The Long Way Home

I took the long way home on Sunday. It was a beautiful day in central Ohio, hot but not not hell-like. Eighty-seven degrees with a wonderful breeze; the sun helping my skin to darken to a deep cappuccino color. After weeks of being part of a duo (with Baby K) twenty-four/seven, I finally escaped the house... ALONE. By myself. I barely knew what to do! Even though I was by myself, I still had shit to do... so I clipped some digital coupons and went to the grocery store. (I'm fancy like that).

I jumped in hubs' car, backed out of the garage and drove away from the brick and buttercup colored fortress that I had been holed up in for the last few weeks. Our house is comfortable, very comfortable, but I was happy to see it in the rear view mirror! After weeks of being in a chilly air conditioned house, I rolled down the windows and let the breeze blow through my hair. Best thing about hubs' car? Satellite radio with a 90s channel. A 90s music channel, y'all.

Now, I don't really know what happened on my ride. Now-a-days getting alone time is a high. I remember that my hand was out the window, making peaks and valleys as the wind blew it up and down; my music was loud and during my singalong I did NOT use my inside voice. At one point 3AM by Matchbox 20 was on and there is NO WAY y'all could convince me that I was not matching Rob Thomas in vocals and intensity. Listen... that crosswalk has never seen anyone like me before. Hold on- I just started humming that song again.

When I tell you that I am the QUEEN of 90s music, I mean it. My high school and college years were filled to the brim with fantastically angsty tunes, now categorized as "classics." I too am a classic. I know all their words, all the beats, all the ad libs. I will school folks who ride shotgun. I feel no shame. Ever. My car concerts can only be described as... EPIC, one of a kind, showstopping, (sometimes) better than the original (not to toot my own horn or anything). I'm quite good, especially with the music of my teenaged years). Cue that Tonic song "If you could only see the way she loves me, then maybe you would understand." YES!! I needed that time away-- and I needed those tunes. I needed to be reminded of yesterdays.

If I am being honest, this year has been trying. I have been so busy volunteering, mom-ing and wife-ing that I have been dragged away from being me. I have been lax with the things that relax me- reading, writing and acting a fool. I have just been all over the place, pulled in a million different directions and you know what? Sometimes life is just like that. Little Lady K is growing, prospering and being kind, hubs has new work shit to talk about, but me? I have been experiencing Groundhog Day in different outfits. My days look the same, my nights are long because someone is rejecting a sleep schedule (in the name of Jesus). But this has to stop. I need to get back to being well rounded. I need books. I need this blog as an outlet. So, I have decided to get back on my shit. Less Facebook... more writing. I took the long way, but here I am. Home.

My Own Private Idaho

I am sure that the majority of people who still read my blog remember the movie "My Own Private Idaho." It was one of the last movies that dreamy looking River Phoenix starred in before his untimely death. The title of the movie has often been used to describe ongoing craziness/self discovery in one's life. For example, you meet up with a girlfriend for brunch, she tells you all about corporate life, her rise and grind, the fantastically expensive vacation she finally went on. Then she asks you how things are going with you and your response? "Girl, I am having my Own Private Idaho over here." For me, that description does not mean that life is good or bad. It means that I am surviving, rolling with the punches... shit, it means I am making it (even if I am BARELY making it). 

So, that is what has been going on over here-- I have been having my Own Private Idaho. I have been surviving. We are (kinda) making it through toddlerhood-- I will be posting more about that slice of crazy on my mommy blog. We got a new puppy, because I clearly am a glutton for punishment. I (mentally) celebrated the anniversary of my sixth year back in Ohio. Most of life has been good. And then some of it, has been awful. Just today I found out that one of my girlfriends in Chicago passed away. Just today. And while I am making it through my tasks for the day, I am utterly heartbroken. She was a good chick-- in a world where folks generally don't care about one another. She was quick with a smile, a good word, a night of dancing invite. And now cancer has taken her away from this world. From diagnosis to death was quick and trust me, we all got cheated. I will miss her, our conversations and our laughs. 

Life is... hard. At times, it is so happy-- like when my kid sings You Are My Sunshine back to me. And dammit, at times, it is devastatingly sad-- like when cancer steals people that you love, like a thief in the night. In the last three years I have lost a friend in her 30s, a friend in her 40s and a friend in her 50s. After each loss, my heart is a little less full. In between these two extremes- these polar opposites- there is the every day. The nap time battles, the potty training (baby and puppy), the making a dinner everyone will eat, the personal growth... the setbacks. Will you make it to the gym or will you be chunky forever? Will you ever have a normal social life again? Will you get that new job? That raise? A date with that hottie you saw at the grocery store? Shit, will you ever have ten minutes to update your blog-- to document this crazy thing called life? Life. The good, the bad, the in between. Our Own Private Idaho.  

