Manic Monday - You Said What?

Wow- the last week has been full of people saying stupid stuff and paying the price for it. Here is my question: in this day and age with nonstop news, social media, and nosy people in general, why, why, why would you ever say something that you will have to pay for later? There are three clear answers: 1- you are stupid (about 90% of people fall into this category), 2- you want/need/long for publicity, or 3- you don't give a fuck (this is my home category). Let's see where these two offenders fall.

Rush Limbaugh: This mofo never leaves categories #1 and #2. People need to stop treating what he says as gospel. He is a fucking DJ. A DJ. He is not educated on the topics that he talks about-- as seen in this last debacle. So this time last week, Rush took to the airwaves and called Sandra Fluke a slut and a prostitute. Why? Because she went to Congress and advocated for an expansion of birth control coverage. For that he painted her as a hooker that wanted to paid for having sex (which, by the way, was not her contention, at all). He even proposed that since the American public was going to pay her for having sex, we should be able to watch her have sex. Annnnnnd, I want to slap him. Some other people wanted to slap him too. People were so outraged that he lost endorsements, so he issued a half assed apology. Yes, I am a proud member of the apology police, and he didn't say that he was sorry. He apologized for his "choice of words." Which really means that if he could have called her a slut or a prostitute, using different words, he would have. To quote from his "apology": "I think it is absolutely absurd that during these very serious political times, we are discussing personal sexual recreational activities before members of Congress." Really, hmmm. Ok. He then went on to say "In my monologue, I posited that it is not our business whatsoever to know what is going on in anyone's bedroom nor do I think it is a topic that should reach a Presidential level." I'm sorry. Did Rush just say that it is no one's buisiness what happens in other people's bedrooms? He doesn't care about what happens in others bedrooms, but he comments on it-- a lot. So he is a liar too? Yet he has a fan base? See, this leads me to believe that his fan base is stupid and/or attention whores.

Kirk Cameron: Anyone born after 1983 just looked at that name and said "WHO?" Ha! He used to play bad ass Mike Seaver on Growing Pains and then he met his wife and became the definition of a Bible thumper. Good for him. We need more Bible thumpers-- right?! :) Last week he fell firmly in Category #2. Kirk was on Piers Morgan and said that he does not (in any way, shape or form) believe in gay marriage. Firestorm started. Funny enough, my beef is NOT with Kirk. I type on here all the time that people can say what they want- God knows that I do. We live in a free society where Freedom of Speech is a crutch that most of us lean on at least once a week and I will totally fight for your right to say whatever you want. If it is dumb, I'll call you on it, but still-- it is your right to say what you want, I don't care. Kirk can say what he wants. In this situation I am more upset with GLAAD, and here's why: why would you ever (EVER) give Kirk Cameron air time? He lives in obscurity. Why are you blowing him up? It is not like everyone is going to believe what you believe. There are people that do not believe in gay marriage... especially Bible thumpers, so what, exactly, did you think he was going to say? He speaks and stands up for the faith that he chooses to follow and as long as he is not calling gay people the "F" word, physically harming you, or burning crosses in your yard, why do you care? Of course he doesn't believe in gay marriage-- and he is not going to, so stop giving him a spotlight! He is freaking Kirk Cameron-- let him go back to his house in the middle of nowhere suburbia and do whatever it is that he has been doing for the past 20 years (which hasn't been in the movies/tv/spotlight). This is the most publicity he has had since 1991... and it is free. Duh. Whatever the case, when GLAAD has something to say about everything it makes people not want to listen anymore. The rhetoric gets tired. It is all about knowing which battle to answer the call for. Let me give you a hint... Kirk Cameron? Ain't it.

When you call EVERYone out on their stance that is different from yours, you subtract from the validity of your argument. Just like those people who pull the race card for everything. Number 1- so fucking annoying and 2- EVERYthing is not about race, just like not everything bad that happens to you is because you are gay. Maybe you're just an asshole. Maybe the person that is harassing you doesn't like YOU... not all Black (or gay) people, just you. GLAAD actually said that Kirk's views "statements are not only out of touch with the beliefs of most Americans, they contribute to a climate of hostility and falsely suggest that communities of faith are not accepting of LGBT people." Um, that is simply not true. If he was out of touch with most Americans beliefs then he would be in the minority and the sad truth is that he is not. C'mon GLAAD, do not counter arguments against you with lies. That puts you in the same boat with Rush. Say this: "it is unfortunate that Kirk Cameron chose to come out of hiding to say something negative about our community, but we will certainly forget him and his comments once he and his Bible find their way back to the land of soccer moms and minivans." End of story.

Sunday Funday - I'm a Believer

You know-- not so long ago, bands were NOT orchestrated. They were made up of people (friends) who knew each other and each person in a group/band had their own unique gift that they brought to the table. Someone was the bass, the soprano, the drummer, the lead guitar. You get it, right? They weren't for show. They were for music. That all began to change in the mid 60s. The Monkees were THE group that helped change that. They were a group of unknowns, thrown together, made into a group... a moneymaker. When it was found out that they didn't make their own music, the backlash was monumental, but before that, they were the hottest thing on the airwaves.

During the resurgence of the Monkees in the 80s (when Nick at Nite started replaying the show) I was caught in the upswing of new Monkees fans. How could you not love that show? It was like the three stooges (plus one) with music. My parents can attest that my regular play list consisted of the Monkees, Janis Joplin, 60s protest songs... what can I say? I was a strange kid, I guess. I have to say I watched the Monkees because of Davy Jones. He owned the original Bieber haircut! He had an accent and he was about my height (clearly this was before I realized that two short people will generally have short babies...) I swear Davy Jones and Ted Danson are responsible for my interracial dating. Yep, I blame Cheers and the Monkees! ;)

This past week, Davy Jones (dreamboat that he was) passed away. I was actually upset. He always seemed cheerful and every time I saw him on a tv show I would automatically remember him as a goofy teenage on the Monkees, chasing girls and singing songs...about chasing girls. This post is dedicated to my Daydream Believer from one of his Homecoming Queens... RIP Davy.

Daydream Believer


*Our good time starts and ends, without dollar one to spend. But how much, baby, do we really need?



I'm Not Your Stepping Stone


*You've been awful careful 'bout the friends you choose; but you won't find my name in your book of who's who's



Pleasant Valley Sunday


*Another Pleasant Valley Sunday, here in status symbol land. Mothers complain about how hard life is, and the kids just don't understand.

Soulful Saturday - Bon Jovi

In celebration of Jon Bon Jovi's 50th birthday yesterday. This 80's "hair band" has found a way to stay together, make good music, and remain sexy (Jon, I'm looking at YOU!) Oh the big blue eyes, the sandy blonde hair that mysteriously covers his face when the songs get REALLY good!! Yes!! In today's day and age, Jon has married (and remained married) his high school sweetheart, has 4 kids and is a philanthropist. So, he is a family man, gives back to his community, acts (remember his stint on Ally McBeal?), sings love songs, plays guitar... and looks like that? He needs to have a twin who is my age (yes, I know that is impossible... don't shit on my dreams, people!)

The hair, the body, the bad ass songs and the weepy ballads. I love it all. From the days where their hairstyles used Aqua-Net like their lives depended on it and spandex was the fabric of choice (let's not EVER do that again, please) to being refined rockers today, Bon Jovi has given a plethora of great music for me to love and pass on. Here are a few selections.

Always
*I will love you, baby, always.
*I'll be there till the stars don't shine; till the heavens burst and the words don't rhyme. I know when I die, you'll be on my mind.



Bed of Roses
*I wanna be as close as the Holy Ghost is...
*Now as you close your eyes, know I'll be thinking about you.
*Tonight, I won't be alone, but you know that don't mean I'm not lonely...



I'll Be There For You
*You left me drowning in my tears and you won't save me anymore.
*I can promise tomorrow, but I can't buy back yesterday.
*I'd steal the sun from the sky for you. Words can't say what LOVE can do, I'll be there for you.



