Fed Up Friday - Everyday Life

Oh, it has been a LONG time, but here it is Friday and I have a long list of grievances waiting to be typed out. This blog has turned into a political forum because we are living in a clusterfuck of craziness, led by the orange clown and his cronies but, surprisingly, this Fed Up Friday is not about them. It is shocking... I know. On top of the dumpster fire that we see on the news every day, I have even MORE nut-tastic behavior to highlight, so here we go.

My kid is a night owl and has attempted to stop napping during the day. Oh, I am not ready for that bullshit, so the (not nice) sign (which clearly says NOT to ring my doorbell) I put on our front door before she was born is still up there (and will remain there for the foreseeable future). So imagine my surprise when someone rang my doorbell - TWICE - and knocked on the door like the police... after Kensie FINALLY laid her little ass down for a nap. I have a crying baby, barking dogs and some moron banging on my door. I opened the door with what could only described as the "I am totally going to fuck up whoever is on the other side of this door" face. Let me just say- I live in my childhood home. I know my neighbors (and their kids). This shit BETTER be an emergency... because I have a toddler screaming in my ear. But guess what? It wasn't. This muthafucka said "do you have a lawnmower I can borrow?" Now I should have prefaced this with... I DO NOT KNOW THIS MAN. And he wasn't coming with a "hey, I'm your new neighbor from down the street" or "what's up, my name is____ and I live down the street." Nah, he just asked to use my mower. Bitch, what? When I tell you that I cut my eyes at him so hard... I have been trying to not say curse words (out loud) because my miniature person running around here is an impeccable mimic, so I kept the "fuck you" look all over my face, yelled "no" and slammed the door. Then I spent 15 minutes bribing the kid with pasta and red sauce so she would stop crying.

This week I read a story about a clerk at CVS in Chicago calling the cops on a Black lady trying to use a coupon. That dude needs his ass beat. I mean, honestly. If you employ the police for non-emergency, nonsensical matters on purpose you deserve a fine at the very least... and your ass served to you on a platter at the very most. Get your whole life together. I do know that all the managers involved were fired from CVS - rightfully so. If you are that scared of People of Color, you need to keep your ass in the house, at all times. What makes the situation worse? The dude that called the police is running for an Alderman position (city council). You want to represent a constituency that scares you? Pathetic asshole.

The last story I have for y'all is supposed to be a feel good story. Supposed to be. There is a media blitz circulating a story that a woman was able to take a proper maternity leave because her co-workers banded together and donated their vacation time to her. First of all: good for that new mama. Her co-workers are stellar. I don't know what I would have done if I HAD to get back to work two weeks after Kensie was born. I mean... I would HAVE to go back to work, but I really feel like it would have been detrimental to both me AND her. So, I have nothing but love for her co-workers. What they did was extraordinary. My issue is: what if her co-workers were not so generous? They should not HAVE to donate their vacation time so a co-worker can have time off to bond with their new baby. The United States is an amazing country (most of time) but the fact that extended maternity/paternity leave is almost non-existent amazes me. The reasons for paid leave have been spelled out several times: cost of child care is astronomical; kids get sick easily; postpartum depression is real; your body isn't the only thing that needs to bounce back after you birth a kid. We want our new mama's to breastfeed-- and low key shame them if they don't-- but we also want their asses to return to work ASAP. We want new parents to raise productive, good citizens but we don't make it easy for families to spend time together during very crucial times (like right after the child is born). There have been several articles written about the slowing birth rate in America-- uh, yeah. Students graduate with extremely high debt. Folks, on average, are buying houses later in life, if at all. And even if they have kids, companies are not making it easy to bond with those children. Does that make sense? Of course it doesn't.

This is it for this week's Fed Up Friday. I am sure I will find something else to bitch about next weekend! LOL Happy Weekend, y'all.

Fifty Years, Little Progress

On April 4 the social media world lit up with quotes from Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. On the 50th anniversary of his death it seemed like everyone was pulling for a society of justice and equality. Less than two weeks later there is a blatant reminder that there has been little progress made in those 50 years. In the 1960s Black people were regularly denied service at restaurants across the country. In 2018- this week, in fact- the Philadelphia police were called because two Black men were waiting for their friend in a Starbucks. Read that again.

