Lessons Learned the Hard Way, Part III

Happy (almost) Christmas. Here is the continuation of the "41 Golden Rules..." 

Lesson 21: Do something scary. Listen: I have moved (three times) to different cities where I had no family. And let me tell you something: I *made* that work. Nashville, Chicago and Lansing, Michigan. I made friends, I got jobs and I made a life. And I do not regret it for a moment. 

Lesson 22: Don't let fraternity boys take you out for your 21st birthday. Baby, just know that I am looking out for your best interests with this. And extra advice: if someone offers you a "three wisemen" shot, just say no and walk out that bitch. Your stomach lining will thank you... You are welcome. 

Lesson 23: Listen. Really listen. Do not offer advice. Do not respond. Just be there and listen. Somebody needs it. Trust me. 

Lesson 24: YOUR dreams should come first. Never doubt that-- you were given an idea FOR A REASON. Make those dreams a reality. 

Lesson 25: Send handwritten, sincere notes. Etiquette 101 never fails you. 

Lesson 26: People CAN change, but you can't MAKE them. Your best bet is to walk away before things get REALLY bad... and meet back up when that person regains their senses. 

Lesson 27: Be kind. Self explanatory.

Lesson 28: Don't overstay your welcome. On stage, at a sleepover or at a job.

Lesson 29: Your friends are not EXACTLY like you... and that is ok. 

Lesson 30: Do what you love... or (honestly) what you can stand at the moment. Life is not always going to be rosy. Sometimes you are going to hate your job. Sometimes you will want to punch your relatives. Don't do it. Maintain some positive energy because the one thing about them tables... they always turn. 

Last 11 coming up right before the New Year!  

Graduation Advice

So, while I was in the midst of my Own Private Idaho (see previous post) the world continued to turn, right. Y'all, shit was happening! I know that I don't really spotlight my family-- but I have one. LOL Contrary to popular belief I was not found under a rock somewhere. Not only do I come from a pretty stellar family, it is also a LARGE family. Like, there are a LOT of us running around. A lot of kiddos means there is ALWAYS something going on and a month ago was a super huge day for the fam. 

Our family started to expand when I was in college. It is a long story, which I may get into at a later date or maybe over on the mommy blog. In 1997 I met a super cute, rolly poly oly kid when I was home from college on the weekend. He was just really starting to get around on his own, so I picked him up and was in the midst of introducing myself and he puked some red juice cocktail ALL over my white shirt. Quite a first day was had. I did not want to hold any more kids after that because... eww. I can laugh about it now-- kinda! 

The little kid that ruined my shirt has grown into a fantastic man, y'all. One month ago today, that young man graduated from college. Now, I am not a really emotional person, not that there is anything wrong with being emotional... it just isn't me. When something bad happens, my mind goes directly to "what can I do to fix this," not tears. When people pass away I am more overcome with a silent grief than with tears. On May 13th I was overcome with pride. There were no tears (shocker) but the feelings I had are almost indescribable. I was not really around when he was super little (college, grad school, law school... that long stint in Chicago) but I was around for holidays and high school. And college. And the person that he has grown into is amazing! He is kind, generous with his time, uses manners on a regular basis AND he loves his family. 

Maybe it is because I am actually old enough to be his mother. Maybe it is because we are a very close knit family. More than likely it is the fact that we have very similar personalities (because the world needs more Hot and Black bitterness)... whatever the reason when he walked across that stage I felt like WE made it. I felt the pride that I felt 18 years ago when I got my college degree. In a time where kids seem lost I am proud to have a brother who has direction. The world is his oyster and he is inspiring us all by chasing his dreams. 

Ah, to be 21 and at the top of the world again. Dear brother: take this advice from your middle aged, married sister-- go after whatever it is that you want. What YOU want. Don't be held back by friendships, societal norms or even our family. If you are in the middle of what everyone thinks you should do, and you hate it, do not be afraid to change directions. Ultimately, nobody can live this life for you. So do whatever makes you happy, so at the end of your time, you can look back with no regrets. Remind yourself on a regular basis that it is ok to go against the grain. Buddy, folks will ALWAYS try to make you go where they think you belong. Fuck those assholes. Blaze your own path. Love the folks who feed your dreams. Dismiss the folks that try to rain on your parade. This is your time. You represent the culmination of our wildest dreams. Make this shit count, Superman. Love you. 

