Soulful Saturday - Day Well Spent

You know what? Sometimes you need some time with friends to really remember what is important in this life. I'm not talking about acquaintances-- I am talking about friends who know your secrets and still love you; friends that will tell you "uh, you know you are wrong for that" when you need to hear it; friends that call your parents mom and dad; friends that love your baby like she is their baby. 

Sometimes your mind needs you to be in close proximity to folks who just GET YOU. So you don't feel like you are losing yourself in fear, or guilt, or any other emotion that is presently all encompassing. Sometimes only close friends can bring a smile to your face and help you forget- even for a short time- that life can be grating. 

These last 16 months or so has been an especially horrid time for most of us. We have lived through some awful shit (and some of us haven't made it through). We have seen each other on Zoom, at the grocery store scrounging for the last fruits and vegetables, at funerals and masked up from six feet away. We have been cocooned in our homes, away from some of our loved ones. Since I got vaccinated I have been able to see a few friends, in very controlled situations. I am glad to say that today I was able to meet up with some buddies of mine, in a park, and really just kick it. Don't get me wrong, we have a text thread that is well used, because they don't live here, but it was just so nice to see their faces. The weather cooperated (mostly) and we were able to just shoot the shit, gossip and laugh. Me? I got to pet ALL the dogs and run from ducks and geese... and escape my house for a few hours. Can only be described as pure joy. Pure joy. 

Black Girl, Overjoyed: Part One

Just over one month ago I had a birthday. (Truthfully these fucking birthdays seem to be getting closer and closer together-- I'm not ready.) So, for over a month I have been bringing crass and sass to 41 like no one's business. I mean, I have been rocking it, but some things that have happened in the last couple of weeks has made me want to count my blessings, so to speak. I started thinking about life lessons that I have learned over these 41 years of eating, breathing and living on this planet. Some lessons have been learned the hard way-- several times over-- because I am a hard headed asshole (eh, know thy self, right?). Some lessons are just common sense (but the vast majority of folks have dismissed common sense, so... they still might be helpful.) All of these lessons have shaped me as a person, and I am excited to share them over the next few weeks.  

So 41 years on this Earth, (at least) 41 lessons learned, right? Let's get into it. 

Lesson 1: Coffee is the best drug. No, really. Before law school I never touched the stuff. During pregnancy I couldn't drink it... but now every day needs that hot concoction to be great. Don't leave home un-caffeinated. 

Lesson 2: Be the friend that YOU once needed. I pride myself on being a good friend. Like, I am ride or die. If we are cool, you are family and I will do anything I can to help you out. I think one reason I am like that is because, at a couple times in my life, I have needed some ride or die friends. Folks who didn't ask any questions but just came to my aid. I carry that with me every day and I am determined to be that for someone else. 

Lesson 3: Travel. Extensively and as often as possible. Pretty self explanatory. 

Lesson 4: Have a signature fragrance. Do it.

Lesson 5: There is no such thing as peer pressure. Doesn't exist. If I don't want to do something, I am not going to do it. Period. 

Lesson 6: Tip well. Don't be a cheap bastard. I firmly believe that EVERYONE should have to wait tables once in their life. That shit is humbling... and it is legit HARD WORK. So if your bill is $75 and you leave five bucks on the table, we can not be seen together in public ever again. Don't be an asshole. 

Lesson 7: Find a quality esthetician and follow her to the ends of the Earth. Seriously, if she moves to a salon all the way across town FOLLOW HER. She will help you get your life (and those eyebrows) together. Ok?

Lesson 8: Not everything belongs on social media. Back in my day (in my old lady voice) we didn't have social media. When I was a teenager there was no Facebook, Twitter, Snapchat, and we certainly didn't pose for the 'Gram. So the idea that my private issues would not make the rounds on social media. I love social media... but it does not run all facets of my life. And all facets of my life do NOT make it onto social media. 

Lesson 9: Don't slurp. Seriously, it is fucking gross and low rent. Eat with your mouth closed. No one wants to experience your food like that.

Lesson 10: Read. Continuously. Everything. 

