Fed Up Friday - Deadbeats

Ok, as I was reading the newspaper electronically today and one of the bigger headlines was about a warrant that is out with Terrell Owens because he is behind on child support. Um, what? I am taken aback. Then I go to YouTube and type in child support. Why did I do that? Do you know how many videos there are with people talking about child support? It is some kind of craziness. There are videos with women complaining that their child's father doesn't pay, videos of men crying about how much they have to pay, he says, she says... There are a lot of women who are all "I don't need your money. My baby doesn't want for anything..." Whoa, bitch. There are plenty of men who say "that hoe is spending all my money. How do I know that she is spending it on my kid. I have to pay this much for this long, blah, blah, blah." Yeah-- both groups sound dumb as hell. So I have a response for everyone involved and no one is going to like it-- how about that? :)

Women

Let me start out with some common sense advice: vaginas are not special. Let me rephrase: YOUR vagina is not special. There are hundreds of videos on YouTube where women say: "My child's father doesn't take of his other kids, but he is going to take care of mine." Um, no lady, he won't. Why would he? You have already stood by and watched while he didn't take care of the little defenseless children that he already has. Silence is acceptance. And you somehow think that he will treat you differently? Why? Because you think you have sunshine in your pants? Let's be real. If he has kids that he ignores and doesn't care for, there is a strong possibility that he will do your kids the same way. Your vagina is not going to change his mind. You thinking that you are the baddest bitch is not going to change his habits. You also need to stop it with the "I don't need him or his money." Bitch please. Yes you do need him AND his money. Your kid needs him AND his money. Hell, I need you to take his money because I don't want to have to help pay for you and your kids. Oh, I said it: if you don't like the man that you are sleeping with, you should not be sleeping with him because children are a life time commitment to that person. They will always be a part of your life. Your child will always need to know BOTH of their parents. I don't watch Oprah but even I know that she said that when people show you who they are, believe them. People will show you who they are-- if you choose to ignore the signs, then that is on you. We all know how babies get here, right?! So if you meet a guy who is someone you only want... to see naked, then you need to take all precautions to assure that you will not be stuck co-parenting with a deadbeat. I blame you. Ladies, we are no victims. Generally we are full participants. Having a child by a no good man is NOT going to make him suddenly become good; it will simply saddle you up with a jackass. A little something you should think about before you have unprotected sex with some guy that you have nothing nice to say about.

Men

Children are expensive. (Clearly if T.O. can't pay his child support.) Just so we are all on the same page: that 30 seconds of pleasure can cost you hundreds of thousands of dollars. Again, something you should think about BEFORE you try to "hit that." Also, should the state HAVE to make you pay for your children? No, if you are a man, you would make sure your children were taken care of... HOWEVER, we are surrounded by very tall boys in men's clothing so states have to intercede. I'm good with that. And let me just say to you assholes who purposely don't work and have a court order to pay less than $100 a month and have the NERVE to complain: shut the hell up. Dude, a baby will go through $100 in a week, easy. Your children don't just need to eat when you are able to 'come up' with child support. They can't wait to get clothes until you hustle up some cash. They cannot wait for diapers until you deem it ok to send over some money. Some of the boys on YouTube also felt it necessary to call the mother of their children names. Um, if she is a whore, what does that make you? If she is a gold digger, what the fuck is she doing with your stingy ass? If she was truly in it for the money, she would not have to beg your punk ass for $100. If you can call her names, it reflects badly on YOU... because you chose to sleep with her, and she is now the mother of your child, so what does that say about your judgment? If you can sleep at night, knowing that your children are not being taken care of because you can't or won't provide for them, What does that say about YOU? Holding your children's money hostage will buy you one thing: a first class ticket to hell.

Child support would not be such a hot topic button if people were more choosy about who they had sex with, who they choose to procreate with. So that is it, ladies and gentlemen, keep it in your pants or pay the price, with a deadbeat partner or a hefty child support order. Condoms don't sound bad now, do they?

I Need To Take a Poll - The Texas Case

OK- so there aren't many times that I ask people for their opinions. I mean, it seems clear to me that I have just enough opinions for us all, right? Yes. But as I was reading through some news today, I ran across something that I have to ask y'all about. I have my own conclusion, but seeing as how I have readers from all different aspects of life (married, single, parents, or not, city dwellers, country mice... you get it) I figured that I would ask you about this video below.

Let me state a couple of things before you watch the video. 1. This video deals with spanking a child-- don't want to shock you. 2. This incident happened 7 years ago. 3. The daughter in this video waited 7 years before posting this LAST week. 4. The father is a family court judge in Texas. 5. The wife participates. 6. The "child" is 16. 7. Somehow the mother has been forgiven by said "child" but the father has not.

If you can read between the lines, you can probably see how I feel about this video/situation. First of all-- why is a 23 year old woman releasing this movie now? How is this helpful? How is it that the mom has been given a pass? Why do the tears stop so quickly when the father is no longer in the room? Do you think that this is abuse? Why? Please leave comments here or on the facebook page... If you ask, I'm sure that I will give you my opinion!

