Sunday, January 01, 2023

2023, Rule Number One

 Ho, ho, ho- Happy New Year, or however it goes. I am just so happy that 2022 is done, I don't know what to do with myself. Last year seemed so unrelenting in the "fuck shit" category. Some days there were smiles and laughs at noon, and then tears by dinnertime. And that mood was the entire 365 days. I don't ever want to re-live 2022. There was a viral TikTok that said "These weapons formed against me, they prospering just a little bit." If that wasn't the running motto for 2022, I don't know what was. 


So to say that I am happy that we all get a "start anew" would be an understatement. It is only the first day of this new year, but I am going into this bitch tightly holding the hand of hope because I know how close 2022 came to driving me absolutely bonkers. Please keep in mind that while I am holding on to hope and squeezing her hands like someone trying to get ALL their groceries in the house in one trip, I realize that hope ain't loyal- my kid is sleeping on the couch next to me as I type this. Stuffy nose and a fever. Negative for all the things but still feels like crap. And still I keep holding on. 


Y'all ever watch Mark Harmon play Jethro Gibbs on NCIS? He is a surly Marine who heads a group of investigators and they solve crimes perpetrated on or by military personnel. Gibbs has rules- and everyone on his team knows them. He often just has to say "Rule number 9" and the team member will automatically know that he means "Never go anywhere without a knife." It became an unspoken truth during the years I watched the show. Well. I have decided that I am as badass as Mark Harmon (even though Jethro Gibbs is a fictional character, I am not as badass as Gibbs... but Mark, yeah I could take him!) Since I am (at least) as badass as Mark Harmon, I have decided to come up with some rules during this "new year, new me" stage that everyone dabbles in at the beginning of every year. 


So Rule number 1. It is for me AND everyone else. It is simple. RULE #1: Be fucking for real.  I find that with the changing of calendar years, folks lean heavy on made resolutions (myself included) and the first step to making those resolutions happen? Be fucking for real. You can't go from 437 pounds and no training routine to running a marathon on January 10. I'm going to need y'all to be fucking for real. You are not going to pull off significant changes with no planning or implementation. You have to be real with yourself. Have a really frank discussion with yourself and make a plan and then, for the love of all that is holy, DO IT. If these last 3 years have taught us nothing, they have screamed that we are all operating on borrowed time. So, do the work within that will assist you in whatever you are trying to accomplish outwardly. In other words: BE FUCKING FOR REAL.


The work is hard, but worth it. Happy New Year, now let's get after it!






Monday, October 31, 2022

A Season of Loss

 I don't think that I need to tell anyone that these last few years we have all suffered a season of colossal loss. Now listen, I am operating from the fact that covid is a real thing and millions of people have died from complications with this disease- if you are not operating from that starting point, this post is not for you (And nope I will not be taking any questions on that.) I have been to more funerals than I care to count- in person, and on Zoom- over the last 2 and a half years. Some of my friends have lost parents and/or grandparents, I have lost cousins, mentors, community visionaries, family friends and pets. Shit's been rough.

I think that whenever someone loses someone in their circle, they lose a part of their heart. Some of us are out here with hearts that look like Swiss cheese, y'all. Lives are being turned upside down, some of these hearts will never be healed. Some mental health challenges began in March of 2020 and continue today. Some of us will never be the same. Some of us will have a season of loss that we will never bounce back from. Be kind to all you encounter. 


Saturday, October 29, 2022

Weekend Life

 


Friday, October 28, 2022

Grief, Part I

 


Thursday, October 27, 2022

Low Battery

 Today I got a notification on my phone that reminded me that my Fitbit battery is low. If that ain't a reflection of life since March 2020, I don't know what is. Uh, my every day life battery is low. And listen, my every day situation looks very different than most folks- I'll be the first to admit that- but it is still exhausting. There are days, like today, where I spend the day doing task after task... no end in sight. That will be every day for the foreseeable future, so I guess I should just get ready for the rest of the year to just be checking shit off a mile long to-do list. Deep breath. I'm going to need a massage package. 



Wednesday, October 26, 2022

Year 45, Day 1

 Starting off the year right, I think. Last week I had what could only be considered a "get your shit together" meeting with myself and decided a few things. Every New Year we all swear that we are going to be better, finally sit down and do that project we have been dragging our feet on, have better control of our finances, and (the big one) eat better/lose weight/work out more. And I do that every year on my birthday. Sincerely, I think I am the best procrastinator around. I know of three projects in my house, right now, that have been on my to do list for years. YEARS. 


