2023, Rule Number One

 Ho, ho, ho- Happy New Year, or however it goes. I am just so happy that 2022 is done, I don't know what to do with myself. Last year seemed so unrelenting in the "fuck shit" category. Some days there were smiles and laughs at noon, and then tears by dinnertime. And that mood was the entire 365 days. I don't ever want to re-live 2022. There was a viral TikTok that said "These weapons formed against me, they prospering just a little bit." If that wasn't the running motto for 2022, I don't know what was. 

So to say that I am happy that we all get a "start anew" would be an understatement. It is only the first day of this new year, but I am going into this bitch tightly holding the hand of hope because I know how close 2022 came to driving me absolutely bonkers. Please keep in mind that while I am holding on to hope and squeezing her hands like someone trying to get ALL their groceries in the house in one trip, I realize that hope ain't loyal- my kid is sleeping on the couch next to me as I type this. Stuffy nose and a fever. Negative for all the things but still feels like crap. And still I keep holding on. 

Y'all ever watch Mark Harmon play Jethro Gibbs on NCIS? He is a surly Marine who heads a group of investigators and they solve crimes perpetrated on or by military personnel. Gibbs has rules- and everyone on his team knows them. He often just has to say "Rule number 9" and the team member will automatically know that he means "Never go anywhere without a knife." It became an unspoken truth during the years I watched the show. Well. I have decided that I am as badass as Mark Harmon (even though Jethro Gibbs is a fictional character, I am not as badass as Gibbs... but Mark, yeah I could take him!) Since I am (at least) as badass as Mark Harmon, I have decided to come up with some rules during this "new year, new me" stage that everyone dabbles in at the beginning of every year. 

So Rule number 1. It is for me AND everyone else. It is simple. RULE #1: Be fucking for real.  I find that with the changing of calendar years, folks lean heavy on made resolutions (myself included) and the first step to making those resolutions happen? Be fucking for real. You can't go from 437 pounds and no training routine to running a marathon on January 10. I'm going to need y'all to be fucking for real. You are not going to pull off significant changes with no planning or implementation. You have to be real with yourself. Have a really frank discussion with yourself and make a plan and then, for the love of all that is holy, DO IT. If these last 3 years have taught us nothing, they have screamed that we are all operating on borrowed time. So, do the work within that will assist you in whatever you are trying to accomplish outwardly. In other words: BE FUCKING FOR REAL.

The work is hard, but worth it. Happy New Year, now let's get after it!

Soulful Sunday - New Year Edition

Well now-- welcome to the first full week of 2018! That seems so odd to type, mostly because the last time I was all the way "together" was about two years ago before I gave birth to the toddler that is now running through my house. Plus, when looking back on 2017, time seemed to fly by last year. I am glad that 2017 didn't drag-- it was a stressful year-- and I can only imagine that my stress level would have increased tenfold if the year moved at a snail's pace.

When I first started to do Soulful Saturday on this blog, it was mostly the list of songs I was listening to as I got ready to go out (yes!). Occasionally I would post songs that I was listening to as I lounged around the house reminiscing about high school loves, college parties, early 20s shenanigans... you know, all that good shit. Life is a lot different now. First of all, it is Sunday night, almost 10:30 pm and I haven't thought about spending a night out on the town in months. I would trade a night out for a nap. A well deserved, super NEEDED nap. And I would not be sad about it in the least.

So, while my musical tastes have NOT changed, the vibe that I have when posting good music has. I'm not getting dressed, plotting which high heels will stand up to a night of dancing around the club. These days I am typing a sentence or two in between chasing a chubby little girl with bouncing curls from room to room. And life is magnificent. That is the best thing that this blog shows me every year-- nothing stands still. I am ever evolving, ever learning, ever changing. And every day is a gift.

In that vein-- the song for this Soulful Sunday is super fitting for the first full week of 2018. It tells us what this year is giving us time to do... WORK. Work on ourselves. Work on our dreams. Work in our communities. Get to work, ladies and gentlemen. Happy New Year!