Fed Up Friday

It has been a while since I wrote a Fed Up Friday. I don't think I should take so long in between Fed Up Fridays because now I don't think I can fit everything in! I am an observer, by nature, I think. When I am out, no matter where, I am always seeing what some may overlook and hearing things that others may not hear. I say that because I often have public service announcements on facebook and twitter. Oh yes, I am totally that chick typing about you in your walk of shame dress on the el platform. My social media buddies know all about your tacky outfit and how you probably have your underwear in your purse- bad girl! But Fed Up Fridays are more than just a service announcement, more than comments on you and your frat boy escapades. It is a bit more reaching-- or at least it is supposed to be! :) without further delay-- the newest episode of Fed Up Friday...

1. I am so fed up with: The over-sexualization of our children. So, I'm a tv watcher (read: obsessed). There are shows that I watch online because I just cannot miss them. There is some nonsense that I have been roped into watching & now I watch all the time. During one of my tv watching sessions a news story popped up about a new toy on the market. Baby doll, bikini top, suckling noises when you bring the baby up to your chest. What the hell? Let's not be confused- I support the breastfeeders. I'm sure that it is the best interest for babies-- if the mom is able to do it. I'm all for moms being able to breastfeeders when they need to; and teaching their children why breastfeeding is the best choice. HOWEVER, a three year old faux breastfeeding a baby doll? Um, no. I also firmly believe that you shouldn't dress small girls like whore- I don't care what they see & want in the store- everything that is made for small children is not necessarily appropriate. Parents are around to know the difference- right? Take for instance the tshirts that were selling at JCPenney (and have since been pulled). They read: I'm too cute to do homework so my brother does it for me. There were also ones that said: Future Trophy Wife. WTF is that? If you have ever bought some shit like that for your daughter, you need to be arrested. We have GOT to let children know their value while they are in our homes so they know how to behave when they leave our homes. Attractiveness, overt sexiness and dumbing themselves down should not be accepted as a career move!

2. The "controversy" about Cam Newton. WTF?!?! Who gives a shit that Cam Newton's boss doesn't want him to get tattoos or piercings?! Why is that a bad thing? Who remembers when Johnny Damon had to cut his hair to be a Yankee? Um, there was no controversy then and there shouldn't be with Cam. It is not a racial thing and there is no rule (written or unwritten) that says that professional athletes have to be all tatted up. Grow up. Professional sports is a business. A very high earning business and if his boss does not want him to look like a tatted up party boy, then so be it. That man signs his checks and his checks have a LOT of zeroes on them-- as does Derek Jeter's, Alex Rodriguez's and anyone else who plays for the Yankees. Stop complaining about EVERYthing.

3. Tolls and taxes in Illinois. MAN, between Quinn, the tollway and the Chicago Public Schools tax hike, Chicago is going to tax people right out of the city. Why is it becoming SO expensive to live here? Money mismanagement is going to do us all in. :( The CPS Board just voted to raise taxes so more money can go to or school. Our schools that are failing us and have been failing us. What the hell are we paying for? Do you know that Chicago public schools routinely only graduate 55% of their students-- meaning that 45% drop out or otherwise do not complete high school. Is that what I am paying for? Disgruntled does not even begin to describe my feelings on that.

4. People are up in arms about Chaz Bono being on Dancing With The Stars? I am appalled that people watch Dancing With The Stars like that. Who gives a shit if he wants to dance? Who cares? He is not going to be fucking on your tv screen, so why do you care if he is going to be doing the foxtrot with some skinny heifer? I'm telling you-- all of you who think that there is only one way to live life, one way to be happy, one way to love... You are going to reflect back on life, if given the chance, and hate that you didn't open yourself up to every possibility out there. You are not God. You cannot dictate what kinds of people there will be in this world. You can't and if you knew what was good for you, you wouldn't want to. Let Chaz shake his thing on the dance floor. Your life would probably be better if you got off your ass and had some fun too.

5. Last but not least-- I'm going to need el Presidente to grow a backbone. Barack, if you want to do your speech on Wednesday-- don't let that dick Boehner tell you no. You are the President, he is a lackey. You need to start making his life miserable. All this back and forth nonsense, seriously? Not why I voted for you. make him look stupid and get your agenda done. There has to be a way, because he is certainly doing his damnedest to make you look like a fool.

Of course there are the normal pet peeves that I have run into: time wasters, liars, fakers who will remain unnamed... because they know who they are (plus I don't share my limelight with anyone!) Happy Friday, y'all.

Did I Miss Something?

Did someone hit a switch that made it ok to get knocked up by married men? Did I miss it? I must have because it seems like everyone is jumping at the chance to be the conductor of the hoe train!! With yesterdays “revelation” that Fantasia Barrino is pregnant by a married no name, I am really questioning the non-reaction. I mean, can I get a shout out for sisterhood? I can I get a “OMG”? Can I get some of y’all NOT defending them? What if that was your husband? WTF!?!

Can you help who you fall for? Not really. In no way is that permission to commit adultery, or play the role of a home wrecker. That is just to say, you never really know who you will meet and find that you cannot do without. Your Prince (or Princess) Charming might be someone that you never expected to be interested in, never expected the feelings to get so deep so quickly. I get that. I’ll even go out on a limb and say that there are many of us who have been attracted to someone we had NO business being attracted to because of our relationship status—or theirs. But to take it a whole ‘nother step and bring a child into the world… into your mess, that it simply ridiculous and absolutely preventable.

