Pride Weekend 2010. C'mon and Celebrate!!

Ah! Once a year all of my gay wishes come true! I went to the Pride Parade this weekend (just for a short while) and it was magnificent! Coming from a *slightly* conservative background, I get a lot of questions when people realize that I am excited about Pride- not just the celebration, but the concept. I changed my facebook profile picture to the equality sign and received a couple emails... *sigh*

So, let's clear up some confusion. I love diversity. I love hanging out with people who are different from what I see every day. I love to learn about different backgrounds and expanding my way of thinking. That said: I am *not* a lesbian and I have no aspirations of being a lesbian- thanks. I do think that my country should re-evaluate the way they deal with minorities of ALL types. I don't care about your ethnic background, your financial background, or your religious beliefs. I don't care who you love or what two consenting adults do in the privacy of their bedroom.

What I do care about is what kind of person you are. Are you honest? Are you hard-working? Are you reliable? Are you intelligent? How do you treat me and the other people around you? I don't care about anything else and no one else should either. I don't want anyone inspecting my love life... though, it has been mostly non existent throughout my adult life, but still it is mine and it is private. I hate that people judge me based on who I date. I could say a lot about the men I date, but the one thing that sticks out is: they are all great guys (except one, ok possibly two). At the time we were together, they were exactly what I wanted. I look back on some of them and shake my head... now. Should I be judged because some of the guys I have dated are dickheads? Nah, I am still an awesome chick! :) So, then is it fair for me to judge someone simply on the sex of their partner? No. Is it fair that a couple can be together for 20 years, one dies and the surviving partner can't collect the pension of the deceased? No. Is it fair that if one half of a gay couple is in critical care in the hospital, the healthy partner cannot visit? No.

So- in honor of Pride, practice being a little more understanding about other's predicaments. The best thing about all of us is that we are different. Honestly, how would you feel if every day you woke up and saw people who were just like you? I mean, I am super opinionated- on this blog and in real life- but I appreciate that people are different and think differently than I do. I am (clearly) some kind of Democrat and most of my closest friends are Republicans (hey, Ohio is a very Republican state most of the time). I am Black, my best friends from high school aren't; my best friends from college aren't; my last few boyfriends have not been. I grew up in a middle class neighborhood- I know very poor people and some very rich people. Different does not even begin to describe the layout of my immediate family. My youngest brother is the same age as my nephew. There are foster kids and furbabies... we are all over the place!

We are all different and that is the best thing. We have all had different experiences, different triumphs and different failures. We help each other avoid life's pitfalls and we rally when one of us has a victory. That is what friends and family are about. That is what life is about. That is what Pride is about. Embrace differences, and as corny as it sounds, love your neighbors... no matter who their significant others are!

Wordless Wednesday

Unemployment and Rand Paul- What does he know?

I don't work on Mondays. Let me re-phrase that- I do not leave the house to work a traditional job on Mondays. Actually Saturday through Monday night I am usually in front of the computer applying for jobs or traveling the city putting in applications... and avoiding the temptation to drink heavily. Tuesday through Friday, I work for a temp agency part time. My situation makes me want to pull my hair out. I am actively looking for employment. I have reworked my resume so much it is nauseating. I want nothing more but to have a job (or two, or three) to go to everyday so I can pay my bills- in full, when they arrive at my house. I don't care what those jobs ARE- I don't care what I have to do. I am not looking for a career- I am looking for employment and I am looking everywhere.

If you have not been affected by the economic climate in the United States, good for you! I hope that the economy will soon turn around for all of us. For me (and countless others), however, the present economic climate has been hard to weather. Make no mistake, I know that I am not alone. There are thousands upon thousands of people, from every background and every age group, looking for a way to support themselves and their families. Whoever falls into that category often falls prey to public opinion. Case and point: today I was applying for jobs and I ran across this article. Rand Paul, who is trying to get elected to the Senate has told people in my predicament to "stop whining and get back to work." Really??? And how does he propose that we do this? He is not sure. So, he wants me to take whatever job I get offered so that we can get the economy resuscitated and so that he and his cronies can cut the unemployment benefits (that I am NOT currently receiving) but he has no plan to go on. Sounds...MORONIC.

Let's all be clear: I have not received unemployment benefits at any point this year; I look for full time employment at least 5 days a week; I took a HUGE pay cut after I got laid off from a large non profit management position and I am not looking for a permanent handout. I have a college degree, but the job market is over saturated with people like me. I apply for grocery store jobs and have been told that I am way too overqualified. I apply for management positions and I am under qualified. I apply for whatever position falls into my employment background, spending my days off putting together cover letter and resume packets, praying for the chance to get a call back and an interview and for that I get a "stop whining"? Let's all take a collective guess as to what my response to Paul would be.

All I want to do is work. All I want to be is self sufficient. I am not looking for an extended handout- if I could have three jobs and pay my bills- I would take it, no hesitation. So I gladly type a great big "go to hell" just for Rand Paul and those that follow his line of thinking. Last time I checked Kentucky had double digit unemployment numbers- just like most of the United States, you jerk. Tough love? Sure, if there were jobs going unfilled or if I was just sitting on my ass doing nothing, you douche. Just because Rand Paul is not *in* my situation, does not mean that he can trivialize my situation. Shame on him. Rand Paul: you don't want to spend more money on unemployment benefits? Cool. You try to live off of $738 every two weeks (paying a mortgage and other bills by yourself), then come back and let me know how that works out. I am not holding out for a similar job, Rand Paul... I am trying to find any job.