New Year Resolutions

Here we are, eleven days into the new year and here I am, finally sharing my resolutions with y'all. My bad. Generally, I do try to stay on top of posts and stuff, but 1. I don't really DO resolutions and 2. I have been a little busy with this fast growing, spunky infant. So as I sit here, in the dark, trying not to type too hard (so I don't wake the aforementioned spunky infant) telling y'all what I hope will happen in 2017... ok, what I will work toward in 2017. 

I have five outstanding goals for 2017. They aren't in any particular order because by December 31, I want all of them to be done! I know that these will be challenging and I can do challenging. Challenging is not impossible-- and I am sure that I will remind myself of that every freaking day of the year... while drinking tons of coffee and daydreaming about getting a massage. So without further adieu-- here are my five "resolutions" for the next 354 days.

1. Write More. Ok, let me tell you that goal number one, two and three could be one, but I am separating them. This year I want to write more. Last week was my 11 year anniversary for this blog and last year (understandably) blogging was not necessarily a priority. I do want to make writing a priority though, because it is definitely a stress reliever for me... and I have been told that I am ok at it! I have this blog, a "mommy" blog and will be restarting a doggie blog-- and I want all three of them to thrive. I want to stick to a posting schedule (Wednesday and Friday) and get back into the groove. 

2. Carve Out A Little More Me Time. It is hard to take me time when you have a small human crawling around, but I know that I need it. These last 9 months (9 months ALREADY) have flown by... flown by with limited sleep, limited showers and a very steep learning curve. Y'all, I wouldn't change it, but BABY there are some days that I would trade one of the dogs for a 45 minute nap. I know that I can't give Baby K or Lefty 100% if I am not 100%, so I need to set aside some time to replenish myself. A woman cannot live on coffee alone... or some shit like that, right?! That includes getting back into exercise. No secret that I turn the big 4-0 this year (or maybe it WAS a secret); bottom line, your girl needs to work out a schedule that includes her as a priority.

3. Read More. For Christmas Mama and Papa Hot, Black and Bitter got me a book by my favorite author and I tried to remember the last time I finished a good book. It had been months. Months. For me months cannot go by without reading a good book ever again. Reading has always been an escape and somehow I think that is EXACTLY what I will need during the first year of this new political regime (cue the eye roll). In 2016 I did a GoodReads challenge, which I did not even come close to finishing. Last week I started a new challenge on GoodReads-- 60 books for the 2017. Years ago 60 books would have been a drop in the bucket... I hope to be able to finish and document these 60 books, whatever they may be.

4. Document Daily Life More. This is actually for Baby K. I don't really do pictures (of myself). I remember lots of funny stuff that has happened... but I want to make sure that I have life documented in some other way. Something a little more tangible... because this memory ain't what it used to be! So, I will probably be doing some instagram challenges or something like that-- something to guarantee that I will post every day. Combine that with number 1 and that is a whole lotta me in 2017. Let me add, with more documentation of daily life I will be forced to clean up my social media contacts-- friends, family and acquaintances will be re-evaluated.

5. Redo Three Rooms in the Hot, Black and Bitter Palace. This will make Lefty happy. I would like to finish (from curtain rods to flooring) three rooms in our house. I think that now is the time to redo some shit, since Baby K is making baby proofing necessary. Ok, really I am just looking for a reason to tear up and fix some shit. I spend a lot of time here-- time for me to hang a picture or two. 

So, how are y'all doing with your resolutions? Almost two weeks in... is there anything that you have already given up on?

Fed Up Friday - Caping for the Villians

Ah, 2016. Here you are, just over a week ago some of us were ringing you in with the hopes and promises of being better people-- more awake to everything that goes on around us. Ah, some of us are liars. Horrible liars. Social media tells all. It lets us know who continues to bring the close minded bullshit from previous years to our mental doorsteps... and let me just say, there are a lot of you assholes. You haven't dropped the shit that holds you back. You still spend your day talking shit about situations/people/places you (still) don't understand. You post memes-- misspelled memes-- that espouse your ridiculous stance on whatever your cause of the hour is. Making me sick. Like, more than morning sickness... making me physically ill.  Prime example: the events of today.