I don’t care what Alicia Keyes, Fantasia, that chick that had a baby with Mel Gibson, and the mother of all homewreckers… Angelina Jolie have to say. Bringing children into a messed up situation is completely irresponsible. I mean, clearly, there is a lack of impulse control if you can’t even wait until the papers are signed to get knocked up… why would you want a child in that? Why would you want a child to be in a situation that the “grow ups” can’t even fix properly? And you know what is really killing me? All these women on the online boards that are like: “who are you to call Fantasia a home wrecker?” “Who are you to judge?” “Why is everybody dogging her… she was blessed with a baby” Um, I called her a home wrecker and I meant it. And I am dogging her because she is having her “blessing” with someone who stood up in front of God and all his family and friends and took vows with someone that is NOT Fantasia AND he is STILL married to his WIFE, who is NOT Fantasia. Not to even mention the whole: if he did it to her, what makes you think he won't do it to you?? If the marriage is over, ok—I’m not saying they can’t date during his divorce process-- although that would not be my preference. I’m not even going to be naive and say that they can’t have (safe) sex during that process, but having a kid is completely different. Why? Wives always want a husband back. There is always that familiarity. You stand the chance of really getting your feelings hurt… and now she is going to add a child onto that. There is always the possibility that you will be the dirty little secret, and he will never leave her. Now you have a kid… What now?

I don’t care if I am over here all alone shaking my head at this madness. Having a kid with someone who you KNOW is married to someone else is unacceptable… and puts you on the same level of all of Tiger Woods’ whores. Aren’t you glad to be included in that group? Yuck.

Shock and Awe

I have been watching the results of the Casey Anthony trial and I have a bombshell of my own. To all of you outraged people who find it necessary to be the part of the ongoing side show: please stop pretending because you DO NOT care. Stop it with the protests and the appearances on talk shows (Nancy Grace, I’m looking at you!!)… and for God’s sake, stop it with the comments about hell and damnation for a chick that killed her child because by next week you will be on to the next newer, hotter thing and YOU will have forgotten about that sweet face that is making the rounds on the tv stations .

Oh, I can hear it now: “How dare she type that I don’t care…. I care!” No, you don’t. You know how I know? Because other than the other two notorious “mothers” that killed their children (Susan Smith and Andrea Yates) who else can you name? Do ANY of these names ring a bell: Patricia Blackmon, Kenisha Berry, Debra Milke, Dora Durenrostro, Caro Socorro, Susan Eubanks, Robin Row, Darlie Routier, or Teresa Lewis? How about grandmother Caroline Young? Or even Frances Newton, who was executed 6 years ago? Do you know who they are? Women who killed their children (Young killed her grandchildren). My sophomore year in college Kenisha Berry wrapped her four day old baby in duct tape and put his little body in a trash bag until he died. What about Julie Schnecker? Do you know who she is? THIS year- 2011- she killed her children. She said that she did it because they were mouthy. So, for being “mouthy” she shot her 13 year old son twice in the head as she drove him home from soccer practice. When she got home she shot her 16 year old daughter in the head AND in the face as she did her homework. Where were you in January when that happened?

Did you know that three to five children A DAY are killed by their parents? More than 200 women kill their children in the United States EVERY year. Where is your outrage? Let’s not even think about baby killers for the moment, what about the people who do not take care of their children? What about the kids in foster care, waiting to be adopted? Where the hell are all the outraged US citizens when it comes to fighting for the care of those children? You know where they are? Overseas, adopting babies from other nations. You don’t care. You could not possibly because each year more and more children are abused, given up on, left to raise themselves and there is no outrage. There is no crying in the streets for them. There are no protests outside courthouses when abusive parents get them back , when our educational system fails them- repeatedly or when they enter the system or when they need a HOME LIFE where they can thrive. There are no talk shows for them (and NO you cannot include Maury- that is just trash hour). There are very FEW of you that are waiting in line to adopt a baby in this country, who may not look like you and let’s not even begin a conversation about the dwindling reproductive rights that women have in this country- which seems to be trickling away every day and no one says anything about it… until a child suffers and then everyone is like “I didn’t see that coming” or “how could a mother do that to her child?”. You don’t care. I mean really- you just don’t want to see the consequences of your non-caring and trust me, no one does! That is why some of us are being so sanctimonious now.

You’re sympathetic to the Anthony family. So am I. It is hard to look at the pictures of Caylee Anthony and not be sad that a young child was taken from this Earth so early in her life- no matter who did it. It is very difficult to not pass judgment on a person who seems to not care enough when her child goes missing. It is extremely hard not to make assumptions about the jurors involved in this case who came back with those not guilty verdicts, right? Of course it is. This case has been sensationalized- so much so that actual fist fights broke out between people waiting to get a seat in the courtroom. The media played on our need to see some justice for that pretty little doe-eyed girl in the pictures. And we fell for it, hook, line and sinker. Do any of us want to see dead children in the street? No, I would argue that the majority of us do not. However, if we REALLY cared about the children of this nation and the plight that some of them are going through, our entire country would be different. So, take the week. Write all over the internet about how Casey Anthony is the devil and how you cannot believe how the justice system ignored Caylee. How Caylee has been forgotten, how our children need to be cherished. Then go back to your lives, where you are too busy to volunteer. You can’t make time to mentor or to check up on people. You just shake your head at the bad ass kids in the neighborhood, instead of correcting them and showing them a better way. In that week, that seven day grace period anywhere from 21-35 children will die at the hands of their parents.