Not Bothered On Valentine's Day

Happy Valentine's Day, my lovelies. Today I plan on hanging with my little family (hubs has the day off) and hopefully squeezing in a nap next to my very active toddler. That is all I want... nothing extravagant, just some lunch and a nap. It is the simple things, my friends. It is the simple things. 

I know that this is a rough day for some folks and I kind of want to address that. When I was single, I had a group of friends who could lead a "fuck Valentine's Day" parade. One year we ordered in and watched the same show, while talking to each other on the phone. Another year we went out the night before Valentine's and celebrated singleness. We found some comfort at the bottom of several shot glasses. Good times. But during all of those single years there was only one year where I really felt BAD about being single. One year out of 40, not bad. How does one make it to spinsterhood without feeling extremely rejected by everyone? Oh, I am so glad you asked!! 

There are three reasons why Valentine's Day never brought out a hot, Black and depressed chick... 1. I have always had a Valentine (Papa Hot, Black and Bitter). 2. Single is not forever. 3. NO matter what station you are at in life, trust me... someone wants what you have. 

The first two reasons why I was unbothered on Valentine's Day as a single are pretty self explanatory, but that third one is a doozy. Rest assured that on your worst day there is someone who would pay good money to be where you are. If being single is the worst thing that is going on in your life-- you have it made in the shade (mostly because number 2 is so very true-- single is not forever). Let's use me as an example. I am super comfortable with where I am in life right now. Shit is good. Life, for me, has been good. So, that one year when I really was down in the dumps on Valentine's Day... there was someone who would have felt lucky to be in my shoes. I think that is the case for almost all of us. While some of us are lamenting our single status, someone in a loveless relationship is wishing for carefree single days. When someone is at their wit's end with a toddler (and trust me, those days are REAL), there is someone WISHING for sweet times with a sweet baby. When there is someone bored to tears in a marriage, there is someone  who is craving the comfort of your routine. 

What you are looking for is coming. The person you are looking for is coming. But until they get to you... go out with your friends, have a couple drinks, buy yourself flowers, have a girl's weekend. Get your ass out there and have some fun. Happy Valentine's Day. 

I Have a Serious Problem

My book addiction has gotten out of control. Honestly, it is a problem. I have books that I purchased the first week they came out and I have yet to pick up. At last count I have 150 books around the house that I have been meaning to get to. Add to that the 148 on my e-books wish list on the Columbus Library website and the 200 on my "want to read" list on Goodreads and you can see that this is completely out of control. I even have 30 books that I have started to read and have not finished. They are just on my Goodreads list... staring at me, shaking their heads in disappointment.

Now that it is officially autumn (AKA the season of cuddle up with a hot drink and a book) I have decided to read these books and clear off some shelves. Really what that means is that I am not going to buy anymore books until I read the ones I have. I can read the books I have on my shelves and sell them to our favorite used bookstore, or give them to the library and then I can ramp up my supply again. 

I am going to use this opportunity to clear out some clutter AND make better use of Goodreads. At the beginning of every new year I sign up for a book challenge on Goodreads and every year, I fail. For 2017 I pledged 60 books. I'm holding strong at 7 (just finished one!) Seven. Y'all. And Ok, those seven books don't include the books that I read to my daughter, but really, I have got to be better about carving out some time for doing the things that I love and I love to read. There are series that I have not ever wanted to read (Twilight, Harry Potter), there are genres that I have left largely unexplored (Young Adult and Sci Fi); and there are genres that I will probably continue to avoid (romance). No matter. I need to continue to expand my mind and serve as an example to my kid, so I have to make time for (my) reading. 

I have just figured out how to create a book club on Goodreads, so I think that I am going to reach out to a few of my girlfriends and see if they would be interested in having a few discussions as I wade through this ever growing list of books. If we decide to make a book club, I will definitely let you all know, until then feel free to friend me on Goodreads and hold me accountable for getting my reading life together. You can also see what I am reading on Instagram (@hotblackbitterreads). I will post a pic of the book cover so you know what I am reading. Nerd on, loves. Nerd on. 

