Why I Won't See Birth Of A Nation

The movie Birth of a Nation came to a theater near you two weekends ago... and was promptly declared a "flop". Now there are articles being shared online blaming Black women for this box office flop and I really feel the need to address this. Let me just type this: I am sick to death of the idea that Black women get blamed for all the wrongdoings and downfalls of the Black community. Lately it seems like we are responsible for everything. It is our fault that we get married later in life or that we don't get married at all, that we have children out of wedlock, that Black men are jailed/killed/victims of brutality, That Black men marry outside our race, that our children are not productive, that the sky is blue and fucking grass is green. Now we (as a group) are blamed because a Black man's movie failed at the box office. I wasn't going to see Birth of a Nation. That hasn't changed. After all, I did tell Lefty that I wouldn't take him to anymore Black movies, because we have seen a lot. Date nights in this household... LOL. Seriously, there are several reasons why I really have no need to see this movie, the most glaring being:

**I already know the story. I mean, I am not trying to be too big a dick or anything, but I was a history major. I have studied this revolt. I know about it. I don't need to pay $15 to see it on-screen.**

That seems harsh when I read it. Oh well, that shit is true. If you don't know the story, please feel free to read up on Nat Turner, African American history, U.S. History. Let me just say: because I do know the story I feel comfortable in noting that this film about a slave revolt might not have been well received anyway. In all historical accounts, a large number of White folks were murdered during this uprising. In our current political climate here in America, the idea that downtrodden Black folks (you know, like, folks that are indiscriminately being killed by state actors like the police, or those being disenfranchised during this election season) would ban together and rise against their oppressors, could be seen as problematic. Maybe that is another reason that people didn't rush to see this movie. There is a rumor that Black women did not flock to see this movie because Nate Parker has a White wife. Uh, nope... that certainly is NOT the reason I didn't take my White husband to see this movie.

I don't know, and I don't get paid to guess so I will tell you the number one reason I won't see it: Nate Parker. That dude is so problematic. I get it-- he was found not guilty in the rape case against him. Good for him. A criminal record for an actor/director is not disqualifying for me. HOWEVER, when asked about the rape case and the subsequent suicide of the young woman involved, Nate Parker could NOT have been more repulsive. Listen, I get that the trial was probably a rough time for him, but he had to know that it was going to come up. Google is a hell of a thing-- he knew that it was made public. Why not show some sympathy for that girl's family? Why not show some... good fucking upbringing in your answers about it? I mean, I am not saying kiss anyone's ass. I'm saying that Parker COULD have said "That was a particularly hard time in my life and I feel bad that they young lady has taken her life... now let me tell you about this movie." Or, "that was a rough time for me, that young lady's family is in my thoughts and prayers." The way he (almost) cried for himself in that 60 minutes interview... he could have given some of that sympathy for that girl's family. I mean damn, I am a salty bitch, but even I act like I have feelings when speaking about victims and their families. And it isn't fake concern-- I didn't know that young woman but I feel bad that she was sexually assaulted. I feel bad that she thought that her only option was to take her own life. And that is an outside person looking in on this shit show.

I am many things: Black, woman, liberal, feminist, wife, mother, sister, daughter, etc. I feel sympathy and empathy for many groups and people. Nate Parker could have been better. I think he knows that. I have (almost) moved past yelling at people to get my point across. When the jury in the George Zimmerman trial found that fucker not guilty, I swore off the entire state of Florida. I haven't vacationed there, hell, I don't even buy Florida oranges. I vote with my money-- every day. It may not be much, but it is what I am able to do. Hell, I wanted to see the movie Sully. Tom Hanks is in it and it looked good, but it was directed by Clint Eastwood, who has lost his damn mind, so that was a no go. I want to see Hacksaw Ridge, which comes out soon, but it was directed by Mel Gibson, so... hell no. So, again, I will vote with my money and not see Birth of a Nation, but all the people blaming ALL Black women for the flop can go see it and tell me if it is good. (Feel that side eye action).

Does the story of Nat Turner need to be told? Absolutely. Do I, as a Black woman, need to make sure my daughter knows the story? Absolutely. Do I need to watch a movie directed by a seemingly non-sympathetic asshat? Nah, I don't.

Coddled Children, Horrific Adults

You know, things have changed in my life. Dramatic changes. Three months ago I was a housewife, now I am a stay at home mom of one tremendously adorable, chunky baby girl. I still run a household, but the mother part... the mother part changes everything. As a parent; a new parent, I hold the best wishes and thoughts for my daughter. She is not yet two months old and I already tell her that she can do and be anything. And I believe that for her. Hell, I believe that for me. I will raise her with all the insights that I have picked up, all the grace I was raised with, the sassiness, elegance, etiquette and chutzpah I can muster. I will do all that I can to provide her with a proper example of how a LADY is supposed to act. That being said, you never know how that will turn out. I mean, parents don't have a manual. Shit, I wish we did. There is no way to guarantee that your child will be a responsible, caring, empathetic adult. There is, however, a very easy way to make sure your kid will be a terrible adult... coddling them even when they display despicable behavior. 