Well, if ever there was a year to get my shit together, here it is. Forty-five. What better time to do something you have wanted/needed to do than right now? I think that it will help clear my cloudy ass mind, and if I am being totally honest, I could put the brain space to better use. One of the projects that I have decided needed to be resurrected this year is this... my blog. Life has come at us all exceedingly fast these last few years and I, like most of us, have gone with the flow, done what was absolutely necessary... and not much else. I have definitely gotten away from the simple joys in life- one of which is making time to type out my feelings and opinions for everyone to see and disagree with. 


I can't remember what movie it was but there was a scene when one of the characters said something along the lines of "if you wake up and want to write... you's a writer" and that is me. Every day I have little snippets of things I would write "if I only had time." Well, in year 45, I am making time. Every day, even if it is just before midnight (ahem) or if it is only three sentences. If I am able, I will write... decision number one. Not too shabby for an old lady, huh?

Tuesday, October 25, 2022

Birthday Shenanigans

 Today at 6:03pm, I celebrated 45 years of living. I remember when I thought that forty five was so old... because I thought that very thing last week. Life is so surreal sometimes. I can close my eyes and see myself in high school and college, only to open my eyes and see my daughter and husband. I swear it seems like yesterday I was graduating from college with the body of a track runner and now here I am,  mid forties with a mom body and an extensive collection of leggings. 

To say that my life is not what I imagined at the age of 22 is the understatement of this century, but there is still a certain joy in living a life that was unimaginable to you a couple of decades ago. It isn't ALWAYS bad to not follow the path you have laid out in your mind. All the twists and turns, elations and disappointments, failure and triumphs have led me here. And HERE is kinda cool. Happy Birthday to me. To celebrate here is the song that was number one on the charts a few weeks after I was born (and who doesn't love some Bee Gees?)



Monday, March 28, 2022

That Slap Tho

 I have slept on it, took my kiddo to school and had my coffee and I am still unable to give Will Smith a pass for that fuckery that he did at the Oscars. Just in case you didn’t watch, or have somehow avoided all the think pieces on it: Will Smith walked up on stage, in the middle of the Oscars, and slapped Chris Rock who was presenting the Oscar for Best Documentary. Y’all. Keeping it 100, I was not watching the Oscars. I don’t generally like the show and I feel like it is a popularity contest that lacks diversity. So, I first saw the mentions of it on Twitter. Then a friend sent me an Instagram DM. I went and saw the video and all I can tell you is my mouth DROPPED open. Like most people, I thought it was a skit… until Will Smith started shouting profanities from his seat. What the hell?! 


There are several reasons why I will NOT applaud Will Smith’s behavior, the first of which is: absolute wrong time, wrong place for that nonsense. Period. Now, I have already said that I don’t watch the Oscars so it isn’t like I have undying respect for the program, however, when I was growing up my parents had one main rule: “don’t leave this house and embarrass our family.” Will Smith embarrassed himself, lessened his own Oscar moment, and demolished the Oscar moment that Questlove should have had and for what? Because he didn’t like a joke? Is he 53 or 5? Are you telling me that a cheesy ass joke by a presenter was harsh enough for Will Smith to mar his own award ceremony? Is this real life? 


The second reason I was appalled by Will Smith’s behavior is that what he did last night is, in no way, “protecting” his wife. On that front, Jada is the one who often puts their business out on the social media streets. Chris Rock was not the only host/presenter who commented on the Smiths, but he was the only one that got slapped. Slapping Chris Rock does what for Jada? Does it make Chris Rock NOT want to clown them again? No. I am sure that if the gathering was not the Oscars, Chris Rock would have busted both of them down relentlessly. If he wanted to take the spotlight off Jada and her bald head, he clearly didn’t do that either since all of us are writing, tweeting and making videos about the situation today. How is slapping someone on live television “protecting” your wife? Protecting her from what? Cheesy jokes? Will could have, just as easily, STAYED IN HIS FUCKING SEAT and yelled that Chris wasn’t funny, since he ended up yelling anyway. He could have heckled Chris. Hell, he SHOULD have met him backstage after that segment and whispered in his ear on some “I don’t appreciate my wife being the butt of your jokes, let’s not have to have this conversation again” Soprano type shit. He could have done one hundred other things besides putting his hands on someone on live TV.


