Kirk Franklin Owes His SON An Apology

So hey! What’s up? What’s been good? How y’all doing? It has been a while. Who me? Oh, I have just been dealing with this global pandemic bullshit… you know, keeping my ass at home, washing my hands, wearing my mask and waiting on the distribution of these vaccines and stimulus checks. But that is another blog post for another day because Y’ALL I have been on these interwebs and the tea is just overflowing my mug, darlings. 

Now I am generally a little late to the party on breaking news. I see it, read the details and keep it moving. So, this weekend I was just surfing, like I do, and I saw the now infamous video of the “conversation” that Kirk Franklin had with his son. That shit was not a conversation- it was some bullshit and little Kirk Franklin needs to put on his big boy pants and apologize to his son. Now look, I know that I am in the minority here, but I am going to go ahead and explain how I got to this RIGHT answer. Ok? Here we go:

First, I am going to put this in the context of my life. I am a parent and I have parents. My kid and I have a good relationship and my parents and I rock with each other… tough! I love them. They live down the street and we speak at least three times a week (sometimes three times a day). I know what y’all see on this blog, but believe it or not, I don’t curse in front of my parents and I am NOT disrespectful. Never will be. I was raised with respect and I give respect. Just like that. I know me, right? So when there has ever been a problem, I (as quickly as I can) remove myself from the situation. Why? Mostly because my mouth is too slick. I know that once you say shit, you can’t take it back. So if I KNOW I can’t rein in my tongue (and attitude) I just don’t say shit. I am raising a daughter and I don’t want her to have any sort of complex because of the relationship that she has with me. It really is that simple. 

Now, Kirk Franklin- who made a few Jesus songs- is getting a pass for saying that he would “break his foot off in his son’s ass” and that he would “break his son’s neck.” Then he was screaming the N word at the top of his lungs like he was talking to a stranger that just stepped on his new church shoes. Sir. Ma’am. First of all, if y’all have read any of my posts you know I am not giving not one pass to the evangelicals, singers, preachers, YouTubers, authors, cousins, aunties, uncles, friends or acquaintances. I am NOT giving a pass to anyone, friends. You come out in the public, acting like an asshole, and I may comment on it. It is a chance you take. Kirk Franklin ain’t getting a pass, I don’t care how many melodies from heaven renditions he sings. What he did was wrong. That is no way to speak to your children. And let me just add, too many of y’all out here excusing those threats because you have been threatened like that before. Just because it happened to YOU and you survived does not mean that is A1 parenting and that you should do the same to your children. And if you mad, get a cape and be super mad. Stop spreading dysfunction. PERIOD. 

Back to Kirk, do y'all know that he came out with a rebuttal video where that little asshole had the absolute nerve to come out and apologize TO THE PUBLIC but didn’t have it in his short statured body to apologize to his son. What??

His son is a whole grown man and if he has questionable behavior maybe, just maybe, that is how he taught himself to be while little ol’ Kirk was spending the days and hours of his formative years running these streets addicted to porn. <SHADE> Maybe the son models his adult life after the life he saw Kirk living when he was growing up. Don’t come for me- I remember the controversies from before some of y’all were alive. Your children are people. Trust me- they will get on your last good nerve. They do. I’m not saying don’t discipline them. I’m not saying to raise disrespectful ingrates. But you, as the parent, need to lead by example. If you would apologize to the public for losing your temper because it is going to affect your bankroll… you should be man enough to apologize to your flesh and blood for treating them like shit and threatening them. And if you don’t want to apologize,WATCH YOUR FUCKING MOUTH. If your children never see you apologize, or they never experience you apologizing to them for bad behavior, you are willingly raising children who will not apologize when they should. You are not raising well rounded kids. You are failing your children. Stop that bullshit ASAP. It is not healthy.

Now unclutch those pearls, ma’am, throw on some church music and get ready for the comeback of Hot, Black and Bitter. 