Thank You For Loving Me (with tacky Richie Sambora)
*Lock the door, leave the world outside... All I have to give to you are these 5 words when I... thank you for loving me



This Ain't a Love Song
*It made me so mad 'cause I wanted it bad for us, baby; Now it's sad that whatever we had ain't worth saving

Fed Up Friday - No More Black History Month For Me

I have decided not to celebrate Black History Month again. At least not the way that most people celebrate it. I have grown weary of the same information, the same pictures, same speeches, same everything; I am not participating anymore. I am not sure who is responsible for teaching us that Black History Month is for the celebration of the same six people every year... or that Black History Month should only highlight the victimization of the entire Black race, but I am not buying it! Listen, you can take the Big 6- Martin Luther King, Jr., Malcolm X, Rosa Parks, Oprah, Maya Angelou and Marcus Garvey (if you are fancy) and have a long sit down, in the corner, because I am ready for other Blacks to be showcased in a month that is supposed to be the uplifting/praise of a race of people that helped build the country that we live in- flaws and all. People are going to be pissed, yeah, I know. Somebody, right now, is shaking their head and thinking "No this bitch did not say that Malcolm X can go sit down... she must be crazy" and maybe I am. But tell me, really, how long are we going to pretend that Black people have only made a difference in slave revolts and the Civil Rights Movement? Am I to conclude that an entire race of people have not contributed anything except militancy and civil disobedience? We have nothing else to show for ourselves except being victims of a system that has set out to destroy us? We have NO ONE else to serve as examples besides the six people named above? Well, and the President... he is half Black. Nothing? We have given nothing else to this country in 400+ years except one President, a billionaire who talks on TV, slaves who revolted and people who staged marches and bus boycotts? 

Clearly, that is not all we have done. If it were then I would close my eyes and, like many of you, join the herd of sheep that learn these few names each year and be satisfied. I am not satisfied and you shouldn't be either. You should not rest easy with the fact that your children are being taught the same things that you were taught... and nothing else. You should want and DEMAND that they learn more. Our kids should be learning about other contributions; the rich history that courses through the veins of the Black people they see today. Their knowledge should EXCEED yours, not just barely meet it. 

I am done "celebrating" with y'all because you stopped learning about other Black people (besides the big 6) so that you could catch "Linsanity." I am done because instead of celebrating the lives that we lost in February (namely Whitney and Don Cornelius), some of us reenacted crabs in a bucket, dragging everyone down and making remarks that would only serve to make us look better than the dead. Don't believe me? GO back on your facebook timeline and see what you talked about after Jeremy Lin's second big game. What did you post after Whitney was found dead? Then, what did you post about Black History Month after that?

I am done celebrating with people who don't know who Jessie Fauset is. I need you to know who Charles Drew is and why what he did in in the 30s and 40s is saving lives right now. I want to be able to hold a conversation with you about the life and times of BK Bruce and how he (and people like him) helped plow an avenue for our current President. Chicago people MIGHT know, but I need all of us to recognize and revere the name Jean-Baptiste Point duSable. How about Sarah Goode, are you familiar with her? Mae Jemison? Garrett Morgan? William Still? Thomas Jennings? Granville T. Woods? Percy Julian? 

Well, I'll be damned. You mean we aren't all shucking and jiving, illiterate, slaves running for freedom in the middle of the night? We aren't all victims of circumstance? We aren't all waiting to be saved? We aren't all waiting for the reemergence of another MLKJr type? Some of those people mentioned above created things that we use every day. Some of those people are Chicagoans, Ohioans, next door neighbors, brothers, sisters, mothers, fathers and, sadly, they will eventually be forgotten. Forgotten because we have become too complacent to make sure that our children know more than MLK and Malcolm X. More than "I have a dream," more than the Black Panther Party, the 1960s civil unrest, the slavery revolts. 

So come next February-- I am doing nothing out of the ordinary. I won't be changing my facebook page every day to reflect another picture of Martin Luther King Jr and his stint in jail in Birmingham. Or Malcolm X on that fateful day in NYC, or Rosa Parks staring longingly out of a bus window. I am not doing it for y'all. My plan is to learn all that I can, every day, about Black History. About American History. So you can have the 28 days of February and your same six people. I'll take 365 days and as many Americans as I can fit into that. My suggestion would be for you to follow suit.  

Why We Fight - Racial Ignorance

I read THIS article from another blog that I follow... and immediately caught an attitude. Let me just say this: I am a proud member of a mixed race family. I have white brothers and a sister who have been adopted into a (now) very large Black family, with Black parents and Black siblings. It was not a social experiment. We didn't adopt them to see how things would turn out and we didn't flee from adopting Black babies in favor of adopting these three white children.

This simple ass article, well, really not even an article, did not even reflect the real story in the New York Times, which can be found here. They took the most simplistic, close minded view of the situation that there was: why is a Black family adopting a white baby? They said that Mr. and Mrs. Ware "sought" to adopt a white baby... and that is not true. They sought to adopt as quickly as possible (after suffering three miscarriages) and the baby that was offered for adoption happened to be white. If the "author" of this article read the NYT piece, he or she would know that. If the "author" was not trying so hard to ignite some racist fueled anger and just used, you know, facts, then I would not have to spend the time correcting ignorance. That aside, I have some questions of my own: did they ask the same when Sandra Bullock adopted her Black son? What about when Katherine Heigl and her husband adopted a Korean baby, or when the adopters wet dream, Angelina, went all over the world adopting her clan? Was it a social experiment then? Or is it just a social experiment when a Black family adopts a child that doesn't look like them?

With all the children waiting to be adopted in the United States, does it matter who goes where? Do we all have to match everyone in our families? If I was waiting for a family, should I only get to go with a family who looks like me? After checking out the rest of their site, I do see why the Council of Conservative Citizens want everyone to stick with their own. These are the same crop of people that are undoubtedly building bomb shelters and waiting for the race wars to start. SMH. Yet another group of people with tired images/thoughts of minorities ruining a country built on the backs of those very same minorities. To the members and donors of CoCC, please do not procreate. I do not have the time and inclination to fight all of your nonsensical ideas with my brilliance (and modesty). We have enough ridiculously dumb people roaming the Earth, we do not need your contribution.

I Don't Know You, So Hands Off My Uterus!!

The political debates have been all aflutter with talk of women's reproductive rights. The only thing is, I have seen almost no women involved in the debates. If you have been watching the news, you have undoubtedly seen what I am writing about. The demise of the fan base of the Susan G. Komen foundation for withdrawing funding from Planned Parenthood; the attempt by some Congressmen and women to de-fund Planned Parenthood all together; the asinine comments from Rick Santorum regarding his dislike for pre-natal screenings. The list goes on. Here is my take:

If you do not actually have a uterus, you don't get to tell me what to do with mine. Period. I don't care who you are; if your anatomy is different from mine, please shut the hell up. If you have never had cramps, sensitive boobs, a menstrual cycle or watched the Miracle of Life and wished you were a guy for the entire film, just so you would NEVER have to go through childbirth- you don't get a say in what I do with my uterus; what testing I get done pre or post natal; whether or not I populate the entire north side of Chicago. Nope, so shut your damn mouth. Chances are that you will NOT be the reason that I get knocked up, so what is it to you what I do with my body? Just because you are rich, male and (slightly) educated does not mean that little ol' me, not rich (momentarily), female and more than slightly educated has to follow your plan for women everywhere. That is so not going to happen.

For the women that have so much to say about us heathens non conservatives... yo, bitter Betty: keep your eyes on your own panties. I don't tell you what you should do about what goes on in your pants, so how about we just keep this relationship reciprocal? Do I say anything to you when you declare that you and your (obviously gay) husband want to bump uglies in the missionary position with all the lights off, while each of you are thinking about someone else? Nope. Do I rub it in your face when you preach to the whole world that abstinence is the only thing that we should teach our children as one of your children gets knocked up? Well, yes.. because that is too good to pass up. But hey, if you want to have a child and a grandchild the same age and you are able to financially take care of both, then I say, have at it. But what I need you to do is worry about the people under your own roof. Worry about those genitals... and stop your fascination with mine.