April Showers

Welcome to April, folks!! There is so much on deck for this month. We will be celebrating one whole year of parenthood-- and it seems like this year has flown by. In an effort to continue to write down all the feels/frustrations/celebrations/milestones that we will see or have seen, I have joined the A to Z challenge for the month of April. The rules are simple: Every day of the month (except the first 4 Sundays) is a letter in the alphabet, April 1st = A, April 3rd = B, etc. Because April starts on a Saturday, the last Sunday will be the Z entry. Twenty six letters, twenty six entries. Both blogs. Should be a lot of work... but also fun and exciting. I am going to HAVE to schedule most of these posts in advance because toddler life is unpredictable, but I am excited to write more-- even if that means missing out on some nap time. Hopefully all these posts will be up before 8 pm, but no promises on that because, again, toddler life is traumatic for the mama! So, stay tuned... I think we are going to get to know each other well. 

New Year Resolutions

Here we are, eleven days into the new year and here I am, finally sharing my resolutions with y'all. My bad. Generally, I do try to stay on top of posts and stuff, but 1. I don't really DO resolutions and 2. I have been a little busy with this fast growing, spunky infant. So as I sit here, in the dark, trying not to type too hard (so I don't wake the aforementioned spunky infant) telling y'all what I hope will happen in 2017... ok, what I will work toward in 2017. 

I have five outstanding goals for 2017. They aren't in any particular order because by December 31, I want all of them to be done! I know that these will be challenging and I can do challenging. Challenging is not impossible-- and I am sure that I will remind myself of that every freaking day of the year... while drinking tons of coffee and daydreaming about getting a massage. So without further adieu-- here are my five "resolutions" for the next 354 days.

1. Write More. Ok, let me tell you that goal number one, two and three could be one, but I am separating them. This year I want to write more. Last week was my 11 year anniversary for this blog and last year (understandably) blogging was not necessarily a priority. I do want to make writing a priority though, because it is definitely a stress reliever for me... and I have been told that I am ok at it! I have this blog, a "mommy" blog and will be restarting a doggie blog-- and I want all three of them to thrive. I want to stick to a posting schedule (Wednesday and Friday) and get back into the groove. 

2. Carve Out A Little More Me Time. It is hard to take me time when you have a small human crawling around, but I know that I need it. These last 9 months (9 months ALREADY) have flown by... flown by with limited sleep, limited showers and a very steep learning curve. Y'all, I wouldn't change it, but BABY there are some days that I would trade one of the dogs for a 45 minute nap. I know that I can't give Baby K or Lefty 100% if I am not 100%, so I need to set aside some time to replenish myself. A woman cannot live on coffee alone... or some shit like that, right?! That includes getting back into exercise. No secret that I turn the big 4-0 this year (or maybe it WAS a secret); bottom line, your girl needs to work out a schedule that includes her as a priority.

3. Read More. For Christmas Mama and Papa Hot, Black and Bitter got me a book by my favorite author and I tried to remember the last time I finished a good book. It had been months. Months. For me months cannot go by without reading a good book ever again. Reading has always been an escape and somehow I think that is EXACTLY what I will need during the first year of this new political regime (cue the eye roll). In 2016 I did a GoodReads challenge, which I did not even come close to finishing. Last week I started a new challenge on GoodReads-- 60 books for the 2017. Years ago 60 books would have been a drop in the bucket... I hope to be able to finish and document these 60 books, whatever they may be.

4. Document Daily Life More. This is actually for Baby K. I don't really do pictures (of myself). I remember lots of funny stuff that has happened... but I want to make sure that I have life documented in some other way. Something a little more tangible... because this memory ain't what it used to be! So, I will probably be doing some instagram challenges or something like that-- something to guarantee that I will post every day. Combine that with number 1 and that is a whole lotta me in 2017. Let me add, with more documentation of daily life I will be forced to clean up my social media contacts-- friends, family and acquaintances will be re-evaluated.

5. Redo Three Rooms in the Hot, Black and Bitter Palace. This will make Lefty happy. I would like to finish (from curtain rods to flooring) three rooms in our house. I think that now is the time to redo some shit, since Baby K is making baby proofing necessary. Ok, really I am just looking for a reason to tear up and fix some shit. I spend a lot of time here-- time for me to hang a picture or two. 

So, how are y'all doing with your resolutions? Almost two weeks in... is there anything that you have already given up on?

The At Home Chronicles - Bugs and Karate

I have gotten back from some traveling and things around the house are starting to get on schedule. Lefty still works second shift and I (generally) still wake up early in the morning. You know, let the dogs out, drink coffee, watch the news... Drink coffee. All the important stuff. Last week Momma Hot, Black and Bitter and I started going to the gym after she drops the kiddos off at school, which kind of cements my morning routine. I get up, get myself together and meet her for a workout and by the time I get home, Lefty is awake.