Rand Paul is misdirected to say the least, but after reading about his other antics, I guess that I should just feel sorry for him and the people of Kentucky if he ever gets elected.

Where are the Parents with Heart?

Ok- short post now, longer post later. I was just visiting the Chicago Tribune website (for the 30th time today) and I ran across this article. Ok, I realize that 1. I don't have any children and 2. I have a tendency to be a little drastic when it comes to punishment, but I am going to stand by my first thought, which was this grown man needs to be in jail. For a long time.

All too many times, parents run to the rescue of their children, but I think that I would be hard pressed to try to rescue my son if he poisoned me with anti-freeze. Really hard pressed. What were his parents thinking?

Where Are The Parents??

On top of the "Fantastic Five" idea, I am also going to start shorter entries called "Where Are The Parents" (WATP). You would not believe how many stories I read everyday- mostly from the Chicagoland area- about children running amok and parents being noticeably absent or negligent. If you read some older entries, you see that I am no pushover when it comes to the kids. I see absolutely nothing wrong with correcting ill behaving children. Someone did it for me and I am nice enough to do it for the kids now. Generally, I am not fond of children. Let me qualify that-- I am not fond of children who have smart mouths and have not been raised to respect their elders or their surroundings. Kids that stand on the corner outside my house; kids who walk down the street shouting obscenities; children who throw garbage down in their neighborhood; kids that destroy their own neighborhoods, all examples of people who would be on my shit list. But, even when I am looking at those kids and wanting to punch them in the forehead, I often wonder where exactly are their parents?

Now, don't get me wrong. My parents took an active role in my life and definitely taught me right from wrong, but they were not with me 24 hours a day, every day. I get that sometimes kids get a taste of freedom and participate in questionable behavior... BUT... every day? The same kids? The same events? Where are those kids parents? Why are we letting our kids run households and neighborhoods? How is it possible that the kids in this entry (and any subsequent WATP entries) have the time to be nuisances all the time? Where are the hands that are supposed to guide them? Where are the parents that are supposed to mold them? Care for them? Correct them? Why do I have to do the work of a parent when I am clearly *not* a parent? The attached links will illustrate my point and while some of these stories are so ridiculous they are funny, please do not mistake my disdain for the kids AND the parents involved (or not involved as the case may be).

17 year old twin brothers in Dolton attempting to be pimps.

15 year old charged with murder.

18 year old charged with hit and run of her classmate.

Man hiding drugs in the diaper of the child he was holding.

SMH. Where are the parents?

Fantastic Five. My Monday Five

So I saw this concept on another blog and decided to participate in this fad- if you will. The actual title of the game is Friday Five and yes, I do know it is Monday, and the rebel in me does not care. :) You are supposed to list five people (dead, alive, real, fictitious-- from any time in history) that you would like to have lunch with, including what you would talk about. Wow- I can see that this will have to be an ongoing Friday (or any other day of the week) theme because I cannot limit my list to five- that is truly one of the downfalls of having one of your college degrees in history.

I think that looking at these fantastic five lists will give people great insight into what matters to you in life. You can see who they look up to; can probably figure out where they fall in the political spectrum; who (or what) they find very attractive and what may be going on in their lives at that particular moment. So needless to say this ongoing list by a liberal, underemployed, proud, 30-something black woman should be interesting, to say the least! I will say that this "assignment" will show everyone that people are multi-dimensional. None of us are *just* Democrats or Republicans; Black or White; conservative or liberal; gay or straight. We all have different sides, different things that we will stand for, and things that we will not. Those things have less to do with where we are presently (in life stages or location) and more to do with who we are (or are evolving into). Needless to say- I am excited to participate. So, without further adieu , here is my very first fantastic five list:

1. Barack Obama (and yes, I would invite my mother!): I would invite my mom because she loves, no really, *loves* him and her birthday was Saturday, so she deserves it! I would love to congratulate the President on breaking down some barriers and taking on a task that cannot be easy- being the leader of this country. Being as disagreeable as I am, the lunch would not go as smoothly as the President would like. I would tell him of my disappointment in the Arizona situation (blog coming), and the fact that we are still at war (2 times over). I would have to bring up the fact that I am very concerned with unemployment (still) and the uptick in violence that comes along with joblessness. We would also talk about how cities all over our country are struggling and maybe his next point of business should be to be a little more isolationist in nature, i.e taking care of the American people before we worry about other countries- bringing back programs that help the less fortunate, the infirm, the hungry, homeless, unattended to masses, those who are attempting to get their lives together and just need a little more help.

I would tell him that above all else to keep his head up... haters come and haters go and all he can do is do what he thinks is best for the American people.