What I do (or don't do, for that matter) is absolutely none of your business. I have made it 34 years without needing your input on my life, in general; I have no children, but even if I did-- I get to choose IF I have kids and how many. Not you, not your religion, not your pastor/reverend/minister/pope, and not our President. And for the love of God, definitely not the lackeys in Congress. Those people cannot pass legislation for their own states to keep their constituents in their homes, with jobs with food on the table for the family members they already have. They can't seem to get anything done except argue over whether or not the President is a citizen and who is at fault for the economic disaster that is our economy. I would argue that Congress and politicians in general have so many other things to worry about besides whether or not I get genetic testing done to see if my child is developing properly, a sonogram to hear my child's heartbeat for the first time or exactly who will pay for that. They should not be concerned with whether or not I get birth control from planned parenthood, or go there for a pap smear because I don't have insurance. Since most (fiscal) conservatives believe that social programs should be done away with, why would they care if someone aborted a baby they couldn't afford? Conservatives don't want to pay for that child. Let them tell it, they want to do away with welfare programs all together, so who is going to pay for these children that EVERYONE should have because the pro-lifers say so? If there was no WIC, how would those babies eat? If abortion wasn't legal, where would all these babies go? Surely not into the already crowded foster care system. With celebrities routinely running to other other countries to adopt babies when hundreds of thousands of poor American children wait to be adopted every year, sure no one is going to say "carry that child and then place it up for adoption." Not in good conscience. Not for EVERY unplanned pregnancy in America. I mean really, this is the real world, not your homogeneous utopia.

How about this: Congress, you stick to doing nothing. You guys do it well and you are getting paid handsomely to do so. Keep your mouth closed about shit that does not affect you, namely, what a grown woman does with her body. The country has enough problems to keep you occupied, I promise. Concentrate on getting re-elected... for some of you, that will be a hassle, trust me. Presidential hopefuls: I mean, I guess that I understand that you have to appeal to your voting base, but how many of the people voting for you don't have mothers, sisters, wives, daughters who will be negatively affected by what you are proposing? What would you do if people actually listened to the dangerous propositions that you are advocating? What will you do then? You have Rick Santorum saying that he doesn't believe in pre-natal care (he later when to change it to "genetic testing" in pre-natal care... his advisers just let him say whatever), he also said that he doesn't believe in abortion at all... in any case. He actually said in the case of rape, there should be no abortion option and that women should "make the best out of a bad situation."Yeah, that jackass will never speak for me. His extreme views alone, are enough to put women's rights back to the dark ages. How about he keep his hands off my uterus? I don't know you. You don't know my struggle... keep your hands off my reproductive organs. We have done well thus far.

Soulful Saturday - Christina Aguilera

Poor Christina. She is so super talented. I mean out of the mouseketeers that came out in the 90s (think Britney, Justin, Ryan Gosling, etc.) she has more talent in one strand of that awful weave, wig, pieces (whatever she is trying to pull off these days) than the rest of them do in their whole bodies... and that is saying a lot, since I am totally infatuated with both Ryan and Justin. But why, poor Christina, do you insist on being/looking/acting such a mess?

I am totally going to need her to get it together-- PLEASE wear pants when you leave the house (stockings are not pants substitutes); please find a new stylist that will tame that crazy rat nest on your head, darling!! I mean, I absolutely adore you, but girlfriend, there could be something living in that tall, frizzed out craziness. Really. And for the love of all that is holy... none of us are 19 anymore. There are outfits that I ROCKED when I was 19... that I will NEVER rock again. My body has changed. So has yours. Love the body that you have. Dress THAT body... not the body you had when you were 19. In short: um, I'm going to need you to have a "Waiting To Exhale" moment and burn about half of your wardrobe. All the super tight, ill fitting, ill advised things need to be taken to the closest garbage dumpster, doused in kerosene and set ablaze. Trust me. I love you! :) I've been around since the beginning and still loved you through the "Dirrty" stage with that two tone, slightly dread locked look... and chaps. Yeah. Let's not forget the dark hair from the "Stripped" album; that was...interesting. I am totally sure that I can love you through this mess, I am just going to need you to take action ASAP.

So before she sat in between Cee-Lo and Blake on the Voice, Christina made some wonderful music. Most people don't like her runs during live performances, but I expect them and like them. That is her thing and I am definitely a fan. The ability to sing seems to be an option in some singing careers, but not hers. She definitely has the skill, as seen below! Keep on singing those songs, girl... and find a stylist.

I Turn To You




Beautiful




The Voice Within




Hurt




Ain't No Other Man




Bonus: Walk Away

The Definition of Rihanna

In my (few) years on Earth, I have learned that there are many ways that a woman can be defined by others. There are nice definitions... I don't generally use those often. There are not so nice names and descriptors that we call women (most of which I use on a daily basis). I have no problem calling women bitches- if the name fits the person, hell, I call deserving guys bitches, when necessary. I never shy away from the most disturbingly descriptive words for people, but tonight the only word I could come up with to describe Rihanna is... disappointment.

I have been watching the blogs ever since the Grammys. Here is what I've learned: Chris Brown has shown that he is still as big a douchebag as he was when he beat her ass three years ago with his childish ways and outlandish temper and Rihanna has singlehandedly put victims of domestic violence back a million years. Ok, a million years may be an overstatement, but clearly she is doing past victims a complete disservice while gallivanting around town with the boy who whipped her ass like a freaking stranger on the street. After the Grammys there were massive amounts of texts/tweets/posts from what I can only hope were young and/or naive girls who declared "Chris Brown can beat me any day..." Really? Wow. Who, exactly do we blame for that kind of sentiment? Rhianna? The media? Chris Brown? Parents? What do we all have to do to let daughters, sisters, nieces, aunts and mothers know that getting hit is not ok? Who is supposed to deliver that message? I say we blame them all. Parents of those girls wanting to be beat? Y'all missed some fundamental shit in your household. Get thy asses back to the drawing board!! Media needs to give them no press and help hit those two dummies and their record companies in their wallets (no record sales or publicity). Rhianna needs to get on someone's couch and figure out what the fuck is going on in her mind that allows her to stomach the sight of the person that did THIS to her face. Chris Brown? He needs to receive the fucking beating of his life. No, that would not be counterproductive-- let me tell you why. When little kids are growing up, they learn by example. That is why they mimic you when talking and follow your every move with their eyes. So when little kids start to hit, what do you do? You tell them no. For some kids, that makes them stop. For some little ornery bastards, you need to pop their little thighs and tell them no before they get that they really shouldn't hit other people. For them, 'no' simply does not work. For Chris, no simply didn't work. He has come out and said that he watched his mom get her ass beat and he knows better. So... since he knows better, but his ornery ass didn't do better, it seems to me that someone should dole out the same treatment that he gave Rihanna.. Makes sense to me.