More to come, 

Fed Up Friday - Political Apathy

I can't lie, since the election I have been very hit or miss on social media. Ok, that is not exactly true. I'm ON social media, but I don't always comment. I SEE what is going on, but I kind of just operate in silence. For example, I have seen some online acquaintances say some really stupid shit and I have quietly deleted them. Seriously, my friend list has decreased by a good 10% so far... and I am working on getting my number down even further. A few years ago, I would have unfriended people AFTER they felt my Hot, Black and Bitter wrath, but I have to confess: that is no longer my M.O. because, fuck it, I just don't care to have the needed conversation. 

As a stay at home (new) mom, I spend way too much time on social media- especially while my chubby bunny dozes 30 minutes at a time. For the last week, my timelines have been filled to the brim with coverage of politics, protests and analysis. In the last two days I have seen an uptick in the "why does everyone keep posting about politics?" posts. Uh... Listen, I get it, politics isn't everyone's game, but let me tell you something: APATHY IS WHAT GOT YOU (US) HERE.

Politics can be troubling, especially during times like these. Politics can be uncomfortable, especially during times like these. Politics WILL BE DIVISIVE-- and they should be. Do you know why folks don't discuss politics on a regular basis? Because politics show the INNER you. Not the fake you that you post about on Facebook. Not the "you" that you aspire to on Pinterest. Not that fake life you advertise on Instagram. The REAL you. Politics show what is important to you; what, ultimately, you say that you can deal with. What means can justify the end result. Who you are willing to sacrifice so that your lifestyle can continue. So two months ago, when Tangerine Dream won the electoral college, it showed where people were in life. And listen, you have to be ready to defend that. You have to ready to go toe to toe for what you believe. You don't get to vote for a mini hand, orange colored dictator and not be questioned. You don't get to put a (self admitted) serial pussy grabber in office and not have to answer for that. You don't get to vote for someone who has absolutely NO regard for the lives of minority Americans... or immigrants... or the working population... or, fuck it, the truth... Someone who seems hell bent on making enemies of every ally The United States of America has-- and then get mad when someone shines a light in your face. 

As long as you are MY acquaintance on social media, you are going to get these political memes. You will get these blog entries. If I am feeling particularly randy one day, you will see what I tweet about y'all's president. You gave us this "gift" so now you need to live in your truth and soak this shit up. If you DIDN'T vote, you are responsible. If you voted for a third party candidate, you gave us this child ruler. If you voted for Tangerine Dream, you can catch these memes for the next 4 years, every day, and your punk ass will like it. This is what y'all wanted, right? So, deal. Apathy can't live here anymore. You not giving a shit is what got us in this mess.

Fearless

I said a prayer for you last night. It was a selfish prayer. I asked God to give you more time; to not take you from me, from your wife, from your friends. I wanted some extra time to hear you laugh while telling me a story. I wanted another hug. I wanted you to see my big baby one more time. It was selfish. I wanted to make sure you got to stay here... because I don't want you leave us.

I recognize that I said the wrong prayer. I asked God to keep you here (for all of us), when I should have been asking him to spare you any more pain. I should have asked God to open up his arms and take you into Heaven on maize and blue colored clouds (just for you). I should have thanked him for all the years we have had with you so far-- those years when I saw you working with mom and dad. All those times that you told me that I could be anything I wanted-- even if I wanted to be bossy (thank you, ma'am). All the times you told your friends that they should read this blog. All the times you told me that I should quit whatever job I had and be a full time writer. I should have thanked God for our reconnection last year... and you meeting my baby (honey, WHO thought that would have ever happened!?) and my husband. I should have thanked God for allowing you to see mom and dad again; for our group prayer; for picking up RIGHT where we left off. 

My dearest Fran: you are the epitome of family. Let me tell you: blood couldn't make us any closer. You always met folks with a smile, a pat on the back, a hilarious story about some mishap. You showed me what it meant to be comfortable living your truth-- and you did just that. When necessary you never hesitated to call people by their correct name (like asshole... and I PROUDLY carry on that tradition). You are a building block in the life of this Hot, Black and Bitter woman. We go together like permed hair, acid washed jeans and the 1980s (you remember THOSE pictures?! Yikes). THANK YOU FOR LOVING US. I love you and I will forever be grateful that God put you in my life. 

