood. For four months. And they have said and done nothing.

As for the “angry Black woman” situation- I have been a part of this small society since eighth grade. I know that when I disagree with the status quo, someone is going to say that I am just angry and somehow my actions are making people feel uncomfortable or anxious. Or my reaction is detrimental to our "community." To that I say: if my sitting at the table and calling you out on your noted racial and/or socioeconomic inequality makes you anxious or hurts your feelings… enjoy that anxiety, because I am not going anywhere.

2. The fallout from my blog post is that a lot of ladies now feel comfortable sharing their stories and their experiences- good and bad. And I am happy about that. There is no way that the school will pretend to, I mean, embark on fixing its strained relationship with some of their alumnae if we don’t band together and MAKE THEM SEE US. I spent five years highlighting the good experiences of our classmates while I was on the Board. Just like the good, our bad experiences should be dealt with swiftly and in public. If the school has wronged you as an alumnae, they should be brought to task about that. I will gladly be the face of a movement towards the school making amends. They need to and we need to demand that they do so, immediately.

3. I will remain transparent in what I want from the school. I want an apology from them, specifically from the woman who stole her position on the Board and the two women in charge who allowed her to do it. I want some guarantees that set in stone rules will not be broken again. I want to see more diversity (racial and socioeconomic) in charge of alumnae relations and (eventually) I want to speak with the school about the situation that took place concerning my daughter. Essentially, I want the school to show some of that “good behavior” that they supposedly instilled in us when we were students there. I have said and will continue to say- they need to work better with alumnae. And the school cannot work well with us if they continue to treat us like shit AND we allow them to get away with it.

4. As a reread my first post, I know that it seemed as if I was out on a limb by myself, like EVERY Board member left me in the wind. That is not true. I had four ladies who vocally opposed the coup that the school allowed. I appreciate them more than they know. There are ladies who stood up against this. There are ladies who know that this is wrong and said so. I am not the only person who left the Board. There ARE women who have enough backbone to stand up against this bullshit being shoveled in our direction. Some of those ladies are speaking their truth now. Listen: as a feminist I really believe that ALL women bring something to the table. We gain nothing by being bitchy or excluding people. You cannot feed the needs of your people (in this case alumnae of a private school) if only a portion of your people are represented. If that portion is almost solely rich, White women, you stand to alienate an ever growing number of people in your community. If you allow your representatives to come in and do whatever they want, rules be damned, because they can write you a big check, you will alienate (and infuriate) your base. If you teach young women to speak up when they see some wrongs… be ready to be brought to task about the wrong shit you do. I will not go away. I will not let this bad behavior continue. I will not be silenced.

Tattoo Frenzy

Things have been crazy lately. I have taken a break from writing because 1- it is summertime, and if you live in the Midwest, the summer is meant to be enjoyed! 2- I have found that I have been so ANGRY about news stories that are happening AND people's response to them. I'm still shaking my head at some of y'all. 3- As you all know, I am planning a party... and a wedding.

So, I have plenty that I have written drafts about, but haven't posted (for my own sanity, I think). And so here I am. Life has been fantastic though. The factory has been shut down for a week (happens twice a year), so Lefty and I have been able to do SOME things around the house, some things that needed to be done (like my crazy car tune up) and some things that we wanted to do (finally!) One of the things that we wanted to get done was... tattoos! What?!?! That is correct we have gone to the dark side of body art (ok, ok, I was already a card carrying member, but today, I got Lefty to join me!)

Lefty had a specific reason and vision for his tattoo. Last October Lefty lost his younger brother. I didn't write about it (and I don't think I will today, either-- Lefty has written about it and talks about it, and I listen) but suffice it to say EVERYone was sad, it was rough for everyone involved and Lefty was looking for a way to honor his brother in an everlasting kind of way. When my grandmother passed away in 1999, I got a tattoo. It reminds me of her every day and when I look at it I remember all the funny, great conversations that we had. It makes me smile. And now Lefty has something that will remind him of his brother; something to make him smile. Maybe I can get him to write a blog entry about its meaning? (hint, hint Lefty) Until then, here is the finished product:

Yep... super cute!!   :) He was such a trooper. This is his first tattoo and he didn't even cry! Trooper. Me? I didn't cry either. Really, this is my fourth tattoo and I got white ink, so I would deserve to be slapped if I cried for a tattoo that lasted 5 minutes. It turned out GREAT. It is simple and clean and I love it!! I took this pic by Mac Book light... hahahaha! 