I am so tired of the "he paid his debt and you should all forgive and forget" answer. Hell no is the answer to that stupid bullshit. I am not big on forgetting or forgiving, if I am perfectly honest. I believe that if a person lies to you once, they will do it again. If someone cheats on you once, they will do it again... and cover it up better the next time. Absolutely, I believe that if someone hits you once, they will do it again. Blame it on the overgrown bitter portion of my brain, common sense or on the fact that I am a Scorpio. Blame it on whatever you need to, but forgiveness is not easy to come by over here. And I will definitely not extend that courtesy to an overgrown man-child or a pop "princess." She wants to be around someone who beat her in the face, bit her and put her in the hospital, so that he can do it again? Shame. He wants fame, but wants everyone to stay out of his "personal" business? I really need him to understand that what he did was NOT personal. It was an animalistic attack on a human being and no amount of picking up trash on the side of the freeway will pay for that. YOU CAN'T PAY FOR THAT. They want to reconcile? I hope their genitals fall off. I'm serious. I have said it once before and I will say it again. There is NO sex that is great enough, mind blowing enough, payment enough for mistreatment-- of any kind. There is not. Clearly, the boy is not intelligent (have you heard those interviews?) He can barely sing. He can dance, but so can the little 5 years old in my former neighborhood. So besides being able to say that you fucked Chris Brown, what is the appeal? He has money? So does she. He has tattoos? So does she. He is able to keep his impulses under control? Oh wait... that's right- he can't. Fuck him and his supporters. Y'all backward ass hoes. What if he hit your sister...daughter...MOTHER?! Is that shit ok? You are ok with someone fucking your momma up and putting her in the hospital? You would be ready to forgive and forget then, right? No big deal that she would walk back into that situation, right? No hard feelings. Oh, ok. If you have no problem with that-- delete me as a friend because you are a waste of oxygen. No where is what he did ok. No way. No way I should actually have to type this out for people to understand that you should keep your fucking hands to yourself. No way I should have to fucking explain why a hospital visit is not a sign of love and walking away from an abuser is not weakness. No way I should have to tell people that you can hardly get more wrong than beating someone so severely that a hospital stay is necessary and a couple hours of community service is not payment in full for that crime. No way should I actually have to type the REAL reason that Chris Brown won a Grammy is because our backward ass society BOUGHT this domestic violence predator's album and record execs saw another opportunity to make money off the back of some wanna be thug douchebag, regardless of the problems that come with him. No way I should have to tell the American public that you get what you pay for. No way, right?

The Greatest Love Of All

I have taken a small break from writing. I have been dealing with a few things in real life-- playing problem solver for myself in the crazy winter of Chicago. I sat by when a few monumental things happened, writing in my personal journal, but abstaining from posting my thoughts here for you all to read while I was on my self imposed hiatus. But, the hiatus is over because there are a few statements I need to make that would serve no one if left to my private journal.

Facebook and Twitter are great tools for connecting and social media. There are days that go by when I wonder what I would do without them. Then there are days like yesterday- when social media allows people to express the thoughts that would be better left unsaid. I think I put up on both Twitter and Facebook that "I might be bitter, but some of y'all are heartless..." and I meant it. The comments that came across my iPhone when Whitney Houston died were just so... pathetic and attention seeking. Here's the deal: we all have a m.o. (modus operandi), right? My m.o. (the way I operate) is to point out the every day things that go on around me, throw in my two cents and move on to the next opportunity to comment. It just so happens that a lot of the things that bother me, bother others, so they agree with my assessments. There are, however, limitations to my critiques. I routinely choose not to comment on some aspects of people's lives because of some of my friends are going through the same thing, or because whatever it is they are going through does not need to be worsened by some snide comment that I come up with. With the revelation of Whitney Houston's passing yesterday, some people forgot to exercise their filters. So, here is the Hot, Black and Bitter reminder that you should not share everything you THINK in voice, text or video.

In 2010, it was estimated that 25 million Americans suffered with substance abuse. 25 million directly affected; upwards of 40 million were indirectly affected (think family members and loved ones). Nearly 55 million people in this country suffer from at least one addiction. Fifty- five million. Just to be able to provide some perspective, the city of Chicago (not the metro area, just the city) houses about 2.7 million people and is considered the third most populous city in the country (behind NYC- 8.1 million and LA- 3.8 million). If you add up the populations of all three cities it only equals 14.6 million-- a very large number, that would almost have to be quadrupled to account for all those suffering from addiction in the United States. I point this out to say, with a number that large, we all know someone who is suffering with some sort of addiction. We have all been close to a situation where bad choices were made, people were hurt, responsibilities were skipped, relationships fell by the wayside.

To make this personal- I have seen addiction in a person that I love. The transformation was swift and heartbreaking. I believe that if given the chance, he would not have put himself or his loved ones through this all encompassing, bumpy ride. I would venture to say that NO ONE wants to have something/someone that they just can NOT say no to. Something that controls their time management, their happiness, their money, their... life. No one wakes up and thinks "you know, I would really love to alienate the people that have always loved and supported me, so let me overindulge in this activity/drug/alcohol/sex/obsession." Since there is a high probability that we all know someone, dated someone, loved someone with at least one addiction, the comments that I read last night about Whitney Houston's stunning death seriously blew my mind.

In the early hours after anyone dies, speculation runs ramped over what happened, who did it and what will happen now. People look closely at the days prior trying to make their minds understand the loss they are suffering... and the dissenters make their appearance. Those that comment about drug use, drug abuse, loose morals, sexual proclivities and the like. People begin to take joy in the fact that the newly departed's life was somewhere lower than their current station in life. People like that. They get off on it. They shout louder and louder on social media so that others can see how "great" they are; what a great example they are; how we should all strive to be like them. It is pathetic. Yesterday, the music world lost a legend. I am sorry if people refuse to see that. In the wake of her death (the cause of which has yet to be determined) let me posit that maybe we should use this time to think about who we know who would benefit from our help, instead of our judgment. Maybe we should use this as a starting point for grasping the fact that the things we complain about DAILY are relatively small in comparison to fighting an addiction. Maybe, just maybe, this tragedy will awake someone to the fact that they have a problem or cause another to begin a non-profit that will help those struggling with addiction.

To those who find it necessary to slam dead people, I have a couple thoughts. 1- get a life. If you have to degrade those who can no longer defend themselves, clearly your intelligence (and power of persuasion) is questionable. 2- find a heart in your empty chest, I mean, really it is possible that Whitney Houston had thick enough skin to disregard her haters, but can the same be said about her daughter? Her mother? Her extended family? Could you give them a little grieving time? Finally, 3- when I was in college a wise friend once told me that guys with the smallest dicks acted like the biggest dicks... If you are acting like such a huge dick, what is small in your life? We all have problems that we don't want others to see. Shouting about someone else's problems will never make yours go away. Show some compassion, because when your time comes, it is what you will wish people will show to your family.

Soulful Saturday - Erykah Badu

The vocals from this lady are nothing short of amazing on EVERY track that she has ever released. She sings about love, loss, children, hustling... life, in general. She has a love for hip hop AND soul and the way she makes them mesh has not been done by anyone-- not anyone that I have heard (not even Lauryn Hill... sorry for those fans). She runs a charity organization, stirs up controversy (see: Window Seat); her kids have the strangest names ever (Seven, Puma and Mars) and I absolutely adore her. I need more of her and soon.

Bag Lady



Next Lifetime



Love of My Life



Call Tyrone



Window Seat
(Yes, I want you to listen to music in the midst of stripping...)




Bonus-- Stay

Mitt Romney and the (very) Poor

If you have NOT been paying attention to the politics of America... where have you been?! Election years bring out the best (read: worst) in people. Now, I am not here to tell you who you should vote for- I have always been and will always be a person who thinks that the right to vote and express your own opinions is one of the most righteous of the fundamental rights of this country. With that said: if you don't vote, vote the party line just because, vote without being educated on those running or vote for a moron, then I will exercise my righteous, fundamental right to talk about you-- in a completely unforgiving way. I make no bones about it. I write what I don't like about the candidates- all of them and this last week has given me much to write about.

So the Republicans. Hmmm, they are a naughty bunch, aren't they? In the running there is a man who is certainly certifiably insane, a man who is a known liar and cheat, a man with very extreme points of view (like extreme to the point where he maybe should sit next to the insane one in an asylum) and a rich good old boy who needs approval from the working class. Who is that, you ask? Mitt Romney. This week old Mitt has been caught in a wording snafu, and I am going to LOVE watching him try to get out of it. He is, after all, the front runner for the GOP nomination. Here is Mitt and his comment on poor people. Oh wait, the VERY poor...