Two Black men walked into a Starbucks. It sounds like the beginning of a tasteless joke. It wasn't a joke, but the behavior that was exhibited by the staff of this establishment was definitely tasteless. So, two guys walk into a Starbucks, tell a staff member that they are waiting for a friend and ask to use the restroom. They were denied access to the restroom and told that since they had yet to order anything, they should leave. Now listen: at this point in the story, I am already pissed off. To add insult to injury, the young men asked why they were being told to leave and a Starbucks employee CALLED THE POLICE. The police came- first two, then four, then six. The men were arrested-- even after their friend showed up-- held for hours and released without being charged. Because why? They didn't want to order overpriced coffee before their family friend got there? Oh, ok.  

A million times over, minorities tell folks that our experiences are not like anyone else's-- and time after time, y'all ask for proof that we don't just fly off the handle, or demand too much. This exchange was captured on video and posted to Twitter. The White woman that was sitting next to these men posted that they were doing absolutely nothing wrong and the police were called for no reason. She has taken Starbucks to task, stating publicly that the men were doing exactly what she has done before-- waiting for a friend. Uh, we have ALL done that before. I have had job interviews at Starbucks for goodness sake. Starbucks is THE meeting place. At the mall, in school, before study group, after a challenging meeting, or just someplace to talk shit about your crazy ass co-workers. So if you are known for being the meet up place, what exactly is the problem? Are you only allowed to meet up at Starbucks if you have your white friend in tow? Do those assholes have a quota for how many Black people can be waiting at a time? Why call the police? There was no scene, no raised voices. Why were six police officers necessary?  

We pretend like society as a whole is super evolved. Some of y'all have the audacity to tell us that we live in a post racial society or that minorities don't have it hard... we are just too sensitive. You tell us that race relations is bad because of us-- because we want too much. You are the fulfillment of the delusional dreams of your grandparents, who 50 years ago were probably spouting the same bullshit. Fifty years have passed and I can't tell-- every day we lose men, women and children at the hands of the same muthafuckas who tried to be enlightened online on April 4th. I call bullshit. This is happening in broad daylight and the reason it continues is: not enough of y'all care because it isn't happening to you.

The Way My Sympathy Is Set Up...

In all my (almost) 40 years I have spent a lot of quality time working on my emotional responses. I had to work on my responses in emotionally charged situations, not because I'm a sociopath, but because I am a fixer. If one of my friends is hurting, I am (generally) the person that puts a solution in motion. I mean, there has to be ONE person that doesn't cry, right? Bottom line: when there is a sad situation, I recognize the sad and try to work on making sure everyone and most things are taken care of. I'm not one to cry (much)... I just move into action. 

So, I am proud of my responses in most emotional situations. I am not as bad as Sheldon on Big Bang Theory, but I can recognize that some may be put off by my "can do" attitude when a hug and some comforting words would do just fine instead. I'm working on it-- especially now that I am a mom. Any time it is possible I am totally committed to being the empathetic person in the crowd. I try to put myself in other people's shoes when they have been served a bad blow. What would I need? How did I feel when I was in that situation? What would be better for me? If I were grading my emotional responses, I would be passing... like a low B. Yeah, B for sure. However, there are situations when I feel like putting in less effort.

I am sure that everyone has heard about the Otto Warmbier case. He was the young Ohioan who was convicted of a petty crime in North Korea, jailed and sent back to his parents in an almost vegetative state. He died three days ago. As an Ohioan, a parent and a human being I hated to read about his demise. It was sad. No one wants to read about a parent losing a child. No one wants to read about their fellow statesman coming to a brutal end for some nonsense. Nobody. And I don't want to say that my sympathy for the Warmbier family stops there. I don't WANT to say that...

Let me put it like this: when I read about (and saw the video of) Otto Warmbier getting in trouble for taking a poster off a hotel wall, my thoughts didn't jump to his family. You know who I thought about? Sandra Bland's mom. Tamir Rice's mom. Eric Garner's family. Philando Castile's family. John Crawford's relatives. Walter Scott's family. And see, this is why I gave myself a low B when it comes to emotional responses. Because, see, how my sympathy is set up... makes it hard for me to see things in a vacuum. I see all this social media outrage about the death of Otto Warmbier-- people completely incensed about him dying at the hand of this "rogue" dictator... when people of color die for trivial crimes every day, so much so that the outrage seems to only come from minority communities. And no one pays for it. No one is found responsible. No one pays the price for these lives taken... except for families that are forever altered; and communities that are deeply scarred; and a nation that become accustomed to seeing Black and Brown men and women die on the evening news. The American public, in general, can stomach our police killing Ray Ray in the street... and blaming Ray Ray's family for raising a thug. But let them see a college student- a white college student- receive that same kind of treatment in a different nation. 