Today is R. Kelly's 49th birthday. How do I know this? Because a radio station in Columbus told me so, several times. Listen, I cannot even pretend that I didn't rock to R. Kelly in the 1990s. He was everywhere and his shit was grand, hear me? Grand. One of my college roommates loved R. Kelly. In the broke days of college, when you actually had to go and purchase CDs at the store when they came out, I am not ashamed to say that I stood in line a couple times. But that, friends, was the 90s. The unnamed radio station in Columbus played some R. Kelly hits AFTER playing portions of an interview where Mr. Kelly got angry at the reporter for bringing up several past allegations of sexual abuse of minors. And THAT is why I don't fuck with R. Kelly anymore. Sexual abuse of minors. Several minors. He has a penchant for young girls. Man, what?

You know who else seems to have a thing for young girls? Some dude named Tyga. I don't know what he does, but I am guessing he is some kind of musician. He looks like a weird underfed rat. Whatevs. I guess that he has hooked up with one of the young(er) KarTRASHians, before her 18th birthday, and has been caught sending direct messages to a 14 year old on Instagram. Fourteen. He has men all up in arms talking about "that girl doesn't look 14..." Tyga claims that he contacted her because she is a musician. She says that in the direct messages he NEVER mentioned music. Uh huh.

And then there is the biggest news story in all the Black world-- Bill Cosby. Cosby is STILL in the news regarding his drugging and raping women for DECADES. Fifty plus women have come forward, with stories that are close to the same, claiming that the man who gave us The Cosby Show takes advantage of women. This week his attorney, who is a Black woman, hit the airwaves to profess his innocence- on a case by case basis it seems. She is leaving all kinds of reporters in her wake, which is impressive to some. Me, not so much, but hey lawyers have to mount a good defense for their clients, right?

Let me tell you WHY these three stories are annoying. R. Kelly is getting praise for his music and people tend to forget his shady ass past. Tyga has been given a built in excuse that the girl he is talking to through direct messages doesn't LOOK her age. Bill Cosby is given a pass because he is supposedly "America's Dad" because of a show that was on the air 25 years ago. I call bullshit. Why can't we just say that while R. Kelly WAS talented but we refuse to compensate him for "musical talent" when he is abusing the future mothers of our community? Why complicate the matter? Why continue to put money in his pockets when some of y'all have seen the video of him pissing on a young girl? Why can't we see this direct message debacle as a pattern for Tyga? Instead of looking at the girl in the situation and giving him a built in excuse, why not just say he has approached and "dated" an underage girl before and he is probably trying to do that shit again? Why blame that little girl and her mama, when the real blame belongs on the grown ass man that is sliding into her DMs trying to get her number?

And then there is Cosby. Sir, I need you to take a seat. A stadium full of seats. I mean, I don't care who you are, if 50 different people come up to me and tell me you are an asshole, guess what I think of you before we even meet? I'm supposed to give you a pass because you had a hit show in the 80s and 90s? And to all the conspiracy theorists... stop it. This is not happening to Bill Cosby because he wanted to buy NBC. This is happening to Bill Cosby because he thought he was above the law and could do whatever the hell he wanted. He has said that in the past he has given drugs to women and then proceeded to have sexual contact with them. He said it. So now that he has a capable Black woman at the helm, I'm supposed to give him the benefit of the doubt? I wonder how he would have treated her 30 years ago if she wanted to be an actor? Ewww.

Why are we so easily tricked into forgiving and forgetting? Why do "celebrities" make us lose our moral compass? Why are we caping for the villains instead of weeping for and helping the victims?