Show me that you care. Show THEM that you care.

A Father's Day Plea

Happy Father's Day!! Previously, on Father's Day, I have posted my ode to dad, happy posts... this is not one of them. Well, not entirely. This morning, I involved myself in a controversial facebook conversation. Not controversial to me, per se, but clearly for the guys involved, the following is a touchy subject.Who knew that Father's Day was a touchy subject? Not me, because I have a great dad and I tell him so all the time.

Ok- so my friend posted a status calling out a couple of her friends that are upset (to say the least) because single mothers- and others- are getting accolades on Father's Day. Their contention? It is Father's Day and therefore all accolades should be to fathers and fathers only. Hmmm- I disagree and I said as much (shocker). There were several jabs taken, race was brought into the conversation (not be me) and an air of defensiveness sprang into being. So let me put my opinions in writing, so that there is no question as to what I feel on the subject.

The first thing: no one is going to tell me shit. If I want to tell my sister, who is a single mother, happy Father's Day... because she (with the help of my parents) do the job of two parents because her child's father is a low life, I'll do that and you'll like it. I'm not asking for permission to say what I want, and if you don't like it then that is too damn bad. Secondly: would it be nice if every person that became a parent treated it as a privilege denied to many and a job of the utmost importance? Yes. Does that happen all the time? Hell no. So let's lay out some facts, they help people take off the blinders sometimes. 1- in generations past there used to a stigma of shame for BOTH parties involved when there was a child born out of wedlock. Women used to be sent away to have the baby and men used to be forced into marriage. 2- people were a little more chaste in the past, or at least a lot less vocal of their conquests. In a time where lives are made and broken on social networking sites, your secrets are soon revealed to everyone you know. 3- as much as some people would like to argue, the fact remains that there are thousands upon thousands of children growing up without knowledge of one of their parents (possible both parents). Grandparents, aunts, uncles and non family members are raising a new generation of children and for those heroics, they deserve whatever I can give them- father's day or not.

I am not saying that there should be a feeling of shame if an unplanned pregnancy pops up. I mean, when these practices of forcing families to be together and sending off unwed mothers to bare children in foreign lands was taking place society had more than a few ridiculous customs that were also in practice (um, slavery, women not working outside of the home, women only being able to be teachers- if they were granted an education at all, not recognizing domestic partnerships, etc). What I am saying is this: if the dynamic has changed and you will skip from bed to bed, or leave a woman unmarried and in a financially precarious position as she is taking care of YOUR child, then you don't deserve for anyone to greet you with cheers and happiness on Father's Day, least of all ME. I'm not saying die a virgin if you have never been married, but the trend of having several women serve as mothers to your offspring - and not giving the mothers or the children any love, help, time - has GOT to stop. If you do have several "baby mamas" (hate that term), then maybe you should learn how to use protection or better yet, spend some time getting yourself under control. Either way, guess who won't be getting a Happy Father's Day from me? I don't care if you "smashed" this weekend... even if your facebook status screams it. But, if in 9 months you have a baby because of that activity, shouldn't you be the first in line to be responsible? You were the first to let us all know you got laid-- now be the example of what a man should do to that child you created. AND IF YOU REFUSE OR CANNOT BE A FATHER AND SOMEONE ELSE DOES YOUR JOB, then fuck you- I'm telling them Happy Father's Day. Fuck your little itty bitty feelings. Where are you the rest of the year? Guess what? That child needs to eat every day, not just when you can send some extra money. They grow fast & need new clothes, not just when you can get it together long enough to send something. The mother of your children wasn't a whore when you were clamoring about getting in her pants, and even if she was... guess what? She is NOW the mother of your child and should be treated better than a prostitute. How about this: NO court should have to MAKE you take care of your children. WTF. You want to be mad because I tell someone of the opposite gender Happy Father's Day? Um, seems to me that there are bigger problems to be discussed.

Some chick told me that I should not attack men who aren't "the fathers that they hope to be for a number of reasons." What in the hell are you talking about? Being the father that they hope to be? They should have thought about that before they started having children. Once the baby is here, you cease having time to think about, or make up excuses as to why you aren't the father that you hope to be. BECOME HIM. And we, as women, need to STOP giving excuses as to why fathers are not doing what they need to do. Screw that. That is your kid you are flaking out on. That child is half you-- you should NOT feel comfortable walking away from him/her. You SHOULD feel bad if you are not giving your baby 100%. All day and every day I will correct ANYONE that is not doing right by a child. Know why? Because kids can NOT do for themselves. They didn't ask to be born and parents are responsible for getting them to where they need to be. Being the parent you hope to be? That shit is laughable and you should be ashamed of yourself that you even said that in a public forum. If you give people excuses, they will run with them... and not being active in a child's life is NOT something that there is an excuse for- EVER.

