Friday, May 07, 2010

Me and My Ego :)

Take this for what it is... the truth! :)

I have questioned myself in the past and I am sure that I will do so again, but at the end of the day- I am comfortable in my own skin. This skin I wear every day is flawed. It hasn't been perfect for some time, and I am more than ok with that. I have scars from sports; life; love. I breathe in the mistakes that I made and I live with them every day. I look back on the life I have had thus far and there are just a few things that I mildly regret and there is nothing that I would change. I truly love who I am, who I have become because of heartaches/life lessons/missteps. I cherish each muscle, every scratch, every dimple (where did those come from?), gray hair (yep they are here), even every piece of evidence of overindulgence (most of that is located in my midsection).

I am truthful with myself, for the most part. I know what I offer and the weaknesses that no one else knows about, keep me company at night. I know where I should have given up and where I should have pressed the envelope just a BIT more. I am content with my all or nothing state of mind. I give and love with all that I have and have walked away brokenhearted many times. I have picked myself up more times than anyone knows. Battered and broken, I keep getting up. I keep looking life in the face and fighting like hell... isn't that what it is all about? Fighting the good fight every day? Living a life so full that you almost *burst*? Learning from mistakes and coming back a second, third, however many times, even more determined? I have met some people who have given up. They have lost. I refuse to lose. I was born to conquer. Conquer life and make it mine. And I will. I am.

I am fully aware how I come off to some people and mostly those thoughts make me shrug my shoulders- because I don't care. As Beyonce says "You can leave with me or you can have the blues. Some call it arrogant, I call it confident. You decide when you find out what I'm working with." I know what I am am working with- and while I can improve, like everyone else, I have a ton to offer. Self doubt is fleeting in this head of mine. This big smile, with a few missing teeth, is a fixture on my caramel colored face. I know that this sometimes scattered mind, with the help of these soft, often lotioned hands and short muscular legs, will lead me where I am supposed to go. Oh, this flawed body of mine is going to make it! This heart, my heart, will be broken again. It will get stepped on. Sometimes the blood that it pumps will be sad, or lazy, or unemployed- but it will keep pumping, and I will keep moving, breathing, learning,

Sometimes I want to be at my final destination right NOW. I want the place that I see in my head (the place where I am the boss and get what I want- HA) right now... but I know that when everything falls in line I will get there. I have visions of blue skies, not a cloud in sight, sunshine, angels singing, me on a throne... oh, wait- damn that ego strikes again. LOL

The point of this entry is: I am going places. I am a sight to see, a woman to fear/admire/bribe/love... a force to be reckoned with. Often times too strong, too much, too tough. I talk like this 'cause I can back it up! ;)

Happy Friday.


mandino said...

Love this!! Well spoken!

Miss Mox said...

:) this is sincerely my most favorite post. An uninterrupted look into my mind!

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