Finally, I spend my days teaching my child that hitting is wrong. She is five. FIVE and she has already been told too many times that little boys who hit her just “do that because they like you so much”. I think the fuck not. Hitting someone to show affection to that person (or someone else) is wrong. Physically assaulting Chris Rock was NOT the answer last night. Now look, if Will and Chris were at Will’s house and Chris was going on and on about how much of a bitch Jada was… hands. All day. If they were on the street and Will was talking about fucking Chris’ wife… hands. All day. If one of those men grabbed and abused the other’s wife… muthafucking HANDS. All day. But a joke about a bald head? Nah fam. It is very much giving that Will thought it was funny but noticed that Jada didn’t think so, so he had to go play Billy Bad Ass. Nope. That is not self defense or defense of others. That is showing the world that you have zero control over yourself and your household. Get yourself to a therapist’s office and talk that out. 


End of the day: Will Smith assaulted Chris Rock on a show that was being televised internationally. For what amounted to nothing. He should be embarrassed and ashamed to have displayed that behavior in public. And now everytime anyone mentions his Oscar win, they will then tell the story of how Will ASSAULTED a presenter at the same ceremony. I really should not have to continue to tell grown people to KEEP YOUR HANDS TO YOURSELF.




Saturday, July 10, 2021

Soulful Saturday - Day Well Spent


You know what? Sometimes you need some time with friends to really remember what is important in this life. I'm not talking about acquaintances-- I am talking about friends who know your secrets and still love you; friends that will tell you "uh, you know you are wrong for that" when you need to hear it; friends that call your parents mom and dad; friends that love your baby like she is their baby. 

Sometimes your mind needs you to be in close proximity to folks who just GET YOU. So you don't feel like you are losing yourself in fear, or guilt, or any other emotion that is presently all encompassing. Sometimes only close friends can bring a smile to your face and help you forget- even for a short time- that life can be grating. 

These last 16 months or so has been an especially horrid time for most of us. We have lived through some awful shit (and some of us haven't made it through). We have seen each other on Zoom, at the grocery store scrounging for the last fruits and vegetables, at funerals and masked up from six feet away. We have been cocooned in our homes, away from some of our loved ones. Since I got vaccinated I have been able to see a few friends, in very controlled situations. I am glad to say that today I was able to meet up with some buddies of mine, in a park, and really just kick it. Don't get me wrong, we have a text thread that is well used, because they don't live here, but it was just so nice to see their faces. The weather cooperated (mostly) and we were able to just shoot the shit, gossip and laugh. Me? I got to pet ALL the dogs and run from ducks and geese... and escape my house for a few hours. Can only be described as pure joy. Pure joy. 





Saturday, July 03, 2021

Who asked Wendy? Oh, Nobody?

Wendy Williams is a bitter bitch, but not in a good way. At this point we have all seen the “Hot Topics” section where she degraded Tabitha Brown’s decision to help her husband retire from being an officer of the Los Angeles Police Department. Wendy started out by saying “Nope, I was married to one of those.” No ma’am, you were married to an abusive, serial cheater who made you look like an asshole in public, by knocking up some young broad and gallivanting all over the world with her. Sis, have several seats and stop commenting on other people's marriages.  


Now listen- we have all had heartache, and we all see other people’s situation through our lived experiences. However, at some point we ALL need to realize that OUR experiences are not everyone else’s path. Now, I trust my very close friends to listen and give opinions on my marriage because they know me… and they do not hesitate to tell me when I am tripping. They have saved Mr. Hot, Black and Bitter’s life a couple times AND told me to get my shit together more than a few times. Let me say this again: they KNOW me. Well, Wendy started off the segment by saying that she doesn’t even know Tabitha Brown. Let me stop you right there- shut thee fuck up, then. She used what is a huge platform to shit on this lady’s marriage and plans she made with her husband because Kelvin made Wendy look like a fool on the national stage. If you don’t know her or her husband, why are you over here spouting relationship “advice”? 


Tabitha Brown came back on her YouTube channel and read Wendy FOR FILTH in the most Christian way and Wendy deserved every sentence of ridicule. If the last year has taught us nothing, we should have, at the very least, learned to mind the business that fucking pays you. Wendy should keep her mouth off other people’s relationships because when she was going through that embarrassing shit with Kelvin, she didn’t want to talk about her relationship. If a couple makes an agreement that they will alternate who brings in the most money during a certain time in their marriage, mind your business. If a couple agrees that person A will work outside the home, while person B keeps the home, mind your fucking business. If their decisions don’t affect YOUR purse, mind.your.fucking.business. Tabitha’s take down of Wendy was so epic, I forwarded it to my parents… because I am petty and I thought it was funny. I included the video below. Because I’m petty and I think it is funny. Wendy, get you some business, bitch. 