Injustice to one SHOULD be felt as injustice to all, but every day we see evidence that shows that ain't the American way. 

Election Reflections

Well now. Who would have thought that 2016 would be such a colossal shit show? We should have known that it would be awful when the Almighty came and took Prince, but nooooooo. We decided to press on and last week one more sign of the fucking apocalypse reared its ugly orange head. That's right. These United States of America elected the most unfit, uncouth, ridiculous bastard to be the leader of our country. And honestly, I just want to reach out and slap all the ass backward people who voted for this shit stain. That's right. This liberal is not over the fact that a moron and his cronies are going to be in charge come January. Not over it, ain't going to be over, don't want to be over it. 

One reason I can't get over it is because everyone is now coming out with one of three arguments: 1) not all White people voted for trump (he doesn't deserve capital letters, so he isn't getting any on this blog), 2) for those that did vote for him: "um, I'm not racist, but..." and 3) we all need to come together, love one another and forget what has been said/done for the good of country. 

All y'all muthaf**kas can kiss my ass. Since I have had to hear you "explain" since Wednesday, let me explain why those three sorry ass excuses are weak as hell. Let's go in order, shall we? 1) Yep, I am clear on the fact that not ALL White people voted for Tangerine Dream. I get that, BUT a vast majority of y'all fuckers did. Someone you know did. Someone you are related to did. Someone you talk to on a regular basis, who pretends to be your friend/sister/brother/ally DID vote for him. And you probably knew it was going to happen. And you probably didn't say anything. Listen, I don't deal in "ALL". I know ALL White folks didn't vote for him, just like I know ALL Black folks didn't vote for Hillary. I also know that whenever the subject of the election came up, people knew exactly where I stood, who I was voting for and why... and if they told me that they were voting for Tangerine Dream, I asked them WHY. I am not ashamed to say that I have distanced myself from many acquaintances and I will continue to do so as a direct result of this election. I've deleted some people from social media accounts as a precautionary measure. Not ashamed in the least. My sanity comes before y'all's fucked up feelings any day. 

2) "I did vote for Tangerine Dream, but I'm not racist..." Honestly, I stop listening after you say that you voted for him and my interest in talking to you ever again diminishes greatly. Listen, the majority of folks will show you exactly who they are, especially in times of trouble. Cap'n Cheeto showed us all who he was. He hit the stage running with that anti-Mexican rhetoric and some of y'all ate that shit up. He has routinely talked shit about women-- and that was BEFORE that Access Hollywood tape came out. He straight told y'all that he wants to ban Muslims and make the ones that remain register... like fucking chattel. Over and over again, he more than insinuated that Black folks have been relegated to the ghettos around the country, that we don't receive/take advantage of public education, we are lazy and we can't walk our streets without killing one another (Black folks only... so don't worry poor White people). His outreach to the LGBTQ community has been abysmal and his attack on the media damn near incited riots at his rallies. You saw all of that... and you voted for him anyway. You don't have shit to say to me. I don't want an explanation. You take responsibility for what's about to go down. Let it be known right now: if you voted for Cap'n Cheeto YOU decided that it was in your best interests and you didn't give a fuck what he said about the rest of us because you aren't in any of those groups. You may have a Black friend, sibling or spouse and you chose to fuck us all over. You knew that he was slinging racist/xenophobic/misogynistic thoughts and you voted for him anyway. Do you feel good about that? Of course you do, you inconsiderate bastard. So save the explanation-- your vote did all the necessary talking.

3) "We should all get along. Your candidate lost now let's all get behind Orange Faygo." You can totally miss me which all this bullshit. I know that it sounds good and everything, but that muthaf**ka directly threatens my family's livelihood, so this fall in line, step and fetch routine is not going to happen. One of my best friends is a married lesbian, I am not trying to "fall in line" while marriage equality is reversed. I'm a very pro-choice woman, I will not "fall in line" while Roe v. Wade is reversed. I am Black (and so is my daughter) there is no way I will stand still while Orange Faygo's henchmen try to bring back "stop and frisk" on the national stage. I am ME, there is NO WAY I am going to stand idly by and watch ANY group be maligned because some backwoods rednecks want to go back to 1900 when Blacks were still damn near slaves, women had no rights and White men were the ruling class. Hell no. 