By very poor does he mean those on federal/state aid? Federal/state aid... like unemployment? If unemployment is broken, how does he intend on fixing that and here is the most important question: WHO does Mitt Romney see as the VERY poor? I mean, let's be real, the man is worth $200 MILLION dollars. Wait, huh? Yeah, who does he consider to be very poor? Me? With a full time job? You? Those with no job? Those with a part time job? Those worth less than $50 million? $5 million? $1 million? Is it possible that all of us, go to work every day, trying to pay our bills, people still fall into the category of "very poor" by Mitt Romney standards? Because I am not sure he completely understands that the "heart of America" those that he purports to look after and care about... ummm, yeah, some of us can't find jobs. Some of us have no idea how we are going to make ends meet and pay back student loans. Some of us could absolutely be considered very poor, despite our best efforts. MOST of us are not on the same scale as Mitt in the wealth department. Does that mean we fall into the category of people he is not concerned with? Politics. Such a dirty game... having to beg for the votes of the people you are not concerned with.

Soulful Saturday - BlackStreet

To fit into the Guy mode from the last Soulful Saturday, here is a group that was put together by Teddy Riley in the early 90s at the height of the New Jack Swing era. What kind of music did they make, you ask? Baby making music. Examples below... Happy Saturday!

Before I Let You Go



Don't Leave Me, Girl



Joy



And, the CLASSIC: No Diggity :) (which came out the year I graduated from high school, so I automatically love it more than most, that and they are singing about me... I'm convinced!)

Fed Up Friday - A Week of Disrespect

This Fed Up Friday should not NEED to be written, but here I am, doing my angry fast typing because of foolishness running ramped. The things that I am about to say are absolutely common sense, but as my parents have said on more than one occasion-- common sense is not so common. It is so surreal that people need to be reminded that their rude behavior is unacceptable... good thing I like to point it out and correct these mofos ASAP. If you happen to be one of the people that I have to correct, I'm going to have my mother "the church lady" pray for you-- because you clearly need some divine intervention for being a MORON. Please be offended, if necessary because I meant that.

Week In Review:

Kyle Williams and Death Threats:

Um, wow. So I am NOT a fan of Kenny Williams. As the GM of the Chicago White Sox, I think he is a cocky bastard and he needs to be fired. With that smug, shit eating grin on his face all the time-- eh, makes me want to punch him on sheer principle. When I saw his name in the news this week, I immediately shook my head and wondered what that asshole did THIS time- only to find out that his 23 year old son was getting death threats for two fumbles in this week's NFL game? Wait, what?!?!
Ok- how deranged do you have to be to actually send death threats to someone because they dropped a ball? I mean, was that ball the last hope you had with breathing? Was someone threatening your children/wife/husband/parents if the 49ers lost? Was world peace hanging in the balance? Oh, no? Then get over yourself, Jesus! This boy is 23 and fumbles or not, you got nothing except an adrenaline rush out of that game. People take this shit too seriously. You didn't see me going ape shit when my Ohio State Buckeyes suffered a loss to a completely sub par team from a northern state this year, did you? And if I can get over THAT, you should be fine. And if you can't get over the 49ers loss without wishing DEATH on a person, pay very close attention... You.Need.Help.

Joe Paterno

Here is where I am going to lose some people. I'm ok with that. Joe Paterno dies on Sunday. His family had visitation for three days and a funeral. The comments that people left on articles about him; the "protesters" are absolutely reprehensible. OMG. There is so much I could say about this situation... what I will say is this: clearly, funerals are not for the DEAD fucker in the casket. Funerals are for the loved ones of that person. Joe Paterno was not sitting there enjoying his OWN fucking funeral. His wife was there, reflecting on the man that she was married to since 1962. His children were there; his grandchildren. How dare you get on your high horses and ruin that day for THEM? No matter what you felt/thought of Joe Paterno (which, by the way, should not be anything negative) you should at least have the decency to let his family grieve without putting up with assholes. Some people are as bad as those dummies who protest military funerals. Why protest someone who died for your freedoms? Why protest someone you don't know, never met and only know through what the media has presented? Be fucking decent human beings and extend his family some common courtesy. If protesting funerals was at ALL acceptable (which it is NOT) imagine what people would say about you. That should keep your ass quiet, huh?

President Obama and Jan Brewer

Ok- I have to deep breathe on this subject because this TOPS the list for absurdity. By now everyone has seen Jan Brewer shaking her decrepit finger in President Obama's face saying that SHE felt threaten by him. (I repeat in my head that I will NOT pull the race card- racial stereotypes from the "Birth of a Nation" era... I will NOT). What the fuck is this bitch smoking? I am not even going to consider her "I felt threatened" argument and I want you to think about the following sentence VERY carefully. Ready? Sure? I have NEVER in my whole life seen a PRESIDENT of the United States ROUTINELY treated with such disrespect. Barack Obama is the President. You don't shake your fucking finger at the President. Why didn't the Secret Service guys shoot her? What if the President felt threatened? Routinely, he is called "Mr. Obama" on television, people boo him, congress people call him a liar, and act like they have NO sense. He is not Mr. Obama. That is for some fucker on the street. His official name is "Mr. President." The same is true for that very slow George W. Bush, his dad, Bill Clinton and everyone else that has ever held the office. People turned out in droves to elect him and if I had to put up with 8 years of W and his questionable intelligence, and people telling me not to call him a moron because he is our President, then that bitch Brewer could at least be civil. I know that President Obama said it wasn't a big deal... you know what that is? Grace. And if I were him, my grace would be waning. Fuck that hoe. She would be in jail or recuperating from a taser shock. People think they can just say/do anything they want. Jan Brewer, Congress and you radicals better understand something- President Obama deserves a modicum of respect- at least to his face. If/When he gets elected again... I hate to be that hoe, because somehow, I think she is going to regret the day that she wagged that crypt keeper, bony finger at the sitting President of the United States.

New Year, New Hair & Being Resolute

Last week I wrote about doing actual work for the betterment of our community. I talked about people who were really good at talking, but NOT so good at DOING. And what kind of blogger/person/sassy bitch would I be if all I did was talk with no action? Here we are- just over three weeks into 2012; already the gym faithful are beginning to dwindle in numbers. Already, some of us have begun to reassess (read: forget) why certain resolutions were so important just 23 days ago.

Guess who is not falling into that category? Ding, ding if you said Miss Mox! Here is the BIG ANNOUNCEMENT: I am fundraising and shaving my head for St. Baldrick's this year!!! You read that right!! I am going out on a limb for little people (read: kids) that are battling cancer. I have not had to fight a battle with cancer myself, but I suspect that road is rough--rougher, I'd imagine, for a child. Cancer is something that no one should have to face alone, least of all a child, so as part of my new action filled year, I am going to help some of the smallest people in our village fight one of the biggest diseases out there.

If you look to the right, you'll see a countdown to my event-- I have until March 10, 2012 to fundraise and I am hoping to surpass my $300 goal. Feel free to contribute and if you are in/near Chicago, please stop by on the day of the event. I am going to bribe one of my friends to videotape my haircut so I can hopefully post the results!! If you want to participate, please go to http://www.stbaldricks.org and search for an event in your area. Let's all make this a year of ACTION!!!

See below for details about St. Baldricks and why this organization is so important! Go HERE to make a donation!

White Sox Pitcher John Danks Goes Bald for St. Baldrick's: MyFoxCHICAGO.com

Fed Up Friday - Not Black Enough

DISCLAIMER: there WILL be cursing. There will be a lot of cursing. You have been warned. Do not continue reading if your eyes cannot handle that. Do NOT send me emails about cleaning up my language because I will respond with the most simple answer: Fuuuuuuuucccccccckkkkkk You.