Black Girl Magic, Part II

More lessons learned during this roller coaster ride called life. For the first 10, check out last week's article.

Lesson 11: For everything, there is a season. Listen: you are going to lose some folks along the way. Everybody's finish line is different. Some of your "Day 1" friends won't make it to year 41. 

Lesson 12: Learn how to PROPERLY apply makeup. Y'all. Stop being in these streets looking like you are always on your way to a Halloween party. When folks tell you that "less is more" they mean it. I mean it. Instagram filters can't hide a heavy hand. 

Lesson 13: Eat your veggies. Find (at least) five different vegetables that you like. Eat them, thank me later.

Lesson 14: Shout/Argue. Listen, I know that it is frowned upon, but really it is about presentation. I argue ALL the time. Now, every argument isn't a shouting match... but I never leave folks with any question about where we stand. I am VERY capable of getting my point across, and there *may* be yelling/curse words or there *may* be an even scarier tactic taken (that smooth, calm voice right before the volcano erupts). In any case, say that you mean and mean what you say.

Lesson 15: Have a signature drink. More important than you think. This is what your college years are for! Experiment with all sorts of alcohol on your 21st birthday and the couple of months following it. Learn where your breaking point is... and stay away from it when you are out and about- like on a first date... or networking. No one likes a drunk in public. Or a puker. Know those limits!

Lesson 16: Don't hang out with dicks. Momma Hot, Black and Bitter told me a million years ago: you are known by the company that you keep. You are. Choose accordingly. 

Lesson 17: Plans made at 16 might not be life at 41. Woooo- MESSAGE. At 41 I am not doing what I thought I would be doing. At the age of 16 I would have never thought that I would be back in my hometown, that I would be married, that I would have a kid. None of this was on my radar, but that is the best thing about life-- it is full of unknowns, twists and turns, punches to the face... and fantastic surprises.

Lesson 18: Drink Water. Do it, especially after a long night of trying to figure out your alcohol tolerance levels. You're welcome. 

Lesson 19: Believe the bad behavior. We all have seen some signs of bad behavior from people in our lives. We have "friends" who throw chi in our face when shit gets tough; folks who don't cheer when we are winning; assholes who allow other people to talk shit about us, etc. There had been plenty of times where I have heard "you know, I don't usually do X,Y,Z, but..." Yes you do. When you see the warning signs, start to pan your exit from toxic ass people. 

Lesson 20: Take a Social Media timeout. Seriously, once a month. It can be 4 hours, a day, a week, whatever. Do it to prove to yourself that you can. Take a nap, read a book, get a massage, watch reality tv... just don't check Facebook/Twitter/Snapchat or (the ultimate time suck) Pinterest. 

Damn, I am old as shit... I still have 21 more lesson to go! LOL 

Family Drama and Social Media

Social media is both a blessing and a curse. It is a blessing because it has the ability to bring folks with common interests together... and a curse for the exact same reason. I mean, I can be planted in my warm house in Columbus, Ohio and participate in a "not so crafty" group with members in Europe, Australia, California or any other part of the world with a strong WiFi signal. Amazing, huh? I could also friend some crazy racists in a penal colony on some island somewhere. Not so amazing.

The main example of when social media is a curse is the ability to air out personal laundry for all to see. I FIRMLY believe that family drama should not ever be dealt with online. You take your hurt feelings to whoever you are pissed at and work it out. Everyone should not have the ability to to see you fall out with folks who know your deepest, darkest secrets. Now listen, do I fall out with my family? Hell yeah- there are about a million of us running around this city, we all live VERY close to one another and personalities differ greatly. With ten kids, that will always be the case. But, even in the midst of our own brand of craziness I have never felt the need to let everyone in the world know when one of my siblings is acting like an asshole-- with one exception, and I don't hardly regret it.