Make no mistake- this post is directed at both sexes. Some mothers fall into the category of being no good and thinking only of themselves, just like some fathers do. Here is my point from all my angry rants- here and on facebook: parents take several different shapes. They can be moms and dads, just moms, just dad, cousins, uncles, aunties, grandmas, granddads, foster parents, adoptive parents, birth parents, friends, mentors, ANYTHING. You know what makes a parent? Caring for and guiding a child into maturity; molding them into being a great, productive human being. There is NO gender to that. There is no one person that HAS to do that. There is no right family makeup. There isn't. What we need to be worried about is that there are children out here that have NO ONE to show them the right way... we should not be concerned that there are people working hard for children and getting verbal high fives on father's day, mother's day, flag day, memorial day or any other day. Get over yourself, if you spent half as much time actually doing something with your kids as you did trying to tell me that single mother's shouldn't get a shout out on Father's Day, we would all be in a better position. Punk.

So on this day, I am once again praising my dad. Even though we have not always agreed & had our moments of bitterness... he has always given me and my siblings 100% of what he had. He was there at track meets, plays, graduations. He helped with homework and checked in with teachers and YES, he was available for lectures that you didn't want to hear, and whoopings that we absolutely deserved. He didn't just say "hey kids, I love you." He showed us every day by being an example, going to work and taking care of our family... and trust me when I tell you, some of y'all need to get like him.

Oh, the Persecution

To say that I am COMPLETELY offended by the above billboard is an understatement. Yes, you read that right- that picture is a billboard. It has been taken down, but just the idea that someone thought that this was ok, says volumes. This monstrosity was unveiled on February 23 (during Black History Month), in part, by a Dallas "pastor" who says that he believes that Black women feel like they have no option other than abortion. Hmmm.
Let me start by saying I am not a pro-life; I am safely within the realms of pro-choice. By no means does that mean I think abortion should be used for birth control, but I do think that women should be able to choose what is good for them at the time. I have seen what people do to unwanted children, or children they simply can't care for, and it is shameful. If a woman or a young lady at the age of majority chooses to terminate her pregnancy, I have no opinion on that. I have my own personal opinion of what I would do, but I don't think that what is right for me should be forced onto other women in other situations, with other goals. Luckily, I have never had to make a decision in regards to ending a pregnancy, but if I did, I would never be so shortsighted to think that everyone should do whatever I do. Everyone is not hot, black and bitter, right?! Right.
With that said: in regards to this billboard-- are you fucking kidding me? Some people in America want to argue that the "face of Welfare" is a Black one... with several children- by several different men- that cannot be cared for. These are the children that grow up to be problems in our neighborhoods, overpopulate our jails and perpetuate this ghetto mentality. And THAT is wrong. A woman chooses to exercise her (very) legal right to terminate a pregnancy and THAT is wrong. So, what exactly is a Black woman to do? If you are a reader of this blog, you know that we aren't racing to the chapel to get married, so are we supposed to have no children? Why are their not billboards for every racial group? If these people see abortion as a type of genocide of racial groups, Blacks can't be the only group that should be getting attention. As for "pastor" so and so... He can eat me. He ought to be ashamed, as a Black man, to be the face of such a hate filled representation of one half of his race. You want to stand up against abortion- fine. It is legal, but so is freedom of speech... but to start an onslaught against Black women- he gets the side eye.
Could it be that groups are coming together to beat up on Black women? In situations like this, I will wave the race card. Are you telling me that NO other group has abortions? Impossible. Discourse on the topic, I can roll with, but subjecting ONE race to negative press... and then proposing to move said negative press all around the country? I call bullshit.

Taking Back Our Neighborhoods

I read stories like this and I have to say I get excited. A story about violence on the streets of Chicago is generally disheartening, but THIS story about a 68 year old woman who is simply tired of the bad behavior of children in the neighborhood and decided to no longer be a victim, is a story of triumph. On FaceBook, Twitter and in face to face conversation, I can often be overheard talking about the bad ass kids in my neighborhood. Kids who seem to have no direction; who are comfortable spending the whole day on the corner doing nothing; kids who have no home life to speak of. These are the kids that have taken over Mrs. Matthews neighborhood. Those are the kids that she shot before they could take advantage of her. I believe that the situation that happened yesterday will (and should) take place a little more often. People NEED limitations. I am tired of coming home and wondering if someone else has decided to break into my house; tired of seeing my city being portrayed so disparagingly; tired of these bad ass kids thinking they can do whatever they want without any consequences. If we are facing facts- the #1 fact is that there are not enough police and even if there were, as a community we have an obligation to each other to raise our children and tell them (and show them) the difference between right and wrong. Someone failed. Failed Mrs. Matthews, as their neighbor, failed the City of Chicago and most of all, someone failed these kids.

Since the papers are reporting that Mrs. Matthews in 68, I did some math and figured out that she was born in 1942. A quick google search will let anyone know that 1942 was a different time. Right? I did some searching- 1942 is the year that Mayor Daley was born; Casablanca was released; World War II was raging; the Armed Forces in the United States was still segregated; and the United Nations was created. Think about how many things have changed in this country, hell, in Chicago since 1942. This woman has earned the right to not be harrassed by some kids with no home training. I bet that people would be a little more mindful of where their children are, and manners would make a come back if there were more people like Mrs. Matthews willing to take a chance. Willing to say "No... Today I will not be a victim." Live today and drop that victim status. Congrats, Mrs. Matthews and thank you!