2. Harvey Milk: if you don't know who he was- google. Immediately. If you are a regular reader of this blog you know where I stand on gay rights- if not, let me recap. Gay men and women should have the same rights as everyone else. Please don't give me the Defense of Marriage rap. Number 1- I don't want to hear it and number 2 in the year of Tiger Woods and Jesse James, just to name two, I would be hard pressed to think that heteros should have a monopoly on marriage. We are not shining examples. Life partners should be able to see each other in the hospital, adopt children and whatever else. People should not be denied because of who they love- and if you disagree, I absolutely appreciate your point of view, just practice some self control (and save yourself the embarrassment) if you are about to send me an email telling me that I am going to hell. We can all do without the ugly turn that would bring! :) As far as what I would ask Mr. Milk if he were still alive: I wonder how he would feel about the gay rights movement presently, what California (where he lived) lawmakers are doing to the movement, and where we should go from here. I think it would be an eye opening experience.

3. Emmett Till: I would tell him thank you for the ultimate sacrifice at such a young age and I would ask him what he thought about the Black community now. What he thought of the graduation rates of Black children. What he would say if he could... and if his sacrifice (and the sacrifices of his contemporaries) was worth it. Hmmm.

4. Jane Byrne: first (and so far- only) female Mayor of the City of Chicago. I won't tell everyone what I would ask her specifically, but generally I would ask her where to start. :)

5. Anderson Cooper: are you kidding? Super hot, smart AND a Vanderbilt? OMG. I would totally fail at keeping it professional, but I would (attempt) to ask him: when we are getting married! :)

Tonight's Saviors of Chicago

I just watched the Chicago Blackhawks beat the Philadelphia Flyers to win the Stanley Cup. In overtime. Amazing!! The city is on fire (not literally) and up until about an hour ago, the sounds of fireworks ( I hope they were fireworks) could be heard from the northernmost point of the city to the far south side.

I am convinced that I am a good luck charm. Ten months after I moved here the White Sox won the World Series and now the Blackhawks and the Stanley Cup. Yay!! Tonight's victory is super sweet and I am headed off the bed with a smirk on my face.

Mushiness Caused by Insomnia

I can count on one hand the times that a song has evoked an emotional response from me. There are a couple songs that make me tear up as soon as I hear the opening beats, but mostly I hear music and correlate it with every emotion but sadness. I added another song to the list this morning. Maybe it was the Blackhawks win or just insomnia in general, but as I was sitting here, drinking coffee regular (that is what my mom calls it), listening to YouTube videos from my childhood and reading the newspaper online, I really connected with this song.

It seems so weird that a song from the early 90s can still get me a little teary-eyed, but yesterday was a rough day, and if that excuse doesn't float I am totally blaming crying on the lack of sleep. :)

Just as I was going through some random playlist on YouTube I was reading a story about Chicago crime (shocker). Clearly, my blog reflects the fact that I am not impressed with Jody Weis (Superintendent of Police), so I read all the articles I can that include him.... Hey, you never know, I could be wrong about the guy (highly unlikely) or I could just find more fodder for my disdain (that is more like it). So "You Will Know" is playing and I am reading about Jody saying that homicide in the city is up 4% versus this time last year. Immediately, I hate him. This is the same guy that violent crime was down this year. This is the same guy who said that he would take a pay cut to keep his job, but offered no suggestions on how we can hire more police, or adequately pay them... even though he makes upwards of $300,000. Every time I see his face, tv or newspaper, I find it hard to talk myself out of cursing at him. I seriously want to slap his face!

So maybe I just needed a hug this evening or something! Whatever the case, this song came on and I felt a little better. Whatever happened to inspirational mainstream music? I think we need something like this or We Are the World again. Knowing that at the end of the summer more *young* Chicagoans will be the victim of homicide is disheartening. I look around my neighborhood and the sinking feeling that I get EVERY day cannot be accurately described. The ridiculously disrespectful kids, the non caring, self serving parents, the homes in disrepair, the joblessness, the drug dealing, hell- the laziness. Whatever happened to caring? Pride in your community? Pride in yourself? I get sick to my stomach when I go to the grocery store and see people acting... stereotypically. The world has enough jackasses, so why are we allowing ourselves to become part of that statistic?

I look around at the kids in my neighborhood and think that the future is in some serious trouble. Maybe people thought that when I was growing up? But I don't overhear conversations about becoming doctors and lawyers or store owners. I overhear stories about banging chicks, becoming a baby daddy (jeez, I hate that term) and playing basketball in the NBA. These kids are begging (silently) to be led in the right direction and we are doing them- and ourselves- a disservice by not setting boundaries for them. As a society, we should be ashamed that it has gotten this far from the goal of producing productive members of a working society. Where are the fathers?? You know, men who are an example for *all* the children that he is responsible for fathering? Where are the men that go to work and pay to support *all* their children? Where is the love and respect that children can only get from a father figure? Where are the real mothers?? You know- the ones that teach their kids wrong from right... the ones that you want to grow up and emulate. The ones that go to work to put food on the table, showing her children that independence is a wanted virtue? Where are the families?

