Just Call Me Captain Save a Hoe!!

So, generally, I am not the nicest person. Especially on my commute to and from work. I just don't have time to be cordial, what with all of my... judging and picture taking. That's right, I said it! If you look a mess, please trust and believe that I have talked about you on facebook, twitter and I may have even taken some pics. You deserve it. There are mirrors all around, but I digress. Today, instead of spending my time taking pictures of the fashionably challenged I took action, y'all!! Story below. I walked on the bus (one of several that lets me off on the end of my street-- hey, don't judge my laziness) and I see them. Two "ladies" of African American descent were at the front of the bus- one was extremely pregnant and they were joined by three children... one of whom was in a stroller. You know I bypassed them as quickly as possible, right? We all know that I cannot stand bad ass kids, so I couldn't chance it! It was a long bus (think two buses, joined together) and I sat next to the back door- far away from the possibility of screaming children. I sat down, turned on my kindle, pretended to read and starting my... eye sweep of the bus, searching for a fashion victim. The bus crept along State Street in relative silence, but just as it turned onto Lake I heard this gruff, weird voice. I swear the first sentence was "What? You just want someone to pay for you? Fucking faggot." Um, guess who shot into action? Yes. He got exactly two more sentences out of his hate filled mouth before I shot out of my seat. There was the random "fuck", "scum"... He might have actually said "I pay taxes so you can do nothing, stupid scum." I had enough. No one was saying anything-- and I think that may have upset me the most. The bus was turning onto Michigan Avenue and I got up and made the voyage from the back of the bus. As I got up, I noticed that an elderly woman also got up from her seat and went to complain to the bus driver. Me? I go straight to the annoying source. Hanging onto the strategically placed straps, I make my way to the offender. He is drooling (actually drooling) and spewing out hurtful shit. I walked up to him and said "Sir, stop talking to them like that before I call the police." That kind of took the air out of his jaws for half a second. He points his finger at the woman and continues to yell. I tell him to shut up and that I am calling the cops. When I tell you that there was absolute silence on the bus at this time... you could have heard a pin drop. He takes his flip phone (OMG- please get rid of all flip phones... seriously) and told me that I could call from his phone because those women were freeloading scum. My response? "Um, no-- I will call from my own phone, which your tax dollars do not pay for." Jeez-- I might be an asshole! :) The bus driver started to slow down. Our voices got louder. He kept talking, I kept countering. He threw down some more "f" bombs... but never at me. My last sentence to him? "I don't care. You don't know her and there are children on this bus while you curse like a moron. Get off the bus." He did. Yeah. As I headed back to my seat a girl said "thank you for sticking up for her." I nodded in her general direction, put my phone back in my pocket and headed toward my home in the back of the bus. As I get comfy again in my seat (still far away from the kids) a guy says "Thank you for doing that. None of us had the guts to say anything." I looked at him and said the most sincere answer I could come up with on the spot: "Yeah, well all it takes is a short girl with a Napoleon complex to control a CTA bus." Today was a good day.