Glorification of Bad Behavior

Being at home during the day is hard on my mind. I mean, if you have ever had to watch daytime tv, you know what I am talking about. Mentions of out of control teens, paternity tests, murders and other violence plague almost all television stations- and that is just the mid day news. Forget turning on Maury or any other talk show... especially because I think I am allergic to the term "baby daddy" along with being allergic to the dregs of society laying their entire trashy loves on basic television for everyone to see. And for what? A trip to New York and a few dollars- for your self respect? I say "no deal!" But I digress.

Unfortunately for me, my computer is in the same room as a television, so as I fill out job applications, read blogs or surf facebook, the tv is on in the background. Usually I can filter out the actual words coming out of the mouths of people on the screen, but every once in awhile a commercial or two breaks through my self imposed hearing barrier. Today, what snuck in, struck a nerve.

The Oxygen Network was playing in the background because I can quickly zone out to the programs on that channel. Then the commercial bled through my barrier. It was a commercial for the newest installment of the "Bad Girls Club." Apparently the show is going to take place in Miami and will be even more obnoxious than usual. *Sigh* Is this what society now finds entertaining? Young girl acting out and getting applauded for atrocious behavior? No one is speaking proper English; they are fighting and they seem to be offering nothing of value to anyone. Hair pulling, cursing and acting ignorant-- and that was just a commercial. OMG. I remember feeling the same way when "Flavor of Love" came out. Are you serious? Where do thy find people to be on these shows? Why would you ever want to be on these shows?? I read an inspirational blog today... I think it describes how we should uplift our daughters, instilling them with self esteem and letting them know that they can get attention without bad behavior. Maybe of more parents were like this, less paternity tests on Maury would be needed; less women would be clamoring to get on the "Bad Girls Club" and I would have less of a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach.

We need to do better,

Where Are The Parents??

On top of the "Fantastic Five" idea, I am also going to start shorter entries called "Where Are The Parents" (WATP). You would not believe how many stories I read everyday- mostly from the Chicagoland area- about children running amok and parents being noticeably absent or negligent. If you read some older entries, you see that I am no pushover when it comes to the kids. I see absolutely nothing wrong with correcting ill behaving children. Someone did it for me and I am nice enough to do it for the kids now. Generally, I am not fond of children. Let me qualify that-- I am not fond of children who have smart mouths and have not been raised to respect their elders or their surroundings. Kids that stand on the corner outside my house; kids who walk down the street shouting obscenities; children who throw garbage down in their neighborhood; kids that destroy their own neighborhoods, all examples of people who would be on my shit list. But, even when I am looking at those kids and wanting to punch them in the forehead, I often wonder where exactly are their parents?

Now, don't get me wrong. My parents took an active role in my life and definitely taught me right from wrong, but they were not with me 24 hours a day, every day. I get that sometimes kids get a taste of freedom and participate in questionable behavior... BUT... every day? The same kids? The same events? Where are those kids parents? Why are we letting our kids run households and neighborhoods? How is it possible that the kids in this entry (and any subsequent WATP entries) have the time to be nuisances all the time? Where are the hands that are supposed to guide them? Where are the parents that are supposed to mold them? Care for them? Correct them? Why do I have to do the work of a parent when I am clearly *not* a parent? The attached links will illustrate my point and while some of these stories are so ridiculous they are funny, please do not mistake my disdain for the kids AND the parents involved (or not involved as the case may be).

17 year old twin brothers in Dolton attempting to be pimps.

15 year old charged with murder.

18 year old charged with hit and run of her classmate.

Man hiding drugs in the diaper of the child he was holding.

SMH. Where are the parents?

Mushiness Caused by Insomnia

I can count on one hand the times that a song has evoked an emotional response from me. There are a couple songs that make me tear up as soon as I hear the opening beats, but mostly I hear music and correlate it with every emotion but sadness. I added another song to the list this morning. Maybe it was the Blackhawks win or just insomnia in general, but as I was sitting here, drinking coffee regular (that is what my mom calls it), listening to YouTube videos from my childhood and reading the newspaper online, I really connected with this song.

It seems so weird that a song from the early 90s can still get me a little teary-eyed, but yesterday was a rough day, and if that excuse doesn't float I am totally blaming crying on the lack of sleep. :)

Just as I was going through some random playlist on YouTube I was reading a story about Chicago crime (shocker). Clearly, my blog reflects the fact that I am not impressed with Jody Weis (Superintendent of Police), so I read all the articles I can that include him.... Hey, you never know, I could be wrong about the guy (highly unlikely) or I could just find more fodder for my disdain (that is more like it). So "You Will Know" is playing and I am reading about Jody saying that homicide in the city is up 4% versus this time last year. Immediately, I hate him. This is the same guy that violent crime was down this year. This is the same guy who said that he would take a pay cut to keep his job, but offered no suggestions on how we can hire more police, or adequately pay them... even though he makes upwards of $300,000. Every time I see his face, tv or newspaper, I find it hard to talk myself out of cursing at him. I seriously want to slap his face!