Did I need Jody Weis to tell me that homicide was up 4%? Nope- I read the paper every day and I see a steep decline in my community already- and I know that it is city, state and country wide. Did I need Jody to tell me that our children are in jeopardy? No, I see it everyday. Parents are not visible, children are running the street. They think they can do what they want. They think that the world owes them.... and it doesn't. It is unfortunate and we need to work together to turn it around. Quickly. Before the kids decide they don't care; that they are not worth saving. We have to show them that times won't always be fantastic when you do the right thing, but it all pays off in the end. They are looking at us- and we are not showing them a great example.

So, for the music:

Key lyrics:

*I fought hard, y'all to carve out my place.

* Stand up tall, don't you fall... You will know.

* Your dreams ain't easy, but stand by your plan.

Pet Peeves and Being the Mayor of Haterville

I am sitting here, reading blogs and watching the Blackhawks vs. Flyers. I am usually on top of blog reading (or skimming), but the last few weeks have been packed full of nonsense. I didn't have internet access at home, and while I can read and write blog entries on my BlackBerry, I think that activity is adding to my eventual case of carpel tunnel syndrome (I am only half joking). So I have been writing entries out long hand, wasting paper and falling behind. On a good note- if the next couple of weeks are slow news weeks, I still have material. :)

So, as I am reading backlog blog entries of friends and acquaintances, I came across this. Full disclosure, I know one half of the Harlem Love Birds. Quiana and I went to high school together, so I am sure that we have similar thought processes. Needless to say, I really enjoyed this blog... it leads me to think that I am not the only one that sees bad behavior and comments on it. Last week, I was walking to work from the train and I saw a woman whose shirt was, um, inadequate at covering the necessities and I commented on it on my facebook status. A buddy from college asked me when I became a hater. Really? I don't think that I am a hater for pointing out the fact that I saw nipples on the way to work. In fact, other than being very humerous for me, I think that I would appreciate it if someone told me that I was giving the city of Chicago a boob show!

Whatever the case, Quiana has inspired me to post a portion of my list (like I need to have tons of encouragement!) And yes, I am only posting a portion of my list, because, as we all know, the list of things that annoy me is endless. :) Hopefully everyone will take this list for what it is- a funny, yet poignant list... but if you don't, I can totally take being named the Mayor of Haterville again.

Here we go:

Sagging Skinny Jeans or sagging any jeans- ever- I have talked about this "trend" on facebook. Ugh, it makes me want to vomit. People who sag skinny jeans look like they are wearing a diaper. It is on of the least flattering things ever. Sagging jeans has origins in prison life and for the life of me I cannot figure out why anyone would want to emulate that behavior.

Disrespectful children- hmmm, who knew I was gonna say that? I do not appreciate kids who think that they can do or say anything they want, to anyone they want. Since when do we let kids run us? My philosophy is if you are "grown" enough to pretend you are an adult, you are old enough to get your feelings hurt like an adult. Talk shit, you get shit. Period. I will not walk on eggshells for disrespectful kids.

Men carrying book bags to work- Really? Book bags have been played out since '92. If you have graduated from high school or college and you have a job, carry a briefcase. Seriously, you are not 14 years old and a book bag does not go with a suit. At the very least, carry a black or brown messenger bag. Take that as a helpful hint.

Women with visible tattoos- I have tattoos; I like tattoos, however, I do not want to see your body art while you are at a formal event. Ladies, do what I did- get tattoos in a place that can be covered by formalwear. No one you work with wants to see the name of the man you loved at 18; or the barbed wire that circles your arm. Remember that tattoos are forever, so stop it with the tackiness. Along that same line of thought:

Men with prison like tattoos- Dude, um, if we are sitting cross the table from one another in a business meeting, I should not be fearing for my life- so stop it with the knuckle tattoos. Sincerely, I like tattoo sleeves like the next person, but jeez, when they go from your arm, to your neck, I go immediately to uninterested. Keep it classy because when you are old and things are saggy, you *may* regret having your ex girlfriend's face tattooed on your body... just saying.

Clothes that are too short, long, tight or otherwise non-fitting- I know that summer is on its way, but I should not be able to see your underwear (or lack thereof). Ladies, stay out of your daughter's/little sister's/smaller friend's closets. You know whether or not your clothes fit, and no matter what you think the camel toe is not a fashion statement you want to make. Look at yourself before you leave the house. PS. look at your children before you let them leave the house. Just as a helpful hint: a 7 year old should not be allowed to dress like a 17 year old... for real. Guys, if I wanted to see your underwear, I am bold enough to ask. Um, walking behind you on the street has become a very personal situation. Pull your pants up. The idea is to be well put together, not looking like you rushed out of the house.

Loud Talkers on Cell Phones- with all the advances made with cell phones do you REALLY think that the person on the other line cannot hear you?? WHY ARE YOU SCREAMING while walking down the street? I was on the train the other day and oh, this woman was totally over-sharing while on the phone. I mean, I know what her doctor said to her at her appointment last week. That is a lot. The public as a whole can do without knowing what health issues you have, what you and your significant other argued about that morning, or your drunken sexual exploits from the weekend.

Platinum blonde hair on black people- Yeah, I said it. I don't care if you are mad. It didn't work for Sisqo, or Lil Kim and it doesn't work for Amber Rose. Whatevs- there is nothing wrong with hair colors that we are born with, black, brown, red... or even if you had some honey colored highlights, but a whole head of blonde? I'll pass.

