Monday, October 31, 2022

A Season of Loss

 I don't think that I need to tell anyone that these last few years we have all suffered a season of colossal loss. Now listen, I am operating from the fact that covid is a real thing and millions of people have died from complications with this disease- if you are not operating from that starting point, this post is not for you (And nope I will not be taking any questions on that.) I have been to more funerals than I care to count- in person, and on Zoom- over the last 2 and a half years. Some of my friends have lost parents and/or grandparents, I have lost cousins, mentors, community visionaries, family friends and pets. Shit's been rough.

I think that whenever someone loses someone in their circle, they lose a part of their heart. Some of us are out here with hearts that look like Swiss cheese, y'all. Lives are being turned upside down, some of these hearts will never be healed. Some mental health challenges began in March of 2020 and continue today. Some of us will never be the same. Some of us will have a season of loss that we will never bounce back from. Be kind to all you encounter. 

Saturday, October 29, 2022

Weekend Life


Friday, October 28, 2022

Grief, Part I


Thursday, October 27, 2022

Low Battery

 Today I got a notification on my phone that reminded me that my Fitbit battery is low. If that ain't a reflection of life since March 2020, I don't know what is. Uh, my every day life battery is low. And listen, my every day situation looks very different than most folks- I'll be the first to admit that- but it is still exhausting. There are days, like today, where I spend the day doing task after task... no end in sight. That will be every day for the foreseeable future, so I guess I should just get ready for the rest of the year to just be checking shit off a mile long to-do list. Deep breath. I'm going to need a massage package. 

Wednesday, October 26, 2022

Year 45, Day 1

 Starting off the year right, I think. Last week I had what could only be considered a "get your shit together" meeting with myself and decided a few things. Every New Year we all swear that we are going to be better, finally sit down and do that project we have been dragging our feet on, have better control of our finances, and (the big one) eat better/lose weight/work out more. And I do that every year on my birthday. Sincerely, I think I am the best procrastinator around. I know of three projects in my house, right now, that have been on my to do list for years. YEARS. 

Well, if ever there was a year to get my shit together, here it is. Forty-five. What better time to do something you have wanted/needed to do than right now? I think that it will help clear my cloudy ass mind, and if I am being totally honest, I could put the brain space to better use. One of the projects that I have decided needed to be resurrected this year is this... my blog. Life has come at us all exceedingly fast these last few years and I, like most of us, have gone with the flow, done what was absolutely necessary... and not much else. I have definitely gotten away from the simple joys in life- one of which is making time to type out my feelings and opinions for everyone to see and disagree with. 

I can't remember what movie it was but there was a scene when one of the characters said something along the lines of "if you wake up and want to write... you's a writer" and that is me. Every day I have little snippets of things I would write "if I only had time." Well, in year 45, I am making time. Every day, even if it is just before midnight (ahem) or if it is only three sentences. If I am able, I will write... decision number one. Not too shabby for an old lady, huh?

Tuesday, October 25, 2022

Birthday Shenanigans

 Today at 6:03pm, I celebrated 45 years of living. I remember when I thought that forty five was so old... because I thought that very thing last week. Life is so surreal sometimes. I can close my eyes and see myself in high school and college, only to open my eyes and see my daughter and husband. I swear it seems like yesterday I was graduating from college with the body of a track runner and now here I am,  mid forties with a mom body and an extensive collection of leggings. 

To say that my life is not what I imagined at the age of 22 is the understatement of this century, but there is still a certain joy in living a life that was unimaginable to you a couple of decades ago. It isn't ALWAYS bad to not follow the path you have laid out in your mind. All the twists and turns, elations and disappointments, failure and triumphs have led me here. And HERE is kinda cool. Happy Birthday to me. To celebrate here is the song that was number one on the charts a few weeks after I was born (and who doesn't love some Bee Gees?)

Monday, March 28, 2022

That Slap Tho

 I have slept on it, took my kiddo to school and had my coffee and I am still unable to give Will Smith a pass for that fuckery that he did at the Oscars. Just in case you didn’t watch, or have somehow avoided all the think pieces on it: Will Smith walked up on stage, in the middle of the Oscars, and slapped Chris Rock who was presenting the Oscar for Best Documentary. Y’all. Keeping it 100, I was not watching the Oscars. I don’t generally like the show and I feel like it is a popularity contest that lacks diversity. So, I first saw the mentions of it on Twitter. Then a friend sent me an Instagram DM. I went and saw the video and all I can tell you is my mouth DROPPED open. Like most people, I thought it was a skit… until Will Smith started shouting profanities from his seat. What the hell?! 

There are several reasons why I will NOT applaud Will Smith’s behavior, the first of which is: absolute wrong time, wrong place for that nonsense. Period. Now, I have already said that I don’t watch the Oscars so it isn’t like I have undying respect for the program, however, when I was growing up my parents had one main rule: “don’t leave this house and embarrass our family.” Will Smith embarrassed himself, lessened his own Oscar moment, and demolished the Oscar moment that Questlove should have had and for what? Because he didn’t like a joke? Is he 53 or 5? Are you telling me that a cheesy ass joke by a presenter was harsh enough for Will Smith to mar his own award ceremony? Is this real life? 

The second reason I was appalled by Will Smith’s behavior is that what he did last night is, in no way, “protecting” his wife. On that front, Jada is the one who often puts their business out on the social media streets. Chris Rock was not the only host/presenter who commented on the Smiths, but he was the only one that got slapped. Slapping Chris Rock does what for Jada? Does it make Chris Rock NOT want to clown them again? No. I am sure that if the gathering was not the Oscars, Chris Rock would have busted both of them down relentlessly. If he wanted to take the spotlight off Jada and her bald head, he clearly didn’t do that either since all of us are writing, tweeting and making videos about the situation today. How is slapping someone on live television “protecting” your wife? Protecting her from what? Cheesy jokes? Will could have, just as easily, STAYED IN HIS FUCKING SEAT and yelled that Chris wasn’t funny, since he ended up yelling anyway. He could have heckled Chris. Hell, he SHOULD have met him backstage after that segment and whispered in his ear on some “I don’t appreciate my wife being the butt of your jokes, let’s not have to have this conversation again” Soprano type shit. He could have done one hundred other things besides putting his hands on someone on live TV.

Finally, I spend my days teaching my child that hitting is wrong. She is five. FIVE and she has already been told too many times that little boys who hit her just “do that because they like you so much”. I think the fuck not. Hitting someone to show affection to that person (or someone else) is wrong. Physically assaulting Chris Rock was NOT the answer last night. Now look, if Will and Chris were at Will’s house and Chris was going on and on about how much of a bitch Jada was… hands. All day. If they were on the street and Will was talking about fucking Chris’ wife… hands. All day. If one of those men grabbed and abused the other’s wife… muthafucking HANDS. All day. But a joke about a bald head? Nah fam. It is very much giving that Will thought it was funny but noticed that Jada didn’t think so, so he had to go play Billy Bad Ass. Nope. That is not self defense or defense of others. That is showing the world that you have zero control over yourself and your household. Get yourself to a therapist’s office and talk that out. 

End of the day: Will Smith assaulted Chris Rock on a show that was being televised internationally. For what amounted to nothing. He should be embarrassed and ashamed to have displayed that behavior in public. And now everytime anyone mentions his Oscar win, they will then tell the story of how Will ASSAULTED a presenter at the same ceremony. I really should not have to continue to tell grown people to KEEP YOUR HANDS TO YOURSELF.

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