She Will Know Her Power

"Red And Yellow Dance" found here

It has been five days. I am assuming that the leadership of my former school, having been silent so far, is circling the wagons and coming up with some talking points about my last blog entry. While they make plans, let me clarify a few things:


1. Before the argument makes the rounds, my beef with the school is NOT personal and I am not an angry Black woman/former Board member. If that were the case, I would have a. Reported the misdeeds in June when they happened; b. I would have named names; and c. I would have mentioned the actual “personal” story that happened when my husband and I were attempting to enroll our daughter at the school. I did none of those things. The Alumnae Board has (or had) bylaws. These bylaws were available to everyone, in fact, last I looked they are on the school’s main website. One of the new co-presidents of the Alumnae Board disregarded the bylaws and stole a leadership position. And she was allowed to do that by school leadership. That is what happened. Those are the facts. In June, when this was happening, I strongly opposed this and my opinion was dismissed. I sent my resignation letter, including alternative proposals, to the entire Board and school leadership-- so they have KNOWN exactly where I stood. For four months. And they have said and done nothing.

As for the “angry Black woman” situation- I have been a part of this small society since eighth grade. I know that when I disagree with the status quo, someone is going to say that I am just angry and somehow my actions are making people feel uncomfortable or anxious. Or my reaction is detrimental to our "community." To that I say: if my sitting at the table and calling you out on your noted racial and/or socioeconomic inequality makes you anxious or hurts your feelings… enjoy that anxiety, because I am not going anywhere.

2. The fallout from my blog post is that a lot of ladies now feel comfortable sharing their stories and their experiences- good and bad. And I am happy about that. There is no way that the school will pretend to, I mean, embark on fixing its strained relationship with some of their alumnae if we don’t band together and MAKE THEM SEE US. I spent five years highlighting the good experiences of our classmates while I was on the Board. Just like the good, our bad experiences should be dealt with swiftly and in public. If the school has wronged you as an alumnae, they should be brought to task about that. I will gladly be the face of a movement towards the school making amends. They need to and we need to demand that they do so, immediately.

3. I will remain transparent in what I want from the school. I want an apology from them, specifically from the woman who stole her position on the Board and the two women in charge who allowed her to do it. I want some guarantees that set in stone rules will not be broken again. I want to see more diversity (racial and socioeconomic) in charge of alumnae relations and (eventually) I want to speak with the school about the situation that took place concerning my daughter. Essentially, I want the school to show some of that “good behavior” that they supposedly instilled in us when we were students there. I have said and will continue to say- they need to work better with alumnae. And the school cannot work well with us if they continue to treat us like shit AND we allow them to get away with it.

4. As a reread my first post, I know that it seemed as if I was out on a limb by myself, like EVERY Board member left me in the wind. That is not true. I had four ladies who vocally opposed the coup that the school allowed. I appreciate them more than they know. There are ladies who stood up against this. There are ladies who know that this is wrong and said so. I am not the only person who left the Board. There ARE women who have enough backbone to stand up against this bullshit being shoveled in our direction. Some of those ladies are speaking their truth now. Listen: as a feminist I really believe that ALL women bring something to the table. We gain nothing by being bitchy or excluding people. You cannot feed the needs of your people (in this case alumnae of a private school) if only a portion of your people are represented. If that portion is almost solely rich, White women, you stand to alienate an ever growing number of people in your community. If you allow your representatives to come in and do whatever they want, rules be damned, because they can write you a big check, you will alienate (and infuriate) your base. If you teach young women to speak up when they see some wrongs… be ready to be brought to task about the wrong shit you do. I will not go away. I will not let this bad behavior continue. I will not be silenced.

Could I Be A Republican??

Nope, you didn't read the title wrong. Well, not exactly. I guess I should explain. Whoa-- that is never good... explaining at the beginning? Eek. Ah, well, I mean, how bad could it be? :)

So, a couple days ago, Papa Hot, Black and Bitter were having a hushed telephone call. Hushed because Lefty works second shift and Papa HBB has this thing about calling me in the morning. I think that he just misses me most out of all the kids, so YAY!! Anyway, we were having a hushed conversation about politics. The more I think about our conversation, the more I think that if someone met me, they would assume that I would lean towards the right.