Dear Gym Patrons

As a person who doesn't only go to the gym in January, let me just say: I hate January. The resolutions, the crowds, the (wrong) use of the equipment, the BAD ASS kids. It is enough to make people lose their ever-loving minds within the confines of the YMCA. I can put up with some ridiculousness… without throwing a *huge* fit, while still making it obvious that I am not pleased. Listen: when I tell you that TODAY made me want to stand on the front desk and start cherry picking people to point out their bad behavior… Whoa. It is sincerely a miracle that I was able to make it out of there with my wits intact. The experience made me come home and type out this open letter to the patrons of my gym, so there is that. Tell me if you can relate to my sentiments: 

Dear children at the gym: Listen, there is day care here. If you are not a preteen- get you little monkey ass off the bikes. I am not your parent and I am not going to say something nice like "oh, Billy, you need to share the equipment." Naw, Billy. Move your punk ass out of the way. I don't know if you have escaped the protective walls of the children's center, but if I have to lead you bubble head back over there, we are going to have problems. If you can't reach the arm controls on the elliptical machine, why is our punk ass on it? Why aren't you with your mama? Matter of fact, point her out to me, Billy. Clearly, I need to have a heart to heart with her. 

Dear New Year Resolution Crowd: I get it. New Year, New You. Work it!! Just don't work your ass over here to me. I tried to prep for your group. I make a plan of what I need to do in the gym and for the month of January, I avoid classes because I have seen the fallout of one too many people in boot camp class. I plan around you because I know it won't be long before the regulars will be back to our little routine, without having to work around you. And please stop confusing me with the trainers around here-- I don't have on a Y shirt. If you don't know how to use something, don't ask me… pay for some personal training lessons and get.out.of.my.way.

Dear teenagers: Even with my headphones on I can hear you talking about Susie and Johnny kissing at school or about the new One Direction song/video and who Harry is dating. Guess what? No one cares. Move your ass from in front of my locker. Harry Styles does not know you, silly bird. And if he were dating that Kardashian girl, you wouldn't have a say-- let's move this convo to the side of the locker room, please. I know that you think you have earth shattering news, but unless you are about to tell me that I cannot leave the Y because The Rock is headed in here to sweep me off my feet, like the last scene to An Officer and a Gentleman, I can do without the theatrics. 

Dear grunting guys: Just stop it. Hit the weights, fine. Grunting noises like you are passing a kidney stone? Not fine. Stop it. Stop it. Stop it. 

Dear older ladies getting ready for (or after) water aerobics: Hello, how you doing? I know that it is all the rage to love your body and I am all for that. Just do me a favor: while you are embracing your new found love for your body, especially when you are peeling off your wet bathing suit… please, please, turn the other way. We all have wrinkles, dimples and stray hairs that the razor has missed, HOWEVER… I don't want to see full on bush when I am getting dressed. You love your body? Cool. I am so proud of you. But you are a total stranger and I have now seen more of you than I have seen of some of my CLOSEST friends and I might be scarred by the fact that you are vying for the world's hairiest woman title. I need you to realize that looking like a 70s porn star is all good-- for the privacy of your own home and far away from me in the locker room. 

Until next time, y'all.

Soulful Saturday - Happy New Year, Go Get It!

HAPPY NEW YEAR...

I want to start out this new year with an inspirational Soulful Saturday. I know this is the time of resolutions, new beginnings, renewal; time for people to start over. I'll meet that time with my own bit of musical inspiration for you. I'm not big on gospel music. I mean, I have a few favorites, but generally, I leave gospel music on the shelf with country and rap. I call that shelf the 'um, no' shelf.

However, I freaking LOVE this song! Can you say that you freaking love a gospel song? Is that kosher? Eh, either way, Mary Mary lights my whole day on FIRE when I hear them sing this song. I put the lyrics below so you can read along. It is more than a few months old, but who cares? It fits with starting anew and is totally going to be one of my anthems this year. 2013 is not ready for me (or you either...) Go after what you want! Light a fire under your own ass! WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR?!?!?! Go Get It!!