So maybe I just needed a hug this evening or something! Whatever the case, this song came on and I felt a little better. Whatever happened to inspirational mainstream music? I think we need something like this or We Are the World again. Knowing that at the end of the summer more *young* Chicagoans will be the victim of homicide is disheartening. I look around my neighborhood and the sinking feeling that I get EVERY day cannot be accurately described. The ridiculously disrespectful kids, the non caring, self serving parents, the homes in disrepair, the joblessness, the drug dealing, hell- the laziness. Whatever happened to caring? Pride in your community? Pride in yourself? I get sick to my stomach when I go to the grocery store and see people acting... stereotypically. The world has enough jackasses, so why are we allowing ourselves to become part of that statistic?

I look around at the kids in my neighborhood and think that the future is in some serious trouble. Maybe people thought that when I was growing up? But I don't overhear conversations about becoming doctors and lawyers or store owners. I overhear stories about banging chicks, becoming a baby daddy (jeez, I hate that term) and playing basketball in the NBA. These kids are begging (silently) to be led in the right direction and we are doing them- and ourselves- a disservice by not setting boundaries for them. As a society, we should be ashamed that it has gotten this far from the goal of producing productive members of a working society. Where are the fathers?? You know, men who are an example for *all* the children that he is responsible for fathering? Where are the men that go to work and pay to support *all* their children? Where is the love and respect that children can only get from a father figure? Where are the real mothers?? You know- the ones that teach their kids wrong from right... the ones that you want to grow up and emulate. The ones that go to work to put food on the table, showing her children that independence is a wanted virtue? Where are the families?

Did I need Jody Weis to tell me that homicide was up 4%? Nope- I read the paper every day and I see a steep decline in my community already- and I know that it is city, state and country wide. Did I need Jody to tell me that our children are in jeopardy? No, I see it everyday. Parents are not visible, children are running the street. They think they can do what they want. They think that the world owes them.... and it doesn't. It is unfortunate and we need to work together to turn it around. Quickly. Before the kids decide they don't care; that they are not worth saving. We have to show them that times won't always be fantastic when you do the right thing, but it all pays off in the end. They are looking at us- and we are not showing them a great example.

So, for the music:

Key lyrics:

*I fought hard, y'all to carve out my place.

* Stand up tall, don't you fall... You will know.

* Your dreams ain't easy, but stand by your plan.

Animals in the street... Shame, shame, shame.

The video that is attached to this blog entry is disturbing. It is disturbing to me because it took place in the neighborhood just north of mine, because there are children involved, because no one seemed to care enough until the damage was already done AND because it was not reported on the Chicago news until the next day- after we all found out that the student that died was an honor student. I have a problem with the fact that these black children are fulfilling the stereotypes that people have of them. I have a problem with the fact that there is a police station down the street, yet there are no cops in this video. I am troubled by the fact that there are children TAPING this and screaming "daaammmmnnn" when their classmates get hit- like they are in a movie theater and this incident is somehow amusing.

These students should be ashamed. The gang members who started this melee in the middle of the street, turning Chicago into their own version of the wild, wild west, should feel ashamed- and be arrested. The police, who I generally have the utmost respect for, should HAVE to participate in more patrols when school gets out. The parents HAVE to raise their kids better than this. As a community WE have to do better than this.

Watching this, I am actually at a loss for words over the sheer stupidity of what is going on. I live in a working class neighborhood- it is not the best, but it is definitely NOT to worst in Chicago. We don't have to fight each other. I don't live in Boys in the Hood... seriously. Who does something like this? Now a 16 year old is dead, and lives will be ruined when someone gets arrested for this. Someone threw their life away in 3 minutes and for what? Are we so desensitized to violence that this shit passes for entertainment? Listen to the girl scream "zoom in" like this is a movie. This is NO FREAKING MOVIE- a boy lost his life. A boy, walking home from school LOST HIS LIFE. Think about that. He is never coming back, he will not turn 17, he will not graduate from high school... all so some stupid thug can claim a street in his neighborhood? All so some stupid jackass can brag that he has the biggest balls in the hood? Give me a break. A real man has no need to beat an unsuspecting boy who is walking home from school. Nevermind that, a real man has no need to be in a gang or fighting in the street like an asshole.

Here is my call to the "village"... Black people have to do better. Don't give me any excuses, because I don't want to hear them. There is no reason for us to PROVE to the doubters, haters and the racists that we are exactly what they think we are. Our ancestors died for the right to go to school and vote... they were still fighting less than 50 years ago. Those people are rolling around in their graves when they look down and see these types of displays. My grandparents did not get disrespected so that these assholes can beat an innocent boy in the middle of the street. My great grandparents did not suffer through indignities so that black students can drop out of school in record numbers, or so that black parents can do some lack luster job. WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH THIS PICTURE???????

