Friday, December 19, 2014

Fed Up Friday - Ride or Die

I get so irritated when I am on social media and someone says that they are “Ride or Die” for their significant other/this week’s bestie/co-worker/sister of a friend of a friend, etc. I mean, I am glad that they feel some closeness to someone TODAY, but how long is that loyalty going to last? One month? One year? What is the life expectancy for the relationship that all these people are claiming to be "ride or die" for? Call my a cynic (right!?!) but I don't think I am going out on a limb by stating that "ride or die" for every relationship you have is just not feasible.  I rarely use that turn of phrase because I feel like the overuse lessens the meaning. I can’t lie—there is a group of people that I am ride or die for… my immediate family. Honey, listen: don’t come for my family. You will not like the fallout. There are a LOT of us and I live and breathe and for those folks. They get on my nerves sometimes… but they are supposed to, we are family. I want to punch them sometimes (and have a couple times)… but that is ok, we are family. I can talk about them ALL day and you might even be able to co-sign my objections… but you BET NOT (better not) even think of throwing in your own two cents. Dude, that is my family you talking about. And when you talk about them, thems fighting words to me.

Case and point: Y’all know that I head to my brother’s basketball games whenever I can. He is a freshman in college and he is adorable. I have not introduced the kiddos on the blog, so let's just call this brother Superman. So Superman had a close mid week game and I was able to finagle my way to leaving work an hour early so I could make it down there to watch. Super excited. Rode down the highway with my favorite guy-- Poppa Hot, Black and Bitter. Night was off to a fantastic start. Until we sat down. Now listen, I know that some people really get into seeing their children play sports, and can sometimes be a little... much at sporting events. Oh, but Wednesday night, it was not a parent, it was a drunk ass student. 

The amount of deep breathing that I had to do when he was screaming when my brother was on the court cannot measured. Cannot be measured because I am sure that I may have sucked up all the oxygen in that gym. I was trying hard not to say anything while he was woo hoo hooing it up the ENTIRE game, and while he did not really heckle my brother, per se, he was taking too much joy in heckling a court full of 18 year old kids who were playing their hearts out. The overprotective sister just LEAPT out of me, y'all. I could not help it. Totally a case of bad impulse control. I can admit it. I called his ass out. I flipped him the bird. Unapologetic. Sorry, not sorry style. His friends were telling him to be quiet and amazingly with three minutes left in the game, it was silent. Thankfully. And I told my father that if he was talking shit about my brother, the exchange would have been even more heated. Trust that.  

Here is the thing-- I am loyal, the epitome of ride or die. I am loyal to my family and to the people that my family counts as friends (until they show that they deserve no loyalty). That extends to sports teams, lab partners, tutors. I don't care. I know people heckle to get under the skin of the opposing team. To get in their minds, make them second guess that last pass, that last field goal attempt. I get it. I swear I do. But check this out, these are KIDS. Superman turned 18 after he started college. Kids. This ain't the Knicks and you have no money riding on this game. Our team wasn't jawing it up on the court and the parents who were there were not acting out of line. If you come to a basketball game, drunk and decide that you are going to try to dog my brother and his new found family, you have me to contend with. If you are representing a school that purports to exhibit "values that include integrity, service, simplicity, equality, peace and social justice and respect for all persons" and the "distinctive values of the "Religious Society of Friends (Quakers)" um, I am definitely going to correct you when you get out of line. If there are small children sitting right behind me and you are showing your ass, I will get you in line. And if you come for my brother... BABY... I am coming right at you, guns blazing, straight for the jugular, my friend. Don't do that. Save thyself! I am Ride or Die up in here!! Here is hoping that there is better behavior tomorrow at the game. I might get put out. LOL 

Sunday, December 14, 2014

The Bill Cosby Chronicles

If you have been paying attention, you know that Bill Cosby has been accused, by upwards of 20 women, of drugging and, in some cases, raping them. The allegations started to take on steam about three weeks ago, some incidents being discussed took place 30 to 40 years ago. In these last three weeks (which seems like an eternity in this time of 24 hour news) Bill Cosby has refused to dignify these accusations with an answer. He has been silent on guilt or innocence. He has not seemed bothered by the memes, the chatter, the intentional distancing, the bad mouthing or having his honorary degrees taken away. He could not be bothered to make a statement-- except to thank Jill Scott and Whoopi Goldberg for standing up for him. He could not be bothered... until an interview that surfaced yesterday. Bill Cosby has done a (small) interview! Praise!! He took this time, not to say, "hey this shit is not true, I will see all these women in court," he didn't say "aww hell no, that did NOT happen and these people will NOT walk my law-abiding ass into the mud with them." Nope, he took THIS time to tell the "Black Media" to remain neutral on these rape allegations that are circulating. Um, sir. Are you being for real right now? Oh, you are? Because I thought that was a joke. That had to be a joke, right? Right?

