Sunday, June 19, 2011

A Father's Day Plea

Happy Father's Day!! Previously, on Father's Day, I have posted my ode to dad, happy posts... this is not one of them. Well, not entirely. This morning, I involved myself in a controversial facebook conversation. Not controversial to me, per se, but clearly for the guys involved, the following is a touchy subject.Who knew that Father's Day was a touchy subject? Not me, because I have a great dad and I tell him so all the time.

Ok- so my friend posted a status calling out a couple of her friends that are upset (to say the least) because single mothers- and others- are getting accolades on Father's Day. Their contention? It is Father's Day and therefore all accolades should be to fathers and fathers only. Hmmm- I disagree and I said as much (shocker). There were several jabs taken, race was brought into the conversation (not be me) and an air of defensiveness sprang into being. So let me put my opinions in writing, so that there is no question as to what I feel on the subject.

The first thing: no one is going to tell me shit. If I want to tell my sister, who is a single mother, happy Father's Day... because she (with the help of my parents) do the job of two parents because her child's father is a low life, I'll do that and you'll like it. I'm not asking for permission to say what I want, and if you don't like it then that is too damn bad. Secondly: would it be nice if every person that became a parent treated it as a privilege denied to many and a job of the utmost importance? Yes. Does that happen all the time? Hell no. So let's lay out some facts, they help people take off the blinders sometimes. 1- in generations past there used to a stigma of shame for BOTH parties involved when there was a child born out of wedlock. Women used to be sent away to have the baby and men used to be forced into marriage. 2- people were a little more chaste in the past, or at least a lot less vocal of their conquests. In a time where lives are made and broken on social networking sites, your secrets are soon revealed to everyone you know. 3- as much as some people would like to argue, the fact remains that there are thousands upon thousands of children growing up without knowledge of one of their parents (possible both parents). Grandparents, aunts, uncles and non family members are raising a new generation of children and for those heroics, they deserve whatever I can give them- father's day or not.

I am not saying that there should be a feeling of shame if an unplanned pregnancy pops up. I mean, when these practices of forcing families to be together and sending off unwed mothers to bare children in foreign lands was taking place society had more than a few ridiculous customs that were also in practice (um, slavery, women not working outside of the home, women only being able to be teachers- if they were granted an education at all, not recognizing domestic partnerships, etc). What I am saying is this: if the dynamic has changed and you will skip from bed to bed, or leave a woman unmarried and in a financially precarious position as she is taking care of YOUR child, then you don't deserve for anyone to greet you with cheers and happiness on Father's Day, least of all ME. I'm not saying die a virgin if you have never been married, but the trend of having several women serve as mothers to your offspring - and not giving the mothers or the children any love, help, time - has GOT to stop. If you do have several "baby mamas" (hate that term), then maybe you should learn how to use protection or better yet, spend some time getting yourself under control. Either way, guess who won't be getting a Happy Father's Day from me? I don't care if you "smashed" this weekend... even if your facebook status screams it. But, if in 9 months you have a baby because of that activity, shouldn't you be the first in line to be responsible? You were the first to let us all know you got laid-- now be the example of what a man should do to that child you created. AND IF YOU REFUSE OR CANNOT BE A FATHER AND SOMEONE ELSE DOES YOUR JOB, then fuck you- I'm telling them Happy Father's Day. Fuck your little itty bitty feelings. Where are you the rest of the year? Guess what? That child needs to eat every day, not just when you can send some extra money. They grow fast & need new clothes, not just when you can get it together long enough to send something. The mother of your children wasn't a whore when you were clamoring about getting in her pants, and even if she was... guess what? She is NOW the mother of your child and should be treated better than a prostitute. How about this: NO court should have to MAKE you take care of your children. WTF. You want to be mad because I tell someone of the opposite gender Happy Father's Day? Um, seems to me that there are bigger problems to be discussed.

Some chick told me that I should not attack men who aren't "the fathers that they hope to be for a number of reasons." What in the hell are you talking about? Being the father that they hope to be? They should have thought about that before they started having children. Once the baby is here, you cease having time to think about, or make up excuses as to why you aren't the father that you hope to be. BECOME HIM. And we, as women, need to STOP giving excuses as to why fathers are not doing what they need to do. Screw that. That is your kid you are flaking out on. That child is half you-- you should NOT feel comfortable walking away from him/her. You SHOULD feel bad if you are not giving your baby 100%. All day and every day I will correct ANYONE that is not doing right by a child. Know why? Because kids can NOT do for themselves. They didn't ask to be born and parents are responsible for getting them to where they need to be. Being the parent you hope to be? That shit is laughable and you should be ashamed of yourself that you even said that in a public forum. If you give people excuses, they will run with them... and not being active in a child's life is NOT something that there is an excuse for- EVER.

Make no mistake- this post is directed at both sexes. Some mothers fall into the category of being no good and thinking only of themselves, just like some fathers do. Here is my point from all my angry rants- here and on facebook: parents take several different shapes. They can be moms and dads, just moms, just dad, cousins, uncles, aunties, grandmas, granddads, foster parents, adoptive parents, birth parents, friends, mentors, ANYTHING. You know what makes a parent? Caring for and guiding a child into maturity; molding them into being a great, productive human being. There is NO gender to that. There is no one person that HAS to do that. There is no right family makeup. There isn't. What we need to be worried about is that there are children out here that have NO ONE to show them the right way... we should not be concerned that there are people working hard for children and getting verbal high fives on father's day, mother's day, flag day, memorial day or any other day. Get over yourself, if you spent half as much time actually doing something with your kids as you did trying to tell me that single mother's shouldn't get a shout out on Father's Day, we would all be in a better position. Punk.

So on this day, I am once again praising my dad. Even though we have not always agreed & had our moments of bitterness... he has always given me and my siblings 100% of what he had. He was there at track meets, plays, graduations. He helped with homework and checked in with teachers and YES, he was available for lectures that you didn't want to hear, and whoopings that we absolutely deserved. He didn't just say "hey kids, I love you." He showed us every day by being an example, going to work and taking care of our family... and trust me when I tell you, some of y'all need to get like him.


Anonymous said...

5 simple words - Keep your legs closed ladies. :)

Miss Mox said...

6 simple words- Take care of your responsibilities, EVERYONE.

Thanks for the comment.

Miss Mox

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