And, no... I swear that I did NOT get white ink because Lefty is white (though we joked about that in the tattoo parlor) and he did not get black ink because I'm black. We are so inappropriate to laugh about that possibility... but it was super funny to us. 

Also, I just want to say that Alison at Short North Tattoo was AWESOME. Lefty told her what he wanted and she put that into a drawing that was EXACTLY what he wanted. She broke in my newbie so gracefully and I appreciate it SO much. If I had a rating system (wait, I should TOTALLY make up my own rating system...) she would get 5/5 of whatever I was giving. Oh YES... she gets 5 coffee cups. Out of 5. AKA she is the cat's meow!  

Fed Up Friday - Cheaters at Work

So, it has been a while since I have posted a Fed Up Friday. Not that I haven't been fed up... I have. There has just been limited time to post AND by the time I get off work on Friday, it is technically Saturday. Fed Up Saturday just doesn't have the same ring to it, now does it?

This Friday we are gonna talk about cheaters. Before I go to work to look at all the cheaters. Listen... there is so much cheating going on at work that I am anticipating seeing the camera crew from the show 'Cheaters' in the parking lot after work. I'm not kidding. Married people seem to forget their vows at the entrance. It is crazy.

Now listen- I don't care who is doing what, with whom or where, but there are a few comments I want to make.

1- if you have small children at home (let's say 3 and under) and you are still living with their mother... and you find it necessary to have a mistress at work, you are a douchebag. If you have a WIFE at home and are currently fucking some stupid, ugly chick who works on the other side of the plant, you are an even bigger douchebag. Here is my issue: we are all grown ups. If you want to end a relationship and start another one, please do that. All it takes is a conversation. It should go something like this "hey honey- I am not really feeling "us" anymore and think that both of us should move on." It takes all of two minutes. I mean, if you are cheating already, you clearly don't care about that person's feelings so it isn't like it needs to be a long conversation, right? You give this courtesy conversation so that the other person has a chance to weigh the situation with all the facts in hand. It really is the least that you could do. Really.

2- if you feel like you HAVE to cheat,  let's all agree that the parking lot at work is NOT the place to have sex. Really. Should I even have to type that out? Two adults, both with well paying jobs... the parking lot should not even be an option. If you can't find a more suitable place then you PROBABLY shouldn't be doing whatever it is that you are doing. We are not teenagers, y'all. Find a bed, in a house or a hotel. For all our sakes. Your back will thank you... we aren't getting any younger. Plus, all of your coworkers think you're stupid sluts. Because you are.

3- if you are cheating, do not ask a newly engaged person for advice. I don't want to know what your issues are. I really don't care. In any case, no matter how persuasive you think your argument is, I am going to refer to #1. If you continue to tell me your story, I may end up telling your spouse. Because I am totally THAT type of bitch. I really think that you deserve all that you receive if you suffer from "I am sparing you feelings by NOT being honest" syndrome. Man up, asshole.

4- If you are the other woman in these "relationships" you need to be slapped. I have no special feelings for you, especially if you go into a relationship KNOWING that the man is married/taken. Hey- I am not one that is full blown, all out for the sisterhood. Most of y'all I can honestly do without, however, I have been the one that is cheated on- most of us have. And all those hurt feelings could have been avoided. It is unnecessary and not smart to be the other woman, because one day YOU will be the one at home while he is fucking that new chick in the parking lot. Also, you might need a quick check of the old self esteem if you are ok with banging some dick in the parking lot of your place of employment. I'm just saying... it doesn't say much about you. Hmmm, or maybe it does.

Let's all remember: nothing leads to you getting your ass handed to you faster than sleeping with the wrong person's significant other. Keep it in your pants!!