I don't feel bad about my convictions. I will not rest until folks are treated equally. I will continue to be bitter (like I have been). I will not rest until my daughter knows that she should stand up for people, like her parents do. People will know that they have a place in my America. I will stand up as an ally for my LGBTQ friends, my Muslim friends, my Mexican friends, my Black friends, cops, women, liberals AND conservatives. I haven't changed and I will not change... even if we do have a small hand/dick/brain dictator at the helm.

To Be Black In America

I have learned to let shit roll off my back. Being a new mom and having limited time makes it easy to let fake friends go by the wayside and let stupid politicians openly pander for my vote without consequence. It also makes it easy to overlook most foolishness on social media. Between baby feedings and sleepless nights, I really haven't had the time nor the inclination to engage in the back and forth craziness. From the election to the Olympics, I have pretty much stayed to myself over here (except on Twitter... I always have some shit to say on Twitter). But the silence is about to end because some of y'all are so stupid, I wouldn't trust you to find your way out of a box... even if the lid was open.

So, listen: race in America is fucked up. Being Black/Brown in America is rough times, friends. And if you don't think it is rough to be Black/Brown in America, you are either not Black/Brown or you are delusional. You could be delusional because you don't want to see it OR because you haven't seen it... YET. But let me fill you in on the lowdown: This walk ain't for the faint of heart. It is not. Some people are going to feel bad after they read this post. There are going to be some generalizations about life and people and some of you will not like what I have to say... get over yourself, I am about to type the truth while my baby sleeps.

Here we go:

Folks LOVE Black people, as long as we are giving them what they want. They have nothing to say if we are entertaining them (through sports, music, acting, etc); they certainly have no complaints if we are giving them our money. No one bats an eyelash at Black folks when they need us to win an election or to make their invention that new "hot" thing. Then, they love us. But let US decide to let Y'ALL know when shit ain't right. Some of y'all haven't been right since Dr. Avery (Jesse Williams) told you the get down at the BET Awards. But he is just a flighty actor, right? They get paid to be overly sensitive and shit. Right? Oh. Ok. So when Colin Kaepernick decided not to stand during the National Anthem... You.Can't.Take.It. How do I know y'all can't take it? Because now he is Black. When he entered the NFL, all stories were about this (supa fine) biracial quarterback who made it out of foster care and MADE IT against the odds. Feel good storyline, for the win. Now he is that disrespectful, Black, hater for taking a stand against the injustices that he sees. {For what it is worth, most biracial folks are deemed "Black" when they piss off large groups of people... examples would be Jesse Williams, Halle Berry, President Obama, Tiger Woods... and now, Colin Kaepernick}.

I actually laughed out loud when I saw that people were burning Colin Kaepernick jerseys and demanding that he lose his job. You have GOT to fucking be kidding me. These are the same folks that were so excited when he signed with the 49ers, thinking he was going to lead them to victory. See, if he had just shut his Black mouth and entertained folks like he was supposed to do, then there would be no problem. Right?

The problem is NOT Colin Kaepernick. The problem is that not enough athletes will use their platform to protest. The problem is that once some Black folks "make it" they think they are above the fray... and they don't have to protest to be seen as human. The problem is that injustices are done to United States citizens EVERY day and no one wants to hear about it. Just because you don't want to hear about it doesn't mean that people won't talk about it. We should all be clear on the idea that Black people make up approximately 13 percent of the America population and damn near 65 percent of the prison population. HOW IS THAT POSSIBLE?!?!? We are not all criminals. Shit, not like that. We need to be clear on the idea that minorities are prosecuted... in the streets of our cities... every day. I mean, how exactly is that not clear? How do you expect ALL of us to remain silent on facts? Better yet, WHY WOULD YOU WANT US TO BE SILENT??? Shouldn't we all fight injustice? Shouldn't we all want America to be better? I'll tell you why people want us to be quiet: they don't care. If it isn't happening to their children or family members then they don't care. If they can still afford to live in the suburbs and send their kids to the best schools in the city, they don't care. They don't care.