Not only do I NOT want my friends (and enemies) to know the weaknesses of my family members, I also do not want to let some duplicitous asshole know how to get to ME. I want folks to have to WORK to figure me out, I don't want to give these bastards a roadmap. So yeah, my clan is drama filled. If you are a close family friend, you MIGHT know a good 15% of what we are arguing about this week, but we handle our shit in house; like all families should. Now, y'all's president? He is a whole different story.

This weekend Tangerine Dream went on a Twitter rant against the FBI. Sir, no. Uh, that shit is not kosher. Not anywhere. Now, as a Black, American woman, do I have qualms about how the FBI (and other government agencies) deal with my community? Absolutely. I routinely call the police and other law enforcement agencies out on their bullshit, but I am a private citizen. It is not like I am the Police Commissioner yelling at the top of my lungs that my police officers are corrupt... because Police Commissioners don't do that. They handle shit quietly, face to face... privately. 

Now here we are with a president that people ALREADY think is not working in the interests of Americans, screaming about how fucked up our intelligence community is on a platform that everyone can see. Our enemies. Our allies. Just... everyone. The Commander-In-Chief laying out the government in-fighting for all to see. Why would he do that? Things that make you go hmm (or however they say 'hmm' in Russia). 

The Political Race - An Endorsement

It has been a while-- and that has mostly been on purpose. Things around the HBB household have been in full swing. We are preparing for a baby, including getting a nursery ready, being generally uncomfortable all day long and enjoying (not) extra doctor's visits and tests (that is what happens when you are old... no fun). Most of my social media presence has been on Twitter and Facebook so I have seen what has been going on. And, honestly, most of it I have ignored. Vowing that the last few months of this rough ass pregnancy would be drama free. Ah, but it has all come to a head the day after Super Tuesday, or so it would seem. 

So much has happened in the last week-- and we haven't even gotten to the Ohio primary. It seems like American politics are a dumpster, filled with highly flammable shit, next to a warehouse full of matches, with no extinguisher in sight. People who can't decide what cereal to buy at the grocery store now have social media Ph.Ds on the best route for the American people to take and who can get us there. That crazy uncle that your family routinely hides away at holiday dinners is now front and center, giving you the full extent of his racially/culturally insensitive rhetoric, making you question the gene pool you are a part of. And let's not forget the cute little millennials who are hell bent on telling you how to vote, although you have most definitely been of voting age longer than they have been alive. Dumpster fire, y'all. 

Since I am a voter-- a serious voter, like I do not miss anything; if the polls are open, I vote-- I find all the hoopla surrounding this next election super annoying. Like most gyms the first week of January. People come out of the woodwork, they don't know how the gym works and most of them use the machines wrong and get hurt before they see results. I mean, I get it... for several reasons people are super pissed off and want to see some change in how our government is ran. I understand. But how much of these extreme measures are actually helping them get their points across? How many memes FULL of misinformation will float around and actually change someone's mind? How much physical abuse is going to happen before we say enough? How many shitty debates and false promises do we have to sit through? 

Make no mistake, I absolutely speak my mind. I have a favorite. I know who I am voting for on the 15th in the Ohio primary. But I am not actively trying to change people's minds regarding who THEY are voting for. I have republican friends. Lovely, wonderful, misguided republican friends (I kid, kinda). I have friends who love Bernie Sanders. Lovely, wonderful, misguided Bernie fans (I... am not kidding). I don't lose sleep over who my friends are going to vote for. They have their reasons, I am sure. If they become fanatic about posting misinformation, I just delete them from my feeds-- self preservation is what I call that. So all you social media Ph.Ds, crazy uncles and sweet faced millennials should know... it doesn't matter how long we have know each other, or if we are related or if you are really, really cute... I will delete your ass with the quickness if you bombard me with "my candidate is the best, yours is a liar, America is so bad, only so-and-so can make it great again" nonsense. Just like before. Pregnancy has not lessened my ability to press delete rather quickly. (Yay!!) 

