I Have a Serious Problem

My book addiction has gotten out of control. Honestly, it is a problem. I have books that I purchased the first week they came out and I have yet to pick up. At last count I have 150 books around the house that I have been meaning to get to. Add to that the 148 on my e-books wish list on the Columbus Library website and the 200 on my "want to read" list on Goodreads and you can see that this is completely out of control. I even have 30 books that I have started to read and have not finished. They are just on my Goodreads list... staring at me, shaking their heads in disappointment.

Now that it is officially autumn (AKA the season of cuddle up with a hot drink and a book) I have decided to read these books and clear off some shelves. Really what that means is that I am not going to buy anymore books until I read the ones I have. I can read the books I have on my shelves and sell them to our favorite used bookstore, or give them to the library and then I can ramp up my supply again. 

I am going to use this opportunity to clear out some clutter AND make better use of Goodreads. At the beginning of every new year I sign up for a book challenge on Goodreads and every year, I fail. For 2017 I pledged 60 books. I'm holding strong at 7 (just finished one!) Seven. Y'all. And Ok, those seven books don't include the books that I read to my daughter, but really, I have got to be better about carving out some time for doing the things that I love and I love to read. There are series that I have not ever wanted to read (Twilight, Harry Potter), there are genres that I have left largely unexplored (Young Adult and Sci Fi); and there are genres that I will probably continue to avoid (romance). No matter. I need to continue to expand my mind and serve as an example to my kid, so I have to make time for (my) reading. 

I have just figured out how to create a book club on Goodreads, so I think that I am going to reach out to a few of my girlfriends and see if they would be interested in having a few discussions as I wade through this ever growing list of books. If we decide to make a book club, I will definitely let you all know, until then feel free to friend me on Goodreads and hold me accountable for getting my reading life together. You can also see what I am reading on Instagram (@hotblackbitterreads). I will post a pic of the book cover so you know what I am reading. Nerd on, loves. Nerd on. 

Love and Happiness - Work Life, Home Life

I am officially unemployed. One of the hardest sentences I have ever typed. So, yeah. It has happened before-- in 2008 and 2009. Crap economy, working for two non-profit organizations, bound to happen. I was bummed. Laid off, new(er) mortgage in a less than desirable Chicago neighborhood, wondering what the hell I was going to do with my crazy life. I was scared. I worked temp jobs- two and three at a time- had some help from family and friends, lived off my savings and got unemployment when I could. Hard times.

This time is not that. On Friday, March 13 I put in my two week notice to leave my job. My cousin had just passed away, I was going through it... doing some self examination and you know what?  I wasn't happy. I mean, listen, a job is a job and all days won't be fantastic-- we all know that. But when I thought about where I spent the vast majority of my time, what I was doing every day, what kept me away from my family, I just didn't want it to be what I was doing. The company is ok, I have no (abnormal) complaints about my co-workers, the management mirrors most management... The issue was me. My heart wasn't in it and I dreaded going-- every day, not just Monday. And when you are reminded-- clearly reminded-- about the extreme brevity of life, why would you continue to do something that doesn't make you happy?

So I had a talk with Lefty and we decided that the best option was for me to leave. Now, I am not saying that the option I chose is the best option for everyone. In fact, some of my co-workers seemed really upset that I was leaving a steady paycheck to "sit at home and depend on my husband." Couple things-- 1. that is not what is going on here BUT 2. if it WAS... Y'all already know what I am going to type: what happens in my house is my business. A steady paycheck is not the end all be all, especially  in my situation. Too many of us are out here selling our souls and our happiness for a paycheck from someone else-- some out of necessity, some out of greed. If I can be fulfilled AND paid, I am going to take that option-- and firmly believe that others should too.

I am EXTREMELY blessed to have this option and so grateful to Lefty for being completely supportive in this unorthodox decision. Not many men, in today's economic climate, CAN or WANT to have less income coming in on a regular basis-- even if the happiness of their spouse is in question.   So, thank you, my darling. Here is to the next step in our household... let's see what trouble we can get into! :) Look out, Columbus... Miss Mox has broken free!