Finally... biggest pet peeve? It is a tie! People who stare- what the hell are you looking at??? If I have something on my face, tell me, but do NOT stare. It. is. rude! People who 'smack' their lips when they are eating- that is just gross. I don't want to hear or see what you are consuming. Ewwwwwww.

You all know that I could continue, but I won't. I can guarantee that I personally saw all 10 of the above named situations...today. We have so far to go! LOL

Soulful Saturday- Pearl Jam- Just Breathe

Wow. My love for Pearl Jam is well known. Since my first show in 2000, I have seen them 7(!) times (totally worth every show). My love for Eddie Vedder is an ever burning flame. Please do not try to convince me that he is not beautiful. Greater men have tried... all have failed!! :) Long hair, short hair, soul patch or beard, skinny or chubby cheeked- I love him. Those blue eyes have pierced my musical heart and I am his forever. That lovely, deep voice has lulled me to sleep many a night, and the lyrics that he writes move me to want to change the person that I am. I love that he isn't the typical superstar. I am not the typical Pearl Jam fan- it fits! :)

My future husband, whoever he is, WILL know this song. :)

Key Lyrics:

*Stay with me, oh let's just breathe...

*Practiced are my sins, never gonna let me win. Under everything, just another human being.

*Stay with me, you're all I see.

*Did I say that I need you? Did I say that I want you? If I didn't I'm a fool you see... no one knows this more than me, as I come clean...

Soulful Saturday- Amy Winehouse- Love is a losing game

Ok, this girl is a mess. Her personal life has played in the media ad nauseam and she seems to like it like that. She is tattooed (which I like), uses too much make-up, pierced and socially unacceptable AND she sings beautifully. I love this video that I found. It seems so intimate and I actually like it better than the original version.

Key Lyrics:

* For you, I was a flame

* Love is a losing game- one I wish I never played- oh, what a mess we've made

* Self professed, profound... till the chips were down

* Though I battle blind, love is a fatal resign

Soulful Saturday- Ella Fitzgerald, Fever

Time again for the monthly Soulful Saturday posts. When I was growing up, Saturday was the cleaning day. My mom would turn on the radio and tasks were assigned. Generally, there were oldies on, which has to be where I get my... eclectic taste in music. There have been many versions of this song offered up, but Lady Ella sang my favorite rendition. Not trying to take anything away from Peggy Lee, Sarah Vaughan, Christina Aguliera, Beyonce, Michael Buble or anyone else, but Lady Ella sings to me!

America's Hypocrisy

I love being an American- even if the next couple of posts don't seem like it. I have been overseas and while all the countries that I have been to are amazing there is nothing like the United States of America. The freedom, the pride, the amazing people... With that said, we, as a country, have a lot of work to do.

For every person that is trying to do something positive there are more than a few that are trying to pull them down into some nonsense. For every proud American there is at least one person that doesn't care. I am supposing that the same can be said about any country- but I live here, so here we go:

Generally, I spend my time reading the news and either being 1) shocked at how horrible people are or 2) amazed at how giving and wonderful people are. There is usually no middle ground. It takes a lot for me to be shocked or to hand out accolades, all other news kind of falls by the wayside... not ignored completely, but not taking up brain space. My thought process is like that of many Americans, or at least I would like to think that. I am sure that people take away from the news what is pertinent to them and leaves the rest to be absorbed by others. We are all guilty. My problem with that is: it leads to apathy. People start to disregard very important happenings. That has happened- again- and I am bothered- again.

For almost a month oil has been leaking into the Gulf of Mexico, raise your hand if you knew about that. It is on track to being worse than the Exxon Valdez oil crisis of 1989, raise your hand if you knew that. No one seems to have a sense of urgency about getting the situation under control. Wow- am I the only one that sees that? BP is dragging their heels, the federal government is at a standstill (but what exactly can they do?) and the American public could seem to care less. Apathy has set in. This oil spill will forever alter the way of life for people who depend on the wild life in the Gulf of Mexico. Tourism will be affected. Those households that have been sustained by fishing jobs will no longer be, so unemployment will go up. All of this is happening under our noses in an area that has not bounced back from Katrina fully (and don't even get me started on how THAT could happen in the richest country in the world!) Yet, Americans, as a whole do NOT care. You know when Americans will care? Americans will care when gas prices go up, when seafood prices go up or their cushy life is otherwise affected. It is a shame really... days go by and all you hear about is rising violence, warm weather and wall street- all the while fellow Americans are suffering or are about to be suffering. Awful.

My dad has a saying, well actually it is a word that he repeats for effect: loyalty. In January, I took so much heat for my post about Haiti. I received angry emails from people saying I was heartless for not wanting to help Haitians in their time of need. Really? First of all, the American public is suffering right now. We were in January, last year, the year before, yesterday and today. Second of all: this is my blog and I will post whatever I want- you can keep those angry, anonymous emails. Actually, you can send me emails (or comments) about anything- even angry ones, but at least sign your name. Cowards need not apply... but, I digress. Even after my January post, there were fundraisers galore. People were on primetime tv, praying for and taking donations for Haitians. Spreading Haitian love everywhere. The Chicagoland area was on fire with fundraisers. Let me make this clear- I have NO problem with that, BUT now that the Gulf region needs some love, where is the attention? Where are the fundraisers (I only know of one- hats off to Lenny Kravitz and the other musicians who put on that concert). Where is the concern for your fellow Americans? Where is the fucking outrage??? We should be boycotting BP until they get this leak under control. We should have people on primetime tv asking for donations and praying for our countrymen and women. We should have help going down to all the states affected by this oil spill- immediately. What? You can do it for other countries, but have a problem doing it for other states? Where is your loyalty?