Wedding Whimsy - Surprise, Surprise, Surprise

WARNING: This is so mushy. Even I have a toothache because of how sickeningly sweet this post is. You have been warned.

Well, well, well. One month and one day ago, I married my best friend. Doesn't that make us sound like an after school special? Do they even still have after school specials? Either way, it is true. On December 21, 2013, when all of our friends thought that they were coming for a cocktail party, Lefty and I were planning on shocking their pants off about an hour into the get together. And shock them we did!! It was exceptionally hard for one of us (Lefty) to keep the secret-- true story, he might have experienced a sigh of relief after everyone found out that we were getting married, just because he no longer had to keep the secret! The plan was to come back from the honeymoon and post our little glee-filled story, but truthfully, we still have supplies from the party in our library (front room of the house) and my car *might* be full of stuff from the party also. In short, life has happened and the world kept on turning, y'all, so I am posting this as soon as I could-- you love it anyway- even if I did want to post it two weeks ago! :) The story, with pics, are below. The honeymoon recap will be a separate entry, probably a week from now.

Saturday, December 21, 2013 - Woke up knowing that we were about to deceive our closest friends and family. Wow, that sentence makes us sound like assholes! LOL. It was completely intentional- the deceit, that is. We were about a month and a half in when we decided to get married at our party. Everyone we loved was invited and seriously, how much more non-traditional can you get except getting married at a cocktail party? Right?! I woke up humming this song:



I'm weird, but whatever. We packed up the cars and headed over to the venue, about 5 hours early. Lefty's mom came over and helped us set up- EVERYTHING. Seriously, she rocked it out. She had absolutely NO clue what was going to go down either. Y'all, we set up the Thurber Center and changed out of our moving crap clothes about 5 minutes before people started arriving. I had on no makeup, but was wearing an AMAZING dress, so I headed down to mingle with my peeps and drink. The drinking came much later.

Lefty and I made the rounds, finally introducing family members and being able to put faces to names heard in stories told a long time ago. We were expecting around 45 people-- we surpassed that. It seems like double our estimated number was there. It was rainy and cold while we were setting up, so I turned up the heat-- needless to say, it was SUPER hot once all those people were added to the mix. Ah, but here comes the ruse. There was a great staircase in the front hallway and originally Lefty and I were going to get everyone into the front entryway and get married on the stairs. That.Didn't.Happen. But the heat afforded us another situation. I made an announcement that we were going to take a group photo on the wrap around porch, so we needed everyone to head outside…

Our nearest and dearest gathered on the porch for our "picture"… I got everyone's attention and started my little speech (me, speaking in front of people? No!) It started out something like "as you all know, we are getting married on Monday…" I continued on and told them that we had decided to get married that night (hear the audible gasps… mostly from my mother). Something short (pointing to myself) and sweet (pointing to Lefty), I said. Into the picture comes my college friend, Jere, who marries us in a 3 minute ceremony. Love and happiness, y'all!!

I have to say- I loved the way that we got married. All the important people were invited, it was a relaxed environment, Lefty did not have to wear a suit and tie, and we actually got to surprise our friends and family with our unique ceremony. The rain let up in just enough time for us to make it out on the porch and a good time was had by all. For us, it was perfect and I would not change a thing. Scroll down for a few pictures from this party!

High School Besties with Lefty

Lefty and I and the Antillons- We love them!! 

Colors of the Party. Small Bouquet that I did not carry.

Rings

Kiss the Bride

Kiss the Groom! 

Ceremony on the porch

Lefty and LeeAnn :)

Fed Up Friday - Fakers and the Ungrateful

So... Hello. I am back! I've been writing for the past three weeks, but have also been suffering through some rough times. Rough times usually equal taking care of others who are affected by the bad times and taking better care of yourself so you make it through. Rough times let you know just where you are in your life... who you can trust and who deserves the designation of "acquaintance." Acquaintance... the fail safe category. We all have acquaintances-- um, we don't all have friends. Hard times, a new life, a death, new riches, hard decisions and even betterment of self-- all of these things will bring out the best AND worst in people. These situations WILL let you know where you stand with people. You will find out who your friends are and who considers YOU an acquaintance. The ungrateful and the fake will not withstand anyone else's rough times... they can barely make it through theirs. Haven't had any rough times lately? Good!! I hope that streak continues. Since you may not have experienced fakers and the ungrateful lately, let me give you a few examples.