For whatever it is worth, my pick? Hillary Rodham Clinton. Lefty and I were talking about her about a year ago and I told him the one reason I didn't think she was going to get elected: people don't LIKE her. She has never been painted as a likable person. Ever. She has always been seen as a woman who constantly oversteps her boundaries, pushes for more than she should, demands so much from people and thinks she is the smartest person in the room. Essentially, I told Lefty that she sounds like me. I like her-- as much as a layperson can like a politician. She has more experience than anyone in the field and she pushes for improvements (things that can ACTUALLY happen) without blowing smoke up my ass. She is sassy and I don't care if you like her or not, Hillary is BRILLIANT. She knows how to work the system-- and we need someone like that. She is JUST enough of a smart ass-- she is not a self entitled billionaire or a crotchety old man. She speaks to the needs that I want addressed and that is why I am voting for her. 

All that said-- there is a debate for the democrats tonight... sweet baby Jesus, I pray that I don't have to hear anything about the size of someone's genitalia, like I did during the last republican debate. 

Manic Monday - Death By Social Media

Ah, weekends. Around here they are known as "catch  up on sleep days" or "have an actual conversation with your husband... two days in a row" days or, my personal favorite "let's make a list of all the shit we aren't going to get done in two days." This past weekend was a lovely mixture of all these things. I was feeling under the weather last week, so this weekend was gonna be my first few times out of the house (other than Friday's workout with momma HBB), plus we hadn't really started the garden yet, we needed groceries... you know, all that jazz. So here I was, checking Facebook on Saturday morning because... yeah, I wanted to. A bajillion things to do-- AFTER a Facebook check, right?

It was during that "quick check" on Saturday that I learned of the happenings of the night before. Picture this, a hot and muggy night in Georgia, a high school graduation and a chick off her rocker. I am sure that we all know by now that Nancy Gordeuk lost her damn mind in front of graduating seniors and their family members, calling people goobers, cowards and trying to call out Black people for leaving the graduation ceremony. After social media (primarily #BlackTwitter) completely lambasted her, she sent out a half-assed apology and appeared on her local news station. She says that the "Devil was in the house" on Friday night and "he came out of her mouth" in front of family members of the graduating seniors. That was her take in the pseudo apology. On the news she said she is NOT racist and it wasn't like she called those Black people the n-word. Ma'am. I NEED YOU TO TAKE A SEAT. IMMEDIATELY. The devil made you do it? Oh, ok.

She wasn't the only fool that died by social media in the last 72 hours. Her knucklehead son put his address on Facebook and invited people over to fight if they disagreed with his mama. He also used the n word in a subsequent post. Those posts have now been taken down. (Surprise, surprise... oh, I can guess what kind of backwoods upbringing that... youngster had.)

In addition to these shenanigans, some douchebag running for the mayor of Gahanna (a little suburb of Columbus) was taken to task about his previous social media posts. Joseph Gergley, a 26 year old special case, essentially showed his homophobic, racist side on his twitter account-- as recently as last year. When the sinister tweets were discovered, Gergley blamed it on youthful indiscretions.  Sir, what exactly did you think was going to happen when you ran for public office? Did you think that those tweets could just stay out there and never be questioned? Did you think it was funny to compare a central Ohio Walmart to Ferguson, Missouri? And you thought the voting public would be okay with that? Why exactly? Oh my, Monday, you do me so wrong. Annnnnnnd to round off the list of the top three most pathetic people of the last 72 hours, George Zimmerman was in the news today for being shot at in a road rage incident.