The largest portion of our conversation was about the responsibilities of members of society. What we are supposed to do for our households, our community, and our friends. Clearly not a shocker that my dad and I came up with the same idea on what someone's responsibilities are-- I mean, he taught me responsibility, so of course we would both think that, as members of a civilized society, it is our responsibility to be productive AND to help others. There we were, two *slightly* reformed heathens, talking about how we should help others prosper, because the Bible tells us so. We were a Sunday School song. In real life.

Seriously, we talked about "Christians" that we know that refuse to help people looking for job-- even if they know of job openings. Those who are content to let others suffer, living from paycheck to paycheck, when they KNOW how people can earn extra money. "Christians" who refuse to do community service if it is offered in a building that belongs to another denomination. You know the type, right? "Christians" that will talk about you on Sunday after sitting next to you at the club on Saturday. Super, super petty Sister so-and-so who comes to church with alcohol on her breath, daring you or anyone else to sit in 'her' seat. Super thirsty Brother so-and-so who will tell you what to do in your house, when his house is built on top of a sink hole. And this week-- Brother and Sister so-and-so who are praying so hard for Bobbi Kristina Brown to recover from her medically induced coma, but won't spare a dime, dollar or a good word for their neighbor. Yep, I said that.

Why did this conversation make me think I could be a Republican? Because everything that I have read lately from the Republican party says that they are the party of societal responsibility, Christian values, high moral code, God loving, Jesus fearing... Bible following... See, that sounds good... on paper.

BUT are you working towards the betterment of your fellow man? Are you just talking a good game on social media or are you backing all that talk up? Are you helping people find employment or are you one of those people who say "I have a job, you should go and get one too"? Are you doing community service-- in YOUR community or are you going to a different state or country to help people you don't know? Are you following up with the widows in your life? How about orphans? Do you volunteer for The Boys and Girls Club? Big Brothers Big Sisters? Local recreation centers? Or do you just complain about these crazy kids, walking through your yard in the summertime? Do you take people under your wing? Do you make it EASY for folks to be successful? Or do you only look good on paper?

Moral of the Story-- in theory I could make a great Republican-- on paper-- EXCEPT, I don't just talk a good game on social media, I make it happen. I know I didn't make it here by myself-- and I refuse to be a stumbling block for someone else who is trying to make it. Someone encouraged my crazy thoughts & dreams. Someone told me I could make it to college, get a job, do whatever I wanted. Someone helped me when I got laid off; when I moved to another state; when I bought a house and when I lost it. So I encourage people to do what they are passionate about. I don't look down on folks who make less money than I do. If I can do something that will help my neighbor bring in a honest check, instead of contemplating stealing my shit, I am going to help them. I help with resumes, cover letters, referrals. Because I know a good job is not going to fall in your lap. I know that sometimes things are just out of your control. I know that sometimes you just need a little help, for a little while. So, I am not a Republican, or a Democrat. I am one of those scary, slightly idealistic Independents... that does what she wants, helps the less fortunate and VOTES in every election. Be afraid, be very afraid.

Dream Deferred?

Yesterday was the 50th anniversary of the March on Washington, as I am sure that everyone knows. Pictures of Martin Luther King, Jr. along with quotes from his I Have A Dream speech made the rounds on every social media outlet that I subscribe to. Media aided in the hype (as usual). People changed their profile pictures to black and white photos from the day in question. Activists linking arms, raising their voices in one unified tone, declaring that the status quo wasn't good enough. Using one voice to say that the bare minimum was no longer acceptable. I saw those pictures and my heart jumped and fell- all in the same moment. The history nerd in me rejoiced and the realist in me looked on with sad eyes and a sorrow filled heart. Being able to look at those pictures made me so incredibly happy to see what kind of stock American people come from, yet so ridiculously upset at the static state of our society today.

I think that I have typed these words before, so the following should come as no shock: We are NOT living the dream that MLK was talking about. I am not part of the group of people who think that JUST because our President is Black we have overcome. We, as a society, are further behind than we were 50 years ago, in some aspects. Women and minorities still get paid less than white men on a regular basis. Minority children still get a substandard education when compared to the education received in primarily white neighborhoods. Racial injustices still happen daily. Gender discrimination is an every day occurrence. Rape is an EVERY day occurrence. Disenfranchisement happens in polling places AND in state legislatures in 2013. War is happening. The American public is paying with tax dollars AND the lives of our beloved soldiers EVERY day and it is not being reported in our 24 hour news streams. Our leaders are corrupt and WE are not holding them accountable for their actions. Our troops and the elderly are being bilked out of their hard earned money and being left to suffer alone- by the government and their families- in assisted living facilities. Worst of all, we do not have a promising field of minority leaders who are battle tested and ready to take their place on the front lines to fight against inequality.

