Monday, October 15, 2018

I Survived... Barely.

Y'all. Do you need more excitement in your life? Do you daydream about doing crazy shit where the probability of lost limbs is high? Do you want a real life version of the Hunger Games? Yeah? Cool, I'm going to tell you how to get that excitement. Ready? 

Go. 
To. 
A. 
Book.
Sale.
On.
The.
Last.
Day.

Holy shit, y'all. As a bad ass, stay-at-home mama, I don't get much time alone. I mean, I do get to take trips to the grocery store by myself... and that place is like a freaking lion's den. Listen, if there is only one can of green beans left and those bad boys are on sale, you better watch the grandmas-- they can be brutal. But you know who is worse than grandmas getting a good deal on canned goods? Nerds. Nerds at a book sale. 

Here in Columbus, we have a fantastic library system.  Twice a year they have a Friends of the Library book sale. The first day of the sale the prices are reasonable (think $2 for a hard cover book, $1 for paperback). But that last day... the last day is something from the book gods. The last day they have $5 a bag sale. You can buy a small tote or you can bring your own bags and however many books you can fit in that bag will cost you $5. OH MY GOOD GOD. 

Now listen, I have been a nerd since birth. I consider my library card one of my most prized possessions. Give me a sleeping toddler, cold weather, a heavy blanket and a great book any day. E-books have been a God send since Baby K arrived-- I can read without turning on a light!   Reading is a form of therapy for me, I suppose. The words transport me to far away lands, and someone else's problems. (I mean, c'mon, who couldn't use a getaway now-a-days with all the craziness going on in our country right now?) Even with all my reading experience, I could read ONE MILLION books about martial arts and I STILL would not be ready for the chaos that is a book sale in its final hours. Baby. These people were not playing. 

Y'all, I tried to swoop in and peace out but I got caught up in a sea of humanity. There were crying babies, screaming toddlers, angsty teens, non-attentive parents and some overly aggressive elderly folks. {Lady, I swear I was not trying to reach in and get that last book on crocheting for the holidays, you could have kept the look.} Honestly. Yo, it was bat shit crazy in that auditorium. I didn't think I was going to make it out of there with all my fingers. These folks were serious about their reading material. I snaked my way through the nuthouse in a little less than an hour. I think I earned some credits towards my ninja degree. Your girl was quick on her feet! {Move out of the way, Dakota... that book is MINE!} Now listen: I have never been good at math, but when I tell you that I took FORTY books of various sizes and slipped and tucked those bitches in TWO bags. Y'all... two bags, 40 books, $10.75. TEN DOLLARS and 75 cents. I am a fucking genius. Decision made: I'll see all those assholes on the last day of the Spring sale too!   


Happy reading! 


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