**Bring on those emails and comments** :)
Miss Mox

Me and My Ego :)

Take this for what it is... the truth! :)

I have questioned myself in the past and I am sure that I will do so again, but at the end of the day- I am comfortable in my own skin. This skin I wear every day is flawed. It hasn't been perfect for some time, and I am more than ok with that. I have scars from sports; life; love. I breathe in the mistakes that I made and I live with them every day. I look back on the life I have had thus far and there are just a few things that I mildly regret and there is nothing that I would change. I truly love who I am, who I have become because of heartaches/life lessons/missteps. I cherish each muscle, every scratch, every dimple (where did those come from?), gray hair (yep they are here), even every piece of evidence of overindulgence (most of that is located in my midsection).

I am truthful with myself, for the most part. I know what I offer and the weaknesses that no one else knows about, keep me company at night. I know where I should have given up and where I should have pressed the envelope just a BIT more. I am content with my all or nothing state of mind. I give and love with all that I have and have walked away brokenhearted many times. I have picked myself up more times than anyone knows. Battered and broken, I keep getting up. I keep looking life in the face and fighting like hell... isn't that what it is all about? Fighting the good fight every day? Living a life so full that you almost *burst*? Learning from mistakes and coming back a second, third, however many times, even more determined? I have met some people who have given up. They have lost. I refuse to lose. I was born to conquer. Conquer life and make it mine. And I will. I am.

I am fully aware how I come off to some people and mostly those thoughts make me shrug my shoulders- because I don't care. As Beyonce says "You can leave with me or you can have the blues. Some call it arrogant, I call it confident. You decide when you find out what I'm working with." I know what I am am working with- and while I can improve, like everyone else, I have a ton to offer. Self doubt is fleeting in this head of mine. This big smile, with a few missing teeth, is a fixture on my caramel colored face. I know that this sometimes scattered mind, with the help of these soft, often lotioned hands and short muscular legs, will lead me where I am supposed to go. Oh, this flawed body of mine is going to make it! This heart, my heart, will be broken again. It will get stepped on. Sometimes the blood that it pumps will be sad, or lazy, or unemployed- but it will keep pumping, and I will keep moving, breathing, learning, functioning...living.

Sometimes I want to be at my final destination right NOW. I want the place that I see in my head (the place where I am the boss and get what I want- HA) right now... but I know that when everything falls in line I will get there. I have visions of blue skies, not a cloud in sight, sunshine, angels singing, me on a throne... oh, wait- damn that ego strikes again. LOL

The point of this entry is: I am going places. I am a sight to see, a woman to fear/admire/bribe/love... a force to be reckoned with. Often times too strong, too much, too tough. I talk like this 'cause I can back it up! ;)

Happy Friday.

Come In From the Cold- Marc Broussard

April 27... Come In From the Cold

Key Lyrics:

* "Tell me every fear that you keeps you from this love of mine. Leave it all behind, lay by my side, I'll shelter you."

* "I've been hurt, just like you. I know how hard it is to give your love away, but baby it's safe; I'm warm..."

* "Love's the only way to heal a heart that love has wronged."

Chicago Street Violence, the National Guard and Jody Weis

I am angry. Somehow no one is ever shocked when I say that. Sometimes I mislabel my disappointment as anger, but this time, really, I am angry. The reason is this: I live in the best city in the nation (save your breath, no one will convince me otherwise) and this beautiful city is going to the dogs (read: the dregs of society).

It is not even Memorial Day weekend; the weather has not even been consistently hot and already the number of shootings and fatalities is staggering. Staggering to me at least. Last week, a 20 month old baby girl was sitting in a car with her sisters and she was shot to death by a coward that supposedly had some beef with her father. Two weeks ago, a 14 year old was shot on his way to school- he will now be paralyzed for life. Three weeks ago almost 30 were shot in a 24 hour period, and 17 of those people lost their lives. If you watch the news, both morning AND evening, the first 15 minutes are filled with whole neighborhoods being stifled by the sounds of gunshots; the stench of death still heavy from the prior nights victims; family members screaming in the streets over the still warm bodies of their fallen loved ones. It is awful and I, for one, am sick of it.

The most upsetting part of this whole ridiculous cycle is: if anyone else is sick of it- I can't tell. Mayor Daley keeps defiantly standing by his ban on law abiding citizens owning handguns, all the while criminals have them, and quite obviously use them. That combined with what I saw on the news last night makes me think that those in charge are going to sit back and allow violence to engulf this fabulous city like the flames of the Great Fire.