OK- deep breaths, deep breaths. In the past couple of days, my blackness has been questioned. Not the first time that has happened, won't be the last. But this is the first time (and possibly the last) that I will address it head on in this blog. Now we all know that I am really not put back by people's opinions of me. I REALLY could give two fucks if someone doesn't like me or my opinions. I know that it has become trendy to say that, but I mean it. I have been like this as long as I can remember; as long as my friends can remember; as long as my mother can remember-- and that is from the beginning of my time. I am telling you, if everyone decided not to read this blog, comment, be my friend on facebook/twitter/MySpace -- it ain't making or breaking me. It is cool to have a small following, but the fluctuating number, disagreements and misinterpretations? I couldn't care less. With that said, I am going to list a couple things that I will NEVER put up with... I am never going to put up with someone talking shit about my family (blood or friends); not putting up with someone taking advantage of my (rare) showings of kindness; not putting up with blatant ignorance (keep that shit to yourself); and I refuse (REFUSE) to put up with people questioning me. All parts of me. There will be no questioning of my intelligence, my loyalty, my intentions and definitely NOT my race.

There is no debating it- I'm Black. When people see me, without knowing anything about me, they will automatically assume things about me. Once people hear me speak, some of those assumptions change. Once people see who I am dating, the assumptions change yet again. I have been told that I am an Uncle Tom, I'm trying to be a white girl, acting white- talking white, I'm the whitest white girl that someone knows, I couldn't possibly know the plight of Black America; of Africans (that was a YouTube fight); of ghetto dwellers; of a Black woman looking for a Black man... blah, blah, fucking blah. To anyone that has EVER said that shit to me- FUCK off, jackasses. I don't fit your definition of what you think a Black woman should be, so I am not Black enough? Kiss my ass, the pink part, bitches. That is so ridiculous that I have a hard time putting into words how ignorant people have to be to actually voice those opinions. You think that your definition of a Black woman is the only one that matters or exists? You think that I have a duty to fulfill your expectations? Bitch, please. You think that because I am Black that I have to date a Black man? Stay out of my business and my bedroom. You think that I have to speak a certain way, have a certain number of children and a certain education. Because my first musical choice isn't hip hop; because I've never been arrested; because I don't have a ghetto mentality, I am not Black enough for you? Fuuuuccccccckkkkk you. If I have to be stereotypical then fuck you, I don't want to be Black.

I do me. I do me well. Dark skin does not mean that I have to only have a high school education, bastard kids, snapping my fingers, twerking my damn neck, popping my gum and being loud like fucking Wendy Williams. Fuck you and the horse that you rode in on for putting me in a small ass category, you small minded bastard. I have PAID my fucking "Black dues." I get followed in stores, get pulled over for NO reason, get talked to like I am fucking deficient, get called the "n" word, get asked how many kids I have... and I also get those sly fucking non-compliments: "Oh, you speak so well." "You express yourself so professionally." "Oh, I am not racist, I have 3 Black friends, we hang out all the time." Bitch! I speak so well? As opposed to what? What, you saw Friday and thought that every woman with melanin was going to speak like Craig's girlfriend? I am so professional... as opposed to fucking what? My non-professional, white co-worker? You have 3 Black friends? Three whole Black friends? Good for you, now go ask THOSE three assholes if you can touch their hair- because no bitch, you can not touch mine. Go ask them all the questions you ask me that begin with "I'm not trying to be racist, BUT..." Go ask your three other Black friends.

And for you simple minded Black jackasses: I do not have to speak the ghetto lingo to be a part of your group. I don't have to listen to YOUR music, I don't have to be in a gang or go to Africa and claim a tribe, have a baby daddy, call fellow Blacks the "n" words as a fucking greeting, take every offer for a hook up made by some "bruh" standing on the corner. I don't have to agree with Jesse Jackson or even Barack to be considered Black "enough". I don't have to be some stereotypical Black woman, looking for love in all the wrong places, lamenting over wine with my girlfriends about how there are no good Black men left for me, or taking some sub-par asshole because as a Black woman he is all I could get and I should be happy. I don't have to do that. Because: I AM ENOUGH. Enough of everything. The fact that Black America actually has the conversation about "acting white" or calling people traitors to the Black race are signs that we have not come far enough. How dare you judge my fucking daily walk as a Black woman? You don't know me or my fucking struggles. You don't know what I have had to overcome to get where I am. You don't know ME. You've been to Africa? Good for fucking you. You grew up in the ghetto? So the fuck what?! You fulfill every stereotype that there is for an angry Black woman or an overstimulated, oversexed, angry Black man. Fine. But here is the bottom line: if a crime happens and the police pull in all the Black people in the area-- I'm getting pulled in, right alongside your dumb ass... because I am Black-- enough. I don't fit your description, so broaden your fucking horizons. Because no matter how much you hate it, the truth is: I am the girl that you WISH your fucking son COULD bring home. I am the example that you wish your oldest kid would set. I am a well rounded, intelligent, cleaver, sarcastic, beautiful, successful, sassy BLACK woman... I know who I am. I LOVE who I am... so roll with me or get rolled over. I am enough (of everything). I am Black enough and don't question that ever again.

Living the Dream?

Today, facebook and twitter were full of quotes by Martin Luther King, Jr. People changed their profile pictures to that of MLK and videos of the "I have a Dream" speech were posted. I am not typing this because I was ultra inspired. I have to say, I wasn't. I feel like people get the day off (um, not me) and they just go about their regularly scheduled lives and do not do anything remotely close to celebrate the reason that they have the day off. It is kind of like Veterans Day, right. Thousands of people change their profile pics to service men and women and say thank you for your service, but no one is headed down to the VFW to participate in fundraising or anything like that. Same feeling today; I mean I heard the lip service and I know some of you just chilled on the couch all day.

So, I'm not writing this to make people feel bad, I guess that my question is plain: what will YOU do? MLK was around in a time of turmoil- people were dying and there was a war for civil rights of American citizens being waged in almost every town in America. We are alive during a time when our neighbors need help to LIVE, civil rights are being violated across the board, people are dying (we still have soldiers in Afghanistan-- for all of you about to tell me that the war is over, it is not), more than 30% of the people living below the poverty line are children, crime is up, foreclosure rates are still sky high, the number of employed Americans has (finally) started to go up, but unemployment is still at 8.5% nationwide, our government and close minded American citizens are continuing a well established war on the poor of our country, schools are falling apart, our educational system is failing our children-- the list goes on and on. So what are you going to do? Who are you going to help?

Let's be clear, dreams are so cool to have, but can't come true without work. Even the Bible says that "faith, without works, is dead." In other words, things aren't just going to happen. Dr. King's dream isn't going to come true while you are sitting on your ass watching Maury. People aren't going to judge you on your character if you are standing on the corner every day, up to no good. Dreams can't come true if all you do is write them down. We need action. We need actors. We need the fervor or the 60s to light a fire under our lazy asses. We need to get out into the community and call for discrimination to stop; call for education to be properly financed; call for Congress to do what is right for the betterment of American citizens, not the fat cat lobbyists that pay them in kickbacks. We need someone who is willing to take a chance. Is that someone you?

You know, throughout the whole Occupy Wall Street movement, my opinion was not always favorable for those in the streets, sleeping in parks and picketing, HOWEVER, I respect those people because they DID SOMETHING. They participated. They saw an injustice and were vocal about it. They made it so that corporate America would have to listen, if just for a short while, they were not ignored. We need some more people willing to stand up and say when something is not right. We need more people who are willing to put it on the line, like MLK and his contemporaries. We need some more people who aren't just going to look out for their own interests, but also for the interests of their neighbors; we need someone that will stand up and fight for what they believe in to make their dreams come true. Is that someone you? If not, why not? Get up. Get your head out of the sand. Realize that at some point if you don't look out for someone besides yourself, sooner or later, there will be no one left to look out for you. So again I ask, what are you willing to do? What steps have you taken to guide the dream into a place where it can become a reality? What children have you helped mold? (You should start with your own and move out into your community, just an FYI). Have you helped your community or are you a burden? Have you abused the rights that people fought and died for, just 40 years ago? Do you know someone who needs help that you just constantly ignore? Do you have resources to lend? Advice to give? What are you willing to do? What dreams have you let fall by the wayside because you are just too scared to make it happen?

