Wednesday, December 06, 2017

Real Life - Marriage

Welcome one and all to the Holiday Season!! This is supposed to be a time filled with joy and quality time with the ones you love. This is the time for giving and forgiving. This is the time to fill up on empty calories since you know one of your resolutions will be to get back to the gym. Oh, just me? Ok. Well, I just read an article about how, for some, the holiday season is the worst part of their year. During this time some folks experience more frequent bouts of depression... some of which is brought on my unrealistic expectations. I think today's heavy social media usage contributes to those unrealistic expectations. Example: Instagram and ALL her filters are the devil. Sis, ain't no way every room in your house is clean and your bowl of kale looks THAT good while you are a size zero with flawless skin... every day. Ain't NO way! 

So, in the interest of being transparent (and because everyone should know that NO one's life is picture perfect all the time), I am going to give you the low down on portions of my life. Here we go with the marriage edition.

First, let me say, I married my best friend. Hubs is just the right person for me to live out my life with. I am happy every day that I wake up and still have him as my partner. If you know us then you know, we balance each other out. Yin and Yang, as it were. He gives me this look when I am being a little ridiculous (and I also have a look for when he is going bonkers). I am not (as) bothered by the things that drive him up the wall. We (generally) hash out things in a constructive manner. We do not fight over money. Ever. He is more reserved, I am not. We take cute selfies and our baby is adorable.

Even with everything in the above paragraph being true-- and it is, there are still days that I want to punch him in the forehead. And, trust me, I KNOW that the feeling is mutual. If I am being completely honest, I am shocked that hubs hasn't thrown up his hands in despair at least once. Listen, marriage is hard-- even the best ones. When I see the divorce rate for the United States I am NOT shocked. Marriage is not like a Hallmark movie. Everything is not cut and dry and fundamental differences cannot be solved in two hours. 

While we are similar, we are definitely not the exact same. There are things that I cannot stand that do not bother my husband. There are things that I can deal with, like the current (and everlasting) messiness of my car, that drive him crazy. Want to know what drives ME crazy? An unorganized linen closet. Whose husband is haunted by an unorganized closet of towels? Oh, no ones? Exactly. It sure as hell drives me up the wall though. You get over it or you marry the one person in the world who can tell you to get over it. 

I know we are all enamored with the beautiful pictures of wedding ceremonies in far off, exotic places. We all cry tears of joy when our friends have their one special day, but marriage is more than that. Marriage is picking up after another grown up; and having someone to tell all your troubles to-- expecting that your secrets will always be safe. It is listening to the same story over and over because THIS set of friends haven't heard it yet. It is more than a huge diamond and a great engagement story. Marriage is day in and day out, giving up your "you" time but being happy about it. 

Don't trust those pictures on the internet. In fact, if you are following someone who pretends that everything is perfect, all the time, unfollow those assholes. That ain't real life. No one needs that negativity in their lives. Marriage is hard work that not everybody is built for. The only advice everyone should subscribe to, whether you have made it 30 years or 30 days, is be grateful for the love you have found and always let them know that you appreciate what they do. Be present in your marriage, whatever that looks like, and don't worry about Suzie Q down the lane... you aren't married to her.  Happy Holidays! 

Monday, December 04, 2017

Family Drama and Social Media

Social media is both a blessing and a curse. It is a blessing because it has the ability to bring folks with common interests together... and a curse for the exact same reason. I mean, I can be planted in my warm house in Columbus, Ohio and participate in a "not so crafty" group with members in Europe, Australia, California or any other part of the world with a strong WiFi signal. Amazing, huh? I could also friend some crazy racists in a penal colony on some island somewhere. Not so amazing.

The main example of when social media is a curse is the ability to air out personal laundry for all to see. I FIRMLY believe that family drama should not ever be dealt with online. You take your hurt feelings to whoever you are pissed at and work it out. Everyone should not have the ability to to see you fall out with folks who know your deepest, darkest secrets. Now listen, do I fall out with my family? Hell yeah- there are about a million of us running around this city, we all live VERY close to one another and personalities differ greatly. With ten kids, that will always be the case. But, even in the midst of our own brand of craziness I have never felt the need to let everyone in the world know when one of my siblings is acting like an asshole-- with one exception, and I don't hardly regret it.

Not only do I NOT want my friends (and enemies) to know the weaknesses of my family members, I also do not want to let some duplicitous asshole know how to get to ME. I want folks to have to WORK to figure me out, I don't want to give these bastards a roadmap. So yeah, my clan is drama filled. If you are a close family friend, you MIGHT know a good 15% of what we are arguing about this week, but we handle our shit in house; like all families should. Now, y'all's president? He is a whole different story.

This weekend Tangerine Dream went on a Twitter rant against the FBI. Sir, no. Uh, that shit is not kosher. Not anywhere. Now, as a Black, American woman, do I have qualms about how the FBI (and other government agencies) deal with my community? Absolutely. I routinely call the police and other law enforcement agencies out on their bullshit, but I am a private citizen. It is not like I am the Police Commissioner yelling at the top of my lungs that my police officers are corrupt... because Police Commissioners don't do that. They handle shit quietly, face to face... privately. 

Now here we are with a president that people ALREADY think is not working in the interests of Americans, screaming about how fucked up our intelligence community is on a platform that everyone can see. Our enemies. Our allies. Just... everyone. The Commander-In-Chief laying out the government in-fighting for all to see. Why would he do that? Things that make you go hmm (or however they say 'hmm' in Russia). 
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