Wednesday Wants

I have had a stressful day. Seriously. I need to relax. How do I relax? I bake. But I am off baking right now... because I am fat. So what am I going to do now? List making. I like to look at all the crap I am not getting done on a daily basis. Hey, what can I say? I have a winning attitude today. It has just a really, really long day. So, here is a list of things that I want on this horrendous lovely Wednesday.

1. I want a job where I am super appreciated and get paid, very well. I mean doesn't everyone? Because, yeah, I got bills to pay, sucka! Plus, I have to say, I really think that I should be the boss. Like, always. And if I can't be the boss then I should be well paid. The end.

2. I want people to live forever. Ok, not assholes, but nice people? Nice people should live forever. We received word that a super nice guy (a co-worker of Lefty's) passed away today. Unexpectedly. And I hate it. Someone who worked at my job passed away last week. He always had a kind word and a smile. I'm saddened by both deaths. Death makes you re-evaluate or it SHOULD make you re-evaluate. It has been two years since we said goodbye to one of my aunts and to Lefty's brother and each time it.is.heartbreaking. This Wednesday I want nice people to live forever.

3. I want a million dollars, the best credit score a person can have and a maid. In that order. It is all necessary.

4. I want to reignite my will to work out. It leaves every other day and for real I just need that bitch to be loyal. What?!

5. I want Cat Knapp to stop staring at me. I just looked over and he is staring at me. He has no shame and no regards for my feelings.

6. I want people, in general, to be a little more concerned for one another's wellbeing. People just don't seem to give a fuck about anyone or anything, other than themselves. I am not saying that I want a utopia. I don't want to be Snow White, singing songs in the forest and having birds land on my shoulders (because ewww, birds) BUT it would be nice if people were a little less self centered/noticed and acknowledged other people's issues and problems/cared about other's suffering.

7. I want it to be November and not have the Hallmark channel playing Christmas movies. They aren't even playing Golden Girls reruns anymore. Who does that? I need to Sophia and her sassy old lady mouth. Plus, it is NOVEMBER. Christmas is over a month away. Are you kidding me?

8. I want more hours to do fun stuff, because today being a grown up sucked balls.

Here is to hoping that tomorrow is full of unicorns and glitter.

My Kinda Week... Not

So- the week that I have had. Oh my God. Yuck. Yuck. Yuck.

Seriously. Nothing was going my way.

It is SUPER hot here in Central Ohio. Sleep has been uncomfortable. Work has been uncomfortable (that is what happens when you work in a factory, I suppose). Our Save-the-Dates have been sitting on my nightstand for almost two weeks because I have not finished the labels. One of my buddies at work is leaving (tonight was her last night). I have had an attitude-- especially after hearing/reading/digesting the George Zimmerman verdict. Poor Lefty has had to deal with me and my sad face. All week. And to top it off... I had to take my computer into the Apple store for repairs. Three of the longest days EVER and $300 later, the computer is running like a dream and I am starting to smile again. Everyone breath a deep sigh of relief!

So after this shit week, I needed an escape. A small vacation. A get my mind right moment. Lefty had the night off (lucky dog) so after I said my goodbyes to my friend aka promising to send her inappropriate texts on occasion, I got in the car and decided that the trip home was going to be my vacation. I called Donatos (yeah- best thin crust pizza there is) got a well done individual pepperoni pizza and a cold pepsi and sang this song at the top of my lungs as I drove away. I almost felt bad that I didn't save any for Lefty. Vacation- staycation- conquered. Like.A.Boss.

Here is to happier moods.

Debunking Some Myths - Q&A with Hot, Black and Bitter

So, I wanted to wait until some of the holiday craziness wore off before I posted another blog entry or answer some of the questions that I received from readers-- and here is the first entry! Welcome to the last week of 2011!! It seems like the year just flew by! It could be my crazy work schedule or the (lack of) vacation time- whatever, it seems like it was just June! As we headed into mid-December, I posted on Facebook and Twitter that I was taking questions from readers and I got a TON! Thank you SO much for sending in your questions. I have emailed some answers and this entry will answer the vast majority of the questions (there were several duplicates). I have decided to do a "here are some things about me" type entry. Here we go!