That last sentence is what I believe will kill the dream altogether. People have been lulled into a false sense of security. They sign an online petition and figure that they have done their job. There is no sense of unity- everyone is too obsessed with the next new thing, new group, new iPhone. They are way too willing to talk about rap verses and not willing enough to defeat their neighborhood thugs. They are way too concerned with fast ass musicians at an awards show than helping the family down the street put food on their table. People are willing to wait in line for some limited release sneakers, but won't wait in line to register to vote. Some think that BECAUSE we have a Black President that the fight is over. It isn't. Your oppressed brothers and sisters are out there- and they need your help.

Don't let the 60s be repeated. Don't let the work and the deaths of the people who sacrificed everything be in vain. Get out and make your dream, and the dream of your neighbor, come true. We are all fighting for the same thing, right? The ability to live our lives, take care of ourselves and our families. Don't quote the I Have A Dream speech to me. Live it daily... and you will get my attention.


 

Living the Dream?

Today, facebook and twitter were full of quotes by Martin Luther King, Jr. People changed their profile pictures to that of MLK and videos of the "I have a Dream" speech were posted. I am not typing this because I was ultra inspired. I have to say, I wasn't. I feel like people get the day off (um, not me) and they just go about their regularly scheduled lives and do not do anything remotely close to celebrate the reason that they have the day off. It is kind of like Veterans Day, right. Thousands of people change their profile pics to service men and women and say thank you for your service, but no one is headed down to the VFW to participate in fundraising or anything like that. Same feeling today; I mean I heard the lip service and I know some of you just chilled on the couch all day.

So, I'm not writing this to make people feel bad, I guess that my question is plain: what will YOU do? MLK was around in a time of turmoil- people were dying and there was a war for civil rights of American citizens being waged in almost every town in America. We are alive during a time when our neighbors need help to LIVE, civil rights are being violated across the board, people are dying (we still have soldiers in Afghanistan-- for all of you about to tell me that the war is over, it is not), more than 30% of the people living below the poverty line are children, crime is up, foreclosure rates are still sky high, the number of employed Americans has (finally) started to go up, but unemployment is still at 8.5% nationwide, our government and close minded American citizens are continuing a well established war on the poor of our country, schools are falling apart, our educational system is failing our children-- the list goes on and on. So what are you going to do? Who are you going to help?

Let's be clear, dreams are so cool to have, but can't come true without work. Even the Bible says that "faith, without works, is dead." In other words, things aren't just going to happen. Dr. King's dream isn't going to come true while you are sitting on your ass watching Maury. People aren't going to judge you on your character if you are standing on the corner every day, up to no good. Dreams can't come true if all you do is write them down. We need action. We need actors. We need the fervor or the 60s to light a fire under our lazy asses. We need to get out into the community and call for discrimination to stop; call for education to be properly financed; call for Congress to do what is right for the betterment of American citizens, not the fat cat lobbyists that pay them in kickbacks. We need someone who is willing to take a chance. Is that someone you?

You know, throughout the whole Occupy Wall Street movement, my opinion was not always favorable for those in the streets, sleeping in parks and picketing, HOWEVER, I respect those people because they DID SOMETHING. They participated. They saw an injustice and were vocal about it. They made it so that corporate America would have to listen, if just for a short while, they were not ignored. We need some more people willing to stand up and say when something is not right. We need more people who are willing to put it on the line, like MLK and his contemporaries. We need some more people who aren't just going to look out for their own interests, but also for the interests of their neighbors; we need someone that will stand up and fight for what they believe in to make their dreams come true. Is that someone you? If not, why not? Get up. Get your head out of the sand. Realize that at some point if you don't look out for someone besides yourself, sooner or later, there will be no one left to look out for you. So again I ask, what are you willing to do? What steps have you taken to guide the dream into a place where it can become a reality? What children have you helped mold? (You should start with your own and move out into your community, just an FYI). Have you helped your community or are you a burden? Have you abused the rights that people fought and died for, just 40 years ago? Do you know someone who needs help that you just constantly ignore? Do you have resources to lend? Advice to give? What are you willing to do? What dreams have you let fall by the wayside because you are just too scared to make it happen?