Listen folks, let me tell you what you should know already: if you are a horrible person in your every day life, you will get caught being a horrible person. Whether it is on twitter or in front of people who send their children to your school and in fact, pay your salary, YOU WILL BE FOUND OUT. I will never understand why people insist on being jerks AND doing it in writing or on video. Nancy yelled at a guy who was taping her. That is how this whole situation got started. So she HAD to know, before she made her super racist and unnecessary comment, that someone would see it. Gergley (who has since deleted his Twitter account) had a public page. Dude, what? I mean, I know that people are forgiving and you will (unfortunately) always have someone who will be willing to take your apology but why give them ammunition? Why put yourself in a position where you HAVE to apologize? Why not just be a stand up kind of person all the time? Too much like right? Oh, I see.

Listen: I know that not everyone agrees with my stances, political or personal. I get it. Not everyone agrees with being a liberal, the death penalty, interracial marriage, reproductive rights, feminism, civil rights, equal rights, equal pay, or pet rescue. There are people that will disagree with everything that I stand for-- and that is fine. But there is a way to say it-- especially if you are, I don't know, a principal or running for public office.  As my mother used to say (ok, she still says it to me because clearly, I need the reminder) "It is not WHAT you say, it is HOW you say it."  Don't put your business in the public forum, for everyone to see, and then complain when your credibility dies on social media, You did that to yourself and just like Nancy, Joseph and George, you deserve whatever the social media gods hit you with. Check yourself. We should ALL be using social media like everyone can see it... because everyone CAN.

Could I Be A Republican??

Nope, you didn't read the title wrong. Well, not exactly. I guess I should explain. Whoa-- that is never good... explaining at the beginning? Eek. Ah, well, I mean, how bad could it be? :)

So, a couple days ago, Papa Hot, Black and Bitter were having a hushed telephone call. Hushed because Lefty works second shift and Papa HBB has this thing about calling me in the morning. I think that he just misses me most out of all the kids, so YAY!! Anyway, we were having a hushed conversation about politics. The more I think about our conversation, the more I think that if someone met me, they would assume that I would lean towards the right.

The largest portion of our conversation was about the responsibilities of members of society. What we are supposed to do for our households, our community, and our friends. Clearly not a shocker that my dad and I came up with the same idea on what someone's responsibilities are-- I mean, he taught me responsibility, so of course we would both think that, as members of a civilized society, it is our responsibility to be productive AND to help others. There we were, two *slightly* reformed heathens, talking about how we should help others prosper, because the Bible tells us so. We were a Sunday School song. In real life.

Seriously, we talked about "Christians" that we know that refuse to help people looking for job-- even if they know of job openings. Those who are content to let others suffer, living from paycheck to paycheck, when they KNOW how people can earn extra money. "Christians" who refuse to do community service if it is offered in a building that belongs to another denomination. You know the type, right? "Christians" that will talk about you on Sunday after sitting next to you at the club on Saturday. Super, super petty Sister so-and-so who comes to church with alcohol on her breath, daring you or anyone else to sit in 'her' seat. Super thirsty Brother so-and-so who will tell you what to do in your house, when his house is built on top of a sink hole. And this week-- Brother and Sister so-and-so who are praying so hard for Bobbi Kristina Brown to recover from her medically induced coma, but won't spare a dime, dollar or a good word for their neighbor. Yep, I said that.

Why did this conversation make me think I could be a Republican? Because everything that I have read lately from the Republican party says that they are the party of societal responsibility, Christian values, high moral code, God loving, Jesus fearing... Bible following... See, that sounds good... on paper.

BUT are you working towards the betterment of your fellow man? Are you just talking a good game on social media or are you backing all that talk up? Are you helping people find employment or are you one of those people who say "I have a job, you should go and get one too"? Are you doing community service-- in YOUR community or are you going to a different state or country to help people you don't know? Are you following up with the widows in your life? How about orphans? Do you volunteer for The Boys and Girls Club? Big Brothers Big Sisters? Local recreation centers? Or do you just complain about these crazy kids, walking through your yard in the summertime? Do you take people under your wing? Do you make it EASY for folks to be successful? Or do you only look good on paper?