By now we have all heard of Brock Turner, the former Stanford swimmer that was convicted of raping an unconscious woman. This "man" will serve six months in JAIL, not prison, three years probation and will have to register as a sex offender. For RAPING an UNCONSCIOUS woman behind a dumpster. So a judge totally kissed Brock's ass with that sentence... possibly because he also went to Stanford. Maybe it was because he wanted the victim to feel some sort of shame. Most likely the judge gave him that sentence because he doesn't have a daughter and/or he is a douche. Just when you thought that the shit pile was as tall as it was going to get, along comes a letter written by Brock's dad, Dan. Dan says that Brock's "every waking moment is filled with worry, anxiety, fear and depression." As they should be, Dan because your kid violated someone who could not say no or fight back. Dan goes on to refer to the rape as "20 minutes of action" and says that "incarceration is not the appropriate punishment for Brock." He knows this because he is his father. Sir, have a stadium full of seats and shut the fuck up. Immediately. 

Also, much has been made about the amount of alcohol that was consumed by the involved parties. Sincerely, I don't care if a woman or man drinks from sun up to sun down. The act of taking advantage of an intoxicated person is criminal. I don't care if a man is drunk and walking down the street naked, if I proceed to have sex with that man I am a rapist. He cannot consent. If there is any situation which precludes someone from saying (and meaning) "Hot, Black and Bitter I am an adult and I want you to do naughty things to me" then I am guilty of a crime. Point blank, period. And, truthfully, my parents would never let me do something as heinous as rape someone and then give me excuse after excuse after excuse so that I could get out of it. They taught me right from wrong, so, if ever I decided to do the wrong thing, my dad would let my ass sit in jail... and I would deserve it. 

Maybe if Dan was more of a hands on father his son would not think it was ok to rape an unconscious woman. Perhaps if Brock had some "appropriate punishment" at some point in life then he would not be in the situation he is in now. Listen, I said it above, I am going to break my back to make sure that my child has everything she needs to be a productive member of society. That said, I will NOT play the ultra devoted parent when my kid admits that she has done something wrong. I am not going to coddle her when she does something wrong because the world will not coddle your children. Well, if your kid is not a white male or a professional athlete the world will not coddle them. My child is neither, but even if she were... I would need her to know that while I love her, I will not cosign horrific behavior. Now Dan wants his son to be able to "give back to society in a net positive way." How about you raise a kid that is not a rapist? Maybe that is how Dan should have given back to society? Whatever happened to parents being parents? Disciplinarians? Moral compasses? C'mon, y'all- make sure your kids are people that we all want to share space with. Make sure that your kids know that bad behavior equals consequences. 

The Bill Cosby Chronicles

If you have been paying attention, you know that Bill Cosby has been accused, by upwards of 20 women, of drugging and, in some cases, raping them. The allegations started to take on steam about three weeks ago, some incidents being discussed took place 30 to 40 years ago. In these last three weeks (which seems like an eternity in this time of 24 hour news) Bill Cosby has refused to dignify these accusations with an answer. He has been silent on guilt or innocence. He has not seemed bothered by the memes, the chatter, the intentional distancing, the bad mouthing or having his honorary degrees taken away. He could not be bothered to make a statement-- except to thank Jill Scott and Whoopi Goldberg for standing up for him. He could not be bothered... until an interview that surfaced yesterday. Bill Cosby has done a (small) interview! Praise!! He took this time, not to say, "hey this shit is not true, I will see all these women in court," he didn't say "aww hell no, that did NOT happen and these people will NOT walk my law-abiding ass into the mud with them." Nope, he took THIS time to tell the "Black Media" to remain neutral on these rape allegations that are circulating. Um, sir. Are you being for real right now? Oh, you are? Because I thought that was a joke. That had to be a joke, right? Right?

You mean to tell me that you have not seen it necessary to come out the side of your mouth to SCREAM that you are innocent, but you do want to make sure that you are seen in a good light in Black Media for as long as possible? Sir. I need for you to take an IMMEDIATE seat. Not right now, but RIGHT NOW. What is wrong with this picture?

Now listen, I am certainly not going to act like I haven't held Bill Cosby in high regard-- I have and I have written about him at least three times... on this blog. I agree with his critique of the Black community. I think that there is SO much that needs to be done to help our community begin to flourish again. I think that Bill Cosby has a sincere desire to make the Black community better, more accountable, better educated and economically stable. I do. His decades of work towards that goal cannot be ignored. HOWEVER, all that work does not make up for these awful deeds that are surfacing (especially since he is not denying them). There seems to be a faction of Black people who want to excuse this behavior and feel like the media, as a whole, is out to get Cosby to get him to stop speaking the truth about race relations in America. I don't think that is happening... at all. The fact is that if, by chance, all the accolades that Cosby has gained are ripped from him, it will be no one's fault BUT HIS. I am not naive. It is not that I think that blackballing someone does not happen-- it does, but at some point Cosby is going to have to take responsibility for his role in drugging and assaulting these women.

