Friday, January 20, 2012

Fed Up Friday - Not Black Enough

DISCLAIMER: there WILL be cursing. There will be a lot of cursing. You have been warned. Do not continue reading if your eyes cannot handle that. Do NOT send me emails about cleaning up my language because I will respond with the most simple answer: Fuuuuuuuucccccccckkkkkk You.

OK- deep breaths, deep breaths. In the past couple of days, my blackness has been questioned. Not the first time that has happened, won't be the last. But this is the first time (and possibly the last) that I will address it head on in this blog. Now we all know that I am really not put back by people's opinions of me. I REALLY could give two fucks if someone doesn't like me or my opinions. I know that it has become trendy to say that, but I mean it. I have been like this as long as I can remember; as long as my friends can remember; as long as my mother can remember-- and that is from the beginning of my time. I am telling you, if everyone decided not to read this blog, comment, be my friend on facebook/twitter/MySpace -- it ain't making or breaking me. It is cool to have a small following, but the fluctuating number, disagreements and misinterpretations? I couldn't care less. With that said, I am going to list a couple things that I will NEVER put up with... I am never going to put up with someone talking shit about my family (blood or friends); not putting up with someone taking advantage of my (rare) showings of kindness; not putting up with blatant ignorance (keep that shit to yourself); and I refuse (REFUSE) to put up with people questioning me. All parts of me. There will be no questioning of my intelligence, my loyalty, my intentions and definitely NOT my race.

There is no debating it- I'm Black. When people see me, without knowing anything about me, they will automatically assume things about me. Once people hear me speak, some of those assumptions change. Once people see who I am dating, the assumptions change yet again. I have been told that I am an Uncle Tom, I'm trying to be a white girl, acting white- talking white, I'm the whitest white girl that someone knows, I couldn't possibly know the plight of Black America; of Africans (that was a YouTube fight); of ghetto dwellers; of a Black woman looking for a Black man... blah, blah, fucking blah. To anyone that has EVER said that shit to me- FUCK off, jackasses. I don't fit your definition of what you think a Black woman should be, so I am not Black enough? Kiss my ass, the pink part, bitches. That is so ridiculous that I have a hard time putting into words how ignorant people have to be to actually voice those opinions. You think that your definition of a Black woman is the only one that matters or exists? You think that I have a duty to fulfill your expectations? Bitch, please. You think that because I am Black that I have to date a Black man? Stay out of my business and my bedroom. You think that I have to speak a certain way, have a certain number of children and a certain education. Because my first musical choice isn't hip hop; because I've never been arrested; because I don't have a ghetto mentality, I am not Black enough for you? Fuuuuccccccckkkkk you. If I have to be stereotypical then fuck you, I don't want to be Black.

I do me. I do me well. Dark skin does not mean that I have to only have a high school education, bastard kids, snapping my fingers, twerking my damn neck, popping my gum and being loud like fucking Wendy Williams. Fuck you and the horse that you rode in on for putting me in a small ass category, you small minded bastard. I have PAID my fucking "Black dues." I get followed in stores, get pulled over for NO reason, get talked to like I am fucking deficient, get called the "n" word, get asked how many kids I have... and I also get those sly fucking non-compliments: "Oh, you speak so well." "You express yourself so professionally." "Oh, I am not racist, I have 3 Black friends, we hang out all the time." Bitch! I speak so well? As opposed to what? What, you saw Friday and thought that every woman with melanin was going to speak like Craig's girlfriend? I am so professional... as opposed to fucking what? My non-professional, white co-worker? You have 3 Black friends? Three whole Black friends? Good for you, now go ask THOSE three assholes if you can touch their hair- because no bitch, you can not touch mine. Go ask them all the questions you ask me that begin with "I'm not trying to be racist, BUT..." Go ask your three other Black friends.

And for you simple minded Black jackasses: I do not have to speak the ghetto lingo to be a part of your group. I don't have to listen to YOUR music, I don't have to be in a gang or go to Africa and claim a tribe, have a baby daddy, call fellow Blacks the "n" words as a fucking greeting, take every offer for a hook up made by some "bruh" standing on the corner. I don't have to agree with Jesse Jackson or even Barack to be considered Black "enough". I don't have to be some stereotypical Black woman, looking for love in all the wrong places, lamenting over wine with my girlfriends about how there are no good Black men left for me, or taking some sub-par asshole because as a Black woman he is all I could get and I should be happy. I don't have to do that. Because: I AM ENOUGH. Enough of everything. The fact that Black America actually has the conversation about "acting white" or calling people traitors to the Black race are signs that we have not come far enough. How dare you judge my fucking daily walk as a Black woman? You don't know me or my fucking struggles. You don't know what I have had to overcome to get where I am. You don't know ME. You've been to Africa? Good for fucking you. You grew up in the ghetto? So the fuck what?! You fulfill every stereotype that there is for an angry Black woman or an overstimulated, oversexed, angry Black man. Fine. But here is the bottom line: if a crime happens and the police pull in all the Black people in the area-- I'm getting pulled in, right alongside your dumb ass... because I am Black-- enough. I don't fit your description, so broaden your fucking horizons. Because no matter how much you hate it, the truth is: I am the girl that you WISH your fucking son COULD bring home. I am the example that you wish your oldest kid would set. I am a well rounded, intelligent, cleaver, sarcastic, beautiful, successful, sassy BLACK woman... I know who I am. I LOVE who I am... so roll with me or get rolled over. I am enough (of everything). I am Black enough and don't question that ever again.



5 comments:

Shelby S. said...

Gurl, you are right - it's truly a shame that you have defend yourself. Race is not the way that you act, but your skin color and as you stated - you are black. That's that. Anyone that relates black to a bunch of generalizations is ignorant. Like every race, we are a diverse group of people...a beautiful and different bunch of people we are. Enjoy your day, Miss Moxey

Miss Mox said...

Thanks Shelby!!
We are truly a diverse group and I hope that one day everyone (including other Blacks) will see that fitting into the norm is not what we should do. We should break stereotypes. It is absolutely ok to be yourself!
Have a great one!

Anonymous said...

I'm really glad you wrote this entry. There were a lot of things in here that needed addressing and you absolutely hit the nail on the head. Genius!

Miss Mox said...

Thank you, Anonymous.

Anonymous said...

Wow...I dealt with this in Jr. High and High School and it negatively impacted my life, self-esteem and confidence for many, many years. Was so glad and thankful when I hit my 20s and learned how to love and value my authentic self and said dueces to whoever didn't think I fit their bill or definition of blackness. Your response is right on...

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