Give more than lip service. Give yourself, so that the dream has a chance to live on-- a chance to actually make a difference-- a chance to be more than just a video we watch on YouTube, once a year. A chance to be more than just familiar words that we recite the second week in January and teach our kids for Black History Month. It is so plain to see that we need more than that. We deserve more than that and all we need is ONE person who is willing to live a dream, to sacrifice, to care about someone other than himself... Will it be you?

Do You Know What Yesterday Was?

Yesterday was National Black HIV/AIDS Awareness Day in the United States. Did you know that? Have you been tested? Do you know your status? You may be asking yourself why there is a designated day for Black HIV/AIDS Awareness. The reason is that numbers don’t lie. While African Americans make up around 14 percent of the population in the United States, they account for more than half of all new diagnosis of HIV/AIDS. Digest that for just a minute.

I think that one of the reasons why HIV/AIDS is running unchecked in the Black community is our reluctance to talk about it. All day yesterday, I waited (and waited) for one of my 900+ buddies on Twitter and 800+ buddies on Facebook to mention what day it was, how important testing is, and how to educate your children so that there can be less diagnosis of HIV/AIDS in the Black community next year. I had one very vocal buddy on Twitter (thank you @raelt) and 5 on Facebook. You read that right—6 people. That is shameful. This disease is coming in and demolishing our community. Teen pregnancy may be down overall, but there are thousands upon thousands of teens who are contracting sexually transmitted diseases. We need to be teaching our community that in 2011, an unplanned pregnancy is not the worst thing you can get by having unprotected sex. We need them to understand that not all diseases can be cured. We need them to be taught that taking care of yourself is not just going to the gym… it is getting tested and convincing your partners to get tested.

The problem doesn’t just lie in the Black community. The United States as a whole is very mum on HIV/AIDS. We see the PSAs and automatically think of AIDS affecting some far off, third world country. It is not far off—it is your neighbor, a cousin, a friend… your blind date. You never know who, but the one thing you can be sure of is: it isn’t YOU. Get tested. Do it for yourself, and your partners- know your status.

Black Politics in Chicago. Different Names, Same Games

Almost every weekend that I can afford it, I take myself out for breakfast. Usually the same breakfast, at the same place. The waiters know me. They say hello and ask me how I am doing even if I am not in their section. Yep, I am a regular. On these little "me time" breaks from my regular insanity, I eat good food (that is bad for me), I drink strong coffee with real cream and I read the paper. If my "me time" falls on a Sunday morning or afternoon, I have a heavy bag from Walgreens, containing a copy of the Chicago Tribune and The Chicago Sun Times. This past Sunday I opened the Trib, only to see Carol Mosley-Braun standing next to Jesse Jackson and I let out the biggest sigh before I even read the article.

The headline read: "A United Front Backs Braun. African American leaders line up behind mayoral candidate" OMG, just what a drama queen like myself needs to read! So, who are these "leaders" that so graciously backed the Black candidate they think can win? None other than Jesse Jackson, Senator James Meeks and U.S. Representative Danny Davis, the latter two having dropped out of the race for Mayor already.  Leaders, huh? I am going to say this- they are no leaders of mine. I don't vote for them and I am not persuaded by their foolishness in Chicago politics. I read the article anyway. The essence of it was this: these guys decided to get behind one Black candidate to strengthen the chance of that person winning. They did that by having back room deals and deciding what was best for the Black community. Four people deciding what is best for more than 1.6 million Blacks in Chicago? I think not. I certainly do not need those four deciding anything for me.

Let's think about this: all four have less than stellar records in their lives as public officials. Just last month, Meeks said, during an interview, that "only African Americans should be eligible for city contracts set aside for women and minorities." He doesn't think that "women, Asians and Hispanics should be able to use the title of minority." Um... WTF? He tried to clean it up later and say that he didn't think that White women should get city contracts. Wow- damage done and he can't make that shit better.  Meeks has also made enemies in the gay community, by voting against civil unions here in Illinois.

