My Own Private Idaho

I am sure that the majority of people who still read my blog remember the movie "My Own Private Idaho." It was one of the last movies that dreamy looking River Phoenix starred in before his untimely death. The title of the movie has often been used to describe ongoing craziness/self discovery in one's life. For example, you meet up with a girlfriend for brunch, she tells you all about corporate life, her rise and grind, the fantastically expensive vacation she finally went on. Then she asks you how things are going with you and your response? "Girl, I am having my Own Private Idaho over here." For me, that description does not mean that life is good or bad. It means that I am surviving, rolling with the punches... shit, it means I am making it (even if I am BARELY making it). 

So, that is what has been going on over here-- I have been having my Own Private Idaho. I have been surviving. We are (kinda) making it through toddlerhood-- I will be posting more about that slice of crazy on my mommy blog. We got a new puppy, because I clearly am a glutton for punishment. I (mentally) celebrated the anniversary of my sixth year back in Ohio. Most of life has been good. And then some of it, has been awful. Just today I found out that one of my girlfriends in Chicago passed away. Just today. And while I am making it through my tasks for the day, I am utterly heartbroken. She was a good chick-- in a world where folks generally don't care about one another. She was quick with a smile, a good word, a night of dancing invite. And now cancer has taken her away from this world. From diagnosis to death was quick and trust me, we all got cheated. I will miss her, our conversations and our laughs. 

Life is... hard. At times, it is so happy-- like when my kid sings You Are My Sunshine back to me. And dammit, at times, it is devastatingly sad-- like when cancer steals people that you love, like a thief in the night. In the last three years I have lost a friend in her 30s, a friend in her 40s and a friend in her 50s. After each loss, my heart is a little less full. In between these two extremes- these polar opposites- there is the every day. The nap time battles, the potty training (baby and puppy), the making a dinner everyone will eat, the personal growth... the setbacks. Will you make it to the gym or will you be chunky forever? Will you ever have a normal social life again? Will you get that new job? That raise? A date with that hottie you saw at the grocery store? Shit, will you ever have ten minutes to update your blog-- to document this crazy thing called life? Life. The good, the bad, the in between. Our Own Private Idaho.  

Fearless

I said a prayer for you last night. It was a selfish prayer. I asked God to give you more time; to not take you from me, from your wife, from your friends. I wanted some extra time to hear you laugh while telling me a story. I wanted another hug. I wanted you to see my big baby one more time. It was selfish. I wanted to make sure you got to stay here... because I don't want you leave us.

I recognize that I said the wrong prayer. I asked God to keep you here (for all of us), when I should have been asking him to spare you any more pain. I should have asked God to open up his arms and take you into Heaven on maize and blue colored clouds (just for you). I should have thanked him for all the years we have had with you so far-- those years when I saw you working with mom and dad. All those times that you told me that I could be anything I wanted-- even if I wanted to be bossy (thank you, ma'am). All the times you told your friends that they should read this blog. All the times you told me that I should quit whatever job I had and be a full time writer. I should have thanked God for our reconnection last year... and you meeting my baby (honey, WHO thought that would have ever happened!?) and my husband. I should have thanked God for allowing you to see mom and dad again; for our group prayer; for picking up RIGHT where we left off. 

My dearest Fran: you are the epitome of family. Let me tell you: blood couldn't make us any closer. You always met folks with a smile, a pat on the back, a hilarious story about some mishap. You showed me what it meant to be comfortable living your truth-- and you did just that. When necessary you never hesitated to call people by their correct name (like asshole... and I PROUDLY carry on that tradition). You are a building block in the life of this Hot, Black and Bitter woman. We go together like permed hair, acid washed jeans and the 1980s (you remember THOSE pictures?! Yikes). THANK YOU FOR LOVING US. I love you and I will forever be grateful that God put you in my life. 

Monday, Bald Monday

So, this weekend... I did something amazing! There was a fundraiser, there is a shaved head. There will be a cure! For those of you who don't know-- this weekend I was a "shavee" in a St. Baldrick's event. For those of you who don't know, St. Baldrick's is a charity that fund raises for a cure for childhood cancers. Fundraising, head shaving, helping out kiddos-- what is not to like, right? Right!! :) I got this button when I checked in... how cool is that?!

My friend and I planned accordingly-- we took a before picture, while we were at lunch. Here I am, smiling before eating the world's biggest baked potato (topped with broccoli cheddar soup, cheese and fresh broccoli) at Jason's Deli... yeah, how good does that sound? I know-- I'd be jealous of the food too! :) This picture is of me with my natural hair (see, I don't have long hair-- all the time!), with a twist out and a lovely head band. Me, not typing furiously over my MacBook... oh, take it in, while you can! 

A few hours later, I made my way to the stage, sat in the same row as a grandpa, a high school girl and several elementary school students. I have to say that I am thoroughly impressed with my noggin-- no dips, dents or other random looking deformities to obsess over now that I have an exposed scalp. (yay!) It was amazing to see everyone that came out. There were somewhere in the area of 1,200 people. The event planners wanted to raise $25,000, and from an email we all received today, that goal was vaporized!! We are waiting for final numbers, but we know that we did surpass $25,000. I, also, surpassed my goal-- which is amazingly beautiful. A special thanks to all of my friends and family who have supported me throughout this process, emotionally and financially. I am so glad that we could all come together and help out some families that need it, ensuring that sometime, somewhere, a child will perhaps live a bit longer because of some research that we helped fund. For now, you guys get to hang out with my, as my hair grows back! Love, love, love. Here is the final product...

How is that for some sassy baldness? ;-)