Moral of the Story-- in theory I could make a great Republican-- on paper-- EXCEPT, I don't just talk a good game on social media, I make it happen. I know I didn't make it here by myself-- and I refuse to be a stumbling block for someone else who is trying to make it. Someone encouraged my crazy thoughts & dreams. Someone told me I could make it to college, get a job, do whatever I wanted. Someone helped me when I got laid off; when I moved to another state; when I bought a house and when I lost it. So I encourage people to do what they are passionate about. I don't look down on folks who make less money than I do. If I can do something that will help my neighbor bring in a honest check, instead of contemplating stealing my shit, I am going to help them. I help with resumes, cover letters, referrals. Because I know a good job is not going to fall in your lap. I know that sometimes things are just out of your control. I know that sometimes you just need a little help, for a little while. So, I am not a Republican, or a Democrat. I am one of those scary, slightly idealistic Independents... that does what she wants, helps the less fortunate and VOTES in every election. Be afraid, be very afraid.

Why I am So Free-- With the Delete Button

Seems like I always get asked why I am so free to delete people-- most with no warning. I am not sure if people are asking for fear that they are delete-able, or if they are just trying to figure out the degree of bitch I am. Maybe they think I am so self absorbed that I don't want to hear, read, tweet or see opinions that are not the same as mine. Hell, maybe I am that self absorbed... with other things, but, truly, that is not the reason that I delete people on social media or in real life.

The answer is really simple: I delete people, places, things and social media pages that no longer make me happy. Whether it be the fact that they are SUPER negative, posting things that are not researched, bigoted, racist, lacking empathy to a group that encompasses people that I care about, discriminatory (to me or others), ignorant or just that they seem to be so very LOST as to what is happening around them... I just do not have the time, nor the inclination to deal with that on a daily basis.

Listen, Lefty will be the first to tell you-- I am totally addicted to social media. If I am far from my smartphone for long periods of time, I might begin to show symptoms of withdrawal. We always joke that when we buy a vacation home, it should be smack dap in the middle of some heavy acreage... as long as there is wifi. Can't go way out in the boonies without the possibility of contact. LOL. I spend a fair amount of my day tweeting, sharing, looking stuff up online, blogging, Pinterest (it is the devil!), etc. Who wants to spend a vast amount of their day, every day, reading about how you don't think someone who (whatever you don't like) doesn't deserve the same basic human rights as you?

I once had a friend (yeah, I know, hahahaha) who changed her life. She went through something traumatic and completely changed her life around, which was fabulous. The problems crept in when she started to judge the people around her. There was always a condescending tone; always that disapproving look, always a smart ass remark for people that we knew that were doing the best they could with what they had. Man, I had to let that chick go. I mean, who has time to feel like a "friend" is constantly judging you? No one. I also had a "friend" on Facebook who would publicly crucify people on social media, telling them they were going to go to hell, Jesus was watching them, she loved them but not their sin, etc. Now here is the thing: 1- I don't subscribe to making people feel guilty to bring them to Jesus and 2- in her REAL life, this chick was a club bunny, she slept around, she has a few children by a few different men. Um, sis. Jesus doesn't like you faking the funk and I don't like you crowding my timelines with your sanctimonious crap. C'mon now. I don't want to see that day in and day out when I KNOW you are lying. Had to go.

And I would be remiss to mention the people who have no room in their lives to show a bit of empathy towards their fellow man. Last week I was getting all kinds of lectures about how I should teach people United States history so they can try to understand the plight of Black America. Uh, hell no. Listen, all I have for them is the delete button. You were supposed to learn history in your home and in school. I am not a social studies teacher. Besides, no one should have to teach you empathy. That comes with being a freaking human being and not wanting anyone to suffer unnecessarily. I am 30- something years old. It is not MY job to make sure that YOU are a well rounded individual. Hello? That is your responsibility as a grown person. I don't have that to do, buddy. But you know what I do have? A delete button with your name ALL over it. Happy surfing!