Friday, July 02, 2021

Annnnnd, I'm back!

 Yo. What’s up? Been awhile. 


I had to take a break from writing for a bit. This last year and a half has been ROUGH, to say the least. Like a lot of folks, I have been in survival mode; shit, not only that, I’ve been in my feelings. Tough. 


Now I know that some of y’all think that I am just some Hot, Black and Bitter bitch on the internet… which I am, but that is just a percentage of my dynamic personality. I am also a mom, wife, daughter and go to person for a lot of folks. And this worldwide pandemic and political unrest in the United States has (understandably) taken its toll on me and my people. Y’all, I been tired. TIRED, you hear me? Shit has been crazy. And I know I am not the only one. 


So I have been dealing with some other shit. I have been to (too) many funerals. I have been minding my business and taking care of my people. And I have been (relatively) quiet- definitely on the blog, but I have also slowed down on everything social with the exception of Twitter. Rest assured, my silence does not equal a lack of opinions… it just means that instead of typing them out, I told them to my husband- even when he didn’t want to hear them. 2020 was wild. 2021 ain’t a million times better, know that. I am sure that stories from the last eighteen to twenty months will be reflected in some upcoming blog posts, so y’all will read what has been going down ‘round these parts. You'll see some changes and hopefully you'll see more blog posts.


Here lately, things have lightened up (a bit) and I have been back on my plotting and planning, so get ready for some more high class bullshit, loud (right) opinions and a little bit of tomfoolery. Hilarity will ensue. You will laugh and I will bask in my Hot, Black and Bitterness. Let’s get after it.




 


Tuesday, March 16, 2021

Kirk Franklin Owes His SON An Apology

So hey! What’s up? What’s been good? How y’all doing? It has been a while. Who me? Oh, I have just been dealing with this global pandemic bullshit… you know, keeping my ass at home, washing my hands, wearing my mask and waiting on the distribution of these vaccines and stimulus checks. But that is another blog post for another day because Y’ALL I have been on these interwebs and the tea is just overflowing my mug, darlings. 


Now I am generally a little late to the party on breaking news. I see it, read the details and keep it moving. So, this weekend I was just surfing, like I do, and I saw the now infamous video of the “conversation” that Kirk Franklin had with his son. That shit was not a conversation- it was some bullshit and little Kirk Franklin needs to put on his big boy pants and apologize to his son. Now look, I know that I am in the minority here, but I am going to go ahead and explain how I got to this RIGHT answer. Ok? Here we go:


First, I am going to put this in the context of my life. I am a parent and I have parents. My kid and I have a good relationship and my parents and I rock with each other… tough! I love them. They live down the street and we speak at least three times a week (sometimes three times a day). I know what y’all see on this blog, but believe it or not, I don’t curse in front of my parents and I am NOT disrespectful. Never will be. I was raised with respect and I give respect. Just like that. I know me, right? So when there has ever been a problem, I (as quickly as I can) remove myself from the situation. Why? Mostly because my mouth is too slick. I know that once you say shit, you can’t take it back. So if I KNOW I can’t rein in my tongue (and attitude) I just don’t say shit. I am raising a daughter and I don’t want her to have any sort of complex because of the relationship that she has with me. It really is that simple. 


Now, Kirk Franklin- who made a few Jesus songs- is getting a pass for saying that he would “break his foot off in his son’s ass” and that he would “break his son’s neck.” Then he was screaming the N word at the top of his lungs like he was talking to a stranger that just stepped on his new church shoes. Sir. Ma’am. First of all, if y’all have read any of my posts you know I am not giving not one pass to the evangelicals, singers, preachers, YouTubers, authors, cousins, aunties, uncles, friends or acquaintances. I am NOT giving a pass to anyone, friends. You come out in the public, acting like an asshole, and I may comment on it. It is a chance you take. Kirk Franklin ain’t getting a pass, I don’t care how many melodies from heaven renditions he sings. What he did was wrong. That is no way to speak to your children. And let me just add, too many of y’all out here excusing those threats because you have been threatened like that before. Just because it happened to YOU and you survived does not mean that is A1 parenting and that you should do the same to your children. And if you mad, get a cape and be super mad. Stop spreading dysfunction. PERIOD. 


Back to Kirk, do y'all know that he came out with a rebuttal video where that little asshole had the absolute nerve to come out and apologize TO THE PUBLIC but didn’t have it in his short statured body to apologize to his son. What??