1. Several of you want to know why I am bitter. If you read my bio on the right side of the blog, you see that the name of this came from a corny joke that my dad told. But, one definition of bitter is "hard to take." Those that know me know that sometimes I can be just that. If you regularly read this blog, you know that some of the stances I take are very personal, very one sided and very black and white. I don't always leave much room for empathy or other people's opinions, so essentially, I am the poster child for "hard to take." I'm ok with that... and anyone who strongly, disrespectfully disagrees is easily disregarded. See, bitter! ;)

2. Why am I single? Wow-- I get this question more than I like sometimes. Um, the short answer is that I am single because I have a low tolerance for bullshit (please see #1). I have a goal in mind and if I don't think a certain guy is a vehicle towards where I want to be, I lose interest-- quickly. Just because I am not interested romantically doesn't mean that we can't be friends (I am friends with most exes-- i.e not the crazy ones)... it just means that guy is not for me and I am not the girl for him.

3. What do I have against traditional male/female roles? Absolutely nothing. Listen, just because I believe that women are capable of doing everything that a man can do (except impregnating women) does NOT mean that I don't appreciate traditional roles in relationships. What it does mean is that I know that I can take care of myself until I get a partner-- and that is ok. Plus, I have to say, most men AND women cannot handle traditional roles. There is a lot of give and take and some people are unable to bend to fit into their role. Some men are not responsible enough to take care of himself and a companion in a traditional way. Some women are unable to concede in a power play, or wrap their mind around the fact that they can't be in charge of everything. That's truth-- uncomfortable for some, but truth nonetheless.

3. Pro-Life or Pro-Choice? Pro-Choice. There is no short answer for this question so, a follow up entry with be forthcoming.

4. You're supposed to be a Christian, so why the foul language? This question actually made me smile. I will refrain from actually using some colorful words in my response, I will instead say that instead of worrying about the words that you read on the screen, worry about your life, faith and deeds. That is a way better starting place. Look at how democratically I handled that... when I really wanted to tell you to keep your ultra-sanctified eyes off my blog, shithead. I'm getting better.

5. Why are you harder on Black people in your entries? Looking at all my posts on Facebook, Twitter and this blog, I don't know that I am harder on Black people than any other group. I am an equal opportunist when it comes to bashing idiotic or bad behavior, no matter who is actually participating. However-- I will say, I EXPECT more from Black people. Mostly because I am a member of that group; I know my capabilities, strengths, knowledge AND the history of Black people. How can I look at all that we have done, what our group has been through, how many people have died and sacrificed and NOT expect more? I think that every person expects more from whatever group(s) they belong to, and I am no different.

6. Do you think you are better than other people? Hmmm. Some cases, YEP. Some cases, no. Depends on who we are talking about. I think that some people have come to the conclusion that I am an elitist. I do not confirm or deny that allegation.

7. Why don't you date Black men? Who said I didn't? Again, this deserves a longer entry... and it is coming.

8. Do you think that Black women get a bad rap in the media? Short answer- not always. I think that stereotypes are around for a reason. Someone fits that type. So, some Black women fit the shitty stereotypes we see on tv/news/media in general. Some White women do. Some Asians... ok, maybe not Asians (kidding). My job is make sure that everyone understands the most important word in this paragraph is SOME. All Black women don't fit in the same box. There is no type of anything that is uniform in all ways, ever. With that said, some shit that goes down in American society needs to stop across the board, no matter what group it pertains to.

9. Do you even like Chicago? Um, yeah- I live here!! Listen, Chicago, like every city, has its downfalls. Some days are better than others. Some seasons are less violent, some people are more trustworthy, some attractions put a smile on my face and some... don't-- ever. It is what it is. If I didn't like it here, I would leave. Trust me, I have had many opportunities, lots of family & friends telling me to move back to the Heart of It All (that is Ohio for all of y'all who don't know). I love this city and some of its inhabitants. I just point out foolishness. And if I was Hot, Black and Bitter based in any other city, I would do the exact same thing.