The was the plan today as well, but NOOOO. Today, I was traumatized. I got up, let two of the three pups out and headed to the kitchen to get that oh so great caffeine drip going. I made tea last night, to lull my crazy ass to sleep, and was getting ready to pour out the remaining water in the carafe. Thank you, sweet baby Jesus, that my eyes were open and I was not just on autopilot this morning!! Got the lid off the carafe and started to pour the hot water in the sink (yep, the water was still hot... Cuisinart is AWESOME) when all of a sudden I see something move in the sink.

Oh, is this how today was gonna start?!?! Oh, I see. Y'all, I wasn't ready.

I look down and there was a centipede STARING at me. From my own fucking sink. Y'all this little disrespectful bastard was taunting me-- with all of his little appendages. G-R-O-S-S. And when I say that I freaked THEE fuck out, it is no exaggeration. I freaked out. Listen-- I got half my workout before I ever left for the Y. I did the windmill, like that centipede was trying to fight me. Keep in mind that I still had the carafe in my hand, half empty. Soooo, imagine my crazy ass, in my kitchen, doing my best "wax on, wax off" impression with a coffee carafe in my right hand. Needless to say, the floor was wet, I had to change my t-shirt and that stupid centipede was nowhere to be found. Not that I was looking for him!

Oh, and I move in silence. I couldn't scream because Lefty was still sleeping after a late night at work. So my Karate Kid imitation was done in silence, in my dark kitchen. Slick moves, death of the opponent, in the dark and I am Black... I think that means I am a ninja.

I bounced back - kinda. I had a coffee, went to the gym, came back to make lunch for Lefty before he went to work. I told Lefty all about my silent adventure and had him look for the centipede... he found him!! Ack!! Apparently my ninja moves worked!! The centipede drowned. Victory! I hope that his little carcass will serve as a reminder for his little centipede buddies to stay outside where they belong. We are NOT playing around in this house!

This stay at home shit is no joke. For real.

Love and Happiness - Work Life, Home Life

I am officially unemployed. One of the hardest sentences I have ever typed. So, yeah. It has happened before-- in 2008 and 2009. Crap economy, working for two non-profit organizations, bound to happen. I was bummed. Laid off, new(er) mortgage in a less than desirable Chicago neighborhood, wondering what the hell I was going to do with my crazy life. I was scared. I worked temp jobs- two and three at a time- had some help from family and friends, lived off my savings and got unemployment when I could. Hard times.

This time is not that. On Friday, March 13 I put in my two week notice to leave my job. My cousin had just passed away, I was going through it... doing some self examination and you know what?  I wasn't happy. I mean, listen, a job is a job and all days won't be fantastic-- we all know that. But when I thought about where I spent the vast majority of my time, what I was doing every day, what kept me away from my family, I just didn't want it to be what I was doing. The company is ok, I have no (abnormal) complaints about my co-workers, the management mirrors most management... The issue was me. My heart wasn't in it and I dreaded going-- every day, not just Monday. And when you are reminded-- clearly reminded-- about the extreme brevity of life, why would you continue to do something that doesn't make you happy?

So I had a talk with Lefty and we decided that the best option was for me to leave. Now, I am not saying that the option I chose is the best option for everyone. In fact, some of my co-workers seemed really upset that I was leaving a steady paycheck to "sit at home and depend on my husband." Couple things-- 1. that is not what is going on here BUT 2. if it WAS... Y'all already know what I am going to type: what happens in my house is my business. A steady paycheck is not the end all be all, especially  in my situation. Too many of us are out here selling our souls and our happiness for a paycheck from someone else-- some out of necessity, some out of greed. If I can be fulfilled AND paid, I am going to take that option-- and firmly believe that others should too.

I am EXTREMELY blessed to have this option and so grateful to Lefty for being completely supportive in this unorthodox decision. Not many men, in today's economic climate, CAN or WANT to have less income coming in on a regular basis-- even if the happiness of their spouse is in question.   So, thank you, my darling. Here is to the next step in our household... let's see what trouble we can get into! :) Look out, Columbus... Miss Mox has broken free!

Where Have I Been - Life Adventures

I used to be so good about updating this blog. Lately it has been sporadic, at best. Yo, I have had a lot going on. I have a few posts that will go up this week, that have been kind of waiting in the wings, and so why couldn't I get off my lazy, (growing) ass to post these lovely ideas and commentary, you ask?! Fantastic question reader!! Let's get into that.