Give more than lip service. Give yourself, so that the dream has a chance to live on-- a chance to actually make a difference-- a chance to be more than just a video we watch on YouTube, once a year. A chance to be more than just familiar words that we recite the second week in January and teach our kids for Black History Month. It is so plain to see that we need more than that. We deserve more than that and all we need is ONE person who is willing to live a dream, to sacrifice, to care about someone other than himself... Will it be you?

Random Bitter Musings about a Bitter Saturday Night

Just a few tips for the crazies that I saw last night. The span of these happenings was about 45 minutes, which makes me question the sanity of some of my fellow Chicagoans... or maybe it is me? Either way, it made for an... interesting kind of night. Yeah, this entry should probably be under Fed Up Friday, but it happened on Saturday, so there you go.

Dear lady breathing super hard next to me on the el: First, seriously, there are literally hundreds of other places you could have sat on this train. This train is not crowded. Why are you sitting RIGHT next to me? Is it for body warmth? If so, we probably should have agreed that you would wash your body BEFORE you plopped down next to me, invading my space. I don't care WHY you are breathing hard, just know that you are disrupting my silent reading time, while depositing cooties on my person. If I wake up, and heavy breathe just one time tomorrow, I will wish some other plague on you... like seriously maybe a shower, or some breath mints. I hate riding the train with weirdos.

Dear dude asking for money on the corner: 1- I saw you with a cup overflowing with cash about 2 hours ago, now you have two cups- one with steaming hot Starbucks coffee in it and one for the change that you want from me. 2- something is wrong with this picture because one of my new years resolutions is to make more coffee and spend less money at expensive ass Starbucks, but now a man asking me for money is taunting me with the most expensive coffee on the planet? I just can't. I would have totally given you the 63 cents in my pocket if that were a McDonald's coffee cup. I mean, $1 for any size coffee shows that you are economical. $4+ for a fru fru drink from Starbucks? Not so much.

Dear old guy asking me for my number at the train station: Yo, here is the deal: I expect it from you now. I get off at two train stations in my neighborhood, have seen you a LOT, so I am well versed what I am going to get when I encounter you. You are messing up your moment. Do NOT say "hey darling, you are looking so fine today" when I am wearing yoga pants, salty winter boots and the pom poms that dangle off my super thick socks are now dangling from my boots. Not when I am having a natural hair disaster and am comatose from sitting next to smelly Sally on the train. You take away the special. I know I don't look fine today. Save it. Save it for a day when I am looking so fabulous that everyone HAS to comment. Or at least save it for a day when I don't want to punch everyone in the face? Yes. Safety first!

Dear Redbox: Sigh- Oh you have been a gift and a curse. I appreciate the ease of renting, and mostly everything touchscreen, however there HAS to be a way that we can make these touchscreens work while I still have on my gloves. And not those fancy, schmancy $30 gloves either. I'm talking gloves that keep my hands super warm that I ultimately have to take off to work the RedBox. This is Chicago, dammit!! It is winter. My movie watching decision should not rest solely on whatever I can choose on the first page of options so that I can get my fingers back in my gloves as fast as possible. It makes for a MoneyBall watching evening... and I haven't liked Brad Pitt since he took up with that super skinny bitch with the big lips- I'm not even typing out that hoochie's name. Needless to say, I narrowly kept my fingers attached to my hand (frostbite is real!) and now I am stuck with some shitty movie that better be good or my animosity towards to once lovely Brad Pitt (think nakedness on Troy) will grow exponentially.

Dear people taking up the WHOLE sidewalk: Get out of the way, fuckers. I can see you, so I KNOW you can see me. Your conversation about whether or not Khloe is, in fact, actually is a Kardashian is not world altering so move your punk asses over! I wouldn't give you a pass if you were talking about nuclear physics, do that shit in a single file line when you see someone coming from the opposite direction, you rude assholes. You have to take up the WHOLE sidewalk? You bitches HAVE to carry those large ass bags? I seriously want to push you into oncoming traffic.

And that was Saturday night.

I might need to give anger management a whirl in 2012. Nah, it couldn't possibly be me, right?! Nah! :)

Soulful Saturday - Guy

Annnnnnnnnd, I'm back!! It is the second Saturday of the new year and I am (finally) posting a Soulful Saturday. Chicago has finally gotten some snow and has been hit with some "cozy up" weather, so why not have some music to assist in the cozying up, right? Right!
The late 80s and early 90s were inundated with New Jack Swing groups like Guy-- ok, that and bad fashion (think MC Hammer, big high top fades, bare chests and horrible color combinations. Oh and Jheri Curls, OMG!) They were everywhere! They were even on the soundtrack of THE most New Jack Swing movie ever made-- New Jack City. Teddy Riley went on to be a big producer (think BlackStreet) and Aaron Hall went solo for a bit (see below). All in all, Guy is a great way to start of the year. Enjoy!


Let's Chill



Wanna Get With You

Is that fringe? Please, say no... damn.



Spend The Night



Piece of My Love

No, it does NOT get much better than this. Love, love, love it!



I Miss You (Aaron Hall)

Debunking Some Myths - Q&A with Hot, Black and Bitter

So, I wanted to wait until some of the holiday craziness wore off before I posted another blog entry or answer some of the questions that I received from readers-- and here is the first entry! Welcome to the last week of 2011!! It seems like the year just flew by! It could be my crazy work schedule or the (lack of) vacation time- whatever, it seems like it was just June! As we headed into mid-December, I posted on Facebook and Twitter that I was taking questions from readers and I got a TON! Thank you SO much for sending in your questions. I have emailed some answers and this entry will answer the vast majority of the questions (there were several duplicates). I have decided to do a "here are some things about me" type entry. Here we go!

1. Several of you want to know why I am bitter. If you read my bio on the right side of the blog, you see that the name of this came from a corny joke that my dad told. But, one definition of bitter is "hard to take." Those that know me know that sometimes I can be just that. If you regularly read this blog, you know that some of the stances I take are very personal, very one sided and very black and white. I don't always leave much room for empathy or other people's opinions, so essentially, I am the poster child for "hard to take." I'm ok with that... and anyone who strongly, disrespectfully disagrees is easily disregarded. See, bitter! ;)

2. Why am I single? Wow-- I get this question more than I like sometimes. Um, the short answer is that I am single because I have a low tolerance for bullshit (please see #1). I have a goal in mind and if I don't think a certain guy is a vehicle towards where I want to be, I lose interest-- quickly. Just because I am not interested romantically doesn't mean that we can't be friends (I am friends with most exes-- i.e not the crazy ones)... it just means that guy is not for me and I am not the girl for him.

3. What do I have against traditional male/female roles? Absolutely nothing. Listen, just because I believe that women are capable of doing everything that a man can do (except impregnating women) does NOT mean that I don't appreciate traditional roles in relationships. What it does mean is that I know that I can take care of myself until I get a partner-- and that is ok. Plus, I have to say, most men AND women cannot handle traditional roles. There is a lot of give and take and some people are unable to bend to fit into their role. Some men are not responsible enough to take care of himself and a companion in a traditional way. Some women are unable to concede in a power play, or wrap their mind around the fact that they can't be in charge of everything. That's truth-- uncomfortable for some, but truth nonetheless.

3. Pro-Life or Pro-Choice? Pro-Choice. There is no short answer for this question so, a follow up entry with be forthcoming.

4. You're supposed to be a Christian, so why the foul language? This question actually made me smile. I will refrain from actually using some colorful words in my response, I will instead say that instead of worrying about the words that you read on the screen, worry about your life, faith and deeds. That is a way better starting place. Look at how democratically I handled that... when I really wanted to tell you to keep your ultra-sanctified eyes off my blog, shithead. I'm getting better.