If you aren't Black, you don't know. You don't know the lessons I am going to have to teach my biracial daughter. You don't know how many times I have been called a Black bitch. You don't know how many times my law abiding ass has been followed by the police, store security guards, sheriff deputies-- for no reason other than "I didn't belong" where ever I was. You don't know what Colin Kaepernick has seen. If that man is telling you that he has seen some injustices and he feels betrayed in this country that kills folks that look like him... believe him. Shit, more than half of the problem with race relations in this country is that we have to keep having the same conversation over and over again. I am Black. I am human. I have worth. Y'all won't steal MY shine (or Colin's). Stop making me rub it in your face remind you.

Dear America

Dear America:

Hey girl. It is your favorite caramel colored girlfriend. Originally, I was going to wish you a belated birthday, but honey, we have some things that we need to talk about. I am feeling some type of way about you. I mean, you just turned 240 years old on Monday and you are not adulting well. I mean, I really think that you are too old for these ongoing problems that you have. These last few years, our relationship has been strained and so now, here I am, with an ultimatum.

Listen. You gotta stop lying to yourself and others. America, you keep telling folks that everyone is welcome and that you are friendly. Ma'am, nothing is farther from the truth. We all know that everyone isn't welcome. Why do you keep touting that line of thought? History tells us that it isn't true... What you allow in your house shows us, every day, that you don't want diversity here. Within your borders, people (of color) are ROUTINELY marginalized, CONSISTENTLY demonized, REGULARLY disenfranchised and HABITUALLY murdered for simply being. You don't have love for us, girl. And when one of us stands up to tell you just how unfair the treatment that we are receiving is, the clap back is swift. You aren't nice, chick. You allow our children to be murdered; our husbands to be taken. You don't blink when our elderly die in poverty, unable to afford the drugs that could keep them alive. It doesn't bother you that our neighborhoods are falling apart or that we are overlooked for jobs and promotions. You are not surprised and often find excuses for police who brutalize your citizenry. I mean, why do you keep inviting folks to your house if you don't want to straighten up first? You know what I mean? I just don't understand. Why invite family over, only to spit in their faces? That is what you are doing. You are spitting in our faces-- and we have had enough.  

You pretend to love us, but that love is only good if we stay in the boxes that you have picked out for us. You want us to make you look good. You want us to entertain you-- on tv, at the movie theater, through sports and at concerts. But, you don't want us to ever think that we are more than that. We are here to entertain you and the moment we stop, you turn on us like an inebriated spouse. Often you use us for entertainment then for target practice. We are targets for your abuse-- in which you want us to suffer silently. Stay in our place, save face (for you) and do it all quietly. America, girl, that is not how this works. That is not how any of this works.

Look, I want to take this time to let you know that you wouldn't have your house without us. We have been here from the beginning. Actually, darling, now would be the time to remind you that you brought many of us here against our will. And now you are systematically, emotionally and physically, killing the same folks you enslaved all those years ago. America, girl, you are too old for this! Since we just celebrated your birthday, I feel the need to remind you what happened 240+ years ago that brought about your birth. America, YOU are the result of the ultimate protest. Your founders were tired of being shit upon, so they left the game and started YOU. Now, darling, let's use some common sense here... If you have spent all of your years shitting on some folks, what, exactly can you foresee them doing? Are you trying to get history to repeat itself? Are you trying to make an uprising happen? Do you think that we will allow an extermination of certain folks just happen?

America, I am writing this letter because I love you. I love the idea of you. I love being a part of you. Now I want you to love me back. I want you to respect me and other Brown and Black folks. I want to be able to be proud of you when I leave your shores for vacation or business. I want folks to be able to look to you for guidance... not just military or monetary help. I want to be able to tell my daughter that her life will be respected because she is considered a gem in her own country. A gem... not a burden. In short America, I need you to get your shit together, sis. I mean I can't keep writing you warnings about this fucked up behavior. If you keep disrespecting your citizens they will rise up-- it is inevitable. We are not expendable. Our children are not to be used as kindling in the streets, America. Our fathers and breadwinners are not to be brutalized as examples, America. Our mothers and daughters are not here to be assaulted by you, America. We are not expendable. Saying that doesn't make us ungrateful, or selfish or racist. It makes us citizens and it makes you accountable. Stop murdering us. Stop excusing our murders. Just stop it.