About two weeks ago, I got a throbbing toothache. So, it wasn't horrible, per se, but it was definitely annoying. I have slightly sensitive teeth so of course my first thought was "hey big girl, you probably should not have had that large spoonful of sugar (ice cream, whatever)." And that is a correct statement... probably should stay away from the snack cabinet. That's right, Lefty and I do not have a snack drawer. Oh no-- we have a snack cabinet... full of sweet and/or salty goodness. There are chips and cupcake mix and chocolate and sour gummy candy and... hey- I see those disapproving looks and I don't give a damn. I am a grown ass woman-- I WILL have snacks. Yes. We need a cabinet because ever since we got married, I have been forced to share (read: buy more so I don't technically HAVE to share) with Lefty. Why am I explaining the need for a snack cabinet? See, I start discussing snacks and get off topic. Where was I? Oh yeah, toothache. It started out as an annoying throb. But then...

Last week I was working. Well, I was kind of working. I was sitting at my desk and thinking of a bajillion other places that I wanted/needed to be and all of a sudden... the throb was back. It was back and that bitch was in full effect. Like, I had to take a Tylenol. I should have prefaced that by saying that I generally don't take medication. For anything. Unless something is falling off, will fall out or is filled with infection. I just don't. I get loopy, and while that is very entertaining for others, I don't really appreciate being that chick that you tweet about. Well... not in that context. I took a Tylenol last Monday though because I was trying to look at my computer but the whole right side of my head felt like it was going to explode. Honestly, who has time for that? It hurt so bad that I called my parents' dentist and made an appointment-- for the following Monday. What?! I went about my day-- and I was a bitch. I'll admit it. But my face was GOING.TO.EXPLODE. For serious.

Came home and I could NOT deal with life. I basically said "fuck responsibility" and went to sleep without feeding any of the animals. I barely took my shoes off. Pretty sure there was a trail of clothing from the garage door to the bed, every light in the house was on and more than likely there was a door or two unlocked. Pretty sure. Oh that Lefty!! He won such a prize with a wife that wimps out about one tooth, gets high off two Tylenol and leaves a trail of clothing/tears to the bedroom. Winner, winner, chicken dinner! That lucky guy came home after a long day at work to a punch drunk wife lying diagonal across the bed (like a BOSS). You're totally jealous. Tuesday, the toothache was so bad I actually drooled at my desk while calling the dentist back to see if there was a cancellation-- or who exactly I had to maim to get into the office earlier. Turns out, if you actually SAY that you have a toothache, they get you in the next day... which was my day off. Exactly how I wanted to spend my day off, let me tell you.

Wednesday morning I wake up and damn if that devil tooth is not throbbing like a baseline at a Black fraternity party. Oh, is that how we were gonna play this? That tooth wasn't even going to PRETEND to behave. Oh, I see. Bastard. My appointment was at 1. Had a banana for breakfast because it was the softest thing that we had to eat in this house; no coffee because the devil tooth and hot temperatures were in a fight. So me- in pain and under caffeinated. This was going to be a fun day. I get in the shower and maybe the hot water reminded the devil tooth of HELL and it wanted to go back because I swear fo' God the tooth tried to come out of my mouth on its own. At least that is what I thought the extra throbbing was for. I was getting dressed, it brought me to my knees. I seriously thought if I was feeling the same kind of pain that Nancy Kerrigan felt after that Tanya Harding incident. If I could do anything except silent cry, I would have screamed out "Why? Why? Whhhyyyy?" Poor Lefty. He came into the bedroom, I was doubled over in pain, half dressed. He put one of his sweatshirts on me, attempted to put socks on me (he is not great at that) and brought me my boots. Then he gathered my simple ass up and drove the 10 minutes to the office with me rocking back and forth in the passenger seat like a crackhead in need of a fix. Y'all, the devil tooth hurt so bad it gave me Forest Whitaker eye. IT GAVE ME FOREST WHITAKER EYE.

I get into the office and within 15 minutes and several prayers to sweet baby Jesus, I had x-rays and Novocaine. When I tell you that I love my parents' dentist. I freaking LOVE that dude. Supposedly the devil tooth came out very easily. Like I care. Once the area was numb, they could have jumped up and down on my face and told me that the tooth danced out of my mouth like the Lucky Charms leprechaun. I would not have cared. They packed my mouth full of gauze so I wouldn't leave a trail of DNA to the pharmacy for my antibiotics and pain meds. Thanks for that!! And I spent the next 3 days being loopy and loud talking one liners to Lefty. Again, poor guy. Lesson learned? A spoonful of sugar might make the medicine go down, but if you aren't careful it will give you a devil tooth and Forest Whitaker eye. Lesson learned, folks. Lesson learned.