10. Stance on bullying? Is there anyone that stands for bullying? If so, that person deserves a punch to the genitals. Yes, please catch that irony. Clearly, I do not advocate for bullying people, no matter who it is. I will stand up for someone to THINK what they want. When your ACTIONS begin to infringe upon my life and wellbeing, however, then we have problems. Bullying should be nipped in the bud.

11. How can you give your opinion about children's behavior when you don't have kids? Uhhh-- because when your bad ass kids leave the house and act a damn fool, I (society) has to clean up the mess. Listen, I am not saying beat your kids into submission BUT I am saying that the job of parents is to raise productive members of society and some of y'all are seriously SLACKING. Get off your asses and stop letting kids run shit. How can you complain about me noticing your lack of parenting skills? Be less concerned about what I say about your bad ass kids and be more concerned with whether or not my assessments are true. Get on your job.

12. Do you have kids? I get this question more than the "why are you single" question. As noted above, I do not have children. That is often followed by... why? Um, to each his own, right... but I don't have kids because I don't have a husband. Kids are expensive for one, they talk back, you have to send their asses to school (damn) and I was raised in a two parent home, and I think that all kids deserve that. Short answer: I am not the girl that wants to be a single parent, so if that means that kids aren't in the cards, I am good with that. Oooh, or MAYBE I can be a hot, Black and bitter stepmom? I could make that look good! :)

13. What do you have planned for 2012? Same goal-- inching closer to world domination! ;) Y'all should be scared!

Please feel free to send any other questions to hotblackandbitter@gmail.com. If I get a ton more, I will definitely do another entry like this one.

October Recap; New November

Things have been a bit nutso lately. A couple of weeks ago, one of my friends had a death in the family. I am not sure if it is my age or the fact that I have been to more funerals in the past two years than I have in my whole life, but I have not bounced back from the funeral. So there is that, an insane work schedule, I just had a birthday and did my yearly life plan. In other words, the days have been screaming by and I need more sleep. In my new year life plan - kind of like everyone else's resolutions, but I do it around my birthday and I try to actually pick things that I can complete - I have decided that things are going to be a bit different. Maybe it was the funeral. Maybe it is my work schedule, my dissatisfaction with what I am doing, my slightly non-existent social life, or maybe it is all of it combined, but I am in a rut and I have GOT to escape. I looked around and discovered that I don't really do the things I LOVE anymore. I do what I HAVE to do, but nothing that feeds the soul, if that makes sense.

I am not generally excited about going to work every day, the thought of not seeing my dogs for long periods of times, coming home to eat dinner, shower and sleep. It is no fun. I miss having fun... and fun is necessary, SO dammit, I am going to have some fun.

I have already written that I am going to run the marathon next year (SO NOT FUN), but here is the fun part, I am going to use the race to fund raise for a cause that is near and dear to my heart. In fact, every race that I run for the next year will have a fundraising component to it. Either my entry fee will be used for a needed program or I will personally fund raise and give the money to a designated charity. The race that I ran on October 29 (again, not so fun-- the running part) had an entry fee that went to after school programs in a needy Chicago neighborhood (Pilsen). I have included some pics of the racers and the neighborhood-- it was actually a great time (just not the running part!) The neighborhood is close knit and full of great people, colorful murals and the BEST smelling food ever!! Yum!

I am going to learn to conversationally speak a different language (and not just curse words-- my mother would be proud.) I am going to get this crazy work/sleep schedule under control, and I am going to pick my camera up again and get back to capturing life one lovely picture at a time. Clearly, all of these life changes will mean changes to the blog... we'll see how that all works out. If the last few weeks have taught me anything, it is to live life to the fullest and do things you love-- you never know when you won't be able to do what you want...Right?

What is on your to do list?