Davis proclaimed that he would "stop overnight deals in the city" if he were elected... I think he meant he would stop overnight deals like the one that he participated in before backing Braun, right? He also said that he was in the race for Mayor 100%. He said that he was "in it to win it" just days before he backed out on New Year's Eve. His credibility is questionable to say the least.

Let's not even review the scandalicious life of Jesse Jackson and his family. While he is on a public crusade to save all the Black people who are wasting away in the ghetto, the Jackson family (who owns a large liquor distributorship) makes money off a vice that consumes and destroys that very same community. He has had several affairs- he does lead by example here as Jr. has been bitten by the cheating bug also. A child out of wedlock, and really no relevancy since the 80s (and that is being generous). Yuck. I am offended by the whole family.

And Braun. What about the lady that these "leaders of the Black community" are backing? She has been entrenched in trouble/scandal since the 90s AND she lost re-election to a no name Republican in 1998.

Here's the deal: the citizens of Chicago do NOT need more scandal in our leadership. Between our last three governors, outrageous taxes and our city being broke, we have enough to deal with. Those four chukleheads don't get to tell me to vote for someone simply because they are Black... you gotta come with something better than that. How about a credible record? How about someone who isn't going to continue the same mistakes of the past administration? Is this really the best that the Black community has to offer? Finally... what is wrong with Braun? Didn't she get the memo that said the first Black, female mayor of Chicago will be me?

Successful Black Women and Marriage. Is it possible?

I am 30-something. I am Black...and up until two years ago, I could have been considered slightly successful. :) Do those three things ensure that I will remain single? After watching this lovely Nightline special, it seems that the answer to that question is yes.

What is the reason that all these successful Black women will remain single in such high numbers (there is an estimate that says as many as 70% of educated Black women will remain unmarried)? I argue that there is more than one reason. Some classics that I have heard are: we are too argumentative, too proud, too picky, we don't know how to let men be men, we are non accepting and (my favorite) we are so unattractive that even our own Black men do not want us.

To all of the above excuses I say: are you f*cking kidding me?? Really? Here are my answers to the above. Argumentative, proud and picky: damn right I am! Absolutely. Let me say this- I did not put myself through college so I could put up w dating a man (of any color) who does not meet my standards. I am smart; my mate will be also. He will have a real job... He will (probably) be educated and we will have things in common. So? That is not a bad list. That list does not make me a bitch- that is me requesting a mirror image of myself. And guess what? I deserve that. I didn't work hard so that I can get married and lose half my shit to a deadbeat- no matter who it is. And don't worry yourself- I am an elitist with everyone- across the board- if you don't have what I want, I will not be interested long. Side note: if we've dated and it was less than a year- you did not posses what I wanted. Sad, but true!

Not letting men be men... As far as I can see, more men need lessons on being men, not just big boys. I have no problem being led- IF I have a good leader. I have no issue relinquishing control, if the person with the reins knows what he is doing. I just cannot find a man who knows what he is doing. Being a man does not mean you are able to produce children; it means that you are able to support them. Being a man does not mean that you are able to make money illegally; it means that you are able to make a legal living and use it to live within your means and take care of your family. Being a man does not mean that you 'bed' every woman who looks good to you or looks at you or feigns interest in you, it means that you actively look for A (as in one) woman that you could actually have something with and sleep with her (and only her). Lastly, being a man does not mean that you take all that unhappy baggage from your LAST relationship into your NEW relationship; it means that you learn from past mistakes and grow from them. There are many reasons why the men that I have dated are not exactly marriage material- and it isn't because I spend my time emasculating them. Maybe they had lacking examples of what a man should be and are therefore struggling with how to be a good man themselves.

Am I demanding? Damn right! I've earned the right to be. Does that mean that I am unbending? Absolutely not. Relationships are about give and take. I know that. I didn't make it 30-something years and not learn a few things. I love men. Manly men. Someone who completes the person I am- as corny as that sounds! Great personality and a good heart is what I am looking for. That and a great education... Like myself. I don't apologize for that, even if it means that I remain unmarried. I WILL NOT settle so that I can be married. Do I want to be married- absolutely. Am I willing to change what I am looking for? Nope. I can tweek my list but I ain't throwing it out the window completely!!

As far as the unattractive thing... Please, I'm HOT, so we all know that point is moot! ;)

What do you see as the outstanding reason why so many Black women are unmarried? Do you care? Comment or email- let me know! :)