You mean to tell me that you have not seen it necessary to come out the side of your mouth to SCREAM that you are innocent, but you do want to make sure that you are seen in a good light in Black Media for as long as possible? Sir. I need for you to take an IMMEDIATE seat. Not right now, but RIGHT NOW. What is wrong with this picture?

Now listen, I am certainly not going to act like I haven't held Bill Cosby in high regard-- I have and I have written about him at least three times... on this blog. I agree with his critique of the Black community. I think that there is SO much that needs to be done to help our community begin to flourish again. I think that Bill Cosby has a sincere desire to make the Black community better, more accountable, better educated and economically stable. I do. His decades of work towards that goal cannot be ignored. HOWEVER, all that work does not make up for these awful deeds that are surfacing (especially since he is not denying them). There seems to be a faction of Black people who want to excuse this behavior and feel like the media, as a whole, is out to get Cosby to get him to stop speaking the truth about race relations in America. I don't think that is happening... at all. The fact is that if, by chance, all the accolades that Cosby has gained are ripped from him, it will be no one's fault BUT HIS. I am not naive. It is not that I think that blackballing someone does not happen-- it does, but at some point Cosby is going to have to take responsibility for his role in drugging and assaulting these women.

The assault on women is REAL, and cannot, SHOULD NOT be dismissed simply because of the length of time it takes to report the crime OR who the abuser is. Women run into more problems if and when they report abuse than if they remain quiet. The way that the system works for the abused is you have to be above reproach; you have to be virginal; you have to have a spotless, sexless background in order to be believed. And if you are virginal, people will question that. You WILL be labeled a whore. Your background WILL be searched and scrutinized. You will be treated, in most cases, worse than the person who abused you. And that is what happens if your abuser is just a regular Joe, a nobody. Can you imagine the heat that these women will take for accusing Bill Cosby, America's Dad?

If Cosby did not do this, he has been a media darling... he KNOWS what he should do. If it is his contention that the allegations are false, he should get in front of those cameras and say that he did not drug and assault those women. The fact that he has not done so, makes me think that he cannot truthfully deny the allegations. And now he wants Black media to be neutral and not crucify him for these crimes. Um... where is that going to happen? That should not even be an option.

What I need from Bill is some consistency. He wants the Black community to be accountable? Cool. I want him to be accountable. He wants Black people to acknowledge their shortcomings so they can get past them? Cool. I want him to do the same. He wants Black men to pull their pants up and be about something? OK. I want him to keep his pants on and stop taking advantage of women. He wants us to look good and to fall in line. I want him to BE good-- for his community, for his legacy, FOR HIS WIFE. He is destroying all of his good works... with his silence. Be accountable, sir. Now.

Wednesday, December 10, 2014

Why I am So Free-- With the Delete Button

Seems like I always get asked why I am so free to delete people-- most with no warning. I am not sure if people are asking for fear that they are delete-able, or if they are just trying to figure out the degree of bitch I am. Maybe they think I am so self absorbed that I don't want to hear, read, tweet or see opinions that are not the same as mine. Hell, maybe I am that self absorbed... with other things, but, truly, that is not the reason that I delete people on social media or in real life.

The answer is really simple: I delete people, places, things and social media pages that no longer make me happy. Whether it be the fact that they are SUPER negative, posting things that are not researched, bigoted, racist, lacking empathy to a group that encompasses people that I care about, discriminatory (to me or others), ignorant or just that they seem to be so very LOST as to what is happening around them... I just do not have the time, nor the inclination to deal with that on a daily basis.

Listen, Lefty will be the first to tell you-- I am totally addicted to social media. If I am far from my smartphone for long periods of time, I might begin to show symptoms of withdrawal. We always joke that when we buy a vacation home, it should be smack dap in the middle of some heavy acreage... as long as there is wifi. Can't go way out in the boonies without the possibility of contact. LOL. I spend a fair amount of my day tweeting, sharing, looking stuff up online, blogging, Pinterest (it is the devil!), etc. Who wants to spend a vast amount of their day, every day, reading about how you don't think someone who (whatever you don't like) doesn't deserve the same basic human rights as you?

I once had a friend (yeah, I know, hahahaha) who changed her life. She went through something traumatic and completely changed her life around, which was fabulous. The problems crept in when she started to judge the people around her. There was always a condescending tone; always that disapproving look, always a smart ass remark for people that we knew that were doing the best they could with what they had. Man, I had to let that chick go. I mean, who has time to feel like a "friend" is constantly judging you? No one. I also had a "friend" on Facebook who would publicly crucify people on social media, telling them they were going to go to hell, Jesus was watching them, she loved them but not their sin, etc. Now here is the thing: 1- I don't subscribe to making people feel guilty to bring them to Jesus and 2- in her REAL life, this chick was a club bunny, she slept around, she has a few children by a few different men. Um, sis. Jesus doesn't like you faking the funk and I don't like you crowding my timelines with your sanctimonious crap. C'mon now. I don't want to see that day in and day out when I KNOW you are lying. Had to go.