The assault on women is REAL, and cannot, SHOULD NOT be dismissed simply because of the length of time it takes to report the crime OR who the abuser is. Women run into more problems if and when they report abuse than if they remain quiet. The way that the system works for the abused is you have to be above reproach; you have to be virginal; you have to have a spotless, sexless background in order to be believed. And if you are virginal, people will question that. You WILL be labeled a whore. Your background WILL be searched and scrutinized. You will be treated, in most cases, worse than the person who abused you. And that is what happens if your abuser is just a regular Joe, a nobody. Can you imagine the heat that these women will take for accusing Bill Cosby, America's Dad?

If Cosby did not do this, he has been a media darling... he KNOWS what he should do. If it is his contention that the allegations are false, he should get in front of those cameras and say that he did not drug and assault those women. The fact that he has not done so, makes me think that he cannot truthfully deny the allegations. And now he wants Black media to be neutral and not crucify him for these crimes. Um... where is that going to happen? That should not even be an option.

What I need from Bill is some consistency. He wants the Black community to be accountable? Cool. I want him to be accountable. He wants Black people to acknowledge their shortcomings so they can get past them? Cool. I want him to do the same. He wants Black men to pull their pants up and be about something? OK. I want him to keep his pants on and stop taking advantage of women. He wants us to look good and to fall in line. I want him to BE good-- for his community, for his legacy, FOR HIS WIFE. He is destroying all of his good works... with his silence. Be accountable, sir. Now.

How the NCAA fails us daily

I'm sitting here with Lefty, halfway watching this BCS Championship game and I am disgusted.  I'm disgusted for several reasons, most of all because I have to cheer for Auburn (yuck), my Buckeyes aren't in the championship game (damn), but most of all I am disgusted because Florida State University's team is headed by a man-child that is not being held responsible for bad behavior-- read: possible CRIMINAL behavior, so that he can play a child's game for a few million drunk armchair quarterbacks. For the ability to play a game well, we, under the leadership of the NCAA, have chosen to ignore the fact that Jameis Winston was not charged with sexual assault, even though an accuser has made a public complaint.

Now listen, I am aware that college football is a HUGE moneymaker. I am also aware that we are talking about teenage boys, who are experiencing their first times away from home; growing into the men that they are going to be, etc. Let me say this as emphatically as possible-- I DON'T CARE. I know that often times, Colleges and Universities head into the ghettos of American cities and recruit these boys and make them sign at least two years of their lives away to play this game. Again, I don't care. I know that student-athletes are unable to make outside money and live impossible close to poverty (like almost all other college students) while they make millions for their respective schools. Hmmm, I don't know how many times/ways I can say that I don't care, but you get the message.

I don't hand out sympathy for Jameis Winston, or any other student-athlete because guess what? Parents of his victim did not send their daughter to school to be (possibly) raped by an entitled douchebag. Parents do not sock money away to send their child into harms way-- and they definitely do NOT send their child off to college so that they can become a pawn in the game of college athletics. What kills me about the whole situation is the adults in the situation are not even pretending to be impartial. They are not even going to bring charges against their golden goose. What? I mean, can I get an investigation ( a real one)? Can I get some follow through? No. Hmmm, and what if she were your daughter… would you care more then?

Let me just say this-- I am a part of Buckeye Nation. I love Ohio State. I'm obnoxious about it. Lefty graduated from there-- and I grew up down the street from the school. I am the second biggest Ohio State fan there is (mama HBB is the biggest fan). So much shit has been thrown at our boys-- and yes, I do know that they are not innocent-- NO college program is. Say what you want about the kids and our coaching staff, but at the beginning of the season, our STAR running back, a fellow you may have heard of, Carlos Hyde, was accused of hitting a woman outside of a bar. He was suspended for three games. There was VIDEO proof that he did not DO what he was accused of, and Urban Meyer STILL made him serve his suspension, for being in the situation in the first place. And he should have. Senior year, be damned. They SHOULD be held to a higher standard. They should be held responsible for their actions. They should be taught that they don't get everything they want.

No one deserves to be raped. No man, no woman, no child. I don't care what you are wearing, where you are partying, what you had to drink, what day of the week it is, or where you go to school. The idea that one person is expendable because the accused is an athlete (at any level) is preposterous. There is no intelligent argument that will convince me that there is any other truth than that. If someone is not willing to share themselves with you, it is never, ever ok to take what is not on the table. Whether you make a million dollars or two dollars a day. And we as a society have GOT to stop awarding sub par behavior, simply because a person can dribble well, or throw a perfect spiral, or make a goal. What societal norms are we creating, sitting on our asses and still co-signing the tired excuse that boys will be boys? When will WE make people act against those who make our college kids victims, simply because they can? When will our daughters mean more to us than our office sport pools?