 

Lyrics

It's like you're looking through a telescope/ you see where you gonna be
Growing, getting better/ you're not the person they see
Can't be mad at the things you been through/ cuz they built your muscle
Now you're stronger than you've ever been/ they can't stop your hustle

Your Faith ain't never small/ that's what brought you this far 
See you got your dreams and you got your prayers
and you got Your God he gone take you there
See everybody has a season and I believe this one's yours
Cuz you been workin, waitin, this what you been prayin for 

Go get it, Go Get it, Go get it, Go get it, Go get it Go get your blessing
Go get it, Go get it, Go get it, Go get it, Go get it, Go get it
It's your time, it's your time, it's your time, it's your time

You were made to live a good life and that's what I believe
So hit the floor, say a prayer start working/ you got to do something
It's alright to crawl before you walk, it's alright to walk before you run
But if you wanna get what you never got, gotta do something that you never done 

[Repeat Chorus]

You've been qualified
With his mercy, multiplied
You cannot be denied
Cuz you're finally certified
It's official
Go ahead and testify
He's gonna bless you
You gonna bless him
Now God be glorified

Rihanna, Chris Brown, Raz B and a Death Threat

When will these youngins learn!?!?!

So I was innocently browsing Twitter the other day. By browsing I mean checking every other minute while lying in bed, contemplating the rest of my day. Twitter is a sickness of mine, and I don't mind saying that I visit frequently and owning an iPhone only makes the obsession worse, but I digress. As I was being nosy, I come across a Twitter "beef" between Chris Brown and Raz B, that was SO ridiculous I have to write about it.

We all know who Chris Brown is, but here is the recap- he sings (um...sometimes), dances and he and Rihanna dated. One day they got into an altercation and he beat the hell out of her. Raz B, former member of B2K (boy band) is trying to get with Rihanna since her recent breakup with Matt Kemp, so he takes his campaign to Twitter. Out of the blue Raz B says, "I'm just sitting here thinking how...Chris Brown (and others) disrespect women as intelligent as ... and Rihanna." Um, was Brown just on your mind? Where did that comment come from? Have you actually talked to Rihanna or are you just pulling out the intelligent card to get in her pants?

Ok- I will NEVER stand up for Chris Brown and what he did to Rihanna. No ONE should ever hit the person that they are dating (or anyone else for that matter). He was wrong. He has apologized, gone to counseling and gone to some sort of jail. His album sales have suffered, he is currently not doing as well as he was. Now loyal readers know that I am not into simply forgiving people because they say that they are sorry. Sorry rolls off the tongue a little too easy for me. People say it without really thinking about what they are apologizing for. So I don't really deal with Chris Brown. I don't buy his albums, and I don't promote his music... but I also do NOT just bring his name up out of the blue and put him on blast like Raz B did. Why?? Everyone knows that Brown and Rihanna have Twitter accounts. Why feed the fire? No one should get press for challenging a person known for domestic violence.

The Twitter fight quickly got out of hand. There was name calling, the 'n' word was passed around and Raz B's brother (RickyRomance) got involved, saying that he will "put his pistol" in Chris Brown's mouth if he ever comes to LA. DUDE... seriously?!?! You are going to use a public forum to threaten a superstar? Have you lost your ever loving mind?? What the hell is wrong with people? Ok- beyond the fact that these two "stars" play on Twitter and talk about each others bad deeds and misfortunes, you then have a third party come in with some death threats. OMG- I fear for the future of our country because these assholes are going to be in charge some day...

For the record:

Everyone- keep your hands to yourself!!

Raz B- know your role. Dude, you are so yesterday and starting fights on Twitter is lame, especially if it is to get the attention of some chick who has been passed around the industry. If she hasn't been with you, she doesn't want you... come to that conclusion. Even if she DID want you, she probably doesn't now because you have shown yourself to be a press whore.

Chris Brown- you need NO more trouble. You haven't even bounced back from the last troublesome situation you were in. Damn dude, mind your manners.

Ricky Romance- wait, who are you again? Nobody?! I thought so!

... Welcome!!