If you have read any of my blog entries, you are aware that Chicago, in fact the whole state of Illinois, is damn near broke. Our financial legs have been shaky since I moved here 5 years ago and every year it gets worse. One way that the city is remedying this budget shortfall is to not hire anymore police officers (NOT smart). On top of that brilliant move- note the sarcasm- Chicago "top cop" who seems as bright as former President Bush, was on the news last night saying that he doesn't see bringing in the National Guard for more protection in the city of Chicago as a viable choice for us. Um, why not?

It can't be because he is doing such a bang up job (pun intended). It can't be because we don't need it- because surely the whole month of April has shown that we need more help in order to slow some of this violence. Could it be Weis does not want to bring in the National Guard because he doesn't want his job to be in jeopardy? He doesn't want to admit defeat? He doesn't care about the communities that are affected? I say yes on all accounts. If Weis has to utilize the National Guard to put the brakes on Chicago street violence then he has to look at the (non) job that he is doing and admit that he can't handle this city. If Weis lived in Englewood, Roseland, Rogers Park, Humboldt Park, Chatham or countless other neighborhoods where crime is high and violence is an every day occurrence would he be more likely to put the pedal to the metal on this National Guard initiative? I would venture to say yes. When you get to leave the ghetto and go back to a cushy neighborhood where your life, and the life of your children are not in danger, it really is easy to say we don't need the National Guards help.

Well, I live on the far south side of Chicago, close to some of the above named neighborhoods and guess what? The law abiding, unprotected citizens NEED help. We either need more good police (which isn't going to happen) or we need a presence that will win back our streets. With budget cut backs we are losing community resources and social programs. People are unemployed in record numbers (within the city of Chicago it is still above 11%) and with no education, that number might be high for a while. So no money, no job, nothing to do all day...what do we expect when thousands more people are on the street after school dismisses for the summer?? If there have been 113 murders since January 1, what will that number reflect by the middle of the summer? 113- and that is when most people are cooped up for the winter. See, the knowledge that violent crime goes up when it is warm, and the economy being what it is right now, and Jody being so set on not getting help, made me have a Kanye West moment last night, and I emphatically repeat my statement: "Jody Weis does not care about Black people, nor does he care about the city of Chicago." If he did, he would do all that he could to make sure that violent crime did not take over this fantastic city...even if that meant he had to call in the National Guard.

Big Ben Roethlisberger, Roger Goodell and the NFL Draft

**warning: much like all of my blog entries this one will be biased. You do not have to agree with what I say, especially re: Big Ben (and most of you won't)... But seeing that I am from Ohio and I graduated from Miami University, what did you expect? :)**

Yesterday, Roger Goodell, Commishioner of the NFL released his punishment for Big Ben Roethlisberger of the Pittsburgh Steelers. Essentially Big Ben will be suspended, without pay, for 6 games for conduct unbecoming a football player. Hmmmm. What exactly is conduct unbecoming a football player? What does the commish want to get out of this punishment?

I guess this is the point of the blog where I say that this punishment is completely ridiculous... Ok, I said it. Big Ben is guilty of being a dumb ass, but that should not mean that he has to lose $2.8 million dollars during the season, while sitting the bench. Rape is serious, please don't think that I am disputing that. IF Ben raped that girl, he would deserve SO much more than a 6 game suspension and if it were proven that he did rape her (or anyone else) I would be first in line volunteering to punch him in the balls. BUT... Charges will not be filed, in fact, the victim does not want to press charges. That seems suspect AND he loses pay for 6 games? I am concerned.

I read the statement that was released. I have issue with the fact that the same victim has pics from that night where she is standing next to Ben, smiling; that she was able to bar hop at all- she is 20 years old; more importantly... Her girlfriends stood by and watched her be led away in a crowded club to a back room?? WTF? Ok- we all have known people with fake ids (20 year old bar hopping), and we have all been friendly with some shady people (smiling pic), but letting your gf be led away to be mishandled? That is so not happening in my group of friends. My girls would rather cock block than to have something untoward happen to me or any other member of our group. Then after being traumatized, dropping the charges and failing to want to prosecute does not make me believe this chick. There is just something so shady about this situation... But even though there is shadiness, Big Ben (BB) still gets suspended? That leads me to my second question: what does Goodell think he is gonna get out of this punishment?

My conclusion? He is setting an example. In the 4 years since Goodell has taken office, he has suspended 6 or 7 guys and fined Bill Belicheck if I remember correctly. He has had a lot to deal with. Looking back at the NFL controversies that I remember, even before Goodell took office- Rae Carruth, Chris Henry (RIP), OJ, Donte Stallworth, Maurice Clarett (grrrr), Tank Johnson, Cedric Benson, Pacman Jones, Mike Doss and the creep- Michael Vick. Even super sexy Ray Lewis has been in trouble. I name them to make the point that Goodell indeed does have a hard job, keeping charge of little boys, with little minds and big bodies. But does that mean the he should choose BB to be his prime example? I don't think so, but he has. The creep (mv) lied directly to Goodell's sweet face, served time in jail and he still has a job. The NFL is still making money on the back of that man. BB is serving a sentence for a crime that has not been proven and will not be persued. That seems unfair...so does trading Santonio Holmes for a freaking 5th round draft pick. So, is Goodell trying to make the NFL a league of role models or is he trying to make sure the freshmen football players understand that they will be dealt with harshly? I think it is the latter and the Pittsburgh Steelers are unhappy victims.