UNGRATEFUL

Have you ever met someone that is just not happy about anything? I mean, I am Hot, Black and Bitter but I have fabulous days. I'm not bitter all the time, every day... just most of the time! :) But I have people that communicate with me who are unhappy EVERY, single day. I mean you can say "good morning" and these are the people that will ask "what is so good about it?" I'm not talking about people who have hit a rough patch, have a crappy job, abusive relationship, real problems. I'm talking about the people who will take to Twitter and Facebook and complain about stupid shit every day. Can't find an outfit for your date? Your favorite shoes got muddy? The guy you liked asked out your friend? The sun didn't shine on your ass this morning? Ahhhh- we don't care. You know what, you selfish bastards? Some people that you passed yesterday did not have the privilege of waking up today. You woke up in order to complain. I get that your job is bad-- um, isn't everyone's? But how about this: you have a job. Especially in this economic climate. There are children that go to sleep hungry. Women who have to sell their body to make money to feed their families. Men who are being driven to steal to feed themselves. Whole families that are homeless and living on the streets of YOUR city. So stop your bitching. Damn.

FAKERS

Uh, you are NOT a model. You are NOT a baller. You are NOT half of what you proclaim and you are NOT friends with all your online "friends." See here is the deal- there are people who will pretend to have everything that they think others want them to have. They strive for social perfection; saying the right things, buying the right things, having the right significant other or the right job. They do things they aren't interested in if it gets them to the top. They are master manipulators, always pushing the buttons of the ones that they want or don't want around. It is sad that at this age, some of my peers are still finding it hard to be themselves. You know, everyone should find someone who loves them for them. Someone who doesn't care that you don't spend a small fortune in the Spring and Fall on your wardrobe. Someone who thinks it is cute when you stay in for the night to read or do laundry. Someone who just gets YOU. Faking it till you make it only works for on job training, let's all remember that.

I guess that after dealing with this death in my extended family I am a serious proponent of living every day to the fullest. Who has time to complain all day? Who has time to pretend to be something you're not? Who has time to feed the egos of people you don't care about and who don't care about you? Why would you put yourself through the changes? Do the stuff that makes you happy. Be around the people that make you happy and show support when you need it. I'm not talking about online support; I'm talking about being there, calling you, making sure that you are making it. And for God's sake: be you.

A Week of Thankfulness- Friends

Today (and every day) I am thankful for my friends. My extended family of brothers and sisters! There are not enough words in use to describe the love that I have for my friends. I am a firm believer that friends are the family that you get to choose; and I have to say, I surround myself with some quality people. I am not talking about acquaintances. I have those and they can be easily dismissed. I have spent a lifetime learning the difference between a good time "buddy" and a friend I can call at three in the morning to pick me up from a police station (that hasn't ever happened, but it is nice to have a list of people to call).


Since they are family, the lessons from yesterdays post holds true. There is nothing above family. When one of us is poor, we all pull together and take care of it. When one of us is crying, we listen and plot revenge. When one of us needs help he or she gets it. When we have stress, get married, have babies, experience a death, it happens to us all and we go through it together. I have picked up more than a few friends at crazy times of night; driven to different states for last minute visits, been picked up for emergency runs back to Columbus, went to an event, volunteered for moving duty, and been taken care of when I was in need. Give and take is what we have built our lives together on. It is that give and take that allows for us to be so very different, yet, able to co-exist. Do I like all of the people my friends associate with? HELL NO. But, I love my friends and for them I make the small sacrifice of participating in their life events, no matter who is around.


I have friends that I have known since I started to walk and talk and friends that have become an integral part of my life, who I have know for a year. They all bring a certain something to my life. My friends know me, they accept me (and my crazy moods). Some can tell the kind of day I am having by the way I answer he phone. Some, I swear have ESP and call or text me just when I need it. Some (very few) have the ability to yell at me and snap my ass back into reality. All of them own a place in my heart. They make my days better and through their love and understanding, they make me better.