And I don't want to hear anything about the stigma of slavery, because I am black and I am tired of US falling back on the slavery issue. At some point we have let that shit go and move forward. The attached video is a leap backward. Even if there were some lingering effects of slavery or other socio-economic issues, in this video there are black children beating black children. We are attacking ourselves. I feel like Bill Cosby a few years ago- what excuse is there going to be for this behavior? There should be NONE. We have to start holding our youth to higher standards because- even if it is not fair- they are already expected to fail... already expected to fail. If we continue to allow behavior like this- this deadly, ghetto, repugnant, self destructing behavior- we are no better than our critics. We have to be better and the only way it will get better is if someone from our community takes a stand. Say something... do something. I am sure that I will catch some flack for this entry and I don't care. You don't want me to put you blast, do better. You don't want me to talk about you AND your kids, do better. You don't want me to call you an embarrassment? Do better. You don't want me to agree with your critics? DO BETTER.

My parents used to tell me to be different- I was and continue to be, so my advice to whoever is reading this: Be the exception, not the rule.

Where are your children?

Let me preface this blog entry. This does not apply to all parents and children- however... if you see shades of you and your children in this blog, I take no responsibility for that!


Ok, maybe I am old fashioned. It could possibly be me... I doubt it. It could be I am pissed off because parents now-a-days give no discipline to these crazy ass kids running around. The subject of children have been on my mind lately and it was not until I had a concrete example that I wanted to comment. Examples came to me on Friday, Sunday and Monday. All of these examples leaves me asking: do you know where your children are? Do you know what they are doing? Are they acting like they have sense? What kind of upbringing have you instilled in them? Where are your children???



Friday I came home from work, let the dogs out and fed them- separately because I have two fatties that like to eat everyone's food, but that is neither here nor there. While I was in the midst of feeding the dogs and let them out again (so there is less of a possiblity of having to spend Friday night mopping the floor) there came a screech from outside like a small child caught in an oversized blender. For those of you who don't know, I purchased a corner house on the south side of Chicago. Often, to my dismay, the neighborhood kids think it is fun and exciting to hang out on my front lawn, crash through my bushes and push each other into my house. They think it is funny until I get fed up and become the crazy neighborhood lady and start correcting their bad behavior from my perch in the living room. I have done it on MANY occasions and am not afraid to do it again. Friday was different. School started from Chicago Public Schools last Tuesday, so the neighborhood gets quiet earlier- which I like, so Friday, I just let the noise happen. A couple times I sat on my perch and opened the blinds and was amazed at what I saw: kids sitting in the middle of the street, talking on their cell phones; kids hitting each other with sticks; kids with no jackets on- even though it was 55 degrees out; kids pulling each other into the street and children dancing in the street as cars approached. Now, all of you who actually know me, know that I am not against having a good time, BUT...
WTF, where were their parents????

When growing up in Columbus (Ohio- which is not even close to what goes down on the southside of Chicago) my sister and I had to be on the porch when the street lights came on. Please, I don't want to even talk about what happened if my parents actually looked on the porch and we weren't there. Yet, at 10:30 on a Friday, I looked out my windown at the screaming kids and I knew they didnt belong to my neighbors. They stayed out until 11:30.

Sunday, there was more of the same- they called it a night at an early 9:45, but the noise factor was the same. So I just started to think that I live down the block from some bad ass kids, with even worse parents. Monday showed me that it was not just my neighborhood.

I ride the train downtown (could you imagine me and my sassy mouth stuck in rush hour twice a day? Yeah, me either). Generally I am surrounded by businessmen and women. Monday, however, was different. There were kids on our train (school is back in session). They were horrid. There was crying from the small ones (along with pleading from the parents- begging them to behave). There were curse words coming from the big ones... ok, I have the mouth of a dirty sailor, but even I will hold off until I am not surrounded by old ladies and people I don't know. Seriously, where are your children? For the parents of the small ones: all I can say is my parents never pled with me to behave. They told me to behave and they said it once. There was no way M&A were taking back talk, temper tantrums or any other ridiculous behavior. Noone wanted to be a part of that. My parents had simple rules, one of which was you will NOT embarrass the family while in public. Even my sister, who KNOWS that she is a drama queen would not have tantrums outside the house. There is NO WAY that is going to fly. Hell, I am 30 and I still wouldn't do it.

For the parents of the big ones: you need to get your children under control. Yes, I do know that you cannot control your kids 24 hours a day, but the amount of disrespect that these kids were showing leads me to believe that it is not occasional; instead it is habit. Friends or not, relaxed environment or not, your kids should not run the house. You are the parent.

I am very opinionated (as if you could not tell from my daily posts) and I think that the character of a person starts at home. Parents are responsible for training a child to be productive members of society. Every once in a while a child will stray- I get that, but just letting your kids run amuk is nuts. I look around and I am scared. Not about one of them hurting me for correcting their bad asses out my front window, instead I am afraid of what the future will bring. What will happen when all these self absorbed people enter the workforce? College? Parenthood? There should be time for correcting you child. There should be time for making sure they help out their fellow man. There should be time to make sure that they give back to their community. You have to teach them discipline. Why? Because, as my friends and I are starting to find out, life is not always fair. It is not always a party and you don't always get your way. Sometimes you have to work twice as hard to get half as much... sometimes you have to give yourself a pep talk to get out of bed and go to work, sometimes you want to shout- and you may be justified, but you just CAN'T. What are your kids going to do during those times? Throw a tantrum? In order for us to have a productive society, we have to have productive children... and in order to have that we need involved parents, who teach their children right from wrong, charity, humility, grace and to love their neighbor. So again, I ask, where are your children?