His son is a whole grown man and if he has questionable behavior maybe, just maybe, that is how he taught himself to be while little ol’ Kirk was spending the days and hours of his formative years running these streets addicted to porn. <SHADE> Maybe the son models his adult life after the life he saw Kirk living when he was growing up. Don’t come for me- I remember the controversies from before some of y’all were alive. Your children are people. Trust me- they will get on your last good nerve. They do. I’m not saying don’t discipline them. I’m not saying to raise disrespectful ingrates. But you, as the parent, need to lead by example. If you would apologize to the public for losing your temper because it is going to affect your bankroll… you should be man enough to apologize to your flesh and blood for treating them like shit and threatening them. And if you don’t want to apologize,WATCH YOUR FUCKING MOUTH. If your children never see you apologize, or they never experience you apologizing to them for bad behavior, you are willingly raising children who will not apologize when they should. You are not raising well rounded kids. You are failing your children. Stop that bullshit ASAP. It is not healthy.


Now unclutch those pearls, ma’am, throw on some church music and get ready for the comeback of Hot, Black and Bitter. 




Friday, October 02, 2020

Now WE are in this Together?

I am sure all of us have heard that y'all's president has tested positive for that 'rona. What you may not have heard is that 'WE' has become a thing. Like before Mango Mussolini was all like "oh the sick people? They will be ok" or "this virus only affects a small number of people" or "this is like a bad flu- even if you get it, most of you will be fine" and my absolute least favorite "it is what it is." See how he was real confident with that 'you, y'all, they' talk until 'rona got his ass. Now he is (barely) on Twitter and talking bout "WE will get this through this together!" Sir. 

There is no 'WE.' WE left when you and that squirrel on your head (and that birtherism shouting plastic pair of tits by your side) rode down that tacky ass escalator and declared that most Mexicans coming into our country were rapists and criminals. WE ran for the door when you fixed your shit mouth to say that there were very fine people on both sides in Charlottesville. WE left your ass when you called our service men and women "suckers and losers." WE ain't been a thing since you said that George Floyd would be proud of the job numbers that came out after he was murdered by the police; when you refused to denounce white supremacy; when you were hellbent on putting the absolutely WORST and severely unqualified people in control of Treasury and Education (and literally EVERYWHERE else in government); when you stood up for that man that shot and killed folks in Kenosha; when you lied to the whole country about the coronavirus. 'WE' doesn't exist. Mostly because WE don't like YOU. 

You're a bum who lost the popular vote. You are an impeached president that is dirtier than Nixon and dumber than W. The only reason I am not cheering that 'rona got that ass is because my mother taught me better than that... but I want to. I don't want you to die though. I don't. I want you to suffer. I want you to suffer for all the dummies that believe your lies. I want you to suffer for all the lies that you have told the American people, for all the (many) times you have made this country look foolish. I want you to feel some pain for EVERY American life lost to this horrible virus because YOU couldn't be bothered to put on a mask and show a little leadership. And I want you to be alive long enough to lose the upcoming election, spectacularly, and then be carted off to prison like the criminal you are. 

There is no 'WE', you baby back bitch. We are going to shower your ass with as much sympathy as you have shown to the 209,000+ dead Americans taken by covid so far. Enjoy.

Saturday, September 12, 2020

Soulful Saturday - Hall & Oates

So I was just on Twitter, being nosy... as one does, and noticed someone started a "soulful White singers" thread. Now y'all know I went through that list with my hawk eye ALL the way open to see who folks thought belonged on this list. Thankfully, the list included good music and didn't list too many sympathy votes (oh, y'all know who I'm talking about). I was pleasantly surprised to see Hall & Oates listed. Then I went to YouTube, you know to refresh this old mind, and I am just coming out of that rabbit hole!

Hall & Oates made some fantastic music. What better way to welcome back Soulful Saturday than to include these icons? This is totally a "Welcome Back Hot, Black and Bitter... now get your lazy ass in gear and actually post to your blog instead of just social media" gift to myself. I'll take it! As we welcome the cooler temperatures of the Fall, I will be spending more time here on the blog... listening to good music, dropping my opinions and reporting on the abundance of fuck shit happening in my country. So, until shit gets too real let's listen to some kick ass 70's and 80's soft rock, shall we?

Maneater - AKA the Hot, Black and Bitter theme song... when I was single. LOL
I Can't Go For That Sara Smile **When you feel cold, I'll warm you. When you feel you can't go on, I'll come and hold you. It's you and me, Sara Smile.** You Make My Dreams PS- It is the leather pants for me! LOL
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