Moral of the story:
* BB- stop thinking with that little head. Every chick is not worth it. Stop embarrassing the state of Ohio and the athletic department of Miami University. Essentially, stop being a schmuck.

** GA girl: stop bar hopping underage. If BB assaulted you, prosecute his sorry ass. If he did not assault you, shame on you.

** Goodell: relax a little bit. Punish those who deserve it, and take on the idea of our court system: innocent until proven guilty.

** Freshmen players: watch your back. Bad behavior will not be tolerated (not a bad thing) and the look of anything inappropriate will get you in trouble too... Walk that tightrope very carefully boys. :)

Miss Mox

Successful Black Women and Marriage. Is it possible?

I am 30-something. I am Black...and up until two years ago, I could have been considered slightly successful. :) Do those three things ensure that I will remain single? After watching this lovely Nightline special, it seems that the answer to that question is yes.

What is the reason that all these successful Black women will remain single in such high numbers (there is an estimate that says as many as 70% of educated Black women will remain unmarried)? I argue that there is more than one reason. Some classics that I have heard are: we are too argumentative, too proud, too picky, we don't know how to let men be men, we are non accepting and (my favorite) we are so unattractive that even our own Black men do not want us.

To all of the above excuses I say: are you f*cking kidding me?? Really? Here are my answers to the above. Argumentative, proud and picky: damn right I am! Absolutely. Let me say this- I did not put myself through college so I could put up w dating a man (of any color) who does not meet my standards. I am smart; my mate will be also. He will have a real job... He will (probably) be educated and we will have things in common. So? That is not a bad list. That list does not make me a bitch- that is me requesting a mirror image of myself. And guess what? I deserve that. I didn't work hard so that I can get married and lose half my shit to a deadbeat- no matter who it is. And don't worry yourself- I am an elitist with everyone- across the board- if you don't have what I want, I will not be interested long. Side note: if we've dated and it was less than a year- you did not posses what I wanted. Sad, but true!

Not letting men be men... As far as I can see, more men need lessons on being men, not just big boys. I have no problem being led- IF I have a good leader. I have no issue relinquishing control, if the person with the reins knows what he is doing. I just cannot find a man who knows what he is doing. Being a man does not mean you are able to produce children; it means that you are able to support them. Being a man does not mean that you are able to make money illegally; it means that you are able to make a legal living and use it to live within your means and take care of your family. Being a man does not mean that you 'bed' every woman who looks good to you or looks at you or feigns interest in you, it means that you actively look for A (as in one) woman that you could actually have something with and sleep with her (and only her). Lastly, being a man does not mean that you take all that unhappy baggage from your LAST relationship into your NEW relationship; it means that you learn from past mistakes and grow from them. There are many reasons why the men that I have dated are not exactly marriage material- and it isn't because I spend my time emasculating them. Maybe they had lacking examples of what a man should be and are therefore struggling with how to be a good man themselves.

Am I demanding? Damn right! I've earned the right to be. Does that mean that I am unbending? Absolutely not. Relationships are about give and take. I know that. I didn't make it 30-something years and not learn a few things. I love men. Manly men. Someone who completes the person I am- as corny as that sounds! Great personality and a good heart is what I am looking for. That and a great education... Like myself. I don't apologize for that, even if it means that I remain unmarried. I WILL NOT settle so that I can be married. Do I want to be married- absolutely. Am I willing to change what I am looking for? Nope. I can tweek my list but I ain't throwing it out the window completely!!

As far as the unattractive thing... Please, I'm HOT, so we all know that point is moot! ;)

What do you see as the outstanding reason why so many Black women are unmarried? Do you care? Comment or email- let me know! :)

Soulful Saturday #3

Today's list would not be complete without a Sade selection. When I was growing up, my parents (luckily) listened to great music. My sister and I were exceptionally blessed because we had parents who were young, hip but not trendy per se. They didn't listen to crap :) And now, I am following in their footsteps and listening to good music. We have actually seen Patti LaBelle in concert a couple of time- she puts on a sweet show!! I wish that we saw Sade- because she has sounded great for as long as I can remember... Soldier of Love is no exception. Sidenote: she has looked this phenomenal for as long as I remember also- gotta find out what that secret is!! :)

Key Lyrics:

* I've been torn up inside/ I've been left behind/ So I ride/ I have the will to survive

* I know that love will come/ Turn it all around/ I'm a soldier of love

Soulful Saturday, #2

Melissa Etheridge is awesome. Yep, I love her. Her voice is mesmerizing and can pick me from the lowest depths. Isn't that the purpose of music? I hope so!! Such passion, such...perfection- before and after her battle with cancer. A-MA-ZING.

Key Lyrics:

* I'm the only one who'd walk across the fire for you. And I'm the only one who'd drown in my desire for you. It's only fear that makes you run, the demons that you're hiding from. When all your promises are gone- I'm the only one.

* Her eyes and arms and skin won't make it go away. You'll wake up tomorrow and wrestle the sorrow that holds you down today.