Real Life - Marriage

Welcome one and all to the Holiday Season!! This is supposed to be a time filled with joy and quality time with the ones you love. This is the time for giving and forgiving. This is the time to fill up on empty calories since you know one of your resolutions will be to get back to the gym. Oh, just me? Ok. Well, I just read an article about how, for some, the holiday season is the worst part of their year. During this time some folks experience more frequent bouts of depression... some of which is brought on my unrealistic expectations. I think today's heavy social media usage contributes to those unrealistic expectations. Example: Instagram and ALL her filters are the devil. Sis, ain't no way every room in your house is clean and your bowl of kale looks THAT good while you are a size zero with flawless skin... every day. Ain't NO way! 

So, in the interest of being transparent (and because everyone should know that NO one's life is picture perfect all the time), I am going to give you the low down on portions of my life. Here we go with the marriage edition.

First, let me say, I married my best friend. Hubs is just the right person for me to live out my life with. I am happy every day that I wake up and still have him as my partner. If you know us then you know, we balance each other out. Yin and Yang, as it were. He gives me this look when I am being a little ridiculous (and I also have a look for when he is going bonkers). I am not (as) bothered by the things that drive him up the wall. We (generally) hash out things in a constructive manner. We do not fight over money. Ever. He is more reserved, I am not. We take cute selfies and our baby is adorable.

Even with everything in the above paragraph being true-- and it is, there are still days that I want to punch him in the forehead. And, trust me, I KNOW that the feeling is mutual. If I am being completely honest, I am shocked that hubs hasn't thrown up his hands in despair at least once. Listen, marriage is hard-- even the best ones. When I see the divorce rate for the United States I am NOT shocked. Marriage is not like a Hallmark movie. Everything is not cut and dry and fundamental differences cannot be solved in two hours. 

While we are similar, we are definitely not the exact same. There are things that I cannot stand that do not bother my husband. There are things that I can deal with, like the current (and everlasting) messiness of my car, that drive him crazy. Want to know what drives ME crazy? An unorganized linen closet. Whose husband is haunted by an unorganized closet of towels? Oh, no ones? Exactly. It sure as hell drives me up the wall though. You get over it or you marry the one person in the world who can tell you to get over it. 

I know we are all enamored with the beautiful pictures of wedding ceremonies in far off, exotic places. We all cry tears of joy when our friends have their one special day, but marriage is more than that. Marriage is picking up after another grown up; and having someone to tell all your troubles to-- expecting that your secrets will always be safe. It is listening to the same story over and over because THIS set of friends haven't heard it yet. It is more than a huge diamond and a great engagement story. Marriage is day in and day out, giving up your "you" time but being happy about it. 

Don't trust those pictures on the internet. In fact, if you are following someone who pretends that everything is perfect, all the time, unfollow those assholes. That ain't real life. No one needs that negativity in their lives. Marriage is hard work that not everybody is built for. The only advice everyone should subscribe to, whether you have made it 30 years or 30 days, is be grateful for the love you have found and always let them know that you appreciate what they do. Be present in your marriage, whatever that looks like, and don't worry about Suzie Q down the lane... you aren't married to her.  Happy Holidays! 

Soulful Saturday - The Cranberries

I am not exactly sure why fall weather makes me want to relive my high school days. Maybe it is because it is technically 'back to school' season or something. Could be. Ah well, here I am, up WAY past what should have been my bedtime, singing along to youtube videos of forgotten songs that once brought out teenaged angst. When I was in high school (oh my God, I just totally sounded like the old lady in the neighborhood IN MY OWN HEAD when I read that sentence back... What have I become?!) Back in the olden golden days of the mid 90s, the music was full of rebellion. Grunge was king of the airwaves, there was anger, combat boots and flannel shirts. Marry that with teenage hormones and there you have it, Hot, Black and Bitter, the high school years! One of the bands that regularly made it onto my mix tapes, and in heavy rotation were The Cranberries. Hauntingly beautiful sounds that you would not normally think would come out of a human... and notes that you should TOTALLY NOT TRY to emulate, but I do... every time. Hey, it is good singing... check it out.

Dreams

 


 Zombie


 


 I Still Do


 


Ode To My Family