And I would be remiss to mention the people who have no room in their lives to show a bit of empathy towards their fellow man. Last week I was getting all kinds of lectures about how I should teach people United States history so they can try to understand the plight of Black America. Uh, hell no. Listen, all I have for them is the delete button. You were supposed to learn history in your home and in school. I am not a social studies teacher. Besides, no one should have to teach you empathy. That comes with being a freaking human being and not wanting anyone to suffer unnecessarily. I am 30- something years old. It is not MY job to make sure that YOU are a well rounded individual. Hello? That is your responsibility as a grown person. I don't have that to do, buddy. But you know what I do have? A delete button with your name ALL over it. Happy surfing!

Thursday, December 04, 2014

Throwback - Where is the Love?

If you have been visiting the Hot, Black and Bitter Facebook page or Twitter feed you know that I have been feeling under the weather this week. Bronchitis has its grip on me, y'all, and it ain't nothing nice. Know what that means? Hard for me to belt out songs during my car concerts on the way home from work. Like, it is so not sexy to hot a high note and spend the next 5 minutes hacking up a lung. Or to sound like Mariah Carey did this week.  What?! Oh, and the appearance of snot bubbles-- yeah that is never, ever the coolest part of your day. It is only about a 20 minute commute and honestly, I have barely been able to hum because this cough is nothing to play with. Plus, WHO wants to see snot bubbles? Uh, let me tell you, the answer to the snot bubbles question is: NO ONE. No one wants to see that. It traumatizes people. More than a car concert. Trust me.

With that in mind, earlier this week I was humming songs on the way home, while enjoying a Halls cough drop- the ones with the "soothing center"- they are the TRUTH, and a song came on that was just so... fitting. It had been years since I heard this song (and I might add that I am generally NOT a fan of the Black Eyed Peas) but I was happy to cruise along and hum this song. With all that is going on, it made me feel better that I wasn't the only one asking this question: Where is the Love?
(Lyrics below-- check them out, they are important)

What's wrong with the world, mama
People livin' like they ain't got no mamas
I think the whole world addicted to the drama
Only attracted to things that'll bring you trauma

Overseas, yeah, we try to stop terrorism
But we still got terrorists here livin'
In the USA,
the big CIA
The Blood from The Crips and the KKK
But if you only have love for your own race
Then you only leave space to discriminate
And to discriminate only generates hate
And when you hate then you're bound to get irate, yeah
Madness is what you demonstrate
And that's exactly how anger works and operates

Now, you gotta have love just to set it straight
Take control of your mind and meditate
Let your soul gravitate to the love, y'all, y'all

People killin', people dyin'
Children hurt can you hear them cryin'?
Can you practice what you preach?
And would you turn the other cheek?

Father, Father, Father help us
Send us some guidance from above
'Cause people got me, got me questionin'
Where is the love? (Love)
Where is the love? (The love)
Where is the love? (The love)
Where is the love?
The love, the love

It just ain't the same, always unchanged
New days are strange, is the world insane?
If love and peace is so strong
Why are there pieces of love that don't belong
Nations droppin' bombs
Chemical gasses fillin' lungs of little ones
With the ongoin' sufferin' as the youth die young
So ask yourself is the lovin' really gone
So I can ask myself really what is goin' wrong
In this world that we livin' in people keep on givin'
Makin' wrong decisions, only visions of them dividends
Not respectin' each other, deny thy brother
A war is goin' on but the reason's undercover
The truth is kept secret, it's swept under the rug
If you never know truth then you never know love

Where's the love, y'all, come on (I don't know)
Where's the truth, y'all, come on (I don't know)
Where's the love, y'all (come on yeah)

People killin', people dyin'
Children hurt and you hear them cryin'
Can you practice what you preach
And would you turn the other cheek
Father, Father, Father help us
Send us some guidance from above
'Cause people got me, got me questionin'
Where is the love (Love)
Where is the love (The love)
Where is the love (The love)
Where is the love
The love, the love

I feel the weight of the world on my shoulder
As I'm gettin' older, y'all, people gets colder
Most of us only care about money makin'
Selfishness got us followin' the wrong direction
Wrong information always shown by the media
Negative images, it's the main criteria

Infecting the young minds faster than bacteria
Kids want to act like what they see in the cinema
Yo', whatever happened to the values of humanity
Whatever happened to the fairness and equality
Instead in spreading love we're spreading animosity
Lack of understanding, leading lives away from unity

That's the reason why sometimes I'm feelin' under
That's the reason why sometimes I'm feelin' down
There's no wonder why sometimes I'm feelin' under
Gotta keep my faith alive till love is found now ask yourself

People killin', people dyin'
Children hurt and you hear them cryin'
Can you practice what you preach
And would you turn the other cheek
Father, Father, Father help us
Send us some guidance from above
'Cause people got me, got me questionin'
Where is the love (Love)
Where is the love (The love)
Where is the love (The love)
Where is the love
Where is the love

Read more: Black Eyed Peas - Where Is The Love? Lyrics | MetroLyrics 

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...