5. Why are you harder on Black people in your entries? Looking at all my posts on Facebook, Twitter and this blog, I don't know that I am harder on Black people than any other group. I am an equal opportunist when it comes to bashing idiotic or bad behavior, no matter who is actually participating. However-- I will say, I EXPECT more from Black people. Mostly because I am a member of that group; I know my capabilities, strengths, knowledge AND the history of Black people. How can I look at all that we have done, what our group has been through, how many people have died and sacrificed and NOT expect more? I think that every person expects more from whatever group(s) they belong to, and I am no different.

6. Do you think you are better than other people? Hmmm. Some cases, YEP. Some cases, no. Depends on who we are talking about. I think that some people have come to the conclusion that I am an elitist. I do not confirm or deny that allegation.

7. Why don't you date Black men? Who said I didn't? Again, this deserves a longer entry... and it is coming.

8. Do you think that Black women get a bad rap in the media? Short answer- not always. I think that stereotypes are around for a reason. Someone fits that type. So, some Black women fit the shitty stereotypes we see on tv/news/media in general. Some White women do. Some Asians... ok, maybe not Asians (kidding). My job is make sure that everyone understands the most important word in this paragraph is SOME. All Black women don't fit in the same box. There is no type of anything that is uniform in all ways, ever. With that said, some shit that goes down in American society needs to stop across the board, no matter what group it pertains to.

9. Do you even like Chicago? Um, yeah- I live here!! Listen, Chicago, like every city, has its downfalls. Some days are better than others. Some seasons are less violent, some people are more trustworthy, some attractions put a smile on my face and some... don't-- ever. It is what it is. If I didn't like it here, I would leave. Trust me, I have had many opportunities, lots of family & friends telling me to move back to the Heart of It All (that is Ohio for all of y'all who don't know). I love this city and some of its inhabitants. I just point out foolishness. And if I was Hot, Black and Bitter based in any other city, I would do the exact same thing.

10. Stance on bullying? Is there anyone that stands for bullying? If so, that person deserves a punch to the genitals. Yes, please catch that irony. Clearly, I do not advocate for bullying people, no matter who it is. I will stand up for someone to THINK what they want. When your ACTIONS begin to infringe upon my life and wellbeing, however, then we have problems. Bullying should be nipped in the bud.

11. How can you give your opinion about children's behavior when you don't have kids? Uhhh-- because when your bad ass kids leave the house and act a damn fool, I (society) has to clean up the mess. Listen, I am not saying beat your kids into submission BUT I am saying that the job of parents is to raise productive members of society and some of y'all are seriously SLACKING. Get off your asses and stop letting kids run shit. How can you complain about me noticing your lack of parenting skills? Be less concerned about what I say about your bad ass kids and be more concerned with whether or not my assessments are true. Get on your job.

12. Do you have kids? I get this question more than the "why are you single" question. As noted above, I do not have children. That is often followed by... why? Um, to each his own, right... but I don't have kids because I don't have a husband. Kids are expensive for one, they talk back, you have to send their asses to school (damn) and I was raised in a two parent home, and I think that all kids deserve that. Short answer: I am not the girl that wants to be a single parent, so if that means that kids aren't in the cards, I am good with that. Oooh, or MAYBE I can be a hot, Black and bitter stepmom? I could make that look good! :)

13. What do you have planned for 2012? Same goal-- inching closer to world domination! ;) Y'all should be scared!

Please feel free to send any other questions to hotblackandbitter@gmail.com. If I get a ton more, I will definitely do another entry like this one.

Need Some Inspiration?

It is hump day and in Chicago it is raining! If you need some inspiration, like I do, I have it for you!! Check these out-- Be Great!

Mission for the Week - Spread the Love

Every breathing person should see this video and do whatever humanly possible to make sure that Jonah is the last child that ever feels this way. If your kid is a bully, MAKE it stop. If your child is being bullied, become his/her advocate and an advocate for every child that is bullied or otherwise abused. None of us can sit by and let this continue. Make sure that you reiterate everything that you love about your kids/friends/significant other/acquaintances, at every given moment, every day you can. Life is short, so say what you mean and say it while you can. Tomorrow may not come and the last thing you want is for someone to have to guess about your feelings toward them. Even if the feelings are not reciprocated, put it out there, you never know what will come to you.

Give some hugs; send a sweet email; show some appreciation; if you like someone, tell them. Spend your living days saying your "I love yous."

HBB on Relationships

So occasionally some of the lovely people that read this blog send me emails and ask me questions. I generally answer them within a post or on the Hot, Black and Bitter facebook page. Almost two weeks ago, I received an email that I HAVE to turn into a post. I wrote this response almost immediately, but I rewrote it a couple of times and deleted a few sentences, because I was trying to be as nice as possible. I didn't want to offend the reader who sent in the scenario (and I actually personally know her) so I was trying to be as level headed as possible... however, she would not have written to ME if she wanted nice, right?! Right, so here is a (slightly) edited version of my first answer.

Dear Waiting:
I read your email and I am not going to name you in the blog, but I have to answer you. I'll use some portion of your email, but nothing that can identify you. Here is my recap of your "situation"... You said that you have a "boyfriend" that is around when he wants to be. When you are together, everything seems nice, but every once in a while he loses his fucking mind and starts fights with you for no reason. He always blames these altercations on you and then you guys don't talk for weeks at a time. When he heard that you were seeing someone else during this downtime, he lost his mind again and said that he was your man and you were cheating. Press repeat on this situation because it has happened a lot. Also, when you are alone he says sweet things, sends you sweet texts but doesn't want to meet any of your friends or be considered your 'man' unless it benefits him. Girl, you got a LOT going on.

First let me say-- there is NO way that I will ever have a man that will yell at me for ANYTHING. Unless I do something life threatening or extremely detrimental there will be no raising of any voices EVER. Yelling stopped when I left my parents house and that shit is never happening again. Once that rule is broken, he won't have to worry about what I'm doing because I won't be doing anything with him. How old is he, 13?! Sounds like he is going through puberty. Grown up relationships do not involve hiding your significant other from others. If that happens then you are not in a relationship. You should be able to go out and not have women looking at you two like you are doing something wrong. If you cannot go out on a date without people staring because last week he was at the same place with someone else... um, that is NOT your man. He is a slut with a very limited number of 'date' venues or no imagination. Or, worse yet, maybe he just knows that he will get away with it because you seem to put up with a ton of shit from this dude.

He doesn't want to meet your friends; he doesn't want you meeting his friends; he starts arguments with you and doesn't want you to date anyone else. He sounds like a dick-- why exactly do you like him? Let me tell you this, lovely, there is no sex that is good enough to put up with this crazy shit. He sounds bat shit crazy and the fact that you are putting up it leaves me with a couple of things that you and I HAVE to talk about. You either 1. have low self esteem, which somehow makes you think that this behavior is acceptable or 2. you thrive on the drama that this "man" brings to you. Just like it is unacceptable to put up with men acting like prepubescent, territorial jackasses, it is absolutely unacceptable to thrive off of drama. Drama does NOT mean that he loves you. Extreme jealousy is not a sign of affection. The above stated behavior is NOT healthy.

Listen, we have all been in relationships that were walking disasters. Let me be the first to tell you- that is exactly what this situation sounds like. A man that only loves you in the dark (and is allowed to do so) is not looking to change that situation. He might sweet talk you to get what he wants, but for the last two years he has shown you exactly what he is willing to give you. And you have been taking it, so why would he change now? In two years you have never met his friends. What the fuck is that?! In two years you guys have never spent a holiday or your birthday together. No, sweetie, just... no. You have GOT to draw some boundaries. Better yet, throw his bony ass to the curb and find a guy that appreciates you and is not ashamed to introduce to the important people in his life. Any boyfriend should relish in the opportunity to see what/where/who is important to you and should do the same for you. This douchebag you've been sleeping with needs to go. Two years or not, he is not good enough. If you don't know for yourself that you can do better, let me tell you-- you can do better. Find someone who respects you and your feelings and who isn't such a fucking spaz. Leave all the naysayers in your dust, including this bum.